Stunned, Ali blinked a couple of times, thinking she hadn’t heard correctly. Normally, she was never at a loss for words, but she sure as hell was right now! Cara’s eyes had lightened, dancing with amusement, and there was a mischievous look in her expression.
Moving uncomfortably, Ali muttered, “That’s impossible.”
“How many relationships have you had, Ali?”
“Not many. But what’s that got to do with anything?”
“The look Ram sends you is that of a man yearning to give you some loving. I’ve had enough relationships to know that look when I see it.”
“Well,” Ali sputtered, “we’re friends. That’s all.”
“Oh,” Cara hummed, returning to her knitting, “that wasn’t a ‘friend’ look he was giving you, sweet sister of mine.”
Groaning, Ali stared at her for a long moment. “I’ve never seen that look coming from him, Cara. Not ever.”
“Maybe it’s his secret, and he’s waiting to share it with you when he thinks the time is right.”
Shocked by her sister’s observation, Ali jumped to her feet and went to the door, looking up and down the hall. Thank goodness Ram wasn’t around to eavesdrop! She shut the door and leaned back against it, staring darkly at her sister who was giving her a smug look.
“We’re just friends,” she repeated. “That’s all.”
“Okay,” Cara said airily, counting her purls on the row.
“This can’t be,” Ali muttered, folding her arms against her chest.
“Why not? When I first saw you two together I thought what a good-looking couple you made. Now, nearly a month later, I can see you have a very warm, intimate relationship with one another.”
“It’s not an affair, Cara. We’re just friends. That’s all.”
“I believe you, Ali, but do you see how you’re reacting to what I see so often? When a person gets overly dramatic about something it usually means there’s some truth behind it. Come clean, huh? Do you like Ram? I mean, what’s to dislike about him from a woman’s point of view? He’s pure eye candy and a great guy.”
Groaning, Ali began to slowly pace around her sister’s room, hands behind her back, head down, and her mind going into overdrive with her sister’s observations. “He’s a very good looking man,” Ali admitted. “And loyal, brave, and responsible. You’re right, there isn’t much to dislike about him. He’s a stand-up dude.”
“And he’s very kind to Mama and Papa. And to both of us. He’s been here almost a month, Ali, and there’s been enough time to see who he really is. Oh, I know he’s guarding me . . . us . . . but there’s a lot of time when he has nothing else to do. He helps Papa in the evenings and weekends, he’s fixed things that have needed to be fixed around here for a long time. And look what he just did for Mama: giving her those under-the-cabinet lights in her kitchen that she’s wanted for so long. If I was in your shoes, he would be a man I’d be looking at as husband material, nothing less.”
A strangled sound came out of Ali and she pressed her hand against her throat. It was suddenly dry and parched. She walked over to the small table near where Cara sat. “I need a sip of water,” she rasped, picking up the bottle.
“Drink away,” Cara said, giving her a sympathetic look.
Ali drank deeply and then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “I’m just shocked, Cara, that’s all. I mean . . . we just don’t have that kind of relationship with one another. We never did.”
“Maybe you’re subconsciously working toward it and you don’t know it, but he does,” Cara ventured, looking up at her.
“I don’t know,” Ali muttered, upset, pushing her hand through her hair. “I’ve just never looked at Ram in that way. I worked as an operator with him in the past, before we went our separate ways three years ago, Cara. I never heard from him again until he launched the mission to rescue you and the other women a month ago.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Cara said, knitting more slowly. “He looks at you with yearning. I see it in his eyes when you turn away from him.”
“He’s never made a pass at me, Cara, or even flirted. It’s been a very professional relationship between us. Well, we are going to be doing something personal shortly. We’re going for a horseback ride over in Cottonwood Canyon.”
“Answer me something?” Cara said, meeting Ali’s gaze.
“What?”
“What if Ram wants to change your connection with him? What if he sees you as someone he wants to have a serious relationship with? Someone that he liked as a friend, but perhaps he would like much more intimacy with you, now. People do change, you know.”
