by Lesley Jones
He slides back in beside me and passes me my tea and toast. He waits for me to take a sip and a bite and orders...
“So, talk, tell me everything”
I take another sip of my tea and begin...
It takes me an hour to tell him everything from first meeting Jason, to the events of last night... I tell him how in love I have always been with my husband and how this has possibly clouded my judgment, in so far as doing something about his violent actions towards me sooner. I also add, right at the very end of my story that what I'm doing right here, right now, with him, I have never done in all my years of marriage. I want to make that point clear. I’m not some trashy whore bag who constantly cheats on her husband!
He hasn't said a word the whole time but I've felt him fidget as I've talked about mine and Jays sex life and then about the events of last night.
“Let's get one thing clear Lauren” he says
“If I thought for a second, you did this on a regular basis, with other men; I would have fucked you down an alley or over the bonnet of my car last night”
He gets out of bed and panic washes over me, was he leaving, was it all too much?
“I need another drink. Do you need pain killers?” I shake my head
“No, I don't like the way they make me feel, I'd rather have a glass of wine, please”
“Wine? ..... I don't think that's a good idea, I'll get you some more tea if you want but no more wine”
He's so bossy and domineering and hot, so, so hot.
He walks out of the room and leaves me sitting up in bed feeling nervous, excited and like I'm thirteen again, what is that all about, why? Why all these feelings? I've just met this man, quite literally, just met him, is it events with Jay and is this my revenge or is there really an attraction there for Gabe? I think I already know the answer to that and I think it's the answer that's causing all these emotions and feelings not the questions. Does that even make sense? I know for sure that we most definitely have a connection on some level and I'm pretty sure it's more than physical. The way he's got me to open up and tell him stuff that I've told no one, ever, has been quite liberating and the fact that he's so far said nothing, only listened and hasn’t laid anything other than his lips on me, has put me at ease .
He returns with a bottle of bourbon, a tumbler and what looks like a glass of wine for me.... Ha he's backed down and let me have my own way.
He pours himself a drink and I can’t help looking at him, all of him. Even his feet are sexy and tanned of course. He really is gorgeous, the sort that is described in every crappie erotic novel I have ever read but that I’ve always thought didn’t really exist and if he did, he wouldn't be interested in me and yet, here he is, in his trunks, sliding into bed, beside me ... Pinch me now ... No wait, don't , I'm already in enough pain .. Oh fuck!!
He passes me my drink and I take a sip “What is this?” I ask, pulling a face. “It’s a compromise Lauren”
“A compromise? Yuk, I asked for wine... I don't like the taste of a compromise ... What's in it?”
“White wine and soda, it’s that or tea. You chose?”
Pffff.... I take another sip, this will have to do!
Then the questions start... My life, my loves, my children, my work. On occasion I laugh and he laughs with me but then, when I talk about the implications of the end of my marriage and how I'm actually feeling about it all, I start to cry and he is so good and so sweet he just holds me, saying nothing, just letting me cry.
I wake in the morning and he's still there, holding me, my head on his chest, his arm around me. My leg is over one of his and his other leg over mine... A tangle. My hand is palm down on his belly; I can feel a smattering of hair. I don’t want to be obvious and turn my head to look, so I run my hand up to his chest, where I can feel more hair.... I look up at him and blink as I realise he’s watching me, of course he’s watching me, he’s always watching me. And I love it…. With a glint in his eye and a smile on his lips
“Hey” he says
“Hey” I reply…embarrassed at being caught.
His smile turns into a full on grin as his head motions to where my hand is on his chest.
“Feel nice?” he asks
“Very”
“Well I'm just glad you moved your hand up and not down because then, I would not be responsible for what my reactions or actions might have been” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down as he speaks. I frown, then smile as I catch on and lift up the doona and peer down at his trunks. I can see that he has a sizable erection. I feel my pulse throb between my legs instantly and sigh “Ahhhh fuck Gabe” as I pull away from him and lay flat on my back against the bed, feeling completely inadequate.
“Well... that’s a bit harsh; my dick usually gets a much warmer response than that”
He leans up on his elbow, lying along side of me, looking into my eyes. I put my hands over my face.
“I’m your sure your dick is lovely, perfect in fact, as dicks go but I must look like shit, I'm old and wrinkly and wobbly and beat up and bruised and look at you... so hot and fit and gorgeous and god like, with what is probably, a quite spectacular knob; what must you be thinking when you look at the state of me?” I whine
“Well...right now I'm thinking that I must have a thing for old, wrinkly and wobbly, although not so much for the beat up and bruised ... Because I have the biggest hard on Lauren and it's laying here next to you with your arms and legs wrapped around me that's caused it”
“I have sons Babe... and I did have a husband... I know all men wake up with a hard on... Whoever they wake up next to”
“Will you shut up and listen to what I'm saying; I think you’re hot, sexy and totally fuckable... Even right this minute, with your face bruised, and blood caked in your hair... Despite all of this and your shitty attitude towards me last night, I am as horny as fuck, because of you... I’m desperate to touch, to kiss, stroke and lick you... All of you... I want to hear you call out my name” He nuzzles into my ear, “I want to hear you beg me to stop, I want to hear you beg me for more and I want to see your face when I make you come ...I have never wanted any of these things with anyone as much as I want them with you right now”
Fuck me, my dream is coming true, I almost combust at his words. He wants to see me come; my word. He wants to hear me beg, Lordy. But then I start with the over thinking...that's just sex, everything he has just said is all about sex, he can get that from any one, it doesn't make me special..... But then he continues...
