by S. K. Hardy
“No!” Raven twisted her head around to look at him. She held her breath until he cancelled the request.
“Never mind,” he told Danny. Releasing the button, he glared at Raven. “I turned a plane around mid-flight. Don’t think I won’t turn this truck around and go back to find out what I want to know. ”
Raven kept her mouth set in a stubborn line before sighing reluctantly. “Years ago when I first got to New York, I was looking to volunteer my time to help inner city kids. Someone suggested the youth center Kruz started. I went. We met. End of story.” Her tone was deliberately sassy, but a moment later she ruined it when her own curiosity got the better of her. “You and he seem to be pretty familiar with each other.”
“We’ve known each other since we were teenagers.”
Raven gave him a look of surprise. “Oh. I...I didn’t know.”
“Obviously.” A tense silence fell between them before Hawk asked quietly, “Did you fuck him tonight, Rae?”
Raven lifted her shoulders in a casual shrug. “What if I did?”
Hawk ignored the pain that stabbed through his chest. “That’s not an answer.”
“No, seriously. I want to know. What if I did sleep with him tonight?” The words shot from Raven’s mouth like well-timed bullets aimed at a target. “I mean, you and I aren’t together anymore. So it doesn’t count. Right?”
Hawk immediately saw where she was steering the conversation. He squinted a warning towards her which Raven deliberately ignored. She knew she hit a nerve and was determined to work the fuck out of it.
“I mean, that’s what you said to me when you told me you slept with Gwynn, isn’t it? That we weren’t together when it happened so basically it doesn’t count.” Satisfied that she made her point, Raven cocked her face closer to him and gave him a false look of sympathy. “That doesn’t make it hurt any less, though, does it?”
Realizing that she’d just confirmed the sexual relationship between her and Kruz, a dark cloud slowly gathered and formed around Hawk. It was so thick that it sucked the air out of the truck and made it hard for him to breathe. Tilting his head at an angle, he looked at Raven through brows squeezed together so tight they almost met in the center of his forehead. He leaned towards her, his gaze bearing straight into hers with unblinking intensity.
“So you did fuck him.” Hawk’s muscles tensed even uttering those words. “Is that what you’re tellin’ me? That you fucked him, even after you saw me tonight...”
Raven’s face lost all evidence of the amusement she reveled in just seconds ago. Her eyes widened at the transformation that took place right in front of her. She straightened in the seat and shrank back against her door to try and get away from his anger. Her throat quivered as she tried to respond, but unable to speak, she shook her head. But that wasn’t good enough.
“Answer. My question. Right. Now.” Hawk carefully enunciated each word.
Clearly flustered, Raven ran her fingers through her hair. “I...no! All right? No!”
Hawk’s eyes narrowed. “‘No’, what?”
“I...didn’t sleep with him,” she whispered.
“Don’t lie to me, Raven. You just told me you did.”
“No. You asked me if I slept with him. I answered, what if did?” Her lashes fluttered before she quickly looked away. “I didn’t say that I did. Kruz and I are just friends. That’s it.”
Hawk’s heart started beating swiftly in his chest. It took several moments for her meaning to breach the wall of anger surrounding him. When it finally did he slowly sat back in his seat and turned his head to stare out into the darkness. Son of a ... She’d deliberately provoked him. She deliberated provoked him just now and almost made him unleash another side of himself she’d never witnessed before.
The hand that he swiped down his face trembled violently. Fuck! Taking a slow, deep breath in through his nose, he slowly let it out through his mouth. If they hadn’t been in a moving vehicle, he would’ve walked away in order to give himself some much needed space. That’s just how fucking rattled he was right now.
His voice took in a low, ominous tenor. “You almost got that mu’fucka killed tonight. You know that, right?” His head swiveled around and pinned her with a look that made her lower her eyes. “If Danny hadn’t come in when he did I don’t know if I would’ve stopped. If I could’ve stopped...” He stopped and shook his head. “You need to learn when not to fuck with me.”
