by Tiffani Lynn
“I’m sorry to bring you all the way down here, but I didn’t want you to hear anything from anyone but me. We’ve got a break in your sister’s case.” Jess’s gasp stops the detective from saying anything else. He’s giving her a chance to absorb the information a little at a time.
Jess’s voice is quiet as she asks, “Who is it?”
“I’m not supposed to tell you that, but I know you won’t share the information with anyone. I don’t want this guy tipped off that we’re coming for him. He’s a sneaky bastard and I don’t want him given a heads-up by the media.”
“I understand. I’ve been waiting for this day for five years, thinking it would never really come. I want her murderer taken down worse than anyone.”
“His name is Larry Vogler. He was a person of interest in the case originally.”
“I remember,” Jess chimes in. “He was the janitor at the school, right? The one that gave her flowers on occasion.”
“That’s the one.”
“Why is this coming back up?”
“Someone saw something in his house that makes him a person of interest again. I can’t divulge more information than that for now, but as soon as I have something concrete, I will call you. With the way the media is these days, it’s possible you’ll learn some of the details before we can talk again. I just wanted you to have an idea that we have a solid lead and a possible end in sight.”
Jess nods solemnly but doesn’t react more than that, which really isn’t like her. She’s the type of woman who says what she feels, when she feels it, and doesn’t pull any punches. It’s one of the things I both love and hate about her. I never had to wonder what she was feeling because she would just let it fly, but there were times I didn’t want to fight and she wouldn’t back down.
Right now, I miss the vocal Jess. Not knowing how this makes her feel is concerning. We haven’t been together in a long time, but there is no way that particular character trait changed about her.
We finish the conversation with Rajesh letting us know he will keep us in the loop the best he can without compromising the investigation, and we see ourselves out of the station because he gets a call as we are finishing up.
Jess is silent all the way to the car and even after she’s buckled in. Her head is turned away from me and her eyes are focused somewhere out the side window. This is totally unlike her and I can’t stand it. I’d rather know what she’s thinking than have her hide behind the silence.
“Jess, where are you at with this?”
“I’m fine. It’s not really news.”
“Yeah, actually it is news. He wouldn’t have called us all the way down here if he didn’t think this was going to turn out to be something.”
“Speaking of that, I still don’t understand why he called you.”
The pissy way she throws that out there should irritate me, but I’m trying not to let it. Instead I’m thankful that she’s talking rather than clamming up, but the tone of her voice makes me want to pull off to the side of the road and shake some sense into her. “You know why he called me. I told you I’d never let you face any of this alone again. I meant it.”
She huffs and continues looking out the window without a response. This is maddening.
Five
Jess
I aimed for the gut on that remark, and judging by the twitch of his jaw, I hit my mark. It used to make me feel good to aim my anger at him. It shouldn’t have, but it did. I was hurting so badly and needed to be mad at someone. Knowing he could take it, I piled it on him. Now I’m lashing out because seeing him hurts almost as bad as getting more news on my sister’s case.
I want that case closed. I want justice for my sister in the worst way. Not knowing who to blame for taking my sister from me is one of the worst things left of her death. I need someone to hate and someone to aim all of my venom at. I can’t stand it. The fact that today we didn’t get much more information than we already had, and knowing that everything will all be dredged up and splashed across the media again, is so painful. I don’t know if I can deal with it. My soul barely survived it the first time; what if I can’t deal with it again?
“Jess, you know why Rajesh called me. You also know that what he gave us in there was big. He wouldn’t have wasted his time bringing you in if what he had wasn’t big. He called me in because I asked to be called if anything else came up on the case. I may not have been there for the beginning of this, but I will be there as much as I can now.”
“We aren’t married anymore. It’s not your responsibility to deal with anything that pertains to me. One of my friends could have gone with me.”
“Well, too bad. It’s me he called. I loved Darrian too and there is nothing you can do to take that away from me. You can hate me all you want, but she was my little sister too and I miss her,” he declares, shutting me up completely.
I can’t dispute that. Darrian loved Wes and she loved Wes for me. She cried almost as hard as I did when he was deployed the first time. After she was gone, I found out she wrote letters to him about every other week and he actually wrote her back. Not as often as he wrote me, but still, he took the time to do that for her. I never knew that until we split up and I found them in his closet, held together with rubber bands. He saved all the letters he got over there, and the majority of those were from my sister and me.
When we finally reach my house, I climb out of the car and lean in. “Thank you for taking me. I’m sorry I was such a bitch.”
“I get it, Jess. I’m here if you need me.”
