by Alexa Davis
“Get out of here,” I sneered nastily at him. “We’re done. I never want to see you again. You’re the worst person I’ve ever met in my entire life.” And, I slammed the door in his face, closing it on him for the very last time. I never saw him again.
I expected him to come to my father’s funeral despite everything else. I thought he would push it all aside to support me, that the years before would mean enough for him to ignore one, tiny argument. I even assumed that we might make up with one another and we’d end up back together... But it seemed like his stupid, drunken grudge was more important than me.
As I put my father in the ground and said goodbye to him, I waved off everything else in my life, too. I decided to say goodbye to Florence, to my old friends, to everything that connected me to him.
Most of all, I said goodbye to Matthew. That had to be it for us, the end forever. I needed to see the move as a positive start, as a new beginning where I would find someone who truly deserved my time, someone new. Among all the sadness, I found a positivity, too, and I did all that I could to simply roll with that.
After that, I focused getting on to the next stage in my life. I concentrated on university, and that was all I cared about. I didn’t contact anyone in Florence, I isolated myself, and as I drove off knowing that I would never be back, I actually felt good.
Of course, now I was dealing with the after effects of that life, which cut even deeper, considering it didn’t quite turn out as I’d planed...
“Urgh,” I growled angrily, sorting through what felt like a massive pile of unpaid bills. I’d only just managed to fully organize my mail being redirected, and what I’d received was the most unwelcome set of mail known to man.
“What is it?” Kerri asked, sending Grant off to go and watch cartoons with my mom. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s just the stress of not having money to pay off these student loans. I need a job, and it’s winding me up that I haven’t got one...but I can’t talk to Mom about it. I lied to her and told her that I almost had something lined up, just to stop her from worrying.” I rubbed my head hard, trying to make the headache go away. “On top of that, this house is falling apart. I didn’t realize how much had gone to hell in the last few years.”
“What do you mean?” Kerri sat beside me, staring at me with concern in her eyes.
“There’s a load of trouble with the roof, and I’m honestly scared that it’ll collapse within the next few weeks... Not to mention Mom’s medical bills.”
A tight, hot knot of panic started to twist its way into my gut, making me feel a little sick. How the fuck was I going to deal with all of this in the short time that I had? I needed a job, now; I needed a whole bunch of money – now – and without that, I would end up with nothing.
“You’ll have to win the lottery,” Kerri half joked. “I know it’s a one in a million shot, but someone has to win!”
“Yeah... I think I have a better chance of getting hired on the spot right now,” I replied wryly, looking down at my scruffy pajamas and chuckling. “I might pick up a ticket if I remember, but I think what I really need to do is get online and trawl the job boards. If you hear anything, let me know, won’t you?”
“Of course I will,” she nodded, taking my hand in hers. “I know that it feels a little crap now, but you’ll get through it. You’re as tough as your mother, and you’ve been through worse.”
I couldn't discuss that any longer; it was making me feel sick. Thinking about worse times took me right back into losing my dad, and I was doing my best to avoid that. I’d spent all day wallowing in it; today was supposed to be moving forward, focusing on something else other than Matthew for a change.
I had to change the subject, and I needed to do it quickly. “So, what happened with you and Willy?” I smiled thinly, needing anything to distract me, even if it would lead to a sordid description of what Willy was like in bed. I couldn't remember ever having too deep of a conversation with Kerri in the past, but my friends in New York used to give me intense, graphic descriptions that I really didn’t need. “Was it a whole lot of fun?”
But much to my surprise, her face fell at the mere mention of Willy’s name. Uh oh, had I just stumbled across something awkward?
“I don't know what I was thinking,” she said sadly. “Why the hell did I have my beer goggles on around Willy? Why the hell did I allow him to touch me with his uneducated fish hands?”
I didn’t know how to respond to that; it seemed a little harsh to me. I’d never heard Kerri be pointedly nasty about someone before, which made me think that there was something more to it. Maybe she had real feelings for him, or maybe he was coming on far too strong for her? I wanted to ask, but the steely expression that had overcome her face made me think she didn’t want to talk about it further.
“Well, I don't know what I was thinking, either,” I admitted, accepting that I needed to talk about what I wanted to avoid, if only to cheer my friend up. I’d made a mistake, too, so I hoped that would ease her pain. “Sleeping with Matthew was a huge no.”
“You didn’t, did you?” she exclaimed in shock. “I thought there was something there, but I didn’t know you’d actually gone the whole hog. Was that...the first time?”
Of course, I’d never told her before because I’d been distracted afterwards. “No, we did it once when we were younger, but it was nothing like that this time. Things were totally different.”
“And you don't think that maybe...you should go back there?” she asked me cautiously, almost bracing herself for the long line of abuse that might come her way.
I didn’t react like that, though; I wasn't mad. I could see why she’d think I’d want to. After all, the past was a long time ago and there was clearly a lot of chemistry still there, but I just wasn't sure I could just forget. I might have wanted to, but actually doing it was something else. Plus, there was the undeniable fact that we’d been out of one another’s lives for far too long, we didn’t know anything about each other anymore. What if I still couldn't trust him?