Frowning at the fact that he was putting the blame on her, Raven defiantly lifted her eyes. “Let me get this straight, you’re upset because I just pulled a you on you, is that it? Huh? Because you thought I did the same thing to you that you did to me. You have no right to be angry with everything you’re guilty of.”
“How many times do I have to apologize for that?”
“You only came clean about all of it because your lies and manipulation finally caught up with you! You have no right to sit there and be angry at me!”
“I have every right!” Hawk yelled furiously. Frustrated, he slammed a closed fist against his window before pulling himself up short. Trying his best to reign in his temper, he continued in as calm a voice as he could manage. “You playin’ games with me, Raven. You know exactly what tha’ fuck you did back there.”
Just as frustrated as he was, Raven raked her fingers through her hair again, tousling the thick tresses even more. “Why don’t you just admit that you’re upset because you think another man had a taste of something you think belongs to you. Isn’t that your main objective in all of this? To make sure I don’t give away something you perceive to be yours. You’re so transparent. Admit that’s what this little road trip to Connecticut is about.”
“What if it is? Maybe we need to be alone, take time to solidify our relationship.”
“One, there is no relationship. Two, sex won’t solve what’s broken between us.”
Hawk snorted in amusement. “So you’re saying if I made my move you would push me away...”
“Probably not,” Raven answered honestly. “But afterwards, it wouldn’t change anything.”
Hawk shook his head again. Even as angry as he was, he had to admit her words had a ring of truth. His eyes ran over her body. It took everything in him not to pull her across the seat, tear her damn clothes off, and bury himself deep enough inside of her to touch her soul. His beast wasn’t helping matters. It strained against the barrier of his zipper, demanding to be set free so that he could claim what was his, what he’d been missing for so long. By sheer will he managed to control the urge, but only barely.
Hawk forced his eyes away from Raven. He wanted her, yes–but he wanted something else even more. The two of them had been on the way to building something special, something he’d never found with any other woman. He wanted that back, but could only get it by earning her trust again. And that meant putting the physical side of their relationship on ice for now. He would have to deal with it by continuing to take a helluva lot of cold showers and work out to the point of exhaustion like he’d been doing for the past few months. He brought his attention back to her when she started talking.
“The time we spent together, Hawk...” Raven bit down on her lip to stop it from trembling. “It was toxic for me. I can’t go back to that.”
Toxic. Funny how different they saw what they had together. Toxic wasn’t something he would ever equate with her. “So that’s what you think we were?”
Raven looked at her with tears shimmering in her eyes. “You took everything from me. The career I worked so hard to build, the life I so carefully carved out for myself, my sense of peace. All just...gone. If that’s not toxic I don’t know what is.”
For a moment, Hawk saw the vulnerability as well as pain behind the anger she portrayed. He hated himself for hurting her. That was something he never wanted to do. Ever.
“Give me a week,” he said abruptly.
“What?” she asked confused.
“Give me a week in Connecticut, just to tal
k. No sex to cloud or complicate the issues between us, just you and me finally talking openly and honestly. No holding back. At the end of that week if you decide that you don’t want to be with me, I’ll leave you alone.”
“Yeah, right,” Raven scoffed. “Am I really supposed to believe you’ll do that?”
“You have my word. After a week, I promise to go away and never bother you again if that’s what you want.”
A deafening silence ensued when he finished speaking. Raven stared at him, her brow wrinkling in indecision. “You’ll let me get on with my life with no more interference?”
Hawk knew she was thinking about the job in D.C. she was scheduled to begin in two weeks. It represented a fresh start for her, something she seemed to want desperately. His stomach lurched at the possibility of never seeing her again, but he couldn’t force her to be with him if it wasn’t what she wanted.
“I promise. But you have to talk to me. About everything. Nothing is off limits.”
“I assume that goes both ways? Anything I want to know you’ll be honest and tell me?”
“Yes.” Hawk answered without hesitation. “Like I said, you have my word.”
