by Sudha Murty
Sanjay’s nursing home had expanded to a hundred-bed institution. There was a canteen and a pharmacy in the nursing home. Mridula had opposed non-vegetarian cooking in the beginning but Sanjay had snubbed her and said, ‘This is not a temple. We have to give our patients whatever they need. After all, they’re paying us. Please don’t try to teach me moral science.’ Sometimes, Sanjay himself ate in the canteen.
There was a rumour that Sanjay performed all the operations in the nursing home, but it was not true. He had a team of highly paid doctors who were as efficient and as good as him. But Sanjay checked in during every operation. He was good at talking to patients, making them feel safe and boosting their morale. He had an office in the nursing home too. He knew that in government hospitals, you learnt through experience and by treating poor patients, but in private hospitals, you had to keep yourself updated with the latest research and findings. After his consultations in the evenings, Sanjay checked the accounts. He did not trust anybody with money matters, even though Rosemary was very trustworthy.
He came home and joined his family for dinner. This was the only time he spent with Sishir. He talked to him about everything and advised Sishir on his future. Mridula did not play an important role anywhere in Sanjay’s life. Rosemary assisted Sanjay in the hospital, Shankar managed the accounts, Sakamma did the cooking and Sishir entertained him. Sanjay hardly ever took a holiday and when he travelled abroad, it was only for business. Sanjay didn’t ask Mridula what she did during the day or about her family at Aladahalli. As far as he was concerned, this small talk was a waste of time.
At home, Sishir had a modern bedroom on the first floor and a small gym as well. He had everything he needed in his room—an air conditioner, a television, video-game stations and a music system. He went downstairs only for meals.
One day, Sanjay was talking to Sishir during dinner. He said, ‘Sishir, when you start practising medicine, you must have an infertility centre and a test-tube baby centre. There is a lot of money to be earned from these. Childless couples are ready to spend any amount of money to have their own baby. But please remember—a childless mother consults many doctors and you shouldn’t get upset. It is the desire to have a baby that makes them take multiple opinions. You should exploit their weakness and make money.’
Mridula did not like conversations about money and such advice being given to her son. But she kept her thoughts to herself.
Sishir was intelligent and secured a merit rank in the medical entrance examinations. But he lived in his own world. After a few days, he asked his parents for a car. Mridula was against the idea because Sishir was still a student and she wanted him to use public transport and live the life of an average boy. But Sanjay said, ‘Mridula, we went through such a tough time because we didn’t have money to make our lives a little easier. At this age, children have lots of desires. Our desires disappear when we grow older. So let him buy a car. Why do you want to stop him?’
They argued this way about everything and Sanjay always ended the argument with, ‘Why not? We can afford it.’
Mridula was worried that there was no discipline in Sishir’s life. She tried to talk to Sishir: ‘I was young once and my parents were wealthy and could afford everything I wanted. But I listened to my mother and learnt to keep things simple.’
‘Oh Amma, that’s your old thinking of Aladahalli. It doesn’t work here in Bangalore,’ Sishir said. Sanjay agreed with his son and that hurt Mridula tremendously.
Mridula’s cook, Sakamma, made different and delicious things every day. Mridula was indifferent to the variety but Sishir was fussy about food and his father indulged him. Sanjay told Sakamma to make whatever Sishir asked her to. Mridula advised Sishir, ‘You should adjust and not complain about food. It isn’t good to be stubborn.’
But Sishir did not listen to her. Often, Sakamma would cook something complicated on Sishir’s instructions, but after it was made, he refused to eat it and instead had only cereal and milk.
Sakamma wondered, ‘There are only three people in this house but I have to cook so many things. Sishir’s a difficult child. But Madam is kind and looks after me well. Sometimes, Sishir brings many friends home for a meal—and sometimes he eats alone. When Sishir brings his friends for a late dinner, Madam sends me home and serves them herself.’
