by Lesley Jones
I had tried to spice things up in the bedroom. Having a lot more time on my hands nowadays, what with the boys being grown up and moved out and me working much less. I had read a lot of books and many of them had been erotic love stories. I had found them quiet liberating. I have always been a bit slow at being the instigator of sex in our relationship, mainly due to a lack of confidence and a fear of rejection, both issues caused by Jason. Over the years he has thought it funny to knock me back on the rare occasions I had been the one coming on to him first, he just had a way of making one little comment that would make me wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. He had watched me give birth to two children but he still had the ability to embarrass and affect me in this way and his usual response was along the lines of “What, what did I say? Oh come on, it was a joke, come here stupid”
But when you’re standing there in killer heels, stockings and a Basque and your husband says…
“Yeah..... Twenty years ago... Maybe” The damage is done. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't married to a monster. That was just his sense of humour. Warped!
Gabriel leans forward and tops up my glass, bringing me back to the now. How things have changed in just the space of a month, a week. A weekend even.
“Let’s get in the spa; it will do your bones the world of good”
“The spa? I have nothing to wear in the spa”
Shit, I can think of nothing I would like more than to sit in the spa right now and enjoy the warmth, the bubbles and him, beside me, maybe talking a little Italian. He looks across at me over the top of his glass with a sexy arsed gleam in his eye and shrugs
“So wear nothing” He tilts his head to one side and gives me THAT smile
“You’re beautiful Lauren, there is no one else here, and we aren't over looked, what's the problem?”
“Ohhhh Gabriel, have you ever dated an older woman?” His face falters and something passes through his mind, I just know it but it’s gone in a second
“What has that got to do with anything?”
“I’m forty five years old, I've carried and given birth to two children, I'm not twenty five, tight and toned, and I have stretch marks and wobbly bits”
“Can we please just stop the fuck with all this shit about your age and the condition of your body? Do you really think that I'm that shallow, that that is all I care about? I've known you for four days, I've shared a bed with you for the past three nights and somehow, somehow I've managed to keep my hands to my fucking self, when in fact all I've actually wanted to do is fuck you every which way possible and maybe even try some fucks that are impossible. If all I was interested in was how hot your body is and a quick root, I would have done that Friday or Saturday night, I wouldn't have laid there for three nights, with a massive hard on, trying not to move, in case I cause more pain to the bones that that bastard has beaten and bruised, I’ve already told you how I feel, the affect your having on me. For fucks sake Lauren, I've spent the past ten years living like a wombat; I haven't had a meaningful relationship with a woman, other than my daughter, my mother and my sister in my entire life. And then you turn up and from the instant I set eyes on you, you've flipped my world on its fucking head, I love your body, you have a fantastic body and the best pair of tits I have ever seen. Or not seen as the case would be”
Oookaaay!
“Wombat?” Is all I can think of saying.
“Yes wombat. Eats, Roots and Leaves”
Our eyes meet and we laugh.
“Do you realise how many times you just said fuck during that little outburst?”
“A lot probably, you frustrate me no end, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, you’re gorgeous Lauren, and you need to accept that. Now, go get naked then get that sexy little arse of yours in the spa, I’ll bring over our drinks in a bit and give you chance to hide all your wobbly bits under the water”
I finish my drink and walk over to the spa. I know without looking back that his eyes are on me. Fuck it, let’s get this over with. I pull the T shirt over my head and off, I take off his trunks that I've been wearing all day, stepping out of them as sexily as possible. I look over my shoulder without turning my body; I smile and wink, then swing his jocks around my head and toss them back towards him. As quick as a flash, he sticks out his hand and catches them, brings them down to his face, closes his eyes and sniffs. Yes... Sniffs. Ohhhh good grief, that boy is all kinds of wrong but he turns me on no end, I don't know whether I should feel embarrassed, horrified or aroused? What should I feel? My cheeks are blazing and what I do know is that despite whatever I should be feeling, I am so fucking horny, it’s making my head spin. I stand and stare as Gabe opens his eyes and stands from the table and I instantly see his erection pushing against his shorts. He grabs our glasses and the wine and starts to walk towards me, should I just climb in and hide myself under the water. My ribs are a nice shade of blue and purple. Yep, real sexy. I turn and stare into the spa but am frozen to the spot. He is right behind me; he puts the glasses and cooler down and then his T shirt lands on the floor next to me, his thongs, his shorts and his jocks follow. He moves my hair from the back of my neck and over onto my shoulder and slowly plants little kisses right at my nape, traveling up and across to my ear. I arch my back and lean into him so that he can have better access, ignoring the pain in my ribs. I raise my arm and wrap it around his neck into his hair, his fingers trace very lightly up and down my spine and his arm comes around me, cupping my right breast, all the while he's kissing and stroking his fingers up and down my spine, moving from the back of my waist down across to my backside to my thigh. He moves his hand onto my stomach and pulls me back, completely flush against him. His right hand is still at my breast, tweaking my nipple between his finger and thumb. His left hand is cupping me between my legs, as he whispers in my ear “Open your legs”
I do better than that and lift my left leg up onto the edge of the spa allowing him more access to me. Then I panic as I remember I haven't showered today. Shit. Instinctively my legs clench back together and I can feel my face burn with embarrassment. He freezes and stops dead in his tracks
“What is it?”
