“I told you it doesn’t matter!”
She sucks in her breath at such a bold lie. Her heart races. “But it does matter.” She tries to push past him again, but his hand is on her arm, holding her back.
“Please, Lindsay. This is the best thing that’s ever happened to either of us, and you know it.”
“Let go of me.” Her voice shakes. There’s terrible pain in his eyes, but she steels herself against it. She knows it’s possible to love someone too much. She’s witnessed it firsthand. “Just let me go!”
I worried this day would come.
Giovanni wanted to trust the happiness between them, and he did, but he always worried that eventually Lindsay would rip his guts out.
When he came home last night, her things were already gone. Not the furniture, but her clothes and jewelry. That cheap gold wedding ring he bought her in Las Vegas was sitting on the kitchen counter.
He’s devastated—there’s no other word for it—but he has to function. People are counting on him, and that’s no small thing. Compartmentalizing his life is something he’s always excelled at, and thank God for it now, because it’s serving him well.
The next few days are long and arduous. It feels like he’s swimming through lava. He tries to reach her during his breaks in surgery, and then between patients during his clinic hours. Of course, she doesn’t answer her phone or texts, and he wonders if she’s even listening to all the voice mails he’s left. If he had to guess, she’s deleting them. He finally drives to her sister’s bakery during one of his longer breaks on the off chance she’ll be there. The smell of espresso and baked goods surrounds him when he enters.
“Do you know where Lindsay is?” he asks Natalie, who judging by the sympathy on her face, already knows what’s happened. “I’ve been trying to find her.”
Natalie shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I really don’t. You could check her studio. She hasn’t been to the bakery for a couple of days and hasn’t talked much about what’s going on, not even to me.”
“All right.” He nods. “I’ll check there again.” He turns to leave, but she stops him.
“I’m sorry things turned out this way. For what it’s worth, I know she loves you.” Natalie studies him with compassion. “Unfortunately for Lindsay, that might not be enough.”
When Giovanni gets back late that night, he sits on the couch in the living room with her wedding ring in his hand. He’s been carrying it in his pocket. The house is so quiet around him. His chest tightens as he pulls in a deep breath. The last time he cried was when he heard about Paul’s death, and that was a dark day.
He thinks back to the Wikipedia article he read about Lindsay. He was in medical school when that song “Queen of Hearts” came out. They were playing it everywhere on every radio station. It was about a woman who stole hearts and kept them under lock and key.
Little did I know my own heart would someday be one of them.
After he initially saw the Wiki page, he Googled pictures of her first husband out of curiosity. To his surprise, he found photos of an achingly young Lindsay with her rock singer husband. Candid shots of the two of them together, showing how much they were in love.
Those pictures bothered him, but it was the ones he saw of the rock singer taken after Lindsay left him that bothered Giovanni the most. The guy was wrecked. Completely crushed by the divorce, and you could see it in every photo
For days afterward, he couldn’t get those images out of his mind. They disturbed him. He wondered if he was looking at his own future.
Well, now I know.
It was a surprise to hear about Lindsay’s infertility, and he wishes more than anything she’d told him sooner. He dislikes surprises and couldn’t hide that fact from her. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t wish they could have kids together someday, but he always knew he’d adopt as well. There are too many children in the world who need a good home.
A few days later, his brother convinces him to go out for dinner. The truth is he’s practically living at the hospital. With Lindsay gone, there isn’t any reason to go home.
“Dude, why didn’t you tell me about all this?” Anthony asks. “I had to hear about it from Natalie.”
They’re sitting at an Italian restaurant in an area not far from the university. He and Lindsay came here a couple of times on Anthony’s suggestion, and the food was good.
“I know. I’ve been working a lot.”
Anthony shakes his head and switches to Italian, asking him exactly what’s happening between him and Lindsay.
“I don’t know. There’s not much to tell.” Giovanni looks out the window onto the busy street filled with traffic. “She left me.”
“Yeah, I gathered that. She stayed with us last night.”
“She did?” His eyes flash back to Anthony. “How is she? Is she all right?”
“She looks okay. I wish I could say the same for you. No offense, but you look like shit.”
“Did Lindsay say anything?”
“Not to me.” Anthony chuckles a little. “There’s plenty of conversation, but it all stops as soon as I enter the room.”
“She probably feels uncomfortable since you’re my brother.”
Anthony picks up his beer. “I imagine so.”
Giovanni’s glad he at least knows where she is and that she’s okay. “I need to talk to her again. This whole thing is crazy.”
“What exactly happened? To be honest, the way things were going I figured you two were going to stay married.”
Giovanni leans back in his chair. He wonders how much he should say. “It’s complicated.” He takes a deep breath and leans forward again. “Part of it concerns something that happened to me a long time ago, back when I was a teenager.”
“What do you mean?”
And before Giovanni can stop or second-guess himself, he decides to tell Anthony about Olivia.
When it rains, it pours. Lindsay’s money arrives in her bank account from Berlin just in time to pay tuition. The same day, she gets a call from Dagmar, who tells her she’s recovered some of the stolen cash from Werner and is going to figure out a way to wire it to her.