One day, Mridula was waiting for Sishir. Sakamma had made several dishes, all of which were Sishir’s favourites. He was supposed to come home with his friends for dinner. Sanjay was also waiting for Sishir. At 10 p.m., Sakamma left and Mridula called Sishir. He said, ‘Sorry Amma, I forgot to tell you that today is my friend’s birthday and we’re celebrating at The Leela. I’ve had dinner and am leaving right now.’
Mridula objected, ‘But we’ve been waiting for you. Your father’s also here and he hasn’t eaten anything either.’
Her son interrupted her, ‘Amma, I’ve said sorry already. I can’t help it.’
He disconnected the phone.
Mridula was upset. She was worried about what she would do with all the food. There were only two people at home. She could store it in the refrigerator but Sanjay wanted fresh food every day and he would not eat the same food tomorrow. She thought, ‘Sishir is not a child. He’s a young man. I’m unhappy with his negligent attitude.’
Sanjay looked at her and said, ‘Mridula, please don’t start anything. He’s only a kid and he wants to enjoy himself. He’s even apologized to you.’
This made Mridula all the more upset. She said harshly, ‘You always support him. If he’s not disciplined now, he’ll never be disciplined.’
‘Mridula, times have changed. If you try to control him, he may leave the house and go live separately. He’s our only child. You should try to learn and adjust with him.’
‘I’ve been married to you for twenty-four years. Have I not adjusted to everything you wanted? Have you ever tried to adjust with me? You think that whatever you want is right and he’s learnt this from you.’
‘Yes, whatever I think is right. That’s the reason for my success. What do you know about real life? Your world is limited to your school. Look at my colleagues. They’re still rotting in government service. But look at me. I made the right decision at the right time. I’ve been successful without anybody’s help.’
Mridula became angry. But before she could answer, Sishir’s car entered the driveway. So she kept quiet. They tried to minimize their arguments in front of Sishir. It was an unwritten rule.
Sishir came in whistling a tune. He had bought some fifteen expensive shirts. He said, ‘Dad, how do you like the shirts?’
‘They look good. You have excellent taste.’
Mridula, however, was still upset. Angrily, she said, ‘Sishir, why do you have to buy more shirts when you already have hundreds at home? I see many poor students in my school wearing the same shirt every other day. Don’t become a spendthrift.’
‘Amma, you can give them my old shirts. I don’t have a problem with that.’
‘Sishir, that’s not the point. Don’t get used to buying unnecessary things. Once the fashion changes, you’ll just put the clothes aside. Try to buy a few things at a time and enjoy them. You must learn to save. You don’t know when life may become tough for you.’
Before Sishir could reply, Sanjay raised his voice saying, ‘Mridula, don’t keep arguing about small things. Sishir’s a child and wants to enjoy life. I work hard and earn money from morning till night. I earn the money for him too. Don’t spoil his mood. I just want to come home and spend some time with my family but you always start something.’
Mridula felt like she had been slapped in the face in front of their son. She turned around so that the men in her life could not see her tears and walked to her bedroom. Sishir went to his room upstairs, still whistling a tune, and Sanjay started surfing the news channels on the television.
The relationship between a son and a mother is very different from that between a daughter and a mother. When the daughter becomes a young woman, she beco
mes a friend to her mother but the son becomes a stranger. Sishir looked like his mother but his voice, mannerisms and thinking were Sanjay’s. He was not too attached to anyone and not idealistic at this young age.
In her bedroom, Mridula wondered, ‘How is it that this young generation is so practical?’
She recalled a conversation that she had heard between Sishir and his friend. Sishir was advising his friend, ‘There’s really no profit in medical science these days. And on top of that, we have to work really hard. But if we study engineering and find an IT job, then we can make money easily. After a few years, we can start our own company. It’ll be to our advantage to marry a software engineer. My mother’s cousin Sarla’s husband, Prasanna, earns almost two lakh a month.’
Mridula could not help but notice that they were focused only on money and how to earn more of it. There was no emphasis on the nobility of the medical profession. Mridula did not talk about these things with Sishir. When his friends came home, they told him, ‘You’re lucky that your dad has a great practice and that you’re the only child. You needn’t struggle like us. You are a born prince.’
