by Alexa Davis
“Yay!” Justine was far less discrete in her pleasure than me. “That’s great news.”
She raced over and threw her arms around Olivia, causing me and her to catch eyes for just a brief moment. Everything jolted within me; I felt that massive reaction to her, but I couldn’t read her face at all. She was stoic, turned off to me, almost a thick brick wall. I wanted to penetrate that wall, to get back inside, but I needed to be patient. Unfortunately, patience wasn’t my strongest point, so I would have to work hard.
“Okay then, let’s eat, then we can get going. Sound good?”
They both nodded silently, which meant it was on. Today was my day to try and make it up to my daughter and Olivia.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Olivia
“So, which color butterfly are you most excited about seeing?” I asked Justine as we got nearer to the waterfall. I kept trying to spark up a conversation with her, but she wasn’t her usual animated self. I hated that it was my fault. If only I’d been a bit less of an emotional wreck yesterday, then none of this would be an issue.
“Red,” she murmured back without looking at me. “I like the red ones from the pictures.”
I glanced hopelessly to the back of Mark’s head but he wasn’t giving me anything. He hadn’t looked at me much today either, which sucked. All I wanted was his attention just for a moment, but I couldn’t get it no matter what. I was still here, I hadn’t run off: didn’t that mean anything to him? It meant I was in if he wanted me. Yes, I was a big distraction, but a lot of that was down to a lack of communication. If we were all just a lot more honest with one another, then we wouldn’t have these issues. I guessed it was a shame that revelation had come too late.
“Yeah, I like red butterflies too, and I’m very excited about seeing the waterfall. That should be amazing.”
“I wonder if we’ll be able to swim in the water,” Justine replied. “I have my costume on if so.”
“Oh, I didn’t think about that! So clever of you. I got dressed too quickly to think about that.”
She didn’t say anything; she just looked away from me as if I was someone who irritated her. I’d gone all the way back around to the beginning again. Maybe I should have left; perhaps that was what she wanted. Maybe she was upset by the idea in the first place, but now she wanted me to go. God, I had made the wrong choice.
We both stayed in silence for a while as we walked. I kept trying to think about what the best thing to say was, but nothing came to mind. I remained silent, stunned, and very confused. This was just terrible.
“Oh, look!” Justine didn’t come back around until she finally saw the waterfall. Her eyes lit up, and she became happy all over again. “Oh, wow this is amazing. We have to get some photographs for my report.”
Luckily, the one good thing I had done was bringing my camera with me. I pulled it out of my bag and got to work right away. I snapped pictures of every animal I could see. All the butterflies in every single color, every single bird, even some of the insects I could see crawling through the grass. All of it to try and make things up with Justine. While I took pictures, she sat on the grass and scribbled like her brain was running at a million miles an hour. Finally, she looked a little more at peace with everything that was going on.
Mark immediately jumped into the water; it seemed that he didn’t know what to say either so he was avoiding it too. We couldn’t keep dancing around one another forever. One of us was going to have to crack and have a conversation eventually, but for now, this was the easiest way. It was better.
“How are you getting on?” I asked Justine in the end. “You seem to have a lot to say.”
“Oh, I do.” This time as she looked at me she gave me a genuine smile. “I love animals. I want to work with them. I might want to be a vet or something one day. Or perhaps work in a zoo.”
“That sounds amazing! It would be a really nice job. I bet you’d be good at it as well.”
I sat down next to her and flicked through the photographs, looking out for some of the best ones. Justine sat next to me and turned her eyes to look at them too. She looked impressed with what I’d sorted out.
“Thank you for taking those pictures. Can we print them out and stick them on the pages?”
“Of course, we can. Whatever you need. Your dad has that amazing printer anyway, doesn’t he?”
Justine smiled up at me once more before turning to look at her dad in the water. She tugged her dress up over her head and she tossed it to the ground before running along and confidently jumping in the water. I chuckled to myself as I saw them swimming along together; they looked so sweet. It was such a nice change from the way that they used to be, but it also broke my heart. I had brought them together, effectively making myself useless. Much as I had stayed because I was all in, maybe Mark had made the choice that he wasn’t, and that was why he was being so distant. After fighting with me, maybe he had realized that I wasn’t worth it.
Urgh, this was so hard. Why couldn’t we ever just talk things through like normal people?
I moved over towards the water and perched on the edge of a rock. I dangled my toes in while I thought sadly, wishing that everything could be different. Even if I had brought my swimming suit, things wouldn’t be so bad. I wouldn’t feel so left out. I would be having a good time rather than pondering things through.
“You’re not coming in?” Justine called across to me. “Even without a suit?”
“No.” I shook my head and tried to keep the smile on my face. “No, not today I’m not.”
She paused for a second, kicking her legs wildly under the water to keep herself floating. “Are you thinking about leaving again? You have that funny look on your face.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. She had such a way with words. “Funny look? I don’t know what you mean.”
“Why do you want to go? Why don’t you want to stay with us?”
I sighed loudly. “Because you don’t need me anymore, that’s why. You’re better off without me.”
