“We were catching up. I was telling her how excited everyone is about the baby. Are you and Mathis coming to the doctor’s office to wait for the news?” she gushes, moving her hand to her stomach again for effect.
“Nope.” He doesn’t look at her at all but instead stares at me intensely, looking for any sign of discomfort.
“That’s a shame. I know Ren would really love to have you there. This is such an important day for us. And pretty soon, we’ll be practically family.”
His hand starts to tremble against my elbow. When he speaks, his voice is fierce and bitter.
“First of all, we will never be family. Second of all, Crenshaw is his name. No one except his college friends call him Ren. Lastly, stay away from Bizzy.”
He doesn’t wait for her response, practically shoving me into the elevator. I look up in time to see humiliation register on her face. A giggle escapes, and I try to hide my amusement but fail. She shoots me a death glare. I make sure to give her a wave as the doors close.
“I hate her,” Nicky whispers in my ear.
“The feeling is mutual.” I grin and lean into him.
For the gazillionth time since I learned of her pregnancy, I wonder if I am strong enough to have her in my life.
“I don’t like this at all. You should be home, getting some decent rest.” Shaw doesn’t attempt to hide his irritation at my change in schedule.
“I’m not fighting with you about this. It’s done.”
“Why the fuck did you volunteer to stay? You’ve had an emotional day. You need to come home, take a hot bath, and let me take care of you.”
God, that sounds tempting but impossible. It’s too late.
“Let me try to explain this again. Over the next few days, our whole team is shifting around so we can pay our respects to Grady, so I volunteered to help tonight. I’m only working until midnight. Besides, you have dinner with your parents in an hour.”
“We canceled.”
“Why?”
“It’s really something I’d prefer to discuss in person.”
“Oh, is everything okay?”
I purposely avoided the subject of his appointment with Sasha today. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, but after my run-in with her, the whole day got crazy.
The kids were ecstatic to have a surprise visit from Nick. A few of them had heard about Grady’s death, and they were harder to cheer up, but Nick spent extra time with them.
Evie approved all of our requests to mix around shifts, but it meant some of our schedules would be completely screwed up. Mine included. I volunteered to take a half-shift tonight for the nurse who will cover for me when I attend the visitation. On paper, it looked like a nightmare, but we’d done this before, so Evie knew we’d have the floor covered at all times with adequate staff.
Mathis was here for most of the afternoon, doing whatever Mathis does. Like Nicky, he came straight to me and embraced me tight. We didn’t exchange words. He gave me a few squeezes kissed my forehead and went to talk to the patients. I saw him hugging Claire, too, and I swear he held on a little longer than necessary.
I tried to stay busy all day, taking on more tasks to keep my mind off Grady’s death and Shaw’s appointment with Sasha, but it didn’t work. The look on her face kept creeping back into my thoughts. So many times I wanted to call him, but knowing he has so much on his mind stopped me.
There’s a loud screeching and I hear a horn honking through the phone. I realize he still didn’t answer my question. “Shaw? Answer me.”
“If you’re not coming home, I’m coming to you.” He hangs up, leaving me to stare at the phone in confusion.
What the hell did I do? Is it the baby? Is it Sasha?
I place my phone on the desk and start working on a project Evie asked me to help with. I review the list of nurses and co-workers who have volunteered to travel to Charlotte to assist with the new Pediatric Oncology Unit. My job is to pull their licenses and create digital files for Human Resources. I try to concentrate, but every time the elevator dings, my head pops up, hoping it’s Shaw.
When he finally arrives, the weight of the day hits me hard, and I feel the sob bubbling in my throat. His eyes stay locked with mine as he makes it to me in less than three seconds. It takes all I can do not to collapse into his arms.
“Is there a private room up here, or do I need to carry you to Mathis’ office?”
I straighten the files I was working on and motion for him to follow me. When we get to the empty office, I barely get the door shut before he has me in his arms. Tears sting my eyes as his hands go to my hair, unclasping my clip, and he runs one hand through it, root to end. My whole body trembles as I clutch him tightly.
“You lean on me, Bizzy. You’ve always leaned on me when you lose a patient. Today’s no different. I’m here. Let it out.”
He’s right. The emotions of the day hit, and I let loose crying for the cute young man who lost his life to a terrible disease, and the parents who lost their teenage son and will never see him grow into the man he was born to be. My heart hurts, but being in Shaw’s arms helps heal the pain. It always has.
“I’m sorry.” I shudder into his shirt.
His hand slides between us and hands me some tissue, then starts to caress my neck gently. “Let it out, baby. I’m here.”
I suck in a few deep breaths until I’m calm enough to talk. “I’m okay.”
“You are not okay. You need to be at home, with me, letting me take care of you.”
“You are taking care of me. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you.”
“Fuck, I should have come sooner.”
“No, you have a lot on your mind.” I step away, wiping my face. “You’re here now.”
“And I’m staying until I’m sure you’re okay.” He leans down and kisses me so gently my heart starts to flutter.
When he pulls back, he places small pecks on my eyelids and forehead then leads us to an empty chair, sitting us down.
