by Sophie Stern
She held up a little piece of paper and a check.
“Miss Blair Hopper stopped by the other day to pay her deposit. I meant to set it on your desk, but I set it on mine, and then something was placed on top of it, and…” She shook her head. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay, Ida,” I took the invoice.
“There was something else,” she said.
“What is it?”
Ida held up a familiar pair of shoes, and I choked back a laugh. That was thoughtful. Apparently, Blair was more kind-hearted than she let on. She’d gone out of her way to make sure that I not only had the deposit for her shelves, but that I had my shoes, too.
“Thank you, Ida.”
After a few more muffled apologies, Ida took off. I figured she was just happy that I didn’t yell at her. Yelling at people never accomplished anything, in my opinion. It definitely didn’t accomplish anything you wanted accomplished. Besides, finding out that Blair had come by was a relief.
It meant we could move forward, and I’d get to see her again, and maybe I’d even have a second chance to talk with her.
The truth was that I couldn’t get her off my mind. There was zero way I could get her out of my head. She was kind and interesting and funny. Yeah, she hadn’t exactly been up front about her job field or anything like that, but we could get to that later.
What mattered most was the fact that she’d given me the go-ahead to start moving forward, and I’d have the chance to work with her on her house.
I went over the rest of my invoices and finished my paperwork for the day, and mid-afternoon, I finally had a chance to call her. She answered on the first ring. Instantly, I knew something was wrong.
“Blair? Are you okay?”
“I’m totally fine,” she said. She sniffled. Then, “I’m glad you called.”
“You sound like you’ve been crying.”
“Nope.”
A lie.
Shit.
Why was she doing this again?
Was the girl incapable of telling me the truth?
“Blair, try again,” I said. That time, I put my Dom voice on. Nobody could resist that. I had half a mind to drive to her place and give her that spanking she had been asking about, but I knew that wasn’t really appropriate. It wasn’t the time or the place for something like that.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It was just a long day.”
Seriously?
It was just after lunch. What could have possibly happened so early in the day to make sweet Blair totally break down?
“What’s up, Raiden?” I could tell she was trying to past on a smile, and it just made my heart hurt.
“I got your invoice,” I said. “I’m sorry for the delay. My assistant misplaced it, so I just saw it this morning.”
“It’s okay,” she said.
“It’s not okay. I hope you weren’t worried.”
“A little,” she said. “I thought maybe you’d changed your mind.”
“I hadn’t.”
“Okay.”
“Blair?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m coming over.”
“To talk about the project? My house is a little messy, but if you’re in a rush, I guess it’s okay.” She sounded nervous now, but no longer sad, and I pictured her looking around her house to decide if it was clean enough to entertain guests.
I chuckled.
“Not about the project,” I said. “About you.” I wanted to see where we were at. I wanted to talk to her. We’d gotten off on the wrong foot several times over, and I was ready to talk to her face-to-face and settle the score. I wanted her. I wanted to give this thing between us a try. There was something there. I could feel it, and I knew she could, too.
“Me?” Her voice was a squeak.
“Yeah.”
Hesitation again.
Then a sigh.
“Listen, Raiden, there’s some stuff you need to know about me. You can come over, but…it’ll just be to talk, okay?”
“You mean I can’t pull you over my knee and paddle you?” I joked, feeling a little lighthearted at the idea of getting to see her.
A hesitation again.
“When I’m done telling you this, you might want to,” she said.
Chapter 13
Blair
Heather and Tanya had played hardball, but they’d also given it to me straight: Raiden was their friend. I could be honest with him and tell him that not only was I writer, but I was a writer drafting a BDSM story, or they would.
Those were the options.
They gave me until Saturday night. If I hadn’t told him by then, they would share that information with him at the club, they said. Neither one of them had cared about the fact that I was a writer. They hadn’t cared that I wanted inspiration from the club. They didn’t care about anything except for the fact that I hadn’t told Raiden I was a writer.
“It’s a big part of who you are,” Tanya had said. “You’re keeping that from him, and he’s going to feel tricked.”
That had been what worried them both the most: that he might feel wrong by me, or tricked, or betrayed. They worried that he was going to feel like I’d only come to the club to sneakily get information out of people.
“This isn’t going to be some big dramatic event,” Heather warned me. “You’re going to be honest with him. He’ll give you a chance, but you have to start off right. Don’t keep this from him.”
Now he was on his way. I’d been wringing my hands, worried about how I was going to approach him. After all, he hadn’t called me and scheduled any follow-up visits. He hadn’t called to set a day when we could start the work…
Nothing.
And yet, there we were.
When his truck pulled into space in front of my house, I watched as he got out of the vehicle and strode confidently up to the door. I opened it before he could even knock, and he pushed his way inside, grabbed me, and pulled me into a tight hug.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” he said.
“It’s okay.”