“I want to get to know you Lauren, what you like and dislike, what makes you tick, what makes you smile ... What makes you....well, what else makes you cry. ... Other than everything right now....I know this is the shitiest timing in the history of shitty relationship timing ever but I promise, I understand that and I am happy to wait, I'm happy to go at your pace but I really would like to give this... Give us a go. I have never felt like this about anyone so quickly, in fact I've never felt like this ever. I barely know you but I know if your husband had turned up here last night, I would have had no problem, no problem at all, in killing the fucker with my bare hands for what he's done to you. So please, can we find a way to give this, us a go? Please give me a chance to show you, I'm not just after sex. I can get that any day, anywhere Lauren, I know how I look, I've been aware of the affect I have on women since I was about 15 and got my first blow job from someone 16 years older than me and yes I have abused it but that's not what I want with you. I went for a drink on Friday night with my brothers, that's all it was meant to be, a few beers after work, the last thing I was expecting was this but you walked in that bar and as soon as I saw you I just wanted to talk to you and then when I did, I knew, I just knew I wanted to get to know you more, I knew I had to know you, and I knew by the time I'd bought you that second drink that I wanted to get to know you inside and out”
WOW, well shit. I swallow hard, trying to take in all what he has just said, I know somehow he is telling me the truth, for
some unknown reason I trust him, he makes me feel safe but what can I bring to a relationship right now, do I want another relationship when I haven't even officially left my husband yet and why me? If he doesn't do relationships, why is he interested in starting something with me, with all my issues, hang-ups and a nut job husband who is probably amassing a small army to hunt me down, right as we are speaking?
But again... My mouth opens before I fully engage my brain...
“Okay”
“Okay, what do you mean okay, okay what, what are you saying?”
“I'm saying okay, let's give it a go, I'm saying okay, we'll go at my pace and okay I'll let you see my face when you make me come.... But not until the bruises start to go and I've washed the blood out of my hair and even then, I warn you now... My come face ain't pretty”
We both lay back on our pillows and start to laugh we laugh so long and hard we have tears running down our cheeks, Gabe’s from so much laughing and mine because it bloody hurts to laugh. Ouch..!
CHAPTER FIVE
Gabriel drives me over to look at the place he has for rent during Sunday and, just like him it is perfect. Two bedrooms and a spa out on the decked veranda. It’s in a little complex behind security gates. He skirts around the issue of rent and tells me not to worry about it until I have got myself straight, so I tell him I’ll take it. Now all I need is some furniture. He doesn’t want me to move in for a week as he wants to paint and put a new floor down in the family room... Family room, that’s a sad joke, it will just be Lauren's room, I’m not expecting any family here!
Gabriel drops me back at Jo's Sunday afternoon and I finally call Jason. He answers with
“Where the fuck are you?”
“Don't worry about where I am, I want you to stop calling me and stop leaving messages, I don't want to talk to you, and I won't be coming back to the house”
I take a deep breath after I get my words out, there I've said it. My heart is racing and my hand is shaking as I hold the phone.
“What do you mean you’re not coming back to the house, where are you, where are you going to stay? You haven't got any money and if you don't come home, I will cancel your cards and your phone”
“Cancel what you like, I don't care, I'm not coming back Jay, you've gone too far this time”
“Oh here we go again, I s'pose your with one of your stupid fucking mates telling them how I beat you up. Everything's always about you. You fucking drama queen”
"I don't need to tell anyone anything Jay; they only have to look at me to see what you've done this time”
“Is that right Lauren, and what exactly have I done, eh, you broke a nail, got a bruise somewhere?” he asks sarcastically.
“Several actually” I reply “as well as a fractured cheek bone and a gash in my head, yeah you did a good job this time Jay but you know what, it's not just about the bruises, I have put up with all your shit because I thought, stupidly it would now seem, that you actually loved me, that we had something worth fighting for, and then I find out that you’ve been fucking someone else, well thanks Jay, really, a big thank you, for finally making me wake up to myself, we have nothing now, nothing left fighting for, we are done! That was the last time you will ever lay a finger on me, that's it, I'm going straight to the solicitors tomorrow to start divorce proceedings and if you come anywhere near me or my friends, I will go to the police and file assault and harassment charges. So stay the fuck away”
I'm so angry with him and his dismissive attitude I want to scream and I start to cry out of pure frustration. He just doesn't understand the gravity of what he has done to me, he just doesn’t get it.