I don’t say anything else and neither does he. He stares at me in a way that makes me swear he can see the black hole in my soul, so I pull away and shut the door. He waits for me to close myself inside my house before putting his Bronco in reverse and pulling away. Not feeling like dragging my tired ass back upstairs to bed, I plop down on my couch and pull the fuzzy throw blanket up to my neck and settle in. Zuzu climbs up and curls in the crook of my legs just as comfy as she can be
There was a time when Wes would stretch out on the couch on his back and I’d lie on my stomach on top of him like a starfish. His large, rough hands would rub soothingly up and down my back until I would relax. We could spend hours like that. Wes isn’t a big talker, but he said he liked the sound of my voice, so he would urge me to talk and tell him anything and everything. What I wouldn’t give for an hour of couch time with him today. Nothing made me feel safer, nothing helped me to breathe easier and nothing had a better chance of helping me forget the world than time sprawled on the couch with Wes. However, we’re long past that now. Too much pain, too many hateful words and too many lonely nights ended that. Now it’s just me on this couch trying to figure things out and deal with them on my own.
Two days later, I finally understand why Detective Rasan called us in for the warning. My phone rings at eight in the morning, startling me awake.
“Hello?” I grab it so fast I don’t have time to shake the groggy remnants of sleep from my voice or look at the caller ID.
“Jess, it’s Wes.”
“What?” The word wasn’t sharp or rude, just confused.
“I didn’t want you to be blindsided. It’s all over the news, every station. They obtained a search warrant for Larry Vogler’s home and have brought him in for questioning.”
I sit up and reach for the remote, hitting the power button and watching the screen go from black to color. Then I thumb the channel button until the first news station comes on. “I’m turning it on now.”
I almost forget that he’s still on the phone as a picture of my beautiful, smiling sister pops up on the screen. That is the prominent picture on my mantle, so I see it all the time, but the words Unsolved Murder under the picture take the joy out of it.
The reporter talks about my sister, Darrian Brannen, and the fact that it’s an unsolved murder that’s five years old. My stomach clenches and rolls and all the feelings I’ve kept locked inside for the last several years explode out of me li
ke a bomb detonating.
“I’ll be there in six minutes, Jess. Hang tight,” Wes urges in my ear. “Hold tight, sweetheart, I’m coming.”
“I can’t, I can’t…” I stutter, unable to complete my train of thought. My mind has slipped into a place I haven’t experienced in a long time.
“Seriously, hang in there. I’m almost at the house. Don’t hang up. Just wait for me,” he begs in the most soothing voice I’m sure he can muster. I don’t move. I don’t do anything except watch as the news station shows an aerial shot of the man’s house as members of the Colorado Springs Police Department carry stuff in boxes out of the house. Detective Rasan is standing in the front yard talking to another detective I recognize, but I can’t remember his name, and the reporter drones on in the background, reviewing the facts of the case.
I can hear Wes’s Bronco growl as it pulls into the driveway and the door slams. Wes says in my ear, “Come open the door, sweetheart.”
“Wes,” I whisper into the phone, my eyes full of tears, my legs unable to move.
He grumbles a string of curse words before thanking me for keeping the spare key in the fake rock by the door. The next thing I know, his heavy footfalls are coming up the steps in my house and down my hallway. I hang up the phone and drop it back on the nightstand.
When he comes through my door, he pauses long enough to shrug off his jacket and toe off his boots before he’s in bed, pulling me over and on top of him, front to front. If I were in my right mind, not shocked out of a deep sleep and thrust straight into hell, I’d tell him to get out of my bed, out of my house and out of my life for good. But I’m stunned and needy and desperate, so I burrow into him and let loose all the tears, all the fear and all the stuff that’s stored in my heart.
What they are doing at Vogler’s house could bring this whole thing to an end, which is both good news and terrifying at the same time. I’m ready and have been ready since they delivered the news to me all those years ago that they found her murdered. But I’m also scared that this won’t be the break they thought it was and we will be back to square one and the only thing this will have done is dredged up the worst memories of my life.
Wes’s hands move over my nightshirt and when it keeps getting bunched up, he rearranges us so we can pull the covers up over us and he can push my shirt up so it’s out of the way. His callused hands move in smooth strokes over my back and my tears fall unchecked, soaking his shirt.
Six
Wes
So many nights I’ve wanted to be back here in our bed with her spread out on top of me exactly like this, minus the tears. I didn’t think it would happen and I never wanted it to be for this reason, but I will savor the moment no matter the reason. This morning started like any other until I walked through the door at work to find the lobby television on. It was broadcasting the news and Darrian’s face was front and center. I knew this would send Jess into a tailspin, so I headed straight for Colby and Marshall to let them know I was leaving and wouldn’t be back today.
Marshall knows some of the story and understood when I told him I had to get to Jess. Colby was dumbfounded but I didn’t have time to explain, so I didn’t; I just ran. Literally. As soon as I was back in the Bronco and headed for Jess, I dialed her number. Now, here I am, twenty minutes later. I reach for the remote she dropped on the bed and click off the television and resume rubbing her back.
“You knew.” Her wobbly voice lets me know she’s not done crying.
“Yeah, I knew you were going to take this hard.”
“You’re not at work.”
“No, took the day off as soon as I realized today was the day. Didn’t want you to deal with this alone.”
“Thanks,” she chokes out as she sobs, her body jerking with emotion. This was where I needed to be all those years ago, not in some sandy hellhole, fighting against an enemy we never quite understood.