Sometimes, Sanjay joined Sishir and his friends’ conversations. Sishir was proud of his famous father. The young boys treated him like their friend without hesitation and Sanjay liked that. They greeted Sanjay and said, ‘Hi Uncle, how’s it going?’
The only conversation they had with Mridula was about food. They said, ‘Please don’t give me too much rice, Aunty’ or ‘Why did you make dessert for us? It has too many calories’. Mridula missed the days at Aladahalli when everyone talked at the dinner table about a variety of topics.
She recollected what she had read long ago: ‘At twenty, if you are not an idealist, then you don’t have a heart. And if you continue being an idealist at forty, then you don’t have a brain.’ She thought that these children had no heart while Sanjay thought that she had no brain.
One day, Sanjay advised his son, ‘People respect successful people. You keep your focus on your goal and work towards it. Remember, there are no permanent friends in life. Instead, the more successful you are, the more enemies you have.’
‘Dad, is it possible to remain at the top?’
‘It’s difficult. The only way to stay at the top is to learn about the latest developments in your industry and stay one step ahead. It’s easy to get to the top, but much harder to stay there.’
‘Dad, how do I recognize and judge people correctly?’
‘Don’t believe anyone straight away. Trust very few people and check on them regularly. If you expect everybody to take advantage of you, then you’ll be aware of what’s happening around you and you won’t be disappointed. Money is the most important thing. Almost everybody has a price.’
‘How can you say that, Dad?’
‘Sishir, everybody has a price at which they are ready to compromise their principles. For some, it is ten thousand rupees and for others, it may be ten lakh. Money is most people’s weakness. When I was in school, children made fun of me because of my arm. Today, the same people call me “Sir”.’
Somehow, Mridula could not control herself when she heard this. ‘You shouldn’t say such things,’ she burst out. ‘Children are young and innocent. Their intention was not to hurt you. You were just different and that’s why they talked about you. When I was in school, I had long and thick hair and everybody made fun of me and called me a snake-girl. I used to get upset at the time but now, I laugh about it. If money’s so important, then all rich people should be happy. But that’s not the case. Don’t teach wrong things to our young son.’
Sanjay looked at Sishir and replied, ‘Mridula, the helplessness of being without money causes a lot of suffering. You have never known it because you were always protected. You are the principal of your school and you have all the power. That’s why everybody listens to you in school. Actually, your views are impractical.’
Mridula felt humiliated and went to her room. There, she realized that Sanjay and she were about to complete twenty-five years of their marriage in less than a year—but she felt unhappy. She could not pinpoint why she was feeling restless. She remembered that Sanjay had told her that he would ensure that a part of his earnings was donated to the poor. But he had done nothing about it. Whenever he donated money, he wanted his name to be associated with the charity. Only the rich could afford his fees. He charged as much as twenty-five thousand rupees for a normal delivery. What had he done to help the poor?
Sishir’s typical day started at eight at night. He did not care for his mother’s words when she told him that he should go to bed early and wake up early too. Instead, he got irritated and said, ‘Amma, stop it. You and I have different opinions.’
Sishir told his father and friends, ‘My mother’s like a broken record. She keeps repeating the same things over and over.’
Sanjay sometimes joked about it and said, ‘Well, then think about how I’m living with her.’
At times, both father and son talked about Mridula like this, but Mridula believed that they thought the same way too. She was extremely sensitive to their comments and their words hurt her terribly. Sometimes, Sishir realized that his mother was feeling bad and said lightly, ‘Amma, be a sport like Dad.’
Sanjay laughed at Sishir’s words. He was aware that he could be rude to others but not to his son. A son is a shady tree in old age and parents must take care of the tree when it is a sapling.
One day, Sishir was idling in his bed. The cuckoo clock indicated that it was midnight. Sanjay had bought the clock for him from Geneva. Sishir reminisced about his first trip abroad when he was in the final year of school. As usual, Mridula had objected to his travelling. She had said, ‘You shouldn’t send a child alone for a holiday abroad when he’s still a dependant.’