I close my eyes. Shit, fuck, bollocks! What do I say, could this be any more embarrassing?
“I've not showered today” I whisper, feeling mortified.
He gives a little laugh and I feel his shoulders shake, then he lets out a soft sigh, right into my ear, causing instant goose bumps across my burning body.
“Ahhh Lauren, you really do need to chill out a bit baby. Do you really think that bothers me? I love the way you smell, fresh out the shower or not and I can't wait to taste you, showered or not, now open your legs”.
Oh my fucking god, he is just, he is just, he just is, that is all, I seriously can't breathe. Or think straight it would seem.
I open my legs for him and he slides his middle finger between my lips, up and inside me. Ooohhhhhh God That. Feels. So Good, I am...
“Lauren” He whispers right in my ear and I jump “You. Feel. So Good”
Fuck.... He can read my mind!
I can feel his erection pushing into the small of my back as he pulls me tighter up against him and pushes another finger inside me. We are both naked, standing on his second floor veranda. If anyone was to look up through the trees from the beach, they might, possibly, be able to see us. But at this stage, I really couldn't care less, what has this man done to me? I give an involuntary shudder, I'm not sure if it’s the cold or excitement. I feel so, wanton, so absolutely turned on, my whole body is tingling. Feeling the tremors run through me, he stops what he's doing and puts his arms around me and says, “Get into the spa, it's warm in there and getting cold out here now the suns gone down, mind your step”
He holds my hand as we step down into the warm water together. It is heaven, Gabe hits a button and the bubbles start, he passes me my glass. God, I need a drink. This is so intense. I have had sex with only three men in my life and two of them were
over 27 years ago, what I'm about to do here is massive, life changing, I don't think I was this nervous when I lost my virginity!
We sit facing each other, our heads leaning back on the padded headrests, drinking our wine and despite the intensity of the moment and this giant step I am about to take with my life, I can't help but close my eyes and enjoy a moment of total relaxation. Adele is singing in the background. I love her voice, 21 has been my album of choice these past months and hearing her tonight is like having a friend beside me, giving me confidence, reassuring me that I am doing the right thing. I look up at the stars and stare. The Australian night sky has always fascinated me. I was born and lived in London until I was thirteen and was not impressed with my parents decision to move here, dragging me away from all my friends and a life that I truly loved. I had defied them at every opportunity in the first few months we lived here and would sneak out of the house and lay in the garden and look up at the stars at night, they were my constant, my thing that I still had in common with my friends I had to leave behind, the moon, the stars, they were the same ones my mates were looking at. I would lie there, plotting revenge on my parents for ruining my life and planning on running away back to England as soon as I could get the money together for my air fare but all the while fascinated by the fact you could see the Milky Way with the naked eye. Something that wasn't possible with all the light pollution in London. Seeing my first ever shooting star, only a few nights after getting here was a memory I would treasure forever. I took great comfort from it, imagining it was a sign, telling me everything was going to be alright.
I let out a long sigh, not from stress but from pure contentment. Right at this very moment, I am sure have made the right decision, tomorrow, is another day and I might think differently but right here, right now, wherever things go with Gabe, leaving Jason was the right thing to do, I am now absolutely convinced but I still can’t help being nervous about taking this final step, sleeping with another man, fucking hell, am I really going to do this? And, there is something else that's been bothering me and as embarrassing as it is I need to discuss it with him.
“You okay, would you like some more wine?” He asks interrupting my thoughts, I look across at him. What a beautiful interruption, his hair is damp and pushed back off his face, he's standing up in the spa, leaning over to pick up the wine bottle out of the cooler, the water starts just at the end of his happy trail and as he leans over, I get a glimpse of his left bum cheek. There's nothing about the way this man looks, that I don't love. Like, I mean like not love, no, not love. I don't know him, so I can't love him. I really like him as a person and he is mighty fine to look at. That is as far as it goes. Oh apart from the fact that I also desperately want to have sex with him. That's all there is, no more. But first I need to have 'The conversation’
He stands in front of me and tops up first my glass, then his own. His skin is glistening and I want so badly to touch him. As he sits back down he catches me watching, just as I lick my top lip. Busted I think to myself.
“Come here” He says very quietly
My stomach churns. Two words, that's all he's said and I'm a mess, do I stand? He will see me naked if I stand and walk towards him, well what's the alternative, crawling across to him on my knees. That would be sexy. Not. What the fuck is wrong with me, I'm not going into this "relationship" the way I left the last one. If he doesn't like my body, then so be it, I will move out at the weekend with lifelong memories of the hot toy boy I once got to shag in the hot tub, that sounds like a title of a porno and I have to swallow down a giggle, fuck, I’m nervous, get a grip Lauren, get a fucking grip. I stand, glass in hand. He watches me take the two steps to him, his eyes moving from my eyes to my body and back again. He takes the glass out of my hand. Being the short arse that I am, the water is high enough that he only really has my boobs to look at. A part of my body I actually don't mind showing off, especially since he told me I have great tits. Actually I have heard that before but it sounds better coming from him, it would sound even better if he said it in Italian. “Magnifico Breastios” or something. My thoughts turn to Cornetto ice cream. Mmmmm ice cream licked off my breastios now that, really could…Brain please just shush, concentrate please! He reaches out for my hands and holds them as he pulls me closer to him, opening his legs as he stays seated, pulling me between them. I kneel on the spa seat between his legs as his hand goes behind my neck and he pulls my face to meet his. He kisses me so, so gently on my mouth, my eyes, my nose, my chin, my throat.
