by Alexa Davis
“What am I going to do?” I muttered quietly, wishing that the answer would magically appear in my brain. I needed to do something. I needed to shake everything up somehow, and today was going to be the day. Once I got the big news, there wouldn’t be anything holding me back. I would have to take action.
I glanced at my watch, noticing the time. I needed to speed up if I was going to get there in time, and much as I hated the doctor’s office, I didn’t have any choice.
***
Ugh, even the waiting rooms are unbearable. Why don’t they ever do anything to make it less...doctor-y? The smell, the awful décor, the crappy magazines... It was almost as if it was designed to make people like me acutely aware of their condition.
Of course, waiting rooms never used to bother me, not until I began to spend half of my life in them. I used to pity the elderly, the ones with long-term conditions whose lives revolved around their latest appointments, until I became one of them. Then I just started to resent the world and everyone else in it.
“Mr. Fuller?” the friendly receptionist finally called out, putting me out of my misery. “The doctor is waiting for you.”
She looked at me for a beat too long, giving me that familiar, drawn-out smile that could only mean one thing. I’d seen it enough to know. She wanted me to ask her out on a date. Hell, she would probably let me take her in the storeroom today if I insisted upon it. And in the past, I probably would have done it, just because I could.
Not anymore, though. I wanted to live a more meaningful life. I just didn’t feel that way about women anymore. I might finally be ready to settle down.
Sure, she was cute, with her long red hair knotted up into a bun and her t-shirt pulled down just enough to give me a glimpse of her cleavage, but she was too young for my taste, and not the woman I would be with forever. Unfortunately, these days that was enough to put me off.
“Thank you,” I muttered, brushing past her and stomping in to see the doctor.
“Well, Milo.” He grinned, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “As we already predicted, your blood tests have come back clear. Of course, we will still need to keep an eye on you, because at this stage of the game – and for a long time to come, I’m afraid – there aren’t any guarantees.”
He took in my expression, noticing the lack of smile. I tried to rearrange my features to appear less grumpy, but I couldn’t seem to manage it.
“This is great news, though,” he continued, “and if you have any questions, please feel free to ask.”
“No, thank you,” I snapped quickly, always in the same manner. With my appointments, I wanted to get in and out, and questions prolonged that. That was what the Internet was for; if I needed to know anything, I could just look it up. It might have only contained the worst possible outcomes, but that was the stuff I needed to know. I wanted to be prepared for whatever could go down.
“Okay, well, what I’ll do is give you some informative flyers,” he replied tactfully, ignoring my attempt at a brush off. “That way, you should be able to find out all you need now that you have a clean bill of health.”
I felt a little bad as I left. Maybe I had been unintentionally rude to the doctor and the receptionist, too.
It was just all so much for me. I hadn’t wanted to die; that was never in my game plan at all. I just hadn’t made any plans for what I would do when I came out of this on the other side. I was focused, with only the goal in mind. I felt a little out of joint now; that was all. The bad feeling would subside soon enough. I was sure of it.
The ring of my cell phone blasted out, making me jump, and I grabbed it quickly from my pocket to answer it before I got in any trouble. I was outside the doctor’s office, but it felt too close for my liking. It was the reminder that in all my distraction, I’d left it switched on.
“Justin Gains?” I whispered in confusion as I saw the name plastered across the screen. This was a fellow businessman, someone I’d dealt with in the past, but not someone I’d spoken to in a while. It seemed strange for him to be calling me now. “Hello?”
“Hi, Milo, how are you?” His tone was so friendly that it made me a little suspicious. “How have things been?”
“Erm, up and down, you know how it is.” Did he know that I’d been ill? I wasn’t sure. It was all such a blur now, who I’d told and who I hadn’t. “How about you?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Look, I was just wondering – are you still in the investment game?” Okay, we are finally getting to the crux of things. Good; the sooner I know why he is contacting me, the better. “Because I have an opportunity for you.”
“You do?” Is this it? The sign that I’ve been hoping for? The clue for where I am supposed to take my life next? “I do a little. I’ve just been thinking about getting back into it, actually. What did you have in mind?”
“I can’t go over too much on the phone, so why don’t we meet up? I’m in Sun Valley tomorrow, anyway. We could meet for lunch or something.”
Okay, well, if he is here, I can hardly turn him down, can I? Whatever his reason was for contacting me, I needed to know more. “Yeah, sure, sounds good, man. I look forward to it.”
But as we hung up the phone, I felt all putout. I felt as if I’d been out of the game for far too long and that I had no idea what was going on. Justin Gains was a good guy – there was no doubt about it. I knew for a fact that he wouldn’t try to screw me over, but there was something strange about this. Why now? Why the secrecy? There had to be a reason for it, and I needed to know.
That thought plagued me all the way home, but I knew I had to be patient. I couldn’t exactly call Justin back now and ask more questions, not after he'd specifically said that he couldn't tell me over the phone.
I would have to wait, however annoying that was. Patience might not have been my strongest point, but I was an adult. I could do it. I was sure of it. All I had to do was get through the rest of the day, have a good night’s sleep, and I would find out tomorrow. That wasn't too long to wait.
