“Do you think she will be better by next weekend?” my mother prodded.
“I don’t know, Mom.”
She sighed. “We’re counting on you being here. I wanted to remind you in case you didn’t put it on your calendar.”
“I plan on it, but if El is not feeling well it’s not worth getting everyone else sick. You wouldn’t appreciate it and neither would Dad.”
My mother exhaled. Next weekend was her fiftieth birthday. She had been planning a huge party for weeks. I knew she wanted me there. She wanted everyone there. Since my parents moved to Denver to be closer to medical treatment for my dad, they had missed their Evans Mill friends.
Dad was healthy and in remission, but they weren’t going to move back. I knew it was a lost cause. I used to dangle Eloise in front of them like a treat. Move back and be close to your only grandchild, but neither one of them would risk it. I was tempted to tell them there was a new doctor in town.
“Maybe you could just leave her with Megan,” Mom suggested.
This was where my mom and I didn’t agree. Did she love her granddaughter? Yes, she did. But would she put her party in front of everything else? Yes, she would.
“I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving El if she isn’t feeling well,” I explained. “Even if it is with Meg.”
“You could just come for the party. It's only a two-hour drive. You could come up for the party and be home in time to put Eloise to bed.”
“I need to get through the week. I can’t make any decisions right now.” I held the warm mug against my palm.
I wasn’t about to tell her about seeing Logan and how off-balance it made me feel. It wasn’t the kind of secret I could keep for long, but for now it needed to be my secret until one of her friends told her had moved back to Evans Mill. As soon as she found out, she’d call me and ask why I kept it from her. I would take that lecture later over dealing with her reaction right now. I hadn’t processed what it meant that he was here.
“But you’re bringing Brad?” she asked. “If you do come, you’ll bring him?”
Oh my God. This call had to end.
“You know we’re only friends, right? He is my friend. That’s it.”
“Why is that?” she pressed. “Your father and I have always liked Brad. Always. Since high school.”
“Because I’ve known him forever. I don’t think about Brad that way.”
“Maybe you should. He has a good job. He loves Eloise. He helps you with so many things. Why not make it official?”
My mouth dropped. “Official?”
“I won’t say anything,” she snapped. “Forget I mentioned anything.”
“Oh, I will. Mom, I have to go.” I couldn’t take any more of this. “I’ll text you about Eloise and let you know how she’s doing later.”
I didn’t give her a chance to say anything else and I hung up. I leaned back in the kitchen chair realizing how much worse the nightmare was getting.
My mom asked only once who Eloise’s father was. That was when I first told her I was pregnant. All I said was that he wasn’t in the picture anymore, so it didn’t matter. We had never spoken of the other half of Eloise’s gene pool again. But I knew she knew. It was an unspoken understanding.
Pushing Brad on me had been her way of trying to tie up my loose ends. As if I El and I weren’t a complete family without a daddy. That wasn’t true. We were everything to each other and had been perfectly happy—until today.
Five
Logan
I didn’t want to see any more patients the rest of the day. Hell, I didn’t want to look at a chart or answer on-call questions. All I wanted to do was get in my car and hunt down Cassie Coleman. I wanted answers. I wanted to hear the words on her lips. She had my baby. I was Eloise’s father.
But Caleb and I had taken over the Nichols’s practice because it was failing miserably. It wasn’t that easy to leave in the middle of the day. We had a backlog of patients and new reputations to establish. I couldn’t run out and chase down my past and my future because of a hunch.
Stacey appeared smiling and eager to hand me the next chart. “Dr. Stone, it’s been busy today.”
I nodded. “Who’s next?”
“A patient with a sore ankle.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Is there more to it than that?”
“Nope.” She turned to start on the next room. She rotated between Caleb and me. It was a small practice in a small town. There was one full-time nurse between us and two part-time nurses who shared shifts. It was a start, but I wanted to hire more personnel soon.
I entered the room, wondering how quickly I could tape up an ankle and toss a few aspirins at the patient.
I looked at the clock in my office. I filed the last chart, making notes about follow-up care and turned off my laptop. I grabbed my jacket and keys. Caleb was standing in the hallway.
“Grab a beer?” he asked.
“No, I have something I need to take care of.”
He nodded. “Let me guess. You’re going to see Cassie.”
I stopped. “Wouldn’t you?”
“I would have left hours ago.”
I shook my head. “Fuck. Don’t you know I wanted to?”
“Did you think about the DNA test?”
I nodded. “First, I have to talk to Cassie. I want her to tell me.”
“Do you think she tried?”
I stared at him. “When?”
He shrugged. “Back then. Maybe when she found out?”
I closed my eyes. It was possible. Maybe she did. I never called. I never even picked up the phone. It was like I knew hearing her voice would break me. Just the sound of it, would have made me pack up my shit and leave the desert.
“I don’t know, man. It seems like in five years she could have found a way. Or even this morning.”
“In front of the kid?”
I slammed my hand against the wall. “It’s my fucking fault. I know it is.”
Caleb turned off the lights behind us. “Go get Cassie back. Fight for your little girl.”
