But the fist was still squeezing her stomach.
She put on a pot of coffee, then returned to the living room and stared down at the man she’d loved since she was eighteen. He was a good man. He wouldn’t hurt her on purpose, but life had a way of making it happen. Luck or fate, whatever words you wanted to use, it had a way of screwing up everything.
She could surround herself by all the good luck charms in the world, but it would never change the fact that she was unlucky. And that bad luck could rub off on Ford if she wasn’t careful. They might try to have a relationship now, but ladybug or no, he’d end up leaving her again.
She wrapped her arms around her stomach. Really bad feeling.
“Diane?” Ford sat up. “Are you okay?”
She pasted a smile on her face. “Sure. Sorry if I woke you.” Sunlight was beginning to peek through the curtains. She threw them open and then blinked against the brightness. “Looks like the plows have been working all night.” The street was cleared and one of Ben Krasinski’s guys had already taken care of her driveway. Maybe that’s what woke her.
“Guess that means you have to go back to work this morning,” Ford said with a sigh. He grabbed his clothes off the floor. “Kinda got used to hanging out with you.”
He smiled at her as he pulled on his clothes. Her heart warmed again. She’d gotten used to being with him, seeing him. Touching him. Loving him. But that bad feeling didn’t go away. She poured them each a cup of coffee.
“I’ll give you a ride home whenever you’re ready.”
His brow lifted. “Eager to get rid of me, Diane?”
“Of course not.” She didn’t meet his eye. How could she want him to stay and want him to leave both at the same time?
“I know. You have things to do before you go to work.” He took a swallow of his coffee and then set the cup down. “I’m ready to go.”
A burst of panic made her want to wrap him in her arms and never let him go. And that frightened her even more.
She had to get it out in the open now, before he expected more than she was able to give. “Ford? I’m glad we got to spend this time together but…you know…I’m used to being on my own.”
He frowned and slowly turned to face her. “So am I.”
Her heart pounded. She hated this, but she didn’t want to lie to him. “I don’t think this thing between us can go any further.”
His expression clouded over. “What are you talking about?”
She didn’t blame him for being confused. He had always scoffed at her bad and good feelings, so she decided to use a different tactic. “I don’t want to have to depend on anyone else to make me happy.”
He took a rocky step toward her. “And have you been happy, Diane? For the past few years?”
“Of course.” And here she’d just promised herself she wouldn’t lie to him.
“As happy as you’ve been the last couple of days with me?”
“My life is fine the way it is. I’m not about to turn it upside down.” She swallowed, wishing she wasn’t so weak. “I can’t, Ford. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”
“Do what? Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“I can’t risk my heart again. I can’t deal with all that pain.”
His jaw tightened. “But I told you that I love you, Di.”
Damn him for throwing that word out there again. “Yeah, well you told me that before and you still left me.” She was thrown back into the diner, watching him and Irene in the corner booth. She cleared her throat, pushed back the tears and the painful memories.
He reached for her.
“Don’t touch me.” If he did, she’d be lost.
“I do love you. I won’t leave you again.”
She grabbed the keys out of her purse. “I’ll drive you home.”
“You’re getting cold feet?” His dark gaze bore into her. “You’re being a coward, you know.”
She was scared to think of how bad her luck might be this time. “I’m sorry.”
Diane drove to his house, the silence uncomfortable between them. She was numb, as if all the coldness outside had seeped into her body. Ford glanced over to her a couple of times, his jaw tight. After she pulled up the driveway and stopped next to his house, he turned to her.
“You’re going to be so stubborn, you’ll throw away any chance we could have together?”
“I’m not being stubborn. I’m being sensible. Isn’t that the word you used before?” She reached up to rub her good luck charms but they were hidden inside her heavy coat.
“How sensible is it to push me away when we’ve already said we loved each other?”
She wrapped her arms around her stomach and stared out the windshield. “Go, Ford. Please just go.”
He grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. His expression was fierce and sent her heart racing. “I’m not giving up, Diane. I didn’t fight for us last time. I’m not going to make the same mistake this time.” He pulled her in for a quick kiss, then grabbed his fire helmet off the floor and got out of the car without another word.
She couldn’t move, didn’t leave until long after Ford had limped into the house and shut the door behind him.
A bamboo plant was delivered to the BB&G for her before the end of her shift. Diane knew without looking that it had to be from Ford. He’d evidently searched out lucky plants just like he’d done for good luck charms when they were young.
Tori came over to check it out before Diane left. She looked like a colorful cross between a fifties pin-up girl and an eighties rocker chick. Today she wore a white cardigan over a bright blue dress with a tight bodice and a full skirt. Most of her tattoos were covered. “Wait a minute. Where are the flowers?”
Diane’s fingers trembled slightly as she traced the smooth surface of a stalk. “No flowers.” She’d been thinking about him all day. Missing him.
Tori turned the smooth chocolate-brown planter around on the bar to see the tall green plant from all sides. “This is from Ford?”