Ali rolled her eyes. She wasn’t about to tell Cara her deepest yearning for Ram because in her present state, her sister might accidentally let it slip to him and she wasn’t ready to go there. Cara was her focus. Not her stilted love life, if she could even call it that.
“We’re just friends. That’s all, Cara. Nothing more.” She hated lying to her sister, but it was necessary for everyone involved.
“You haven’t had a man in your life for a long time that I know of,” Cara pointed out. “Remember when we were little and loved playing house? We had our dollies that Mama made for us and played with them for years until the poor things eventually fell apart. Don’t you sometimes want to settle down, Ali? You and I used to talk about who we might marry, how many kids we’d have.” She sighed and gave her sister a soft smile. “Is that all forgotten now? Have you left your wish for a family behind you?”
“No . . . no I haven’t, Cara. I guess I just haven’t found the right man, yet.”
“You’re twenty-eight. Your biological clock is ticking.”
“I know. It’s not lost on me.” She glanced toward the closed door. “Mama discreetly asks me about once a year if I miss not having children.” She touched her belly. “I know what she’s really asking: when am I going to settle down, get married, and have a brood of kids so they can become doting grandparents to all of them.”
Giving her a wry look, Cara knitted another row on the red sweater. “Well, I get asked that question a lot more often than you do.”
“That’s because you still live at home, Cara.” She saw her sister wince and then hastily added, “I mean . . . ”
“I know what you meant, Ali. You’ve always seen me as weak, thinking that I still live at home because I need to lean on Mama and Papa for support. But you’re wrong. I’m here because they need my help. They’re moving into their sixties, and things that used to be easy for them aren’t any more. I’m the one who is usually weeding Mama’s garden throughout the week. I do all the laundry, clean the house, and keep things on track for them. Papa comes home at night and he’s absolutely exhausted. He works outside in that awful heat all day long. Mama comes home from her job on the reservation utterly exhausted as well.”
“Sorry,” Ali muttered, sitting back down, giving Cara an apologetic look. “I didn’t know all of this.”
“How could you? You’re never around, Ali. I don’t mean to make you feel guilty, but your job in the military kept you out of country. And because everything you do is top secret, we can never have an honest conversation with you. We’re cut off. I hate that I can’t even send you an email. We’ve gone months without word from you. And Mama worries the most. It’s really hard on her. I try to pick up the slack and help them with everyday stuff to make it a little easier for them.”
Ali was stunned as her sister continued, wound up now and unable to stop.
“Would I like my own place? Yes. I make enough with Delos Charities, and I’ve saved my money for a down payment on a home. Mama and Papa won’t let me touch my savings for them. Sure, I could have paid for an electrician to come out and put those cabinet lights in, Ali, but Mama wouldn’t hear of it. She is fierce about me continuing to save my money for myself. She’s tried to shoo me out of their house many times, but I won’t go because now, as they age, they need my help.”
“It’s m
y turn to feel guilty,” Ali muttered. “We rarely get to see one another anymore, Cara. And yes, I’m out of touch a lot. I offered to send them money home from what I made, but they refused it.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“We need to talk a lot more often.” Ali rubbed her hands down her thighs. “And getting a job where Ram works, at Artemis Security, is a done deal. My former boss in the SEALs asked me to come and interview for a position.” She met Cara’s interested gaze. She had quit knitting, leaning forward, all ears. “The job is a desk job, Cara. It means you can talk to me, email me any time you want, and I’ll be able to answer you right away. I’ll have decent hours, weekends off. I could fly home to Tucson some weekends. It would be a quick trip, but I could see a lot more of you, Mama, and Papa. I just didn’t realize everything you were doing around here. I’m sorry I assumed wrongly.”
Cara put her knitting aside and rose from the rocking chair. She came over and sat on the edge of the bed with Ali. “That’s just the best news I’ve had since Ram rescued us. Have you told Mama and Papa yet about this new job? That it will keep you in America?”
