She drew a deep breath and stretched as if waking up. “I’m fine.” Wasn’t that Katie code for I’m anything but fine?
“I’m sorry about Emmy’s behavior.”
Her shrug seemed dismissive. “No need to be. She apologized while we were packing up the leftovers. We’ve called a truce.”
Good. “Just know that, if it ever came to a choice between the two of you, she’d lose.” He reached across to squeeze her arm, since her hands were folded in her lap beyond his reach.
Katie jaw dropped momentarily before she pressed her lips together. “I have no intention of standing between you and your family.”
“I’m not asking you to. I just want you to know where I stand. Thanks for coming with us today. It meant a lot to Chelsea and me, even though it had to be rough for you.” His parents seemed genuinely happy to see her again, though.
“I enjoyed most of the day.” He pulled into the lane and drove up to park beside the house. He’d never been happier to see her place than tonight. It felt like home. He turned off the engine and sat there a moment simply staring at the wheel.
They removed their seatbelts. From the backseat, Chelsea said, “I’m starving, Mom.”
She laughed. The kid had a healthy appetite. “We have no shortage of food in the cooler and all the bags back there.” Katie picked up her purse from the floorboard and handed the house key to Chelsea over the backseat. “Why don’t you open the door, sweetie?”
They exited as Miguel came out of the barn and greeted them. “Everything is fine. The horses are taken care of. I’ll see you in the morning, Kate.” He nodded in Travis’s direction. “Travis,” he said. The two had met briefly last night.
“Good night, Miguel,” they said at the same time. Katie added, “Thanks for holding down the fort so we could get away.”
“De nada.”
Chelsea came running back to the truck, saying loudly, “Daddy, I’ll carry the cooler.” Then she whispered, “I’ll disappear tonight so you can talk to mom about my new horse.”
Crap. Was there any chance of his convincing Katie after his first attempt failed? Probably not. But it was worth a try. The last thing he wanted to do was to disappoint Chelsea or have to go back on his word.
Chelsea carried the small cooler while Katie reached for the two bags from the backseat. “Here, let me get those.” He followed them inside where Katie tested her glucose, she decided to have a late-night snack, too. Travis had an appetite like Chelsea’s, so the three of them prepared leftovers and reminisced about the day until Chelsea yawned dramatically and claimed she was worn out and going to bed early.
After she kissed them both on the cheek and practically skipped out of the room, Katie said, “She certainly has more energy than I do if that’s what she calls being worn out.”
Travis smiled at her, hoping she didn’t suspect anything was up, but then she grew serious. “Travis, earlier today, when I mentioned noticing you’d been up late at night while you were staying out in the barn, you seemed a little down. Was there anything you’d like to talk about?”
Side-tracked from thoughts of Chelsea’s horse, Travis debated whether to open up to her about Danny. Maybe he’d gauge how much she might want to hear. “Actually, I don’t sleep a lot anymore. Haven’t for months. Three or four hours a night most of the time, then I may go for a couple of days where all I do is sleep so my body can catch up.”
“That’s not healthy, especially for someone working around construction sites.”
“Yeah, I know.” He’d been lucky so far, with the help of Jackson and even Sadie, Danny’s dog. While not a trained service animal, Sadie instinctively alerted him when he was about to do something dangerous or careless. Maybe Danny was guiding the Golden Retriever from the other side. Whatever, more and more, he’d been spending time in the office to keep from hurting anyone. “Usually, it’s thoughts of Danny that keep me up.”
Not sure how much more he wanted to say, he stood and started clearing the table. Knowing Danny had found a way to communicate with him lately made his death not seem so final. And his buddy sure as hell had gotten through to Katie the other night, sharing information she wouldn’t have known otherwise. When he’d tossed the paper plates and scraps, he turned to her. Drawing a deep, ragged breath, he admitted, “I’m ready to tell you more about Danny.”
Meeting his gaze from where she was putting her water pitcher away, Katie closed the fridge. “I’d love to know more about him. He definitely has a strong, captivating personality.”
Travis chuckled, some of the tension ebbing away. “One stubborn cuss, you mean.”
She grinned back. “Let’s say he’s quite persuasive and won’t take no for an answer.”
God, I miss you, Danny.
Taking Katie’s hand, he led her to the living room. He felt lost for a moment, but she prompted him to sit on the couch by choosing a spot on the end and tugging him downward.
“Tell me more about Danny.”
Travis wondered where to start. “I was closer to Danny than I am with Clint in many ways, especially after serving in combat. We’d bunked together in boot camp. I was a few years older, but we both enlisted knowing it was a sure bet we’d be deployed—and served almost two tours together before he was injured. I had one more after that. Danny and I, we spoke in a kind of shorthand that cut to the chase of wherever we left off without skipping a beat.”
“I’m glad you had each other.”
“He was injured by the IED blast on a convoy between FOBs—forward operating bases—about halfway through our second tour. After his discharge from the hospital and the Army National Guard, he had a hell of a time getting back into the rhythm of civilian life.”
“Small wonder. That’s a lot for a kid to have to go through.”