Raven turned to stare out the window and mull over his proposal. Hawk took the opportunity to watch her unobserved. His nostrils flared at the scent of her signature perfume wafting through the interior of the car. Sweet. Seductive. Intoxicating. He knew exactly which fragrance it was. During the times he went to her apartment, he would go into her bedroom and sniff her perfume because it reminded him of her. Hawk shook his head. Pathetic, he knew, but sometimes if he closed his eyes and brought the bottle to his nose, it was almost like she was standing next to him.
His fingers itched to touch her, feel her skin beneath his fingertips. Swallowing hard, he looked away. He felt like a damn junkie whose fix was right in front of him, tempting him to take a hit after months of sobriety. What was the saying in recovery circles? An addict is always an addict. There’s always the potential to turn to his drug of choice when temptation arises. The only way to significantly minimize the risk for relapse was to not have it around. That’s what he would have to do if Raven agreed to his terms and afterwards decided to walk when the week was up. He would have to let her go for his own damn sanity.
“Okay.”
Blinking away his thoughts, Hawk brought her back into focus. “What?”
“I said okay. I’ll do it. I’ll agree to stay with you for a week. Getting answers to some of my questions will go a long way towards closure for me. But I’m holding your promise, Hawk,” she added in a firm voice. “No sex. No trying to tempt me into sleeping with you. I mean that.”
Hawk’s thick lashes fanned the tops of his cheekbone to hide the light of victory in his eyes. “Agreed. One week. No sex. ” He looked up at her and said as sincerely as he could, “I’ll be on my best behavior.”
They held each other’s eyes for several long moments before Raven broke the connection. Hawk didn’t try to engage her in conversation. There was no need. He got what he wanted: uninterrupted time with Raven and a chance to convince her that they belonged together. A week might be pushing it, but it was all he had. It would have to be enough.
CHAPTER 14
A couple of hours later, Hawk and Raven pulled into the driveway of his estate and came to a stop. Hawk looked out the window at the Georgian mansion he bought several years ago. Set high on a hill to take advantage of the stunning views, it was his refuge, a place to relax and unwind when he needed to get away. Hawk lived a complicated life, the same as the rest of his family. They all had their ways of calming their minds and regaining focus when things got stressful. This place was his. Other than his family, no one else knew about this place. That was the entire point of having somewhere to go to recharge and renew his physical and mental energy.
He’d never brought anyone here before Raven. However, months ago he’d needed a place where the two of them could be alone, where no one knew who they were. The whole point had been to give her a chance to get to know him beyond the superficial. That couldn’t happen with Raven on edge wondering if someone would recognize her from the DA’s office. Hawk knew he needed to protect her from any fallout of being seen publically with him. That was his upper most goal. A relationship with him was something he couldn’t force on her, especially because of her position. It was something Raven had needed to choose on her own. Hawk sensed they’d been on the verge of that happening right before she got the phone call about Judge Warner’s death. After that, all hell broke loose.
But it didn’t make sense to rehash all of that now. He didn’t believe in looking back. As his father was fond of saying, looking back only caused you to stumble and slow down. Hawk didn’t have the luxury of time right now. He had one week to convince Raven that they belonged together, and he would. There was no other option he had but to succeed in doing that.
He looked down at her now tucked underneath his arm and sleeping trustingly on his chest. About an hour ago she’d fallen asleep with her head at an uncomfortable angle on the back of the seat. Hawk had gently pulled her towards him. Still asleep, she’d mumbled incoherently under her breath but quickly snuggled against him and wrapped her arm around his waist before falling back to sleep.
Hawk hated to wake her, but they needed to get inside. He kissed the top of her head before softly calling her name. “Rae, we’re here, baby.”
It took a moment for Raven to come fully woke. Her hand crawled up his chest, using it as leverage to push herself up to a sitting position. Hawk smiled indulgently when she rubbed her eyes with her fingers and let loose with a wide yawn. Stretching, she glanced around as if trying to get her bearings until her sleepy gaze fell on his face.