“Yep.” He sent her a lucky plant.
He loved her. She loved him. Walking away had to have been the right thing to do, but that knowledge didn’t make her feel any better.
“Cool. That’s an unusual plant for a man to send a woman.”
“Bamboo is considered a lucky plant.”
Tori crossed her arms, frowned. “You know there’s no such thing as luck.”
“I grew up being told I was unlucky every day.”
“Why would anyone do that to a kid?”
Diane shrugged. “My grandmother believed it. Not only was I unlucky, but I brought bad luck to other people. My mom died giving birth to me. On Friday the thirteenth. I didn’t have a chance.”
“That’s bullshit.”
That’s why breaking things off with Ford was the right thing to do.
“That’s why I keep lucky charms around me and that’s all I’m going to say on the subject.” She reached for the planter. “I’m going home.”
Tori hiked her hip onto the barstool next to Diane before she could walk away. “I heard you and Ford were snowbound together.”
Diane shouldn’t have been surprised. “Word travels fast.”
“You know better than me.” Tori rolled her hands in a tell-me-more gesture. “So...it was good, yes?”
“Yeah, it was good, but I told him I wasn’t interested in a relationship.” Diane lowered her voice and leaned in. “And I’d appreciate it if you kept it to yourself.”
“Sure, but why wouldn’t you want some more of that?”
“Bad luck, remember?”
“No such thing as luck, remember?” Tori nudged Diane with her shoulder. “Come on. Ford Harper is hot. He’s a nice guy. And he’s kinda a hero around here from what I’ve heard. Police chief. Fire chief. You already said it was good. How could you walk away from all that?”
Diane cleared her throat and got off the barstool. She didn’t have to explain to anyone. She k
new what she was doing. The last thing she wanted was to bring bad luck to Ford. “Gotta get home, Tori. Have a good evening.” She raised her voice as she gathered up her new plant. “Jimmy, I’m out of here.”
Her boss waved at her from the other end of the bar and went back to gathering more gossip from the customers around him.
For the next week Ford had lunch at the BB&G every day. Sat in Diane’s section. Forced her to talk to him, even if it was just to order coffee and a sandwich. Today when he walked in the door, she glared at him, her hands on her hips as she watched him slowly make his way across the floor.
Maybe he should start scheduling his physical therapy sessions after lunch instead of before.
He dropped into the chair. “One of these days I’ll be able to walk in here without a limp and a groan.”
“Maybe one of these days you’ll stay home and then you wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
Ford knew he wouldn’t get sympathy from her. It was one of the things he loved about her. “But then I wouldn’t get to see you.”
She rolled her eyes and he laughed. “What’s the special today?”
“Meatball sandwich and salad.”
“Is that a hot sandwich?”
“Of course.” She lifted a brow and he wanted to kiss it. “Is that what you want?”
“Yeah. Sounds delicious. Remind me again what dressings you have for the salad.”
“I tell you the dressings every day and you always order the French.”
He just smiled. He’d ask questions all afternoon just to keep her talking to him. She rattled them off and then he ordered the French. She rolled her eyes again.
“Coffee?” she asked. He always ordered coffee.
“Thanks.” He watched her walk away, appreciating the gentle sway of her hips. He thought he might die if he couldn’t get his hands on them again soon.
She slammed the cup down in front of him so hard he thought there would be hot coffee everywhere but she didn’t spill a drop. “Stop sending me plants.”
Ford kept the smile on his face. “I like sending them to you.”
“Well, stop it.”
“No.” But he’d run out of plants from Shelley’s Florist Shop that were considered lucky. He hoped the one Diane got today would shake her up a bit.
“They’re filling up my house.”
“Good.” Because every time she saw them, he knew she’d think of him. “Can I see you tonight?” He asked her the same question every day.
“I’m busy.” She answered with the same excuse every day.
He usually let her walk away after she tossed those two words at him, but today he grabbed her hand before she could leave. “I’m not going to beg, Diane.”
Her eyes widened. “I don’t expect you to.”
“I used to think Irene and I would have all the time in the world.” He squeezed her hand. “I hate wasting even one more day without you.”
“Ford, don’t…”
“I love you. They’re not just words. It’s the reason I send you the planters and the reason that I come in here to see you every day.” He tried not to let his frustration show in his voice. “You said you loved me. What do I have to do for you to stop pushing me away?”
“Nothing. I don’t want you to do anything.”
“But you don’t believe that we could have something good together? Something that will stick?”
“I want to.” Her voice cracked.
Ford longed to keep pushing but knew there was a time to back off. “Good.” He reluctantly let go of her hand and picked up his coffee cup. “That’s a start.”
Chapter 10
She was being foolish.
No. She was being smart.
Diane walked down the grocery aisle after work, never feeling so confused in her entire life. Her mind wasn’t on grocery shopping, but on a certain former police chief and volunteer firefighter with thick silver hair and crinkles around his eyes.