“So that's it?” he asks “all these years and one fight and you’re leaving and want a divorce ... There's more to it than that, who are you fucking Lauren? You've probably been planning this for ages. Well I'll tell you what, you go and see your solicitor but when I find out who your fucking, I will come for you and him Lauren and just for the record, what you left with is all you’re getting, you won't be getting a penny out of me, you cunt”
“So you can fuck about and you can slap me about all you like and I am supposed to just put up with that am I? The slapping about maybe, fucking someone else, no way, never, I thought you knew me well enough to know at least that much about me. And you know what? I don't want anything Jason, I will come and collect my personal bits whenever but the rest, the house and the furniture, you can keep it all, I want nothing that will remind me of you…and Jay just so we are clear, I will fuck whomever I please, so just stay away from me and stop calling”
I hang up before he can abuse me anymore, he calls back instantly.
Jo pours me a wine as I say to her. “Shit he knows I'm with one of you girls now, I bet he comes back round looking for me”
“Let him” she says “I'm more than ready for him and if he wants to make trouble, I'll quite happily call the police”
We drink our wine as my phone vibrates continuously, in the end; out of frustration I answer it,
“For fucks sake what?” I ask...
“What are we going to tell the boys?” He asks quietly
“Dya know what Jay…..Tell them what the fuck you like, you caused this, so how about you tell them the truth, tell them exactly what you've done to me, tell your sons that you fucked around with other women and that you hit me, that should earn you the respect you deserve from your boys, I’m sure they will be so proud of their dad. Now leave me the fuck alone, I'm turning my phone off so you won't get through any way”
“Lauren….I’m sorry, I am sorry, it was nothing, she, was nothing”
“That just makes it worse Jay…you were prepared to lose me for someone and something that means nothing to you and I will never forgive you for that”
I do as I say, hang up and switch off but then I think of the boys, they need to know the truth so I ring each one in turn. Sonny surprises me, telling me I should of done it years ago, Ryder is a little more defensive of his dad and wants to know why we can't try and work things out. I explain what my injuries are and that he has cheated on me and that this is something I can’t forgive, we both cry. I knew he would take it hard and I feel so bad for my baby, despite his age, that’s what he is and always will be, my baby, and my job is to protect him from shit, not to be the cause of it.
By the time I finish with my calls its 7.30 and I'm restless, anxious and feeling guilty for the pain I am causing my family by my choices but what options do I have? As well as all of the guilt bearing down on me, there’s something else, something I can’t put my finger on. What, what else is it that I'm feeling? Whatever it is, I know that Gabe is the cause and it’s really unsettling me.
“You hungry?” asks Jo
“Not really”
“Well you've not really eaten since yesterday, you should try and eat something, I noticed when I saw you Friday that you've lost MORE weight”
“Yes I am aware of that, Jemma is already champion of that cause, and I’m not exactly wasting away am I? Cook me something then if you’re that concerned and I will eat it”
I know full well, there is no way that will happen. Jo doesn't do domestic!
My phone vibrates in my hand and makes me jump, Jesus, I wince as it causes a pain in my ribs. It’s Gabe. The pain suddenly eases somewhat as I answer to his voice
“Baby, I've missed you” Pain...What pain?
“Can you please help me Gabe, Jo is trying to feed me and make me fat and I've told her I have this hot new toy boy, who I have to stay sylph like for but she won't listen to me”
“Eat Lauren, your hot new toy boy doesn't like skinny Sheila’s, he likes his woman with curves” he replies
“But there's nothing here to cook, Jo doesn't do real food at home, she only does dips and chips and shit and as much as I like Humus, There is only so much a girl can eat of the stuff, Jo only does real food at restaurants and my face ain’t quite restaurant ready”
Jo starts to object and ope
ns the fridge and then the freezer doors, nothing except bread and milk. She shrugs and says
“She's right Gabe…no food here”
“Well do you want me to bring something over for you? What do you fancy, apart from me of course, that’s if you want me to come over?...Which of course you do, because I’m irresistible and it’s been aww five hours or so since your last fix so I know you must be missing me” I can hear the smile in his voice... And it makes me smile…more than I already am, I realise I have stood up from the table and am pacing around the kitchen, twirling my hair around my fingers…. Of course I want him to come over, of course I miss him, of course I need me a little Gabe fix, I just want him full stop. It has only been a few hours since I've seen him but I'm as desperate as a love sick teenager for his company.
“You are very sure of yourself Mr Wilde; I’m hungry so as long as you bring food you are more than welcome to come over”
“What should I bring Lauren, apart from myself?”
“Well apart from you, I can't think of anything else .... Surprise me”
“Oh I’d like to surprise you Lauren but not with food, give me half hour and I'll be over. Ciao baby”
He hangs up and his words run around my head. What’s with all the Italian I wonder? His surname is Wilde, nothing Italian about that and he certainly doesn’t look Italian and he wants to surprise me, what does that mean exactly? He's going to expect sex at some point, I know he said he would go at my pace but at this rate my pace is taking over his and then what? When I do eventually cave and say yes to his and my own desires, then he will want to get me naked, then he will realise what he is dealing with, a forty five year old mum of two. Not a twenty five year old nymphet and that will probably be the end of us.
“LAUREN” Jo shouts
“Hmmm, yes, what?”
“Christ above woman, where did you go, I've called you three times, what's happening on the food front, I'm starving?”