Raven’s eyes rounded wide. She sat up straight and scooted away while eyeing him with wary suspicion. “What are you...” She stopped abruptly as if suddenly remembering where she was. Blinking, Raven looked out the window and stared at the classic Georgia mansion. “Oh.”
“You ready?” Hawk opened the door and got out. At the same time, Danny opened Raven’s door and stood to the side.
Hawk walked around the Denali and waited for her to reach his side. She paused mid-step when a large figure dressed in all black came walking out of the darkness towards them from the rear of the house. Hawk glanced at the man before looking back at Raven.
“It’s okay. This is Steve, my head of security,” Hawk told her.
“Mr. Pattel.” Steve greeted Hawk with a handshake then nodded to Raven. “Ms. Randolph. It’s good to see you again, ma’am.”
Raven’s brows knitted together in a frown. “Again?” she repeated. “I don’t think we’ve met.” Her words came out slow as she eyed his roughly 6’4” frame packed full of rock hard muscles. Blonde with a buzz hair cut, Steve had an intimidating presence that screamed danger without him having to say a word. He would be hard for anyone to forget. “I, um, think I would’ve remembered if we had.”
Hawk exchanged an amused look with Steve. “You’re not supposed to remember because you never met him when you were here last time, which means my security detail is doing their job. You won’t actually see any of them, but they’re posted all around my property.”
“Oh. Okay, well...good to formally meet you,” she told Steve. Raven stared at the shoulder holster that contained his sidearm with wide eyes as he turned to speak with Hawk.
“Danny called and told me you were on your way. Everything’s been quiet on this end.”
“Good. I’ll be here for about a week. I want to go over a few things with you but it’ll wait until tomorrow.”
“Very good, sir. See you then.” Steve gave them a final nod before disappearing into the darkness just as silently as he appeared.
Hawk placed a hand at Raven’s back and guided her towards the house. “Danny, you can take off for the next week or so. I’ll contact you on Sunday.”
“Thank you, Mr. Pattel. Good night, Ms. Randolph. Enjoy your visit.”
With a tilt of his head, Danny got back into the vehicle after Hawk and Raven entered the house.
Locking the door behind them, Hawk followed Raven through the foyer and into the family room. He watched her closely as she glanced around familiarizing herself with the layout. A housekeeper came by and dusted the place once a week so everything was in pristine condition. The cream-colored furnishings were comfortable and welcoming. He saw the way her eyes lingered on the photos of his family before averting her gaze and bringing her attention back to him in a guarded fashion.
“I’m a little tired, so I think I’ll head to bed if that’s okay with you.” Her eyes nervously faltered away before bringing them back to him. “Where, um, where am I going to sleep?”
“All of your things are still in the master bedroom, so I think you’ll be most comfortable there.”
“I was wondering if you kept everything,” she said, referencing the weekend she’d spent with him months ago. She hadn’t packed anything before coming. Hawk had provided it all, newly purchased clothes, bras, panties and other delicate intimates. “I’m surprised you haven’t thrown it all out by now.”
“Of course I kept everything.” He angled his head to the side and fixed her with a piercing stare. “Why would I have gotten rid of it?”
“I don’t know. It was just a thought.” Raven lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Where are you going to sleep?”
The corner of his mouth turned up in a half-smile. “There are three other bedrooms to choose from so...”
“Right. Silly question.” Raven quickly shook her head. “I, uh, I guess I’ll see you in the morning, then.”
“Okay, baby. Goodnight.”
Appearing unsettled by the endearment that fell so naturally from his lips, she looked everywhere except at him as she mumbled a goodnight to him.
Hawk watched her climb the stairs until she was out of sight. He didn’t move until he heard the bedroom door close behind her. Then and only then did he release his breath in a long sigh. It almost felt surreal finally having her back. He never doubted for one second that it would happen, but he’d anticipated a different outcome than separate bedrooms.