“It just happened a little while ago,” Ali murmured, leaning against Cara. This was the old Cara she knew, not the one who had been so badly damaged by her kidnapping. Ali realized it was an “up” period for her, and she silently wished it would last for days. It would, eventually, but even a few hours of having her gentle, smiling sister back, who was so wise despite her age, was a blessing. It was nice to share this moment with Cara. Often, as children, they would sit beneath a tree, leaning against one another, talking about so many wild and fanciful things, and fantasizing about their futures.
Warmth filled Ali’s heart and she lifted her arm, placing it around Cara’s shoulders. Hugging her tightly, she said, “Both our lives are in chaos right now, but I’m so grateful that I have you while I’m going through it, Cara. You’re my rock.” Ali released her, and turned, smiling into her tender gaze. She saw huge tears well up in Cara’s soulful brown eyes, and tears burned in her own.
How badly she wanted her sister back, knowing that this experience had forever changed Cara. There were things Ali didn’t want to ever change between them, like their deep love and admiration of one another, their mutual respect and trust, and the loyalty they’d always shared.
Laughing a little, Cara whispered, “No. You’re my rock, and our parents’ rock, too! But I think you know that.” She squeezed Ali. “You’re my big sister. You take everything on for us: our home and our family, with such loyalty and responsibility. You’ve always been there for all of us when you could, Ali. I know we haven’t gotten to see you much in the past several years, but we’ve all relied on you, anyway.”
“Well,” Ali whispered, blinking back her tears, “that’s what a big sister is for. Didn’t you know that?”
Giving her a playful shake of her shoulders, Cara said, “It’s about time you met a wonderful man, fell in love, and gave me my first niece or nephew, Aliyana Montero.”
Chuckling, Ali allowed her sister to give her a small shake. It felt so good to have the old Cara back! “You’re such a dreamer! But you always were.”
Sighing, Cara slid her a wicked look. “Dreams do come true. Te adora, I adore you, Ali. And I feel in my heart of hearts that Ram Torres is the perfect man for you in every way!”
CHAPTER 8
November 14
Tubac, AZ
Ram’s whole body responded as he watched Ali’s hips sway with the lazy walking gait of her palomino gelding, Luke. She rode in front of him. The two of them were following a sandy trail deep into Cottonwood Canyon. Ram’s horse, a black gelding named Yoda, named after the Star Wars character, snorted, his nose almost touching Luke’s white tail in front of him.
The mid-morning sun was warming the cool air on this late-fall day. The sun was bright, and the sky was so blue it would have hurt his eyes if he weren’t wearing his aviator sunglasses and a baseball cap. He felt good, looking forward to this half day away from the Montero household. At last, he was alone with Ali. There would be no interruptions or crisis to ruin this special day.
He’d had a couple of days to feel his way through this upcoming experiment. Ram knew it was an important departure from what he and Ali had shared so far. He was a man of logic, not emotions, as Ali had always teased him. And in the month they’d been together for Cara’s sake, something magical, something wonderful, was blossoming between them.
Last night, he’d snapped awake out of a torrid dream where he was actually making love to Ali. On the heels of a throbbing erection, he got up and took a cold shower. As he did, Ram had a startling awareness. Scrubbing a thick lather of soap across his body, getting rid of the sweat, he was finally able to grasp what was happening between them.
He’d had a month of living with a real family for the first time in his life. The one thing they had in common was their openness and vulnerability with one another. The more everyone in the family became fully available to Cara emotionally, the deeper the loving connection. And he had seen how well love worked as a healing force with her.
He turned that awareness around to look at himself and Ali. Damned if it wasn’t the same thing happening between them! The first week they had been wary of one another, yet, they had cracked open that door between themselves and moved from antagonists to good friends who were building a relationship based upon mutual trust. During week two, they’d begun to open up a bit more, share with each other emotionally for the first time. And in the past two weeks, this organic ‘thing’ as he called it, had fed his heart and soul, made him happy and eager for more times alone with her. He wanted more of that happiness they fed one another. It was the most glorious discovery he’d ever made about himself with another human being. Stunned in the best of ways, Ram was looking at his life through another lens of reality now.