I inhaled as we walked to our cars. “The pace here is different than what I thought it would be.”
“Are you having second thoughts?” he pushed.
“No. Today was just a hell of a day. I wasn’t prepared for Cassie. Or the kid.”
Caleb rubbed the back of his neck. “Good luck, brother. I hope it goes well.”
“Honestly, I don’t have a clue what I’m going to say to her. I’m pissed she kept it from me.”
“And she’s pissed you never came back.”
I hung my head. “I know. I fucked it up. I had so many chances and I didn’t take a single one.”
Caleb slapped me on the back in front of my car. “Look, no one knows what we went through over there. That we’re lucky to be alive. That the fact that you and I are standing here having this conversation is a fucking miracle.” He paused. “So just don’t forget that part. Cassie can’t know everything all at once. It’s going to take time for her to understand what your life was like. But if she’s the same Cassie from college, she loves you. And she’s going to forgive you.”
I wanted to believe him. “I don’t know if that’s true. There is something different about her. She’s more protective. That’s my fault.”
I clung to my car keys.
“She’s a mom now.”
“Also my fault,” I joked. Somehow the dark humor felt good.
“Asshole.” Caleb smiled. “Good luck.” Caleb strolled to his car across the parking lot. “It’s thundering. You better get over there before the bottom falls out on this storm.”
“Good night.”
That man was my best friend. He was right. If we could survive bullets and bombs, I could survive whatever fight was ahead of me to get the truth. One conversation wouldn’t be enough. Two conversations wouldn’t do it. Cassie was going to need time to realize I made the only choice I could under those circumstances. I had to find my way to surviv
e. I had to find a way to wake up each day. I wasn’t sure how I was going to put the words together to make her see I did the right thing.
I glanced at the address I had copied from the little girl’s file. At the time I didn’t care I was violating a patient’s record. I had to find Cassie. The street name wasn’t familiar to me. It certainly wasn’t where Cassie grew up. Her parents had moved from Evans Mill when we were seniors in college. According to the map on my phone, it was a downtown address. I started my car and headed east, toward Cassie and Eloise.
Caleb was right. As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot the storm erupted. The rain poured in sheets and I had to turn my windshield wipers on high. It didn’t matter. Nothing was going to keep me from talking to Cassie tonight. Nothing.
Six
Cassie
I tiptoed past the couch. Eloise had been asleep for hours. I walked to my room and curled up on the bed, drawing a quilt to my shoulders. Everything hit me at once in the form of exhaustion. I could barely keep my eyes open. A little nap was all I needed to put things in perspective, or at least have enough strength to get through.
I heard the rain hitting the window pane. My eyes fluttered open, but the room was mostly dark. How long had I slept? I froze when I saw a shadow at the end of my bed. A tall, wide shadow with a square cut jaw and muscled arms.
I swallowed hard. “L-Logan?” I stammered.
“Hi,” he answered.
“What are you doing here? How did you get in my bedroom?” Instinctively I clenched the quilt to my soft tank top.
“The back door was unlocked. I don’t think that’s very safe, Cass. Anyone could have come in here. You’re lucky it’s me.”
His voice was deep and gravelly. It made me shiver and something flickered between my legs. Oh, shit. My defenses were down just like the lock on the door.
“I’m still not sure why you’re here,” I repeated. I tried to scoot back into my pillow, as if making more space between us would erase the sexual tension radiating between our bodies.
“Because as soon as I put everything together I knew there was only one place I needed to be.” He slid from the foot of the bed to my side. His steps methodical.
“Put what together?”
“Our baby, Cass.” His eyes deepened their gaze. His thumb brushed over my bottom lip. “The baby we made.”
I tried to sit forward, but Logan crawled on the bed, peeling the quilt from me.
“This…this isn’t happening,” I argued. “We should talk. Talk about the past five years. Everything that’s happened.”
“Shh,” he hushed me as his hand flicked open the button on my jeans and his hand worked its way along my skin. He swiftly plunged his fingers between my wet velvet lips and I moaned, arching into the contact as he pushed deeper and inside my pussy.
“I know everything now. And I’m so happy about her.”
He covered his mouth with mine and my body fired. His tongue ran along mine, twirling as we devoured each other with a kiss that was five years in the making. He thrust his fingers inside me, adding another and I whimpered at the pressure. This wasn’t the time to tell him I hadn’t slept with another man since he left.
His kisses were always incredible and sexy. His hand tangled in my hair, tipping my head to meet his mouth with the perfect angle. He tasted like cinnamon gum. Fiery and hot.
Logan’s lips broke free and he jumped to the end of the bed, tugging my jeans off my ankles as he moved. I tried to protest, but everything he did was planned, perfect, and too quick for me to stop. My panties were next as he deposited them on the floor with a satisfied grin.
I surveyed his beard. Something that was new to me. He looked like the same as the man who left me, yet there was something in his eyes completely different. It wasn’t only the hunger for me, but also a new sadness. A hollowness that haunted me. He looked forlorn and sexy. Primal and hot.