Chapter Two
Eliza – Tuesday
“Oh, my goodness, what a morning,” I practically cried to myself as I stalked into my hair salon.
I’d missed my alarm, woken up late, and gotten dressed far too quickly. And then for one horrifying moment, it seemed like my car wasn't going to start. That would have damn near killed me. I could not afford any extra expense like that right now.
Luckily, the damages were minimal: mismatched socks, and I’d forgotten to brush my hair out, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. My socks were hidden by my leggings anyway, and I had all the hair equipment I could possibly need. I just felt a little putout. I felt like I wasn't quite sure where my head was at.
I sipped my lukewarm coffee and sighed for a second, trying to push all thoughts of New Year’s Eve out of my mind. It was always a good night in Florence; even if we were a small town, everyone got together to have some fun. But for me, this one was more painful than anything else.
Sure, Josh and I had fizzled out months ago, and to be honest, we never were anything, but for him to kiss Felicia like that right in front of my face... Well, it just put a damper on the rest of the evening.
I didn't care. I certainly didn't want him back. But it had felt a little bit like it had been for my benefit, a show just to hurt my feelings. In all honesty, I didn't know Josh well enough to understand if he was manipulative or just plain stupid, but I just hadn't been able to get that image out of my head all night long. I hadn't enjoyed myself quite as much as I would have otherwise. If he could have just kept his annoying lips to himself or kissed her in another bar…
Anyway, that didn’t matter anymore. It was a brand-new year with a million and one different opportunities for me. Plus, January the second was the day when New Year’s resolutions kicked in; no one could ever stick to them on the first when they had a hangover. Now, I just needed to decide what mine were going to be. Life changes were essential, but where did I begin?
One: make more money in the salon. That one was essential – things were getting increasingly bad. I still had a steady number of customers, but with rising rent and bills, plus that increase in staff wages, the red envelopes were increasing by the second. If I didn't get things under control soon, I was going to find myself with some very serious problems.
It would be okay, though. I wasn’t panicking about it. And even when I did start to feel a little worried, I did a breathing technique that I’d read about in a magazine somewhere. Breathe in for four beats, out for seven. That got rid of any carbon dioxide and anxiety... apparently.
Breathe in... one, two, three, four, and out...
It would all be okay. I had support. I wasn't totally alone. I would find a way to work it all out eventually. I was certain of it.
Two: sort out my love life. I wasn’t desperate for a boyfriend or anything. I’d never met anyone I’d fallen head over heels in love with – not even Josh, he was just sort of there – but it would be nice to finally have that.
At twenty-eight, I was finally starting to feel that overpowering tick of my biological clock, but only because I hadn’t found anyone remotely interesting for me. I didn’t want to pop out ten babies immediately, but I would have liked to have someone to call my own. I just wanted that warm, comforting sensation that came from being in love. Everyone else seemed to have it. I didn't know what was wrong with me.
Anyway, enough of that. This is no time for a self-confidence crisis.
Three...
“Hey there,” my friend, and employee, Laynee, burst in before I could get to three with a big smile on her face, proving that she wasn’t filled with any New Year’s Eve regret or determination for a better life. She was such a happy-go-lucky girl that I doubted anything got to her.
“How’s it going? And why are you cleaning the place? It’s spotless; we did it just before the Christmas break, remember?” she asked.
I hadn’t even realized that I was absentmindedly running a cloth over the place. “Oh, yeah, you’re right.” I chuckled awkwardly. “Just lost in thought. Plus, you know what Grandma always said: there’s always time to clean.”
My grandmother had passed away during the previous year, and it had hit me very hard. I loved her, she was the only family I had, and I still missed her to this day. Luckily, Laynee knew all about it and had been very supportive the whole time. I don’t know what I would have done without her.
“She was a great woman.” Laynee smiled kindly, rubbing my back gently. “But she would have wanted you to carry on. She would have wanted you to be happy and successful.”
Laynee had known my grandmother well, and she was right about that. Grandma was spirited and always having a good time. She wouldn't have let anything as small as a failing salon to get her down.
If only I could be more like that!
“And as for the business...” We’d had a conversation before Christmas about making some changes, and it seemed that Laynee had pondered over it a lot more, too. She wanted this place to work just as much as I did; she loved being a hairdresser, and her livelihood depended on it. “I have had some ideas.”
“Yeah, we need to make a real go of it this year. make some changes. Anything you have is welcome, really.”
“I thought that maybe we could start doing parties,” she exclaimed excitedly. “Chic Hair parties. And, maybe we could get a tanning booth, too. You know how that's a huge craze, and I don't see it going anywhere soon!”
“Yeah, I like those plans!” I sat up excitedly in my chair. But then I remembered that we would need to spend money to make money with that one, and I didn’t exactly have any to spare.
My feelings rose and fell in the space of an instant; this was going to be harder than I’d thought. I would have loved nothing more than to buy a tanning booth, especially as it would lead to revenue, but I just couldn't afford it – not even close.
