by Alexa Davis
With a deep sigh, I made my way up to the apartment, and I grabbed my laptop. I took it through to the library, which was weirdly the ugliest room in the house. I couldn’t sit in my room the whole time, and I wasn’t too sure I fit into the sleek living room. I preferred to inhale the wonderful scent of books. I also loved the futon in the middle of the room, and the cute little desk in the corner. That was where I preferred to sit today.
I rubbed my forehead, trying to get rid of the stress as I waited for my laptop to load. The screen seemed to take forever to load, but as soon as it did, it connected to the lightning-quick internet, allowing me to search for a better therapist in the area. I didn’t want one with a fancy office and lots of reviews; I wanted someone warm, someone who actually took the time to care about their clients. Someone who could help Justine.
It took me some time. My eyes started to ache from the glow of the screen, but soon I’d sent off a variety of emails to people I thought seemed good. Depending on their responses, I would pick one.
Once I was done, I leaned back in the chair and stared out the window at the city surrounding me. Maybe I didn’t have time to go right into the city center now and see all the touristy sights, but I had enough time to go and explore the local area. So, why the hell not? I needed to get used to where I was living for the time being anyway. Plus, I still hadn’t gotten around to getting my stuff shipped, so maybe I could use some of my first weekly payment, which had been transferred this morning, to get some new clothes. I already felt a little bit like I’d shed some of my old skin anyway, so maybe it was time to get a new look to reflect that…
With a smile on my face, I shoved the bundle of keys in my handbag, and I made my way to the elevator. It felt kinda good to be taking charge of what I was doing for the time being. It would be a very long time before I felt like a true New Yorker but I wanted to get on my way. I wanted to feel like I belonged.
“Good morning, again,” I smiled brightly to Lincoln as I greeted him again. “I’m just headed out for a bit.”
Lincoln looked happily at me. I got the impression that he was impressed by my change in mood. “Well that is just wonderful. I hope you have a lovely time and I look forward to seeing you later on.”
I stepped outside, allowing the warmth of the sunlight to wash over me. I moved away from the building and towards the row of shops that I vaguely remembered passing when I first drove towards here. I wasn’t paying much attention then; I was too busy being blown away by the wild job offer, but now I was interested.
Immediately, my eyes spotted a gorgeous looking bakery, which I needed to go to right away. I could already smell it, and the scent was delicious! The closer I got, the more I could see a wonderful row of cupcakes that were screaming out for me. I knew that I was supposed to be exploring, but this was best place to start.
As I stepped inside, the guy behind the counter gave me an adorable smile. He had a cute, preppy look. He reminded me a little of the guy back home. “Hello there. How can I help you today?”
“Erm, can I have a cupcake please?” I scanned my eyes over the selection. “That one. And a coffee?”
“Of course, you can.” His eyes crinkled as he got to work. “It’s a lovely day out, isn’t it?”
“Oh yeah, it sure is.” That was truer for me than he could know. “I’m loving the sun.”
“It makes such a difference, doesn’t it? It makes the whole city light up.”
So much for the supposed New York rudeness that people in Virginia spoke about when I first began to talk about moving here. This guy was the friendliest man that I’d ever come across! He made me feel comfortable.
“Okay, here we go.” He took my ten-dollar bill from me and handed me change. “Thank you.”
He gave me a grin that seemed to be meaningful, but I wasn’t quite sure what the meaning was. At least, not until I stepped outside and I took a deeper look at my coffee cup. The guy from inside the coffee shop, or Benji as it suggested from what he’d written, had given me his phone number. I didn’t think that I would ever call him, but it was always nice to be admired. It gave me pep in my step that hadn’t been there before.
This was going to be a really good day.
***
I had a handful of bags as I stepped back into the building, filled with clothes that I never would have purchased beforehand. I probably would have admired them if I’d seen them in Virginia. I would have liked them for other people but I never would’ve thought that I could be the one wearing them.
But today, anything was possible. Absolutely anything in the world.
“Ah, good afternoon, Olivia,” Lincoln called out to me. “You look well.”
“And who are you?” The older lady next to Lincoln peered over her glasses at me. “I haven’t seen you before.”
“Oh, I’m Olivia. I’m working with Mark Rylance and his daughter, Justine.”
“Yes, yes, I know them.” Her lips turned down into a disapproving frown. I wasn’t sure if that was directed at me or Mark. To be honest, I was so happy I didn’t really care. “I take it you aren’t from New York?”
“Is it that obvious?” I laughed awkwardly. “No, I’m not from here, I’m from Virginia.”
“Oh, well that’s lovely. It’s a very nice part of the country.”
“You’ve been?” She nodded and started to walk towards the elevator, so I followed her. “You like it?”
“I do very much.” She held out her hand to me. “I’m Mrs. Stedman, by the way. I live on floor six.” The elevator pinged open and we both stepped inside. There was something about this woman that intrigued me. She seemed like a really nice person, and I always loved a good friendly face. “If you’re new here, you probably don’t know many people, do you?” I shook my head. “Well, you can always come to me for a cup of tea.”