“I thought you didn’t want me around,” he told me. “I thought not paying your deposit was your way of getting rid of me. I didn’t want to push.”
Shit.
I’d made him feel bad.
Here I’d thought he was the one avoiding me, when it had really been just one big, messy misunderstanding. Apparently, there really was a decent reason for wanting kink to be communication-based. Without it, you could miss out on a lot, including a lot of good stuff.
“It wasn’t that,” I said.
“Then what happened?” He pulled back and looked at me, but he kept his hands on my shoulders. “You didn’t call me, either.”
“You didn’t cash the check,” I whispered. My hands were on his waist, and he was so close that I wanted to kiss him. “I thought that was your way of saying you didn’t want me as your client.”
“Kitten, I want you as more than my client. You know that.”
Yeah, I knew it. I knew that he wanted me. The way he was looking at me left no room for confusion. There was no longer any sort of doubt in my mind. Anything I’d feared had disappeared and the only thing left was excitement. Happiness. Warmth.
His voice was low when he spoke: a growl. Instantly, I felt wet and excited. The raw energy that radiated between us couldn’t be normal or okay or acceptable, yet I found myself wanting more.
Needing more.
Needing him.
But I had to tell him everything first.
It wasn’t just because of Heather and Tanya, although their words had certainly had a persuasive effect. There was more. Raiden was the kind of guy who valued respect and truthfulness. I wanted him, but I had a lot to learn. I wasn’t going to be able to figure things out if I couldn’t even tell him what my damn job was.
I wasn’t ashamed of what I did for work, but there had to be a reason I kept it to myself. What was it I was afraid of? Was I afraid that he’d
judge me? Not be interested in me? No, I was mostly afraid that he’d think I was being sneaky, which I was.
“Wait,” I said. “I have to tell you something.”
He looked at me carefully, assessing me. Then he cupped my face with one hand. The look on his face was so tender and kind that it made me kind of want to cry.
“Are you married?”
“What? No!”
“Engaged?”
I shook my head.
“No,” I said. “I’m not engaged.”
“Dating someone?”
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
“I…come here.”
I pulled away regretfully, took him by the hand, and led him back to my office. That was going to be the best way to explain everything to him.
“For a moment, I thought you were leading me to the bedroom. I started to get excited.”
“Not the bedroom,” I said. “I need to show you this first.”
Hopefully the bedroom would be our next stop, but there was no telling how he would react. He was new to me, just as I was new to him, and the anxiety that was filling me was palpable.
We went into the office. It was still a mess, still waiting for him to come put in the shelves. I’d started clearing items out to give him space to work, but there was a box in the corner that I walked over to and opened. Then I pulled a book out and handed it to him.
He looked at it, then back at me.
“The Dragon Prince’s Secret Alien Bride?” He asked. “Are you offering me a book suggestion, kitten?”
“Look at the author’s name,” I whispered.
“B. L. Hopper,” he looked at it carefully. Then his eyes met mine. “You’re a writer.”
“Yes.”
“You wrote this?”
“Yes,” I blushed, wondering if he was going to be pissed or make fun of me.
His reaction was neither. In fact, a huge grin spread across his face, and he ran his hands over the cover in what looked like admiration.
“Wow!” He flipped to the first page. “You wrote this. Incredible. I’ve always wanted to write a book.”
“Really?” I whispered the word.
“Yeah,” he said. “You know, my younger cousin is a romance author. You might know her.”
“What?” I asked. I couldn’t have heard him right.
“Yeah,” he said. “She’s very good. I’ve read all of her books.”
“Raiden, I…that’s not the point,” I said, shaking my head. Despite the fact that it was amazing he knew another author, and I definitely wanted to meet her, I wanted him to realize that I was confessing my crime against him. I had been deceitful. I’d broken the #1 rule of kink life. I was ready to pay for that.
“Then what is?” He closed the book and handed it to me. “Because from where I’m standing, you’re telling me what your job is. You’re a writer. That’s a little different from what I thought before, but it’s not totally unheard of.” He smiled at me, and I thought my heart was going to break.
“Raiden, there’s more.”
“Is it that you’re also a sex worker, Blair? Because it’s fine. I don’t care. I don’t judge people for their choices.”
“Raiden, I…”
And that’s when it happened.
That’s when the walls broke.
That’s when I couldn’t hold back anymore, and I burst into tears. I started sobbing and whether it was right or wrong or expected or not, he pulled me close and wrapped me in his arms. Once more, he showed me that he was caring, and he was kind, and he was thoughtful. Yeah, he was a little bratty and he liked to tease and be playful, but I liked that about him. I liked that he was so wild and wonderful.
“What is it?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“You can tell me.”
“I can’t tell you.”
He sighed, and I felt his hands in my hair, and I calmed myself against his body. I felt safe. I felt taken care of. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like everything was going to be okay, and I didn’t know how he’d managed to do that.