But Sishir did not care. He thought that that was precisely the reason why he should go alone. He would see different countries and be able to absorb more of the culture at a younger age. He thought, ‘Travelling is also a form of education and we can afford it. Dad is well travelled and he knows the world better than Amma.’
His phone rang. It was Neeta. She was in his class and her upbringing was modern. His mother did not like Neeta’s modernity but his Dad did not mind. Neeta said, ‘Hi Sish, what’s the plan for tomorrow?’
Sishir already knew that Neeta must have something on her mind. So he replied, ‘Why?’
‘Do you want to go to the disco at The Leela Palace?’
He paused and said, ‘I wish I could but I have something else to do.’
‘What’re you doing that’s keeping you busy? Come on, Sish, can’t you spare an evening for me? Shall I come and help you?’
‘Yes, you can. I’m going to a temple with Mom. Will you come too?’
Sishir knew that Neeta did not like to go to temples and he could escape this way. He thought, ‘I rarely go out with Amma. When I was a child, I went with her to a temple often. But Dad was always busy and never came with us.’
The tunes of Metallica wafted out from his music system and Sishir started headbanging. He recalled spending very little time with his father during his childhood. His mother was his true companion then. He thought, ‘When Amma went to school to work, Kantamma Ajji’s family looked after me.’
He lovingly remembered Kantamma, whom he affectionately called Ajji. She was a generous woman with grey hair. She had a big kumkum bindi on her forehead, flowers in her hair and red glass bangles on her wrists. She was dark in complexion and smiled all the time. He could never forget her red bangles because she used to make him sit on her lap and would prepare ragi balls with her hands. He had sat on her lap like that for many years. She wore little jewellery but looked charming. Even now, when he visited her, she embraced him with the same affection, as if he was still a toddler. He had never felt that affection from any friends or relatives.
Despite the cold winter, he was filled with warmth. It had been a long time since he had seen Kantamma Ajji. He regula
rly visited Muniyappa and Kantamma annually on Ugadi and Deepavali, except this past Deepavali: he had gone to Singapore with friends and missed the festival this year. He thought, ‘Next week, I must go and see them and take a gift for Kantamma. I should ask Amma to buy a nice sari for her. The last time, I told Dad that I wanted to give her a pair of gold bangles. But Dad said, “Sishir, when you give expensive gifts to people less rich than you, their expectations increase and you may not be able to match them every time. I agree that they have looked after you extremely well. So you should give them a gift that they’ll appreciate and, yet, not think of as a burden. However, if you still insist, I can ask Rosemary to buy a pair of gold bangles today.” Dad must be right because he has seen the world. I can’t understand why Amma can’t think like him.’
Metallica changed to Yanni and Sishir felt hungry. Though he liked the food at home, he wanted a change every few days. Mridula always said, ‘Home-made food is the best and the healthiest. I get upset when you don’t eat.’
So Sishir did not know what to do. His father told him, ‘Eat a little bit in front of your mother and make her happy. Then go out and eat whatever you want.’
For his birthday, his father had given him a new credit card. Now, he had all the freedom in the world.
When he had first started asserting his independence as a teenager, his mother would get scared and cry. He felt bad for her but then he thought, ‘I’m not responsible for anybody’s happiness. I have the right to live the life I want.’
He would rebel against his mother but not his father. His father was a friend with whom he could talk about anything, including girls. But his mother was so different. He thought, ‘Maybe it’s because she was brought up in godforsaken Aladahalli, where obedience is considered a virtue. I think she spent her entire childhood obeying everybody.’
The next day, Sishir wanted some money for petrol and when he asked his mother, she told him to take it from her purse in the drawer. When he opened her purse, he found a lot of money in it, but he took only as much as he needed. He told his mother how much money he was taking. Many of his friends argued about why he needed to tell his mother but Sishir looked down upon that attitude. His mother had taught him about honesty and hard work and he shared those values with her.