Hey, who’s she calling a kid! I was almost twenty by then.
Travis smiled. Whatever Travis was about to say to Katie, apparently he’d be saying to Danny, too. “His back injury and leg amputation required a lengthy recovery and dozens of surgeries. When he lost his pre-deployment job, I hired him at my company, but I could soon tell he was struggling with an addiction to prescription pain meds.”
Danny remained silent.
“I’m proud of you for hiring your fellow vets. Daddy would have appreciated that, too. He served in Vietnam and finding a job to supplement his farm income wasn’t easy, especially after the tobacco growers’ settlement. He admired anyone who chose military experience over civilian.”
Old Man Michaels proud of him? Yeah, right. “It’s not just their work ethic and skills, but there’s a camaraderie and mutual respect among those of us who served that makes for a better work environment. We speak the same language. Of course, I can’t discriminate against others, but vets rank a little higher in my estimation.”
“Sorry I interrupted.”
“No problem.” Where was he? “Anyway, Danny never really let on how bad the pain was.” Something I can’t quite forgive you for, Danny. No response. Was he still listening? “He’d been legally prescribed too many opioids. May have even been stockpiling them, for all I know.”
Travis raked his fingers through his hair as his heartbeat ramped up, robbing him of the ability to take a deep breath. “That day, when he didn’t show up for work, I called to check on him.” Katie’s hand stroked his arm as if she’d guessed where this was headed. “Certainly not the first time he’d had a rough night and couldn’t make it to work on time. I kept trying to reach him all day. By three o’clock, I became worried enough to knock off early so I could run by his apartment on the way home. He lived in Brentwood, about halfway between work and home.” His lungs grew tight. “No one answered when I banged on the door, but we’d exchanged house keys long ago. We both lived alone and vowed to look out for the other and our properties. Jackson also has a key to my place.”
Travis tried to drag air into his lungs, but no oxygen seemed to be left in the room. He’d never spoken in great detail ab
out that afternoon before to anyone.
“So I let myself in.”
* * *
Kate’s hand stilled, as did her breathing. She waited for what she knew was coming, but didn’t want to hear. Travis shouldered the burdens of obligation for family and friends, even when he had zero control over their situations and choices. Clearly, he was feeling a sense of responsibility—and guilt—over what happened. She squeezed his arm, hoping to reassure him that she was here to listen.
“I found him lying face down on the bed… I thought he’d passed out at first. I shook his shoulder to wake him up and knew immediately he was gone. Still, I called 9-1-1 and dragged him to the floor to perform CPR. Kept trying to bring him back until the paramedics showed up to take over and told me almost immediately it was too late. He’d been dead for hours, according to the medical examiner.”
“Oh, Travis. I’m so sorry you had to be the one to find him like that.” Tears filled her eyes. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, but decided she needed to be strong for him at least until he was able to get the story out. It had obviously been festering inside a very long time. But when she glanced at him, he didn’t seem to be teary-eyed. She’d never seen him more deadly calm, in fact.
Poor choice of words.
He sighed. “Actually, I’m glad it was me who found him and not his sister. She’s older than he is but has a form of autism. Peggy lives in a group home near him and sometimes visited his apartment unannounced.”
He remained silent for a long moment. She wondered if he’d finished, but then he continued. “After his medical discharge, Danny received monthly benefits from the government. When he came to work for my firm, he had money deposited from every paycheck into Peggy’s bank account. He knew that money would dry up when he quit working, though, so he took out life insurance policies from the government and my company in case anything happened to him. Of course, I’d have made sure Peggy was taken care of without it, but Danny was a proud man and wanted to take care of his own responsibilities.”
“He sounds a lot like you.” After having “met” Danny’s spirit, she found it hard to refer to him in the past tense.
Travis shrugged, without remark. “Anyway, I have the same insurance policies he does…did. Neither would pay out for suicide within the first two years. About six years ago, during a particularly severe post-surgery depression, one of Danny’s policies was nearing the date the clause would no longer affect a payout to beneficiaries. I worried he may take that route, so I confiscated his firearms. As far as I know, he never replaced them.”
It sounded as though Travis had been pre-disposed to believing Danny might commit suicide; no wonder he jumped to the wrong conclusion. “I was so sure we’d gotten through to him.”
“We?”
“Jackson, my foreman who served in Afghanistan, and me. The other vets on my crew, too. We try to be there for each other when anyone’s having a tough time.” He shook his head. “None of us saw this coming.”
Kate remembered how adamant Danny had been about his death. “But I told you, he said it wasn’t a suicide.”
“Yeah. But I didn’t know that back then.”
“What made you draw that conclusion in the first place?”
“I found a half-empty bottle of prescription pain pills in the bathroom.”
“Maybe he’d had it a while.”
“Less than a week. Weird thing is we found other bottles in the apartment that were older and barely touched.”
“Doesn’t sound like he was overdoing it with pills. And he didn’t take all the ones in the bottle you found?”
Travis shook his head.