My heart had only just gone a little way to sealing back up into a whole organ again. I didn’t think that reopening that wound was going to be good for me – or him, to be honest. Sure, a lot of our mistakes had been because we were young and stupid, but the damage was real and seriously long lasting.
“I think what we need to do is find a new bar,” I eventually replied carefully. “I know that there isn’t much choice in Florence, but there has to be somewhere we can go!”
“Maybe you’re right,” Kerri sighed, seemingly avoiding eye contact with me. “Neither of us want to make that mistake again!”
“You can say that again.”
With that, we burst into semi-hysterical laughter, giving in to our crazy emotions. Sure, I could tell that Kerri was going through something, and I hoped that we would eventually get to a stage where she felt comfortable enough to tell me. But for now, I was just happy to have her there, cheering me up and making me laugh.
Chapter Thirteen
Matthew
Thursday, Doctor’s Office
I felt a pair of hands wrapping around my eyes, a gesture that would have once made me chuckle lightly, but today only irritated me.
No matter how much I attempted to distance myself and make it clear to Terri that we were done, she was not getting the hint. I felt like I was getting to the point where I was just going to have to have a brutal, honest conversation with her, but it wasn't the time. I was about to head into an appointment with Peggy, and I had no idea whether Ashlee was going to be with her.
My mind was all tied up in knots about the prospect of seeing Ashlee again after what had happened. She hadn’t even attempted to be in touch, and neither had I. I couldn't, not when I had no idea where her head was at. Was she going to hate me? Would things be uncomfortable?
“Hi, handsome.” Terri smiled at me, making my heart sink as she slid down in the chair next to me. “Why haven’t you messaged me in
a while? I’ve weirdly missed you.”
God, she was actually heading right in there and addressing the issue. The wasn't something that she’d ever done before... But then again, it probably hadn’t ever been that long in the past. My heart raced painfully in my chest, and my mouth ran dry with fear. I wasn't ready to dive into that.
“I’ve just been busy,” I replied evasively, but she wasn't about to let this slide; she wasn't letting go.
“But you’re always busy.” The smile was falling from her face; she was slowly starting to get annoyed, I could tell. “You usually manage to find time for me, even if it’s during working hours. What’s going on?”
I sighed deeply, hanging my head a little before speaking out once more. “Look, I’ve just been going through a challenging time,” I told her. “I just... I need some time, okay?”
Terri didn’t answer me, but fury shone behind her eyes as she stood up and stormed from the room, leaving me alone. I felt certain that would have terrible, negative consequences for me, but in that second, I just felt relieved to have her gone. She was a great girl, and I was sure she would make someone a wonderful wife one day, but that was never going to be me. I thought I’d made that incredibly clear to her, but clearly, I was wrong.
Almost within the next second, Peggy walked into the room, and I sucked in a deep breath of air. She was here, Ashlee would be with her, too, and my biggest fear was about to be faced.
But no one followed her. My heart was stopped dead in my chest for no apparent reason because she hadn’t even shown up. What the hell? Did she still hate me so much that she couldn't even face me now? What had happened during the last ten years? Hadn’t we grown up at all? Were we still in the past where we wouldn’t talk about our problems and simply ignored one another, instead?
“You alone?” I couldn't help but ask. “No Ashlee today?” I feared that her mom might have heard about the other night and that I might get a serious ear bashing for that. I would take it, though, just to find out what the hell was going on – even if it did make me look incredibly unprofessional. Peggy liked me, though, she always had, and I hoped she would realize just how much history Ashlee and I had.
“Oh, she’s at a job interview,” she told me a little despondently. “I think she thought it would be easy to come here and simply walk into another speech therapist job, but of course, it isn’t that easy. It’s quite a specialized position, and although they’re needed like crazy in New York, it’s much less of a thing here.”
“Yeah, right,” I drawled out slowly, unsure of how much of that was the truth. Maybe she did need a job, or maybe she just couldn't stand to face me again. Either way, I felt shitty about it. I wished that there was something I could do to help. “Okay, well, we need to discuss what you’ve decided with regards to treatment.”
“I’m going to stop you there,” Peggy said, resting her hand lightly on mine. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I know you really want to help, but the treatment isn’t anything that I can afford. I know you do things in a much more affordable way than other doctors, which is great for the medication, but that isn’t the only reason I moved back here.”
“What?” I gulped down that painful ball of emotion. If Peggy was refusing treatment, then this would only go one way. I couldn't bear to think about that. How the hell would Ashlee cope without her? “Why did you move back, then?”
“The house is the only inheritance I have, the only thing I can give to Ashlee when...if things take a turn for the worse, and it needs a lot of work. I would rather use my money to fix the roof to give Ashlee a chance. She can either live there herself, or sell it to get somewhere of her own.
