“Oh, Hannah, I can’t even imagine your pain, but I’ll do anything to help you get over this.”
Slowly, Hannah turned her attention to Emily. “Being here when I need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to hug, is all I need. I’ll never get over his death, but...” Her voice choked. “But I don’t want to be lonely for the rest of my life, either. Is...is that bad of me to say?”
Tears dripped from Hannah’s eyes, breaking Emily’s heart. She wrapped her arms around her sister’s shoulders.
“Oh, my dearest Hannah. I don’t think saying that makes you a bad person. You’ve had a wonderful companion in your life, and now that he’s gone, you want that feeling back. I think that’s a normal reaction for a woman who has just lost her husband.”
Hannah sniffed and pulled away, wiping the tears from her face. “Yes, I’m sure it is a normal feeling, but I feel so guilty for thinking it. Jacob hasn’t been gone very long at all.”
“I’ll help you get through this. I promise.”
Hannah smiled weakly. “When are you supposed to be going home? Will Pa need your help with the livery soon?”
“Pa told me to come out here and help you, so I think he’ll make do without me.”
“Thank you.” Hannah’s voice cracked again. “I worry that in my desolate condition, I’m going to ignore my children.” Her gaze moved back to Megan and Flynn. “I can’t do that to them. I’m sure they miss Jacob as much as I do.”
Emily studied her sister. She’d changed after having children. Not only was her waist slightly thicker than before, but her hair wasn’t the sunflower blonde that it had been when they were young girls. Instead, Hannah’s hair had darkened to a light brunette color. Regardless, she was still the prettiest woman Emily had ever seen. There had been times while growing up when she wished she could have gotten at least some of her sister’s beauty that had been passed down from their mother. Instead, Emily had to inherit her father’s stubborn temperament.
“Hannah? What was it like being married?”
A wistful smile stretched her sister’s mouth as love showed in her blue eyes. “It was the best feeling in the world. Every day Jacob would tell me how much he loved me and how special I was to him. Every day he showed me what a wonderful husband he could be.” She paused, but then chuckled. “There were times when we argued about silly things, but we always talked them over and apologized before the end of the day.”
Emily couldn’t stop the snorted laugh that sprang from her throat. “Oh, great. I’ll never get married now. I’d never have the patience to talk things out with my husband before the end of the day.”
“You say that now,” Hannah patted Emily’s arm, “but love changes a person. It changed me, and when it finally happens to you, I promise, you will change as well.”
Emily prayed her sister was correct. She really didn’t want to be an ornery old maid all of her life. “You’d better be right.”
“I am.” Hannah looked back toward the children. “And when you start having babies, you’ll learn patience.”
Emily barked another laugh. “Now I know you’re teasing.”
“Not at all, my dear Emily. Would I lie to you?”
Hannah’s gaze met Emily’s for a second before it moved off to the side to something closer to the house. Her smile slowly dropped and her eyes widened.
She slowly shook her head as color left her face. “No... No. This can’t be happening.”
SIX
A cold chill ran through Emily. The eeriness in her sister’s forlorn voice had Emily curious to know what was wrong. She swung around to see what Hannah’s gaze was fixed on. Seeing Adam dressed so casually in jeans that emphasized his muscular legs, and a shirt that stretched wide across his strong chest, had Emily catching her breath in awe.
Hell’s bells! He was one fine looking man.
But then the sun’s reflection shined on something attached to his vest. The closer he came toward Emily and Hannah, the clearer the image became. A star? She sucked in a quick breath. What was he doing wearing a sheriff’s badge?
“Oh, Adam,” Hannah said sadly. “Please tell me you haven’t gone out and done something stupid that could put you in danger.”
Adam stopped by the swing and held onto the rope attached to the swing, looking down at Hannah’s stricken expression. “I went to talk to the sheriff this morning to ask if he’d found the person responsible for my brother’s death.”
“And?” Hannah encouraged.