“I agree with Danny. It sounds accidental to me,” Kate said. Travis turned toward her and stared at her blankly. How could she make him see? “Don’t you think if he’d intended to kill himself, he wouldn’t have left anything to chance and would have taken all of them? Why leave himself hanging in a coma or with liver damage, especially if his sister depended on him?”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “I never thought about the fact that he hadn’t taken all the pills in the bottle. Maybe you’re right.” Obviously, he had some kind of mental block on this, because he hadn’t taken her message from Danny as evidence, either.
“And what about the alcohol?”
His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Danny told me it wasn’t so much that he took too many pills as the combination with alcohol.”
“Jackson said the M.E. found both in his system. I’d forgotten until recently, but there was a bottle of tequila in the apartment.”
“Maybe he started out drinking, and when that didn’t help, he turned to the pain pills.” She wished she knew for a certainty, but Danny hadn’t spelled it out. Was Danny ashamed that he’d made such a deadly mistake? “Had he been known to combine alcohol and opioids before?”
He stared at her as if she’d grown two heads. “If I’d known he was doing that, I’d have kicked his ass into rehab. Maybe he’d still be around here if I had.” He sighed, looking away. “When I found him, there was no doubt in my mind it was a suicide.” His voice broke. “Why didn’t he call me? I would have sat up with him and tried to take his mind off it.”
“When’s the last time you asked someone for help?”
He gave a curt nod. “Point taken.” His voice grew raspy. “That’s what’s kept me awake at night. Thinking about those final hours, how alone he was, asking myself why he didn’t reach out…”
She reached out to stroke his blue-jean clad thigh, wanting to hold him and make all the hurt go away. “Travis, I’m so sorry.” She rested her head on his shoulder, needing to be close even if she did have to invade his space. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “God, I miss him so much.”
The anguish he’d kept bottled up released in a torrent, and she stroked his back as he poured out his heart’s sorrow. “That’s it. Let it out.” Even knowing Danny’s death hadn’t been a suicide, the loss of a close friend still tore him apart.
When he seemed to have shed the last tear, she said, “You need to forgive him. I don’t know if you sense him around you, but there’s a good chance he does come around you if he visited me.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s always butting into my business.” She could hear Travis’s grin. “I’ll have a talk with him tonight, even if it’s one-sided.” He pulled away slightly so he could meet her gaze. “Thanks for listening, Katie.”
“Anytime you want to talk, I’m here.”
A cloud passed in front of his eyes. “I don’t know why all this erupted now.”
“You can only ignore the valve on a pressure cooker so long before there’s an explosion.” She smiled, stroking his arm. “I’m just glad you trusted me enough to share with me.” She wouldn’t be with him most of the time, though. “Is there anyone else in your life you can open up to? Jackson, maybe?”
He chuffed. “Never. I’m supposed to be the leader. They don’t need any sign of weakness from me.”
“Who meets your needs, Travis?” The words came out sounding differently than she’d intended.
“My dad and I have talked about our combat experiences a few times. He never talked about it at all to my brother, but I think he felt I’d understand.”
If he interpreted her words in a sexual way, he didn’t let on. Good. Unsure about leaving him alone and vulnerable tonight, Kate wondered how she could keep him talking more before going to their separate rooms. She’d rather stay here with him.
“You think Chelsea’ll be all right?” he asked. “She had a big day, too.”
“Yeah,” Kate smiled. “I’ll check on her before turning in, but my guess is that she’s already asleep.” Travis was her biggest concern tonight. He seemed a little lost. How could she prolong their time together?
“Do you have any photos of Danny?”
“Sure. On my laptop upstairs.”
“Would you
share some of them with me?”
Travis cocked his head. “You want to see them?”
“Very much so. I’d like to know what he looks like.” She grinned.
He paused a moment. “Tonight?”
“I’m not doing anything more important.”
“Okay. Just let me go get my laptop from my rucksack, and I’ll meet you back here.”
Katie used the time alone to try and regain control of the inappropriate thoughts going through her head. Memories of a when they’d made love in the barn apartment. Memories of his fingers caressing her breasts, his body pressed against hers, his hands bringing her to orgasm. Okay, this wasn’t going to do anything to make it easier for her to breathe when he returned.
What was the matter with her? They were talking about his deceased friend. Sex had to be the furthest thing from the man’s mind at the moment. When he came back downstairs, she forced herself to concentrate on Danny and Travis, waiting for him to pull up the first images with a mixture of dread and excitement wreaking havoc with her emotions.
Chapter Thirty
Travis worried about how he’d react going through Danny’s photos with Katie, but joined her in the living room a few minutes later filled with an odd mix of anticipation and dread. Taking a seat close to her so they could both see the laptop screen, he opened the lid. While waiting for the computer to boot up, he surreptitiously inhaled the lemony scent radiating from her body.
Katie’s body felt so right next to him that he had to fight the urge to crush her lips under his. That would be a preferred diversion, though. Despite the other night, his need for her was at an all-time high. Totally wrong, given they’d just been talking about Danny’s death.
Get your mind out of the gutter, Trav.
Aw, admit it, Danny. You’d do the same if you were sitting next to her.
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