“I appreciate that,” she says. “I could really use it right now.”
“I am so sorry I ever got mixed up with that drecksau Werner and that he stole from you. You were right about him all along.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Lindsay says. “I know you cared for him.”
“He was a liar and a thief! How could I have been so blind?”
“Sometimes love blinds us to the truth.”
“At least he will pay for what he did to you.”
Apparently, Werner got caught red-handed during a burglary and is currently in jail.
“Yeah, that’s something at least.”
They talk a little more, and Lindsay tells her about what happened with Giovanni and how she’s moved out.
“Are you sure you know what you are doing?” Dagmar asks. “It sounds like a big mistake to me.”
“It’s time for me to move on.”
“But why? You love each other.”
Lindsay tries to find the right words to describe this pressing need for her to leave. She lets her breath out. “Love isn’t everything.”
She’s been staying with Natalie and Anthony. After she left Giovanni, she went to her studio, but she was going crazy there. He kept calling, and she kept deleting his messages. She knew he’d come looking for her, and that’s one of the first places he’d check. She wasn’t sure if she could resist Giovanni if he showed up in person, so she stayed with an artist friend for the first week before going to her sister’s, just long enough to get onto more solid ground.
As soon as the money from Dagmar comes in, she’ll start looking for an apartment.
She thinks about Giovanni’s house, the flowers she planted there, his beloved fruit trees, and that shiny red toolbox.
She misses all of it more than she can even put into words.
&nb
sp; She misses how he was so intense at times, but then she’d surprise him into laughter, and he’d reveal that beautiful smile, how he wore his heart on the outside for everyone to see—and what an amazing heart it is.
The nights have been the worst, and not just because she misses his body or the feel of those incredible hands. She misses him, his essence. That solid strength. She felt more safe with Giovanni than she’s ever felt with anyone in her life.
It will pass, though. It always does.
The blur of men she’s known over the years is a testament to that. Eventually, they all fade. The trick is to keep moving forward—and most importantly, don’t look back.
“I told you this would be different,” Natalie says as they sit in the living room together watching a movie. Some chick flick, though Lindsay is so distracted thinking about Giovanni she isn’t following any of it. Anthony is out having dinner with him, and she keeps wondering what they’re talking about.
Probably me and how evil I am for breaking his heart.
It’s for the best and eventually he’ll see that. Someday, when he’s married to another woman and has children with her, he’ll look into their faces and be grateful I did this.
“It’s not different.” Lindsay tries to act nonchalant. “It’s just another breakup. So what?”
“I don’t believe that.” Natalie is watching her. “You’re obviously in love. Plus, it’s different because this is Anthony’s brother we’re talking about. I told you before, he’s not going to conveniently disappear when you’re done with him.”
Lindsay picks up her glass of wine, wishing it were something stronger, something that could knock her unconscious until this was all over. “Whatever.” She takes a swallow. “I know what I’m doing.”
Natalie only shakes her head. “For once, I don’t think you do.”
Lindsay tries to go back to watching the movie. Part of the problem is she can’t tell her sister the whole story. Not the part about Olivia, since that’s Giovanni’s secret and she would never break a confidence like that. Natalie, of course, knows about her infertility, and she could see her sister was torn on it. Because how do you take away someone else’s choice to have children? And they’ve both seen firsthand how much he loves kids. Natalie still thinks she should talk to him some more, but Lindsay doesn’t see the point.
Later that night, when Anthony comes home, Lindsay’s still watching television though her sister has fallen asleep. The baby monitor is turned on, and she’s been checking on Luca.
“Hey,” Anthony says, coming into the family room, standing behind the couch where Natalie is lying. He grins and motions with his head. “How long did she last?”
“A few hours, though she started babbling a bit toward the end.”
He chuckles. “Baking recipes?”
“Yeah, I think it was some kind of chocolate cake this time.”
Her sister has this sweet habit when she’s drifting off to sleep where she gives baking instructions.
Anthony is still grinning affectionately at his sleeping wife. Lindsay senses something from him, though, and only hopes it’s not animosity toward her over his brother.
When Anthony looks back to her, his expression is solemn. “Gio told me about Olivia tonight.”
“He did?” Her brows go up. It’s not at all what she was expecting. “I’m surprised he told you, but I’m glad. Is he going to tell your parents?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “We discussed it, but it would only hurt them at this point.” He rests his hands on the couch where Natalie’s still sleeping. “I have to tell you, after hearing about that relationship, it explains a lot.”
“It does?”
He nods. “There was always something off about things back then, you know? I once overheard part of a phone conversation he was having with someone who I thought was a woman, and when I asked him about it, he completely flipped out on me, yelling his head off about privacy.”
“He blames himself.” She looks down at her wine glass. “I told him I thought he should talk to someone.”
“I think you’re right.”
She glances up at him.
“I don’t know if he will. In fact, I doubt it. My brother tends to think he’s invincible.”