“And, I walked out of the office after being appointed one of his deputies.”
Hannah groaned and covered her face with her hands. “No, Adam,” she sobbed. “I can’t have you getting harmed, too.”
He knelt in front of Hannah, removing her hands from her face. Emily was amazed by the tender sincerity that shone in his eyes. Her heart melted. This man confused her greatly, and she hated to be this confused.
“No, my dear sister-in-law. I’m not going to get hurt. I’ll be constantly expecting it, and so I’ll be better prepared. I promise you that I will find the person responsible.”
Tears leaked from Hannah’s eyes and ran down her cheeks. Emily’s throat tightened with emotion, and she was also on the verge of crying. Could Adam really do as he’d promised? She prayed he could.
Sniffing, Hannah nodded. “Don’t get hurt, and for heaven’s sake, don’t die on me.”
“I won’t.”
Hannah glanced at the kids still playing. “Megan and Flynn need you, Adam.” She turned and met his gaze. “Now that their father is gone, they’ll need someone who looks like Jacob to help them remember.”
Moisture gathered in Adam’s eyes and he nodded. “I know. I won’t let you down.”
Hannah gave Adam a hug. Once again, Emily noticed how he hesitated to hug her back, but at least his hesitancy wasn’t as long this time. Perhaps the man with the ice heart was slowly softening after all.
As they pulled apart, Adam gave Hannah a gentle smile. A few tears fell from Hannah’s eyes. To Emily, it was obvious how much the two cared about each other...so much, in fact, that she felt a little jealous. Did Adam have feelings for Hannah now? But surely, he wouldn’t act upon his feelings, not when it was obvious that Hannah still loved her husband very much.
Then again, Hannah had admitted to Emily that she was very lonely and missed the companionship she’d had with Jacob.
Hannah stood and wiped her moist eyes and cheeks. “I must excuse myself. I’m suddenly very tired and I need to lie down.” She looked at Emily. “Will you watch the children for me?”
“Of course.” Emily nodded.
Without another word, Hannah moved slowly toward the house as if it took all of her strength to do so.
“Do you think she’s going to be all right?” Adam asked.
“Yes.” Emily sighed as she met Adam’s worried gaze. “When we were young girls, she was the stronger one. She had more patience and showed more kindness to those school children who were mean. Whenever she became sad, it never lasted long before she was herself again.”
“Losing the one you love is very different, Emily.”
Her heart clenched. According to her cousin Brian, Adam had married two women and they both died. Had he been in love with both of them?
“I’m sure it is.” She nodded. “But you asked me if I thought she would be all right, and I gave you my opinion.”
She really didn’t like the condescending tone of his voice, but then she wondered if he had meant to talk like that at all because his expression didn’t appear upset at all. She could see he really worried about her sister.
“I suppose I should leave, too,” he said as he turned away from the swing.
But just then, Megan and Flynn ran to him, stopping in front of him. Megan tugged on Adam’s arm and pointed to the ball in Flynn’s arms.
“Wanna play?”
Adam grinned and crouched to their level. “You want me to play kick ball?”
“Uh-huh. Flynn n
eeds help.”
Adam chuckled and Emily joined in the merriment. She couldn’t help the smile stretching across her face as she watched her niece and nephew interact with their uncle.
“He needs help kicking the ball?” Emily asked.
Indecision played across Adam’s expression, and Emily feared he was going to turn the girl down. Why not? All he had proven since she met him was that he didn’t like interacting with people, especially if they were like family.
Megan tugged on Adam’s sleeve again. “Pweez, Unca Adam?”
Emily’s heart melted from hearing her niece beg her uncle, but when Adam smiled at her so tenderly, Emily’s heart flipped and her breath caught in her throat. He was so incredibly handsome, and she wished she didn’t think of him that way.
Adam nodded. “All right, I’ll play.” His gaze met Emily’s. “As long as Aunt Emily will play with us.”