The floral scent of her shampoo, although faint, wraps around me as her hair fans out around my neck and shoulders. Her body shudders as she works to stop the crying. I reach for the side table and locate the tissues I knew would be there. Snatching a couple, I hand them to her.
“Thanks,” she whispers as she sniffles and wipes at her nose with her cheek still pressed to my chest. I continue rubbing her back, hoping to settle her down completely. Maybe she can go back to sleep like this and I will get more time to stay like this.
She starts to slide away from me but I hold tight. “Where are you going?”
“I’m sure you have other things you can be doing. I’ll be okay.”
I readjust and maneuver her back in place. “I have nowhere else to be. I took off work. I’m sure you have to go in this afternoon, so why don’t you relax right where you are and go back to sleep. I’ll wake you up if I hear anything else. You need the rest.”
“I don’t want to monopolize your time.”
“Shhh. Just relax. Have I ever willingly done something I didn’t want to do?”
I’m barely able to hear her response. “No.”
“There you go. Now rest. I’m not going anywhere.”
Her sniffles die down over the next fifteen minutes, until she finally drifts off to sleep. I’m relaxed enough that I could probably nap but I don’t want to miss a second of this. I may never get this chance again and I want to savor it this time. The last time we were like this, I didn’t realize it would be my last and I have kicked myself in the ass a million times since then. Who knew that I would look back on my marriage with her and realize these were some of the best moments of my life? My mind is never as clear as it is when we’re pressed together like this, my muscles never so relaxed and my heart never so full. Who knew that my choices as an eighteen-year-old man-child to join the military would haunt me well into my thirties? I certainly didn’t.
Around noon, her cell phone rings, rousing me and dragging the world back into our lives. I groan in disappointment before I reach over and grab it off the nightstand and answer without even thinking. “Hello?”
There is a long pause, so long in fact, that I think they’ve hung up. “Hello?” I say again.
Steph’s recognizable high-pitched, which I haven’t heard in ages, responds, “Wes? What the hell are you doing answering Jess’s phone? What’s going on? Is Jess okay? I don’t understand.”
“You saw the news?” I say as both a question and an answer.
“Well, yeah, that’s why I’m calling. It just popped up on my phone. Where is she?”
“Right here, but she’s asleep. Let me—”
“Give me the phone. I’m awake,” Jess demands, her voice gravely from sleep. I don’t say anything else as Jess grabs the phone and rolls away, removing all contact between us. My body suddenly feels cold and I hate it. I can only hear her side of the conversation but I can imagine what her best friend is asking. Those two have been thick as thieves since they were in diapers and the fact that Jess didn’t tell Steph about our visit to the police station makes me wonder what’s going on in her head. It’s possible that she and Steph aren’t close anymore, but doubtful.
“No, Steph. I’m fine. Yeah, really. Wes saw it on the news and came over here.” After a long pause, she continues, “Yeah, seriously. He’s about to leave. No, it’s not what you think. No big deal.”
Not a big deal? Is she kidding? This is a huge deal. She can play it off during her conversation with her friend all she wants, but everyone that was in her life at the time Darrian disappeared knows this is a huge deal.
After a few more short sentences, she hangs up the phone and throws her legs over the side of the bed and stands. A chill rushes over me that has nothing to do with actually being cold. She’s about to shut me out again. I was enjoying the short reprieve far too much to give it up yet.
“Where are you going?” I ask quietly.
“I need to get a few things done before I go into work.”
“You’re still going in?”
Her head jerks back and her brows d
rop low. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”
“That’s some heavy news and I’m sure the press is going to be all over this, which means all over you.”
“I’ll be fine. I survived this before, remember? Oh, yeah, you don’t because you weren’t here.” Her voice is cold as she delivers that verbal blow. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt because it sure as hell does, but I’ve been expecting her to throw that back in my face at some point.
“Well, I’m here now and I plan to be with you until you go into work, to make sure you don’t get harassed. The hospital security will handle it once you get there.”
“I told you I’ll be fine,” she snaps at me.
I sit up and pin her in place with my glare. “And I told you I’m not leaving you to be fine. I’ll be here until you go to work, and even then, I’ll follow you there to make sure you don’t run into any issues before you get inside the doors there. You can argue with me all you want, but that’s how this is gonna play out.”
Before she can find another reason for me to leave, I plant my feet on the floor and stand. “I’ll be downstairs making you an omelet while you get ready.” Then I snatch my stuff off the floor and carry it down the stairs, listening to her grumble behind me.
Seven
Jess
Damn that man! How am I supposed to keep him out of sight, out of mind if he sticks around? For once, I want to go to work so I can get away from him. My mind doesn’t need to start thinking that he’ll be here, because my heart will follow and it’ll get broken all over again. Living post Wes-heartbreak was almost as hard as facing my sister’s death. Since both happened so close together, I didn’t think I would survive that time in my life. I’m stronger now than I was a couple years ago, but I’m not fully back together yet and with all this upheaval concerning Darrian’s case, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold myself together.