As he toweled off after the shower, rubbing his dark hair dry, another realization occurred to him. Whatever he felt for Ali was one of a kind. He was protective of her, even though she pooh-poohed his guard dog-like stance with her at times on past missions.
Ram had never experienced love as an adult but he was able to define and observe that mysterious emotion in constant, subtle action with the members of the Montero family. Not only did he feel a deep affection toward Ali, as well as surges of lust, he also found that pleasing her was a top priority. He loved to hear her laugh, to relieve her, whenever possible, of the burden of responsibilities that sometimes overwhelmed her. Whenever she looked at him with gratitude or affection, Ram felt as if the sun were shining directly on him. And he wanted more—much more.
He was still working through these feelings as he and Ali clip-clopped along in the bottom of the rectangular canyon. His heart and mind were enchanted by having Ali all to himself. And best of all, Ali wanted it as much as he did, from what he could discern, even though they’d never talked about it. Which meant that he needed to communicate with her as never before. It was always a struggle for him, but he had to try.
Ram had noticed early on that Ali often asked Cara a lot of questions when her sister was under assault from her PTSD symptoms. Cara would rally, perk up, and respond in a very positive way to Ali’s presence. That computed, thought Ram. After all, questions got answers. Questions showed care and concern. Questions engaged two people.
Therefore, he needed to ask Ali a lot more questions than ever before, so he could determine how she felt about him. What was she really thinking and feeling? He thought he knew, but in his new, tentative world that revolved around her, questions were a good strategy for Ram to use.
He had come to another important discovery—it was time to open up about his past. The more he shared, the less he’d have to ignore or deflect her gentle probes about his childhood. He didn’t want to shut her out of any part of his life, past or present.
Despite his fears of rejection, he knew he had to start revealing his past and hope that Ali would continue to respec
t and trust him. Ram held little hope of that happening. He was a kid without a set of parents. Four prostitutes had raised him off and on for the first ten years of his life. They were his mothers. He had no real father, and thus, no positive male image to show him how to become a secure, well-balanced guy. He’d been told all his growing up years that he wasn’t important or integral to him.
His mouth tightened as they rode. Maybe, revealing a little of his past at a time wouldn’t be so shocking to her and it wouldn’t scare her away from him. In a sense, he suddenly realized he was trying to protect himself against what she might think of him. And he had to get beyond that point with her.
Ram felt inadequate for such a weighty task staring him in the face. The last month with her in the Montero abode had been a wonderful gift of living within a loving family. He’d never been happier or more fulfilled, and he knew Ali was responsible for it. The other family members had shown him a whole new world, a wonderful one, where they loved and supported one another. A new kind of hunger filled him, a yearning so strong that it dizzied him for a moment. If someone were to ask him right now what was the most important thing in his life, he’d have to say, “Ali.”
*
“Ugh,” Ali groaned with a satisfied smile, lying back on the blanket, hands behind her head. “I’m stuffed! Aren’t you, Ram?” The shade of the green-bark Palo Verde tree kept her out of the November sun’s rays, but also blocked the cooling breeze that came and went through the canyon. She watched through half-closed eyes as Ram put all the plastic containers away and stuffed them into the nearby saddlebags on Yoda.
“Yeah, I’m stuffed, too,” he admitted, turning to meet her smile. He buckled the saddlebags closed and patted the horse’s rump, then turned and walked back to the blanket where Ali lay like a satisfied cat on one end of it.
He sat down, about a foot away from her, pulling up one knee, his hands wrapping around it, the other leg stretched out parallel to where she lay on the blanket. “I’ve been waiting for a day like this, Ali.”
Taking A Chance_Delos Series_Book 7B1 Page 8