Wow, that was a nice offer. She didn’t know me at all, and she was being so kind to me. “Thank you.”
Mrs. Stedman leaned in closer to me. “I came to New York as a young woman on my own as well. I know what a daunting experience it can be. I’m always around if you want an ear to listen to you.”
As she stepped out of the elevator, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t throw her kind offer away. Even if she wasn’t the person I thought I would want to be my friend, I’d learned recently that life didn’t always turn out as planned, but that didn’t have to be a bad thing. Maybe this lady would be a great friend in the end.
Once I stepped out the elevator myself into Mark’s apartment, I immediately headed for my laptop. While I waited for Justine to come home, it was time for me to check through the emails to see if any of the therapists had gotten back to me. The sooner I got this sorted, the better…
***
The elevator doors pinged open and Justine slunk inside. I bounced on my heels, excited to tell her the good news. I had just had the most wonderful phone conversation with a therapist whom I just knew would be perfect. She knew all about grief and she was great with kids. Plus, talking to her made me see how nice she was.
“Hey, Justine.” Of course, I got nothing more than an eye roll but I wasn’t about to let that put me off today. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Not now,” she snapped as she stalked towards her room. But I had no intention of being rolled over. Not today. I had been working my ass off to make her life a little better and I wanted her to hear it. Maybe if she knew that someone was on her side, it wouldn’t all seem so bad. I had to at least try, anyway.
“It’s about your therapy.” Predictably she stopped, but she didn’t turn to face me. “I got rid of the guy that your dad wanted you to see, and I’ve just been speaking to a lady called Susan instead. She seems really nice; she isn’t the sort of person who will tell you how you’re supposed to feel. She explores it with you.”
“Whatever.” Justine didn’t seem as impressed as me. “It sounds stupid.”
I felt like a deflated balloon as she shot me down. But I
had to not take it personally. Susan told me that I would get the brunt of it for the moment because there wasn’t anyone else around. “Okay, so how was school?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Her tight voice made me wonder if something was going on at school. Maybe she was having a hard time there, which also added to her bad moods. “I’m going.”
As she stormed away, I focused on the sadness hunched in her shoulders instead of the anger that burst out of her lips like bullets. She spoke like a teenager, but she looked like a child. It was heartbreaking to see.
“I’m going to make cookies,” I called after her desperately. “You can help if you want?”
She slammed her bedroom door so hard that it made wince, but I was determined to make the cookies anyway. Who knew? Maybe the smell would draw her out of her room. And if not, it didn’t matter. I had new clothes, a new attitude, and I felt good about myself. New York would work out for me; I was determined for that to happen.
Chapter Nine
Mark
Sunday
Irritation raced through me like a snake darting and weaving rapidly towards its prey. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin; it was as if everything was itchy. All I wanted to do after that long ass flight and that fucking annoying mess with the TSA people was get my sorry ass to bed to sleep it all off. Why did everything to do with flying have to take so long? Why did they have to look through every single one of my belongings like I was a common criminal? I hated to be treated like that. At least the meeting with the investors went well; I would be even more furious if I’d screwed that up too. I’d pulled myself together in time.
It’s time to get a private jet, I thought determinedly to myself as I dragged my suitcase out of the car. I cannot keep fucking about at airports. First class isn’t quite cutting it anymore. I need my own space.
It was something that me and Holden had talked about in the past but it didn’t seem like the right time back then. It felt like something we didn’t truly need for the company and would be just us acting unnecessarily flash. Now it had to be something that we thought about more seriously. It would make all this traveling a lot easier. I would have to make sure that we had a meeting about it sometime soon. And I would force him to see things from my point of view. I wouldn’t let him railroad me. I could persuade others, so why not him?
My eyes felt heavy as I walked inside. I was too shattered to give Lincoln much more than a grunt. Luckily for me, he was used to seeing me after traveling and I didn’t think that my stand-offish behavior bothered him. He didn’t let his professional demeanor drop for even a second, so it was very hard to tell if it did.
“It is good to have you back,” he said with a smile. “The building hasn’t been the same without you.”
“Mmm, yeah.” I couldn’t think of a suitable answer. My mind wasn’t switched on. “You too.”
You too… what the fuck was I talking about? I tried to shake the sleep from my brain, but it was pointless. My brain was already in bed, my body needed to follow it. I would talk properly tomorrow when I could again.
Once in the elevator, I leaned back against the wall and I allowed my eyes to roll closed. I truly did feel like shit; my brain was foggy, and my body ached. There had to be a better way to deal with all these meetings. Wasn’t that why we had conference calling? Or couldn’t we lump them all together so we could stay there longer? Maybe that was something I could also bring up when I talked to Holden. We had to make this simpler somehow.
The doors to the elevator pinged open in my apartment, and the first sound that hit me was the tinkling of laughter. And not just any laughter, but that of a child… of Justine. But how was that possible? Justine was utterly furious at me. The last email that she’d sent me yesterday was terribly upset. How had that changed? I knew Justine, she wasn’t one to let things go so easily, and that only got worse with age.