“Gabriel stop, we need to talk”
“What’s wrong?” I feel his hot breath on my ear as he speaks and I shudder but I really need to say this. “We need to have 'The Talk' ... You know contraception, safe sex and all of that”
Shit this is like talking to one of my children. In fact I remember having this conversation with the boys and I am sure I was not in the least embarrassed, unlike now.
“Aren’t you on the pill?”
“No, I have an I U D. A coil, the coil, whatever, I'm not worried about getting pregnant, I think those days are behind me now, I’m more worried about the fact that you have slept with most of the female population of the Southern Hemisphere”
There I've said it and I don't care if I've insulted him. I’m far too old to be getting a dose of some nasty disease, or worse!
He laughs.
“Thanks for your high opinion of my morals but I can assure you, I do only ever practice safe sex and always wear a condom, I learnt the hard way, the consequences of taking the odd chance when my daughter was conceived. I also have regular check-ups, the last of which was just three weeks ago and I was given a completely clean bill of health and am not the carrier of herpes, syphilis or any other STD you care to name”
“Good, I'm glad to hear it”
“And I’m glad that you’re glad so are we good to go now that we have established I'm not riddled with dirty disease's?”
“Absolutely”
He kisses me hard on the mouth and I know I've pissed him off. He pushes his tongue in and around and the tension is gradually gone from my body, replaced by an all too familiar ache, way down, in the lowest part of belly.
His hands move to each of my bum cheeks and I arch into him, offering up my breasts, he takes the left in his mouth and grazes his teeth over my nipple then sucks on, it feels good, so good and I let out a little moan or whimper, I’m not really sure if the sound I made even has a name! He rolls my right nipple between his finger and thumb, then moves his mouth over and very, very gently sucks on it, every so often letting me feel his teeth on me. He moves one of his legs between mine so I have one leg up on the seat of the spa; the other is down on the floor. His hand moves under the water and between my legs, he slides his fingers inside me and circles my clit with his thumb, his mouth is on me, kissing at my neck, my shoulders my breasts. I reach below the water and take his cock in my hand and start to stroke him, I feel an enormous shudder run through him as I grip tighter and move my hand up and down. He is rock hard. My God, I want him, I want him to the point where I almost feel sick, it’s the strangest sensation, if I allowed myself, I might possibly pass out, overwhelmed just about covers it, so many emotions are bubbling to the surface, along with a desire like I have never known, never dreamed could even exist, not in real life anyway. He looks up at me and I feel like liquid, like I'm dissolving into the water of the spa.
“I want you Lauren, I want you so fucking badly, but I'm scared I'm going to hurt you”
I feel so light headed; this whole scene seems surreal, like I'm looking at it from the outside in. I take a breath and stroke the side of his face with my hand
“You won’t hurt me, I know you won't hurt me, please Gabe, I want this, I really want this”
His eyes close and barely open again, the only light is from the sunken lights in the floor of the deck and those from inside of the spa, they only go to enhance the colour of Gabe’s eyes and right now they are the most amazing shade
of blue.
“Do you have any idea what it does to me, when I hear you say that? I know what this all means to you Lauren. I just want you to be sure, I don’t want you to have any regrets, because once we do this, there is no going back and I really don’t want to be responsible for your guilt, so tell me now if you’re not sure”
“I feel no guilt, my marriage is over, there is no going back for me, and right now, I am exactly where I want to be and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else, only you”
“Only me” It’s not a question, it’s just a statement of the facts. He strokes his thumb over my cheek, my jaw and my lips, the way that he looks at me is almost reverential, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so desired, so safe, so wanted.
“I want to show you how it should be Lauren, how it can be, I want us to be equal and I want you to always tell me, tell me when you like something, tell me when you don’t, when you want more or when you need less, always tell me. This is new and different for both of us and I just want to get this right for you baby, so promise, you’ll tell me?”
“I promise”
“Good girl”
Fuck, I am almost in a dream state. I feel more stoned than last night, when there were actual drugs involved; that’s what it is, he drugs me, intoxicates me, it’s like I’m tripping, just on the edge of reality and I could just so easily slip away, out of myself, out of my mind and body and watch from above, but that’s not what I want. I want, no I need to feel every sensation he can offer me, every stroke, every bite, every kiss. I want to over dose on it and even then, it won’t be too much, there could never be too much of what I’m feeling now. God no wonder people become junkies if this is the state they permanently walk around in, who wants reality when this is an option?