“I’ll give you that spanking if you tell me,” he teased, and I laughed a little through my tears. Finally, Raiden led me back to the living room, and we sat down on the couch. We sat side-by-side.
“You obviously have something important you need to share before the relationship goes forward,” he said. “And I would love to listen. To make it easier for you, I’ll share something, too, okay?”
Really?
“Okay,” I wondered what the hell he could possibly have to tell me. What was Raiden’s secret? Was it something bad?
“I’m scared.”
“You?”
I couldn’t believe it.
“Me. I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time, Blair, and I promised myself I wouldn’t try again until I met someone truly worthy of my time. Angela broke my heart. She left me for my brother, and I’ve never really gotten over that, but I want to. I want to move forward. You’ve reminded me that life can be a lot of fun when we have someone special to share it with.”
“I think that’s a healthy way of looking at relationships.”
“Is there anything else?” He said gently, pushing.
“Raiden, I’ve been having a hard time writing.”
“What do you mean? Writer’s block?”
“Sort of,” I admitted. “My characters have kind of sucked lately, and my last book basically flopped. I have an editor. Well, I had an editor. I don’t know if we’re going to stick together moving forward. Maybe we aren’t compatible.”
The conversation I needed to have with Julie would be awkward, but necessary. If Julie wasn’t going to fully read and totally commit to my stories, then I needed to find a different editor who would. She had missed the point of my book, and that worried me. I needed to find someone to work with who would help me push my stories forward. Maybe Julie could still be that person, but we’d need to set some serious boundaries. I definitely couldn’t have her running up to me at restaurants and blurting out phrases like “sex club.” What if I had been at the brunch place with someone conservative or shy? Someone who didn’t know I was a writer? I needed Julie to be a bit more discreet if we were going to keep working together.
“Okay,” he said, still not understanding where I was going with all of that.
Finally, I realized I was just going to have to blurt it out. I closed my eyes, unable to look at him, and I said everything lightning fast.
“She suggested that I visit a BDSM club to become more sexually open and get better ideas for how my characters could interact and build sexual tension because apparently, they totally fall flat, and she said that I needed some real sex in my life if I was going to write about sexy people.”
I breathed deeply, trying to catch my breath. That had completely taken it all out of me. He hadn’t said anything, though. Why hadn’t he said anything?
Gradually, carefully, I opened one eye and then the other. Was he…
“Are you laughing?” I asked.
He laughed.
“This is serious,” I said. “I totally breached your trust.”
“Oh, I agree,” he said, but he kept laughing, shaking his head.
“What?” I asked. I had no idea what to do. Out of every possible scenario I’d imagined in my head, there hadn’t been a single one where I imagined my love interest laughing when I tearfully confessed the truth.
“Let me get this straight,” he finally calmed down. “You’re a writer.”
“Yes.”
“And your books haven’t been doing well.”
Embarrassing.
“Yes.”
“So your ex-editor advised you to visit a sex club.”
“Yes.”
“And you did it.”
“Yes.”
“And you were worried I’d be mad?” He laughed again. “That’s a great story, Blair. Maybe you should write about that.”
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“What?”
“You could write a story where a character is tricked or goaded into visiting a BDSM sex dungeon, only she ends up falling in love instead.”
“I can’t believe you aren’t mad,” I whispered. It still didn’t seem possible.
“On the contrary,” he shook his head. “I think it’s the funniest story I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I said. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“That’s true,” he agreed. “Lying is wrong. Always.”
“I know,” I said.
“Is that why you said I might want to spank you?”
“Yes.”
“You thought I’d be mad,” he suddenly realized.
“Yes.”
“And you thought I’d want to hurt you.”
“Yeah,” I said, swallowing hard.
“Oh, sweetie,” he reached for me and once again kissed my forehead. “I don’t want to hurt you because you were naughty. I want to hurt you because I’m a Dom.”
Chapter 14
Raiden
So that was the secret.
That was the reason she’d been acting hot one minute and cold the next.
Fear could do crazy things to a person, obviously, and it had done crazy things to my sweet Blair. She had wanted so desperately to get her sales up that she’d gone completely out of her comfort zone, and she’d done something wild.
If anything, I thought she was brave.
She shouldn’t have lied, of course, but I wasn’t as hurt as I thought I probably should be.
“Blair,” I said. “What should we do?”
“About my lying?”
I nodded.
She’d been deceitful, I knew. June probably knew, but whether she did or not, I doubted she cared. We had members who used the club as inspiration for their art and occasionally, news of the club wove into other forms of local media. Still, it was a very discreet sort of place. It wasn’t like Blair was an undercover reporter, though. She hadn’t tried to steal information.
She’d just wanted some ideas.
Could I really fault her for that?
I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her, happy with that sort of gentle affirmation. I knew that I wasn’t going to ever want to let Blair go. Maybe that was a problem. Maybe I should be more willing to let go of her. I didn’t want to, though.