She can’t help her smile. “That’s for sure.”
Neither of them speaks for a long moment, but she senses he has more to say.
“You know, I met Olivia a few times.” He meets her eyes. “I remember her quite well.”
She fiddles with her glass but doesn’t reply. Obviously, Giovanni told him the rest of it.
“You don’t actually look like her. It’s never occurred to me in the whole time I’ve known you.”
“I want to believe that.”
His voice is emphatic. “I hope you do believe it because it’s true.”
The next day, Lindsay gets an e-mail from the person who set up her origami class at the hospital, asking if she’d like to teach another. At first, she hesitates. Classes at the university are starting soon, plus Giovanni might decide to drop in, and then what? She knows she has to see him eventually, but she’s not sure if she’s ready yet.
But then she thinks of the kids and how much fun she had teaching the last class. This is what she wants to do with her life, and she can’t let a guy stand in her way.
On Monday, her classes at the university begin and right away she discovers college life has changed quite a bit in the past ten years. The biggest change being that all the guys look way younger.
“I’m getting old,” she complains to Natalie and Blair, stopping by the bakery on Friday after her classes are done. “I’m like the grandma now. I’m not the hot babe I used to be.”
Natalie rolls her eyes and laughs. “Give me a break.”
“It’s true.” Lindsay sinks her fork into a piece of caramel cake—her favorite. “You should see how young some of these kids are. I’m surprised nobody’s asked me to buy them beer yet.”
Blair laughs. “Well, just tell them Granny doesn’t approve.”
Lindsay swallows a bite of cake. “I’m going to have to seriously up my game. I’ve only had like four guys ask me out since school started, and it’s been a whole week.”
“Do you want to go out with someone new?” Natalie asks.
Lindsay shrugs and looks down at the fingernails of her left hand. She painted them black recently in the never-ending battle to glamorize her ugly hands. “Not really, though I probably should.” In fact, she knows she should. The best way to wash the taste of one man out of your mouth is to start tasting another.
“You’re probably not ready,” Natalie says. “It hasn’t been very long since you broke up with Giovanni.”
“Of course I’m ready.” Lindsay licks the back of her fork and grins. “Baby, I was born ready.” Unfortunately, her little joke makes her think of Elvis, and then her mind goes to Giovanni and their wedding. Everything in her life lately circles back around to him, and she doesn’t know how to make it stop.
Blair stirs her iced coffee with a straw. “I’m with Natalie on all this. You were too hasty breaking up with him.”
Lindsay rolls her eyes. She’s already heard plenty from her sister. Even Dagmar’s been texting her still going on about how she’s making a mistake.
“You even admitted Giovanni would pass the Bandito Test and rescue you,” Blair reminds her.
“I don’t need anybody to rescue me.” Lindsay pushes her plate aside. “Hell, I’ll rescue myself.”
Blair appears skeptical as she sips her coffee through the straw. “That’s not the point.”
“It is in my mind.”
“You two seemed so right together at Natalie’s party,” Blair insists. “I’ve never seen you like that with anybody.”
Lindsay’s eyes go to the two women. “I don’t know why you’re giving me such a hard time all of a sudden. Normally, you guys couldn’t care less about my breakups.”
“That’s because y
ou were never in love with any of them.” Natalie scoops chocolate chunk cookie dough onto a large baking sheet. “This time, it’s different.”
“We only want you to be happy,” Blair adds.
“I am happy.”
Both women look at her, and Lindsay has to admit the words sound false even to her own ears.
“Or I will be,” she mutters. “Very soon. If everybody stops giving me shit.”
Blair only sighs and shakes her head. “I have to get back to work. I have a meeting with a bride in a few minutes.” She gives Lindsay a long look. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes you’re kind of a mercenary about men.”
Lindsay raises a brow. “So now you two are against me?”
“We’re not against you,” Natalie says after Blair leaves. “We’re on your side.”
“It doesn’t feel that way. I’m doing Giovanni a favor, trust me.” Lindsay goes quiet. “I’m doing what’s best for both of us.”
Natalie glances over at her but doesn’t reply. Anthony recently told her about Olivia. Apparently, Giovanni said it was okay. “I’ve been thinking about something,” her sister says, scooping the last of the cookie dough out. “Have you tried Googling Olivia?”
“No. Why would I do that?”
“If she died from a shark attack and it made headlines, I’m certain you could find the story online.” Natalie puts the scooper down and looks at her. “I’ll bet there’s a photo. You could see what she looked like.”
Lindsay goes still.
“It might help you,” Natalie says. “You could see it and decide for yourself.”
“Maybe.” Lindsay watches her sister as she rolls the baking sheets with dough on them over to be loaded into the oven. She considers this. The question is, do I really want to know?
“Also, what’s all this I hear about you playing poker?” Natalie asks, coming back over to her, wiping her hands on her white apron.
Lindsay’s pulse jumps, but she keeps her expression flat. “Um, what?”
Some Like It Hotter (Sweet Life in Seattle #3) Page 31