“I’ve dreamed about this ever since I left,” he growled settling between my legs. He roughly pushed my knees wide and pried my folds open, exposing me to the cool air in the bedroom. He drew a long slow lick over my clit and I groaned.
“Logan, I—”
“Shh, I’m worshipping this pussy and I don’t want to be interrupted,” he demanded. “I memorized every inch of your body. I’m getting reacquainted.”
“Oh shit.” My head reeled back the instant his tongue pushed inside me. I curled the sheets in my fists and jerked, pushing my heat against the roughness of his beard. He licked and lapped, possessed by his hunger for me.
I’d never felt anything like it. It was self-induced punishment. The pleasure and the pain swirled as his tongue moved with fury. It was indulgence and starvation as I thought about the years that kept us apart.
The house shook with thunder and the lightning flashed outside my window. It felt as if the wind could rip the roof off. Or maybe that was just how my body felt when Logan twisted his tongue inside me.
He looked up. His beard glistening with my juices. His eyes hard and determined.
“Did you forget what I felt like between your legs?” he asked. “How many orgasms I gave you like this?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“You never will,” he promised. “Never again. I’ll give this to you every night, babe.” His mouth covered my clit as he sucked, coaxing the orgasm from me. I didn’t want it to surface. Not yet. It wasn’t time.
“No,” I whispered. “I’m not ready.”
“You need more, don’t you? You want all of me. You remember how it felt.” He rose on his knees, shoving his pants from his thick muscular thighs. I stared in awe of his cock. It bounded free, swollen and throbbing.
“Oh shit,” I whispered.
He grinned. “You do remember. God, I can’t wait to fuck you again. But first, just one time, you’re going to come in my mouth.”
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I was pulsing with want. I was driven mad and wild with the need for Logan to fuck me senseless. The way he used to, when it was us. When we were young and wild. When we thought the future was ours. The way he used to fuck me when he loved me. I didn’t want him to know how many times about this. How many mornings I woke up alone and crying because he was gone.
His mouth returned to my quivering bud and flicked and pinched it while his tongue dove inside my walls. Logan knew exactly how to play me. He knew what motions sent me over the edge. He knew what dirty words turned me on, and even better, what dirty games I wanted to play. He pushed my knees wide, splaying me open on the bed. His tongue wild with fever as the orgasm tore through me. My toes curled and I clasped at my pillow to keep my screams in my throat. He sucked hungrily, grazing his beard over my sensitive skin.
“Logan. Logan.” I couldn’t say anything but his name.
I came with a fierceness that rocked my core and all the nerves leading away from my erotic center. I quaked under his command. I fell down a dark rabbit hole of heat and passion. I clawed at the top of his head for me. I ground my hips toward his mouth. I wanted more. I wanted to be filled everywhere by Logan.
I wanted the vastness of him.
“I want the same thing,” he growled.
I was always amazed when he read my mind. My fingers trailed to my nipples, plucking and twisting them as my body hummed from the first orgasm.
He fisted his cock, licking his lips and crawling closer to me on the bed. I watched in awe of him. In awe of this moment and the recklessness that had overtaken my sanity.
He nudged the tip to my entrance and I hissed. He was so damn wide. I didn’t know how long it would take my body to adjust. His fingers curled under my ass, ready to guide his shaft inside me with a primal thrust. One that would sear his cock inside me and take us both to our knees. He held me there. Grinning. Licking his lips. Promising me I’d have as many orgasms as I wanted. My thighs quivered. I couldn’t take the stretching anymore. My pussy ached for more.
“Cass…” his voice trailed off.
I fell backward. My heart still pounded and there was no doubt my panties were drenched. How had I let Logan into my dreams? And that dream? Logan would show up in an erotic fantasy, promise me the world, and then vanish.
I shook my head and then crept along the hall to check on Eloise. She was sleeping while the TV played the same princess movie on repeat. My nap hadn’t been long. Just long enough to spin my body out of control and question my sanity.
I ran a hand over her forehead. It was still hot. I watched her sleep and wondered if I would ever have the courage to face the truth about Logan. A truth I’d been running from for years.
I was still in love with him.
I made a huge pot of mac and cheese for Eloise while I played music in the kitchen. I poured a glass of wine and tried to ease into the night’s routine. I wanted to put her in the tub after dinner and see if there was something I could do about her fever before went to bed.
I knew no matter what I did, I was in for a long night.
I stirred in extra cheese and watched as it bubbled in the pot. I always thought comfort foods were the perfect medicine for runny noses and broken hearts. I heaped two bowls full and made room on the kitchen table for dinner. The cornbread was almost finished.
“El,” I called. “Dinner is ready. Go wash your hands.”
I heard her feet hit the floor. “Okay, Mommy.”
I shuffled a stack of papers from my students onto the counter. Maybe grading their reports on symbolism would distract me from my own life. I had let them choose any novel they wanted as their subject. There could be a few interesting choices in the stack. As I refilled my wine, I knew it was doubtful anything could distract me from Logan and the storm I was facing.
Sinful Whispers (An Evans Mill Romance Book 1) Page 3