“Oops, Jan is here early. I better go and let her in.” I watched as my friend bounded to the door. I needed to make this work – for her as well as me. Somehow, I was going to have to find a way to stay open, whatever it took.
“Hi, Jan, how are things? No Tony today?” Laynee asked.
“No, he has an appointment with Doctor Turner...”
As they made the usual hairdresser/customer small talk, I tuned them out and took a moment to try and work out a way that I could make this happen. I had a stack of bills that seemed to be getting higher every single day and no way to reduce them. I should have thought about expanding earlier, when I could have afforded to, and I probably would have, had it not been for the grief. Enthusiasm was one thing, but it would only get me so far. I needed to get serious, too.
“Did you hear that, Eliza?” Laynee’s voice suddenly broke through my thought barrier. “Jan just said that you’ve done an amazing job here.”
“Yes, the place looks wonderful.” Jan grinned up at me from under all the products.
I forced a fake smile on my face and gave her my thanks, wishing that her words could make me feel a little better, but the black cloud had settled over me now and I couldn’t shake it off. Things need to get better. I have to find a way, somehow...
***
“Well, that was a good first day back,” Laynee said, trying to draw me into a conversation as we locked up the shop. “Don’t you think?” But I didn’t answer her; my mind was elsewhere. “Eliza, are you okay?”
“Oh, God, I’m sorry.” I shook my head and tried to get my head back in the game. “I guess I’m just worried about the future of this shop. I thought it would be all right. I came back all excited to make some changes, but now I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to do it. Thinking about it seriously, it isn't going to be as straightforward as I'd hoped.”
“I know, but I trust you. You’ll find a way,” she said innocently enough. She returned to sweeping up the hair, but I could tell that there was something swimming around in that head of hers. We’d been working together and friends for long enough for me to know that much.
“What is it?” I asked. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Okay...” She gave me a look, one that told me she wasn’t quite sure how to word it. “Well, I know that this is a sensitive subject, but... Well, don’t forget that you have your grandma’s cabin.”
It was her way of helping, and I knew that she meant it because if she had any money, she would give it to me immediately, but it hurt. That cabin was the only thing that I had left from my grandmother, and much as I knew that it would make me some money, I just couldn’t sell it.
It was a beautiful place, just outside of town in the woods. There was even a lake outside, making it the most picturesque place I’d ever seen. It would make me some serious money, probably enough to get the business rolling okay again and then some left over to buy myself a nicer home than the one I was currently renting. But still, it was all that I had left.
It wasn’t just that; it contained all my childhood memories, or at least a lot of them. We visited a lot when I was younger, and I always felt incredibly happy there, even after I lost my parents. I couldn’t give that up just yet. I wasn’t ready, and I didn’t know if I ever would be. How can I let go of the one thing that links me to my childhood and family now?
Plus – and probably most importantly – when things went to hell in my apartment, which was more often than I wanted to think about, I would stay there. I couldn't afford to give up that safety net.
“I know what you mean,” I told her seriously, wanting to let her know that I wasn't just dismissing her. “But I just can’t sell it.”
“No, I wasn’t suggesting that.” She smiled a little brighter now. “I would never suggest that. I know how much it means to you. Don’t sell the place, but you could rent it out.”
“What do you mean? Like become a landlord?” That sounded like far too much paperwork for my liking. I already had enough on my hands, plus I wasn’t sure it wasn’t fit for permane
nt living.
“No,” Laynee was excited now, sure that she was onto a winner. “Think about it. People travel all the time for business; leisure, too. Florence is a popular vacation destination, and there are a lot of people who run their companies from here. Rent your cabin out as somewhere for people to relax or stay.”
“Hmm...” I furrowed up my eyebrows, thinking about it. That actually wasn’t a terrible idea. Maybe I could do that; maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea in the entire world. Plus, that wouldn't be a permanent thing, so I could still stay there when I needed to.
“You could be right,” I told her slowly. “Maybe that’s what I’ll do.”
Chapter Three
Milo – Wednesday
So being all adult about it didn't exactly work out for me. I almost called Justin a million times, and I even went online to see if I could find out any clues from his website. I just needed to know.
It was the first thing that I'd been interested in for a very long time, and I didn't want to let that sensation go. It was much better than being numb and sad – that didn't suit me.
“Okay.” I slid into the seat next to Justin, handing him a cup of coffee. “I’m here, what do you want?” I was only teasing him, winding him up, but there was a lot of truth in there, too. If he didn't tell me soon, I was going to go insane. “Come on, spit it out!”
“Ha ha, very funny.” He laughed wryly at me. “You know, you used to be a lot less serious before you became a hotshot in Vegas.”
That actually hit me harder than I thought it would.
I always thought that I’d been fun loving in the last few years, but I probably was a lot easier to get along with back in the pre-Vegas days. I hadn’t been so focused on having fun; it just happened more naturally. Maybe I'd been forcing myself to have fun to cover something up. I wasn't quite sure what, but it did get me thinking.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I half-heartedly laughed, not wanting to be on this topic. This wasn't the time for any kind of self-evaluation. “I don’t know what happened to me.”