Megan’s big green eyes widened as she looked at Emily, and the little girl’s head bounced with excitement, making her curly ponytails bob up and down.
“Yes, pweez?”
“What do you say, Aunt Emily?” Adam arched an eyebrow. “Will you please play kick ball with us or are you afraid to get your pretty gown dirty?”
Was he daring her? Well, challenge accepted!
Emily squared her shoulders and lifted her chin slightly as she kept her gaze locked with Adam’s eyes. “Yes, I would love to play kick ball. But let me warn you,” she waggled her eyebrows, “I’ve been a tomboy for most of my life, and kick ball was my favorite game.”
Adam laughed joyfully. She’d never heard such a wondrous sound, and yet at the same time, it made her heart melt a little more. Blast it all! Why was he making her feel all gooey inside?
“Oh, Emily, that doesn’t surprise me in the least. When I pulled you out of the water and saved you from drowning, it was easy to figure out what kind of woman you were.”
She held her breath. What did he mean by that? Was that an insult? She was still a lady no matter how tomboyish she used to be.
Deciding not to argue with him, she moved her attention to Flynn and smiled. “Are you ready to play some kick ball and beat your uncle at his own game?”
The little boy’s greenish-gray eyes were a mirror-image of Adam’s as excitement danced on the boy’s face. He nodded and clapped his hands.
Emily held back the snicker that wanted to spring forth from her throat, but she’d wait until she could show Adam just what kind of woman she really was.
EMILY SAT ON THE KITCHEN chair in the dark room with her knees pressed against her chest as she slowly rocked back and forth. Staring into the darkness, she slowly nibbled on an apple. She’d only been at her sister’s house two nights and she’d already formed a nightly ritual. But tonight, her mind wouldn’t let her rest. Not when unanswered questions raced through her head.
Earlier today when she and Adam had played with the children, Emily had seen a different side to the irritable man she’d gotten to know...or thought she knew. Adam had been bitter since the time on the train, and if his life had been filled with the deaths of his loved ones, it was no wonder he wasn’t a pleasant man. But Brian had mentioned that the rumor mill had labeled Adam responsible for his wives’ deaths.
It was hard for Emily to believe that as she’d played with Adam and the children. He laughed, tickled the children, and they all played hide-and-go-seek. At times Emily wondered if an imposter was inside Adam’s body. But she enjoyed seeing him so relaxed.
After a while, she’d forgotten about being a tomboy, but instead, she played with the children as if it was the most natural thing to do. Spending time with Megan and Flynn brought them closer together. The children were no longer skeptical of their mother’s sister. But throughout the rest of the day, the children had come to her to read a book, or just to ask questions about Texas. It made Emily’s heart glad to know they trusted her so completely now.
If only she could get to know the real Adam Hamilton. Unfortunately, she didn’t see that happening. It would be easier to meet the US President, Chester A. Arthur, than to fully understand Adam.
The creak of the kitchen floor pulled Emily out of her thoughts. She whipped her attention toward the door just as Adam walked into the room. Holding her breath, she took in his relaxed appearance. He still wore trousers and a shirt, but the shirt’s detachable collar was missing, and the buttons down the front were unhooked, showing her most of his muscular chest. He wore no shoes or socks on his feet, but she couldn’t quite see his bare toes in the night’s shadows dancing throughout the room.
His hair didn’t stick up on his head as it had done last night, and there was no sleepy look in his eyes. All in all, she thought his appearance was magnificent. A sigh escaped her mouth and echoed through the room before she could stop it.
Adam jumped and turned toward her. Obviously, he hadn’t seen her when he’d entered because his eyes were wide with surprise.
“Forgive me for startling you,” she said, slowly standing.
Even though the room was only lit by the moon’s rays streaming through the window, Emily could still see his gaze moving over her, from the top of her unbound hair, down to her bare feet. Warmth encompassed her whole body, and for a moment, she wondered if she’d stepped into the heated hearth. Her throat turned dry as cotton and it was as if her tongue had suddenly enlarged.