Every time she saw Ford at the restaurant, she had to remind herself that she was bad luck. That her life was okay the way it was and there was no reason to tempt fate. But he said all the right things. And every day he looked better, stronger. Hotter. And oh-so-tempting.
And then there was the vase of roses on the floor of her car. Roses. Nothing lucky about roses. They were pure romance. If he’d been doing his homework, he knew that red roses spoke of love. It was the card that spoke the loudest, “Let’s make our own luck.”
She pushed the cart down row after row, not thinking so much about what she needed in her pantry and fridge, and more about what she needed in her life. How she wanted to live her life. Were Tori and Ford right? Was there no such thing as luck? Was it just stuff that happens in life?
When she made it to the checkout, Loretta Lewis was talking with the cashier, Paige Foster. She looked no worse for wear after her carbon monoxide scare.
Diane couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but as she got closer, the two women stopped talking, their eyes meeting each other’s but not Diane’s. Did they look guilty? Had they been talking about her? About her and Ford? This was awkward.
“Hello,” she said carefully. She started putting her purchases up on the belt, wondering what she would say if they asked her about Ford.
“Hello, Diane,” Loretta said. Diane couldn’t help but remember enjoying Loretta’s lasagna with Ford. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you and Ford.”
“Um. Thanks?”
Loretta pulled a furry hat over her brightly-dyed red hair. “I’d stay and chat but I want to get home before dark. The roads are getting slippery out there.” She picked up her bag of groceries and hurried from the store.
“How are you doing, Paige?” Diane asked. She didn’t want to talk about Ford. “You look great for recently being in the hospital.”
“Thanks.” Paige began ringing up the items. “I’m fine, though. This is my first day back to work.”
“I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Yeah. Mom and Dad said we won’t forget batteries in the detectors again. Hey, Mom said you’re thinking of applying to college. I think that’s so awesome. What are you going to be studying? I’m going for psychology. I think. Either that or communications. I have time to decide. How about you?”
“I haven’t decided yet, either,” Diane said vaguely. Her mind had been so caught up with Ford that she hadn’t even thought about college. Much.
“About your course of study? Or about college?”
Diane looked behind her, but there was no one else waiting in line. “If I go, it would be for art, but I don’t know.” She’d torn up the paperwork but hadn’t gotten rid of the longing in her soul.
“Go for it. Seriously. What have you got to lose?”
She wanted to grab her bag of groceries and get out of there, but Paige was studying her so sincerely that Diane found herself pouring out her concern. “I don’t know if the work will be worth it.”
“Are you kidding? The work is always worth it. You don’t want to rely on…luck or something. Be proactive. Go after what you want.”
Had she been relying on luck, good or bad, for all the directions her life had gone? Did she credit good luck if things went well? Even worse, was she blaming bad luck if life didn’t go her way?
Had she ever been proactive or had she always coasted through life, going in whichever direction she was nudged? She’d always reacted strongly to change but maybe that was because she’d never felt in control.
Paige rattled on while she finished scanning the groceries, but Diane didn’t hear a word she said. What about those feelings she had, like the one telling her to break things off with Ford before they got in too deep? Weren’t they really something to do with luck, or God…did she have those bad feelings when she was dangerously close to venturing outside her comfort zone?
Like deciding to go to college.
Like imagining a life with Ford.
Had her grandmother been
so afraid after Diane’s mother died that she felt safer blaming bad luck for the terrible things that happened in her life? And had Diane simply gone along with the way her grandmother had looked at life, rather than thinking for herself?
She had. And she’d almost ruined her chance with Ford because of it.
Diane was never going to look at life that way again.
She loved Ford. There was no doubt about that. So…what had Paige said? Go for it. She was going to go for it.
“Diane?”
She blinked and saw Paige standing there, waiting for her to pay for her groceries. Diane felt her cheeks burn. “Sorry.” She swiped her card and took the receipt Paige handed her. “Did anyone ever tell you that you should become a motivational speaker?”
A murmur of laughter behind her made her blush harder. She couldn’t resist looking over her shoulder to see a line had built up behind her while she’d been having her epiphany. “Sorry. I’m out of here. I have to go for it.”
More laughter followed her out of the store and into the blowing snow. The chill wind snuck under the collar of her coat and she shivered. Once she got the groceries into the car, she started the engine and let the heater run and the windshield wipers clear the snow. Then she pulled out her phone and called Ford. She didn’t know what she was going to say to him, but she hoped the right words would come to her.
He didn’t answer. Then she remembered the siren that had blown before she left work. He was probably on the call. She hoped it wasn’t a fire on this cold night. She shivered again. She left a message for him to call. She’d go home and put the groceries away and get the roses out of the cold. Maybe start printing out some course descriptions from the college website.
But just as she shifted into drive, her phone rang. She put the car back in park and grabbed her phone. It wasn’t Ford. “Hey, Eve.”
“Rick just called me. Thought you’d want to know that Laura was in a bad car accident. A pickup slid through a red light and hit her.”
Hot Silver Nights: Silver Fox Romance Collection Page 46