“I just can’t leave her with nothing. She’s worked hard her entire life, but she’s still behind with bills. She thinks I don't know about it, but I do. I just... I need to do something nice for her. You know more than most what a hard time she’s been through when she was younger. I mean, I didn’t even want her to come home, but she simply insisted on it when she heard that I was sick, and I hadn't even told her then how bad things were!”
I nodded slowly, feeling a cold sensation flooding through me. I did know, even more so since I’d lost my own parents, and I hadn’t ever done anything to help her. Maybe this would be my second chance at making a difference in her life; maybe there was something I could do.
“Okay, well, do you mind if I have a look into what we can do? See if there’s anything slightly more affordable? I just... I don't like to see you giving up so easily.” I’d never seen Peggy so resigned to something before, and it broke my damn heart. If this was hitting me so hard, then I dreaded to think about what it would be doing to Ashlee.
“I’m not giving up,” she insisted, smiling at me. “I’m making a choice. This is what I want to do now.” I stared at her, trying to see right through her, but she wasn't backing down. This really did seem to be what she wanted.
“Ashlee has been the only person I’ve had since I lost my husband, and I feel like I’ve done everything that I can for her now. She doesn’t need me anymore, she’s a grown up who can look after herself; she’s been proving that for the last decade in New York.”
“She’ll always need you,” I replied sadly. “But I understand.”
“By all means, look,” she told me kindly. “But I think that my mind is made up.”
I didn’t want to ask her if Ashlee knew about her decision because I wasn't sure my heart could take it, so I simply nodded stiffly and worked around to saying my goodbye.
As soon as she had walked from the office, I turned to Terri with a smile on my face. During our conversation, an idea filled my mind, a way I could help even a little bit, and I couldn't wait to get the ball rolling with that. “Can you put out an advertisement online?” I asked her. “We need a speech therapist to start working here, and I need the post to go up today.”
“Can we afford that?” she asked suspiciously. “Is that something we need around here?”
“This is my business, and I’m telling you that this is what we need,” I told her firmly, not wanting to hear her very logical arguments. Of course, I couldn't really afford it, and sure a speech therapist wasn't essential considering we weren’t any kind of specialist practice, but I needed to help somehow, and this was the best way I could think of to do that. “Just get the job post up, please. Thank you.”
Now there would be a choice for Ashlee, if her other applications didn’t work out. If she got hired somewhere else, I could always say that I’d changed my mind before we interviewed anyone else, not that I felt like there would be hundreds of people qualified to be a speech therapist in Florence.
*****
My conversation with Peggy was still spinning through my mind as I drove home later that evening. I was trying desperately to think of some kind of solution for her, something that she might agree to, and in all honesty, I was struggling. I wanted to offer to pay for the treatment for her, but I had the feeling that would go down like a lead balloon.
I pulled up to the nearest gas station to fill up my car, distractedly wondering how I was going to solve all the issues that faced me. How could I make things clear to Terri, sort things out with Ashlee, and save Peggy’s life all at once? None of them were simple problems, ones that I could tackle quite easily, which made it even worse. There wasn't even one I could take on first, knowing it would be done quickly.
“Hello there, Doctor Turner,” the guy behind the cash desk grinned at me. “How are you today?”
I’d known this guy for a very long time, for years in fact, but in typical Florence fashion, I wasn't exactly sure of his name. We’d met, started talking, and it quickly became too awkward for me to ask. He knew my name because he’d heard someone talking to me at one point, but I didn’t think I would ever find out his.
“I’m good, thank you. Busy as always; how about you?”
“Oh, you know,” he said evasively. “Same as always. Work, pub, sleep.”
“Sure is! It’s been a crazy amount of rollovers, so you should buy your ticket. I’ve got mine.”
I considered it for a second, remembering my previous conversation with Mr. Smith. Sure, it might have been a very slim chance I would win. I’d probably get hit by lightning first. But someone had to win, so I might as well give it a shot. If I won, that would at least help with some of my problems. It’d get my finances under control, at the very least.
“Go on then, I suppose I better get one.” I smiled happily, just for a second imagining all my debts paid off. How amazing would that be? Plus, then I could do something to help out Peggy and Ashlee, too. I could either finance her treatment, or get her damn house fixed up, just something to make her life a little better. “You never know, right?”
“Exactly!” he grinned excitedly. “Wouldn’t it be amazing if it was someone here that won, someone in Florence? That would be incredible.”
“Sure would. See ya.”
With that, I tucked the ticket away in my back pocket, where I immediately forgot about it. Winning wasn't likely at all, whereas my other problems needed my attention. I had to focus on them instead to try and find some kind of solution.
Chapter Fourteen
Ashlee
Friday
“Urgh,” I sighed deeply to myself as I finally made it back home after a horrible interview. I don't know why I sucked so hard, speaking to people running a practice in the mall, but I couldn't seem to hold my shit together. I stuttered, undermined my own achievements, and made myself look stupid more than once.