Justine swam over to me rapidly, going faster than I’d seen her go before. She reached me almost in an instant. I felt her hand curl around my ankle before she glanced up to give me a curious stare.
“But, Olivia,” she said, loudly enough for her father to hear. “Don’t you love my daddy?”
Heat immediately consumed my cheeks; I felt hot enough to sizzle all over. My eyes immediately snapped over to Mark, who was laughing at me because I was the one being put on the spot here. It seemed that he might well have already told Justine something about his own feelings, which was wild.
“Answer the question!” Mark yelled out, clearly getting joy out of the situation. “Tell us both now.”
“Hmmm.” I tapped thoughtfully on my chin. If he was going to use Justine to talk about our feelings, then I was sure as hell going to tease him too. “Umm, yeah, that’s a very interesting question, Justine, honestly…”
“Oh, answer it,” she whined. “I want to know if you love daddy too.”
The too was the word that did it. It confirmed what I already suspected and let me know that Mark had definitely said something about me. He loved me as well, which was crazy. How was it possible for us to be in love already? We hadn’t known each other long enough really, and he came with so much baggage…
“I don’t know about love,” I replied, style wanting to wind him up. “It’s not been long enough.”
Mark bolted across the water until he was at my feet too and he stared up at me through his eyelashes. I could see him again in there. The coldness had gone; the walls had crumbled around him; he seemed open to me again. I liked the friendliness in his eyes, the sweet look on his face; it made me fall even deeper for him. If he loved me and I loved him, then we had a chance of really making this work. I hoped!
As Mark’s hand wrapped around my ankle, I didn’t think anything of it until he pulled. Lightly at first, then much harder. He pulled me so hard that I flew off the
rock and I squealed loudly. I tried automatically to claw at the rocks to keep myself from falling, but my body cascaded into the pool anyway. I fell below the water level; it pushed over me and covered up my face, and for just a second, I felt like I was drowning, sinking at an uncontrollable level, a little bit like I was in my feelings for Mark… but then he yanked my body up and I came flying out of the water once more. The fresh air filled my lungs completely and made me soar high.
“You shouldn’t have said that,” Mark growled to me while wrapping his arms around me.
Then he dragged me nearer to him and he pressed his lips against mine, making my heart hammer painfully against my rib cage. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed myself against him for just a second. My body was filled with love; my feelings for him were insane. I hadn’t ever experienced anything like it before.
“Do you need more time?” Mark asked me when he pulled back. “Maybe a few more weeks? Will that help you work out whether or not you love me? Because I sure as hell don’t need any more time.”
That sucked all the breath out of me. “So, what are you saying?” I needed to hear it.
“It means that I love you.” He rolled his eyes at me. “Duh. You totally already knew that, right?”
I leaned in and gave him a kiss once more. “And I love you too.” God, it felt good to finally say that aloud.
“Yes!” Justine cheered from behind us, reminding us both that we were there. I leaned over Mark’s shoulder to see her. Her face had completely lit up; she looked so happy. “Does that mean you’re staying?”
I nodded enthusiastically, almost laughing as I did. “Yes, it does, and you know why?”
“Because you love my daddy.” She made a sweeping hand gesture. “You just said that. You don’t want to leave because you want to be his girlfriend.”
“I do,” I agreed, not too sure where we stood with the titles as yet. “But I love you too. I never really wanted to leave you most of all.”
Justine swam back over to us, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, forcing Mark to carry us both, not that he seemed to mind, and there we stayed for a while soaking up the sun. It felt nice to just enjoy each other’s company as a family. This genuinely felt like the first day of the rest of our lives and I loved it.
After a while, when Justine started to get a little tired and cranky, we made a decision to get back to the villa so she could sleep. It was a long walk, and Mark was probably already going to have to carry her a lot of the way anyway, so it was for the best. As we walked, Mark slipped his hand into mine, and he held it while we walked, which felt awesome. I kept smiling at him all the way back, loving the way that he felt against me.
After what had happened yesterday, I never thought we would end up here. I assumed that the end of Hawaii would be the finish of us too, but it seemed that just maybe I was going to see every single one of my dreams come true. The city, the man, and the most amazing little girl in the world. It was perfect.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Mark
I rolled out of bed, almost hitting the ground as I went. I hadn’t totally woken up yet to be honest, I was still half asleep, but after the busy day that we had the previous day, emotionally and physically, it was going to take a while to recover. But at least I had Olivia in the bed next to me; that was so much better. I smiled down at her, feeling so freaking happy that I had finally worked up the courage to be honest about my feelings. It was better to just be truthful about being in love because now we were properly together.
I padded out the room quietly and made my way into the living room. Justine was still spread out on the couch, snoring as she slept. She was so tired yesterday that she didn’t even make it to bed after eating some takeout food so I grabbed a blanket and covered her up. I thought at some point during the night she might have gone to her room, but no. She had slept right through and didn’t look any nearer to waking up any time soon.