I look into his golden hazel eyes swirling with concern.
“I promise I’m okay. He had almost four more months of life with his family and friends. That was a miracle in itself. He was a good kid, but he’s not suffering anymore.”
“You’re right, but it’s still a devastating blow. Especially right now.”
There’s a bitterness to his tone as his body shifts underneath mine. I remember the way he hung up on me earlier.
“Shaw is something else wrong? Is your baby okay?”
He flinches a little, his pupils flaring. “Why didn’t you tell me you ran into Sasha today?”
“It didn’t come up. There was a lot on my mind.”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing really important.” I start to move off his lap, but he circles his arms around my waist, forcing me to stay.
“Tell me. Nick called and told me what he saw and what he said, but I need to know from you.”
“Why? What’s happening here?”
He drops his forehead to mine and breathes deeply. “I’m not sure that I can go through with this. Today was a disaster. When I got to the office to meet her, she was revved up. When I spoke to her last week, and she asked about finding out the gender, I agreed with her decision. It was a civil conversation.”
“I know. I was sitting right there,” I remind him.
“Today, she was pissed. She told me that she ran into you at the hospital and you ridiculed her for not meeting my parents yet, then Nick was beyond rude to her. The doctor came in and took her blood pressure, which was high.”
“That’s not exactly how the situation went.” I tell him word for word my side of the story and watch his face turn red. When I’m finished, he’s gripping my hand almost painfully.
“Sasha insisted I stay while she calmed down. I had to be in the same room alone with her for half an hour while she sipped orange juice and, once again, argued her case it was time
we merge our families. I sat quietly, biting my tongue the whole time. She went as far as to invite herself to the game tomorrow.”
“No!” I shout a little too loudly.
“Don’t worry, I shut her down. But I’m pretty sure our truce is over.”
“It’s been two weeks. How can it be over?”
“Because I don’t want her anywhere near you, and I can’t stand to be around her. Knowing she cornered you infuriates me. The first time you see her should have been with me, so I could protect you. Either way, it got worse.”
“Worse?”
“She mistook my indifference, and when it was time for the actual ultrasound, she reached for my hand.”
“Oh,” is all I can say.
“I remained in place, not acknowledging her. That pissed her off again, and when the tech couldn’t determine the gender because of the baby’s position, Sasha went on a rampage again. She blamed you and Nicky for upsetting her.”
“That’s ridiculous!” I argue.
“I know.”
“Outside of the gender, is the baby okay?”
“Yes, everything looks good.”
I lean into his chest, both of us quiet. After a few minutes, he reluctantly lets me go and we walk, hand in hand, back to the nurse’s station.
“Wake me up when you get in.” He kisses my forehead sweetly.
“I’ll go home tonight. You have to work tomorrow.”
He pauses, lifting my chin so I’m forced to look at him. Fiery determination flares in his eyes. “My bed. After today, we both need it.”
I nod in agreement, and he makes me promise twice before he finally leaves. As soon as the elevator doors shut, the weight of the day washes over me, and I’m exhausted. I go back to my folders, glad for the monotony of the project.
Out of nowhere, a crazy idea pops into my head. I try to shake it off, but it keeps coming back.
I can’t go through with it, can I? Is it selfish… or selfless?
Can I do this to him?
The answer is yes. He’s too worried about me. He’s not focused on what’s most important because he’s too scared I’m going to break, and that’s my fault.
I practically run down the hall, talking to myself the whole time, hoping it’s not too late. Evie’s in her office reviewing patient charts.
“Bizzy, you okay?” She gives me a sympathetic look.
“I want in. I want to go to Charlotte. Please, tell me it’s not too late,” I blurt out.
She studies me for a minute, my words hanging in the air. Then her face breaks into a wide smile. “It’s not too late.”
There’s a small tinge of guilt, but Shaw will understand…
He has to.
Because I’m doing this for him.
Chapter 22
Shaw
I should let her sleep. I stare at her from across the room and adjust the towel around my waist. My dick is already hard, scraping uncomfortably against the terrycloth.
Fuck it. I want her, NOW.
I drop the towel and move quickly, sliding into bed next to her. She barely stirs, giving a breathy whimper when my arms circle her waist. It’s only been five hours since I was inside her, listening to her come apart over and over, but my cock turns to stone, begging to get back.
My lips run across her shoulder and up her neck, nibbling on the soft skin and breathing in her signature scent. Everything smells like coconut and lime, and I press against her naked body, hoping my own body wash mixes with hers and I will smell like us today.
I need this. I need her.
More than I need air, I need her.
She’s hiding something from me, something big. It’s in her eyes, in the tone of her voice. She thinks I can’t tell, but she’s fucking crazy. I know when something’s on her mind, and for the last week, she’s hidden it from me. I haven’t pushed because getting her through the funeral was my first priority. But now, it’s over, and it’s time for her to unload. No more of this secrecy.