“I should be the one asking forgiveness for disturbing your solitude,” he said in a deep voice.
He stood still, leaving his gaping shirt opened for her to see—and admire—his bare chest. Why hadn’t he at least closed his garment? For that matter, she stood in front of him wearing nothing but her nightdress. So why wasn’t she covering her arms over herself?
She gulped down a hard swallow. “I...I was just leaving, actually.”
He nodded, but remained blocking her way, and for some reason, her legs refused to move.
For the next few and very awkward moments, they were in a staring contest. She was certain she appeared like a dopey love-struck school girl, but it surprised her that Adam’s expression was one of awe. Tingles shot throughout her and butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She didn’t want to move now. She enjoyed the unknown feelings rushing inside of her.
He’s still staring!
The longer seconds stretched between them, the faster her heartbeat knocked against her chest. This silence needed to be broken before she screamed...or fell into his arms and begged for his kiss.
Begged? Was she really that desperate? Perhaps desperate was the wrong word. She was really that lonely.
She cleared her throat and took a step toward the doorway which he continued to block. He remained unmoving.
“Uh, Emily,” he began, “I never got a moment to tell you earlier, but... I had fun with you and the children this afternoon. It brought back memories of a life I used to know. A life I miss.”
Sadness twisted in her heart and she touched his arm. “I’m very happy you enjoyed yourself, as did I, but I’m sorry it brought back bad memories.”
“No, the memories were good. Life was good back then, but over the years, I’ve closed the door to those days because it was too hard to bear.”
She stepped closer to him, trying to keep her eyes on his face and not his masculine chest that her fingers itched to caress. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Reliving the past only brings me more heartache.”
Frustration expanded inside of her, making her want to shake him until he opened up to her. But she couldn’t force him. After all, she wanted him to like her.
“I understand,” she told him. “However, creating new, happy memories with your niece and nephew can be very helpful. Perhaps one day you’ll have so many new and wonderful memories that you’ll not ponder so much on the past.”
“But...they are part of my life. How can I forget them?”
She gave him a soft smile. “There’s a difference between forgetting, and not pondering on them.
Only you can decide whether you want those horrid memories to dictate how you’re going to act every day for the rest of your life.”
His hand enclosed over hers that rested on his arm. The tingling inside of her multiplied and she took an uneven breath. The tenderness in his gaze caused her heart to flip.
“You’re a difficult woman to understand, Emily. Why do you look at the world and see flowers and rainbows?”
She grinned. “And why do you insist on looking at the world and seeing doom and gloom?”
His lips turned up briefly. She wanted to sigh again from seeing his gorgeous face. What was wrong with her? And why couldn’t she get these ridiculous thoughts out of her head once and for all?
“You can’t help it, can you?” he asked.
She shrugged. “It depends on what you’re referring to.”
“Your main purpose in life is to bring happiness to others.”
Her grin widened. “Why? Is it working?”
He sighed heavily, and with it came his frown. He dropped his hand and stepped back. It was like cold water had been splashed on her face, and with the warmth removed, she suddenly felt cold.
“No, Emily, it’s not working. I’m sorry.”
Her throat tightened. “Maybe not yet, but soon.” She smiled again, but it was shaky this time.
“There you go again—being positive.”
“I cannot help the way I feel.”
His gaze moved slowly over her face again, and rested on her mouth. Just as before, her throat turned cotton dry. Why was he looking at her like that...like he wanted to kiss her.
And why was she looking forward to it?
Although the prospect sounded tempting, it was too soon. The kiss wouldn’t mean anything to him since his mind was still set on being a pain in her arse all the time.
“I, um...” She licked her dry lips. “I should probably go to bed now.”
He nodded, but he didn’t stop looking at her mouth. Her heart sped up again, but she couldn’t allow it to make her feel any differently toward him.
“Good night, Adam.”
Surrender Your Heart Page 6