Oh well; it didn’t matter to me. I felt content now, really satisfied with what I had. I was more than happy to sit around all day while she rested or did whatever she needed to do. We were supposed to leave to go home today, but since we had a private plane, we could go at whatever time we wanted. There was no rush.
I switched the coffee machine on, and I leaned against the counter, smiling to myself. If that hadn’t happened yesterday, if I didn’t now know for sure that Olivia loved me I would have been dreading going home for fear of what was going to happen between us, but now I felt like we were just going to be together and happy.
“Morning, Daddy,” Justine grumbled as she must have heard me. “Why am I here?”
I let out a laugh. “Because you fell asleep there and I couldn’t move you, that’s why.”
“Oh, okay.” She rubbed her eyes before speaking again. “But Olivia is still here, isn’t she?”
“You’re really worried that she’s going to leave, aren’t you?” I mused. “You don’t have to be concerned about that anymore. She has promised that she’s going to stay with us forever. It’ll be fine.”
“It’s just because everyone I love goes, that’s all.” Justine shrugged. “I love Olivia, and I want her to stay.”
Those words shattered my heart. Immediately, I made my way over to the couch to hug her. “I’m always here for you now,” I reassured her while she leaned into me. “And Olivia is as well, honestly.”
“Shall we go and wake Olivia up? See if there’s anything that she wants to do before we go home.”
“Aw no.” Justine pouted playfully. “I don’t want to go home… oh, but I do want to print out my pictures.”
“Well, there you go then.” I offered her a one-shouldered shrug. “There are still things to look forward to at home. You get your report all sorted and take it into school. School is good now, isn’t it?”
“Oh yeah.” Justine bounced beside me. “And you can talk to me about Mommy too.”
That still made everything inside of me go tight, but it wasn’t about me. I would tell Justine whatever she wanted to know. She deserved know everything that she wanted about her mother; she needed to know where she came from. And with Olivia by my side, nothing would feel quite so scary as it once did. Even if I got really upset about it, she would be there to support me. I needed her so damn much.
“I will. I’ll get the photo albums out as soon as we get back. It’ll be nice. We should get some pictures out of Grandma too. Maybe we can buy some frames and have some new pictures up around the house.”
“That sounds great.” Justine snuggled into me tighter. “Thank you, Daddy.”
As the coffee machine made a sound indicating that it was done, I stood up to pour Olivia and I a drink. With Justine not too far behind me, I went back into the bedroom where Olivia lay, her eyes still fluttering as she dreamed. I wished that I could climb into her brain and see what was going on.
“Olivia?” I said quietly, but she didn’t even stir. “Olivia, you awake yet?” Nothing. So, I took the drink over to her and wafted it under her nose. “You don’t want to wake up even for a drink?”
“Urngh,” she grumbled while writhing under the sheets. Her hair flipped over her shoulder as she moved her head out of the sheets just a little bit, the coffee smell luring her to a more awake state. “Coffee?”
Justine laughed loudly, clearly amused by Olivia’s need for caffeine. That was something that she would have to get used to. I loved knowing that Olivia needed coffee to get herself going in the morning. The little details connected us and made our little bond even stronger. I wanted to know it all.
“Yes, sweetheart, I have a coffee for you. Do you want it?”
Olivia finally sat herself up and she snatched the coffee from me. She sucked it back rapidly, completely ignoring the heat of it as she got her fix. Justine climbed onto the edge of the bed and she slid herself along to get nearer to Olivia. I could tell that she wanted to feel Olivia, to check that she was still there. It was touching; I just hoped that
she soon got used to the idea that Oliva was going nowhere so she didn’t need to worry. It would take some time, especially after what she told me with regards to everyone she loved leaving her, but that would come about. I was confident that things with Justine would continue to go up and up,
“Thank you for the drink,” she gasped once she was done. “Can I have another?”
“Of course you can,” I laughed. “I would have brought in two if I knew how desperate you were.”
I went straight into the kitchen to get Olivia another coffee, smirking to myself the whole time. There was definitely going to be a change in the dynamic between Olivia and me once we got home. It would be more of a balanced relationship when we got back, but that was okay, I didn’t mind that. Everything was going to change in the business too, with Hudson getting married and me needing even more time at home, but we had a great set of managers to take the helm for us. It would be different, but okay. My whole life was going to be a million times better because of all these changes, so I couldn’t wait for them to happen.
I tried to picture it all for just a moment, but it was overwhelming. Once upon a time, so many changes all at once would’ve sent me over the edge, but now I was chilled out and ready to take them all in stride.
“Hey, Daddy!” Justine called out as soon as I reached the bedroom. “We have an idea for today.”
“You do?” I handed Olivia the mug, which she took eagerly and drank down rapidly again. It seemed that she was still just as tired from the previous day as I was. “Okay, so what’s the idea?”
“We want to go in a helicopter and do a tour of the island. Olivia said they do that.”
“She did, hey?” I chuckled. “I don’t see why not. Does it cost a fortune?”
“It doesn’t matter, Daddy. You have lots of money, remember? You’re rich.”
I threw my head back in mirth, unable to believe what I was hearing. “I am rich, but I thought you didn’t like that.”