One of my hands moves to cup her breast, and she moans, her own hand finding mine. I graze the tip of a finger over her nipple, feeling it harden under my touch. Her heartbeat quickens, beating against our palms, and I know she’s awake. My mouth moves to her ear, nipping a path along her jawline and rubbing my stubble against her cheek. Her breath catches as she awakens fully and twists into me.
“Morning.” Her morning rasp does something to me, increasing my desire.
“Beautiful,” is my only response.
“What time is it?”
“Who cares?” I skim my other hand slowly down her side, over her hip, and straight between her legs. She spreads for me, hitching her ankle around my calf, and giving me full access. I start slow, gently gliding my fingers along her clit, then her folds, testing her. The instant my fingertips hit her entrance, they’re slick.
“Baby, you’re ready for me.”
“Always.” Her words are like music to my ears, and I slide two fingers inside, feeling her muscles tighten.
She lets out a little purr, bucking into my hand. There’s a hint of her own need in that sound, and it spurs my dick to twitch into her lower back. She slinks an arm around, sliding it between our bodies, and wraps her hand around me, using her thumb to circle my head.
It never fails. With the slightest touch, I’m transformed back to a horny teenage boy, wanting to blow my load. I’ve never had a stamina problem in my life, but Bizzy owns me—heart, body, and apparently dick. He reacts to her as if he’s never had her and is starving. My balls tighten and I nip on the sensitive skin of her neck while working my fingers inside her pussy.
She starts to stroke, and I move faster, thrusting my fingers and grazing my thumb over her clit. She has to come soon because I’m not leaving here this morning until she’s come at least three times.
Her breathing quickens as she pushes her face further into her pillow. I twist my fingers, circling them inside her, then drumming them against her inner walls. She starts to pant, her thighs shaking against my own. I know she’s close when she moans again.
“Come for me,” I demand in her ear and move my thumb to flick her clit once more.
She starts to convulse, squeezing my dick so hard, I groan in response. She comes, rumbling under her breath and digging her nails into my hand still on her breast.
I don’t give her a chance to come down, as I move fast, gliding down her body. She’s forced to let me go and move her leg when I land between her legs and push my tongue into her. Her knees are over my shoulders, and she bows off the bed when I suck hard, tasting her orgasm mixed with the remains of me from last night. I can’t get enough of her, and she twists against my face as I fuck her with my tongue.
This is what I need, to have her everywhere on me. My lips, my face, my fingers, my hand… all day, she will be with me. A reminder of this morning. She will have to know I am thinking of her, too. Because each time I lick my lips, there will be a reminder.
She presses up, her hands in my hair, screaming loud as I take her one orgasm into another. My entire lower body starts to shake, knees barely supporting me as I move up her body and kiss every inch of her flawless skin. My mouth goes to the neglected nipple, biting hard, then licking away the sting. She cries out, throwing her legs around my hips and rubbing her moisture against my throbbing dick.
He takes the invitation, slipping in until she takes over, taking me in as deep as I can go. Our hipbones clash, and I’m a goner. She has me beat. I am no longer in charge. My mind tries to regain some control, but it’s useless. Bizzy has me in her hold. The coiling in my stomach turns into an inferno, wanting to erupt, but I mentally beg for a few minutes inside her before I explode.
Our mouths clash together, and when she bites my lower lip lightly, it drives me wild. My body moves against hers, my balls swelling with every thrust. I tear away from her mouth in time to see her lips curl as she locks eyes with mine.
He
r eyes change to the shade of ice blue that I love so much, as she licks one finger and moves it between us, circling where my dick is thrusting into her.
Oh shit, if she touches herself, I’m done.
There’s a glimmer in her eyes; this is a game.
She’s testing me, and I will fail…
I brace myself on an elbow and grab her wrist, bringing it to my own mouth, sucking her finger, and holding it between my teeth. Her eyes roll back as I pummel into her, praying she’s close again.
The small vein in her throat starts to pulse, and I know she’s almost there. I pull out and slam back into her, as she flies apart and I let go, pouring into her. Sparks fly through my body as she shakes below, and I barely register my cries of pleasure.
She scrapes her finger out of my mouth and throws her arms around my shoulders. Her neck, arms, and back arch into me as I fight to hold steady. I continue to pump into her, pressing my head against her neck and hoping I don’t crush her when my elbow gives out.
We stay glued together for several minutes. Our chests beat out of rhythm until finally, they find it together, and I kiss a random pattern around her lips.
“You got yourself dirty again,” she whispers.
“On purpose. I want you on me all day.”
“That’s kinda hot.”
“I love you,” I declare with each peck on her lips.
She nods against my face, and I feel the tension starts to creep back between us.
“Tell me what you’re keeping from me.”
She runs her nails lightly down my jaw, scraping the light facial hair she loves. “Get through today, and I promise to tell you. But I want you to know, I love you, too. With all my heart.”
“That’s all I can ask for.”
I lay my head on her chest to feel her racing heart. Her loving me is all that should matter, but I need more. So much more.
I shift to the side and situate her close. “I wish you would reconsider. Come with me today.”
“I can’t, Shaw. This isn’t my battle. She’s likely to go crazy, and I want this to be between the two of you.”
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