“Hi,” I said curiously as I stepped inside. I saw Justine, laughing, Olivia, and an old woman I didn’t know at all. Was it someone from Olivia’s family? “I’m… back.”
The setup of a tea party had me stunned too. That didn’t seem to me like something Justine would like, but from the glow in her cheeks and the twinkle in her eyes, she was having the time of her life. It was only when she turned to look, and she spotted me standing in front of her, that the laughter stopped dead.
My heart broke as she stared me down. She was pissed, I got that, but surely, she’d cheered up? That couldn’t just go away because I had returned, could it?
“Oh, hi.” Olivia jumped up, trying to cover up the awkward atmosphere. “You’re back. How was your flight?”
“Yeah, fine, whatever.” I shook my head, forgetting about the shit that I’d just been through. The TSA and their bullshit had nothing on how Justine made me feel. That truly sucked. “How are things here?”
“Good, good. I’m sure you know Mrs. Stedman.” She pointed towards the older woman who made an effort to stand. I narrowed my eyes at her, but I still didn’t quite recognize her. “From floor six.”
The tone in Olivia’s voice was one that wasn’t impressed. She clearly didn’t see it as a good thing that I didn’t know this woman from my building. Well, I didn’t know anyone. I wasn’t like her, befriending all the neighbors with my Virginian charm within a week of living somewhere. I had more important things to worry about.
“Yes, right, Ms. Stedman.” I shook the lady’s hand, actually wishing that I knew her so I could shut Olivia and her stupid judging eyes up. I wasn’t a bad person, damn it! “Good to see you.”
“I have to go, Olivia,” she said, peering over my shoulder. “But please, come and see me for tea. And if you want to, bring that lovely girl with you.” She smiled as Justine. “Because she really is a treat.”
All three of them said their goodbyes, almost as if they had a little club that I wasn’t invited to. I stood awkwardly to the side, wondering how any of them expected me to behave. I was still far too tired and irritable to think rationally, so unfortunately, they didn’t have any hope. I couldn’t be a rational human today.
Once Mrs. Stedman finally left, I dropped my bags and felt myself relax just a little bit. I still wanted to fall into bed, but I would have to take part in some niceties first. It was the right thing to do.
“How are you?” I directed my question at Justine. “I’ve missed you. Come here and give me a hug.”
I extended my arms wide and waited for her to run to me. Once upon a time, she was always happy to see me. She would dive on me as if I was her hero, as if she’d been waiting for me all day long. When did that change? How did I allow things to get so bad? I hated the chasm of distance between us, even if I was used to it.
Finally, Justine slunk over to me and she gave me a half hug, but she didn’t put her arms right around me, as if to prove a point. She didn’t want to embrace me and she needed me to know it. I guess I wasn’t quite forgiven after all. It didn’t feel like just the therapist cock up either. I had a feeling it ran much deeper.
“So, how was your week?” I asked while pulling back to look at her. She was back to being surly now, just for me. Any laughter or smiles seemed to be reserved for other people.
“Dunno.” She shrugged at me, refusing to look in my eyes. “Okay.”
“Right, I see,” I replied slowly. “And how has school been? Are you enjoying classes?”
“Yeah, whatever.” She was being dismissive, which I didn’t like. “Can I go now?”
“I haven’t seen you for a while.” I felt taken aback with shock. “Don’t you want to talk to me?”
This was the moment that she decided to stare at me squarely in the face. “About what?”
When I didn’t have any answer to give her, Justine pulled away and she raced to her room, slamming the door behind her. I felt stunned. Did she used to tell me about her life when my mom was around? I could vaguely recall bits and pieces but I didn’t think that I pushed her. I didn’t demand because I sup
pose I always thought that my mother had it under control. I left it to her for too many vital years of her life. That was a mistake.
As I stared at the trail of dust left behind Justine I wondered if I had left it too late. Maybe things had gotten so far that she would never want to share things with me. The older she grew, the less she would like me, until eventually she wouldn’t be speaking to me at all. She would end up an adult who rolled her eyes every month or so when I bothered to make a call. Michelle would never have wanted that! She desired a close-knit family; she wanted us all to be open and honest with one another. It was me who made a mess of this. If she was somewhere looking down on me, then I bet she was fucking furious. But without her here, I was hopeless.
Olivia eventually distracted me from my thoughts as the plates in her hands jangled. “Sorry,” she said quietly. “I just need to get all of this cleaned up and out the way. I didn’t know you’d be back today.”
“It was on my schedule,” I snapped back, taking my temper out on the wrong person. “You should’ve known.”
“Right, sorry. I guess we were having such a lovely day that we didn’t think to look.”
Urgh, that fucking wound me up. We couldn’t exist without the schedule; she needed to be aware of it all the time or everything would fall apart. How could she be so casual about something so important?
“How am I supposed to know that you got everything done today? Hmm? It has to be checked.”