"And fix up one room at a time," Gabriel added.
"We'll help," Sophie said. "I'll watch Zack after school so you can paint or paper."
They all looked at her avidly. Erin looked helplessly at Deke, hoping that he would say he didn't want to sleep in a room that smelled like paste.
He shrugged. "I don't mind roughing it. And Gabe's right. Zack and I can use one room while you work on the other. I'll help you work."
"I don't need your help!"
She could tell from his startled look that her vehemence was way out of line. "I meant," she said slowly, "that I can't possibly expect you to have time to help me with the rooms when you've got the store to deal with."
"But he can stay, can't he?" Sophie pressed the point.
"I don't mean to take advantage, Erin. I can get someone else to baby-sit Zack."
"Zack," Erin said recklessly, "is not the problem."
Deke raised his brows. All three of her kids looked far too interested in what exactly the problem was. Erin felt her face begin to burn.
"Never mind," she said. "It's just… Never mind." Bad enough she'd stuck her foot in her mouth. Did she have to shove her whole leg in there, too? "You can stay."
"Yippee!" A bilingual cheer went up from the kids. Even Zack realized something momentous had just happened and clapped his hands. Deke smiled, clearly pleased.
"There will be ground rules," Erin said, cutting off the celebration.
The kids looked at her. "What ground rules?"
Erin lifted her chin. "We will discuss it. Later. Right now you three need to get cleaned up. You're all filthy. Showers before dinner."
"But—" Gabriel looked hungrily at the bread on the counter.
Nicolas rubbed his belly. "I'm starving."
"Moi, aussi," Sophie agreed.
"If you're starving you'll just have to hurry before you perish then, won't you?" Erin said briskly. "Go on now. Scoot. Hurry. Vite!"
"Ground rules?" Deke said, watching her back as she stood, hands on hips, and listened to the pounding footsteps recede up the stairs.
She jumped at the sound of his voice. Her shoulders stiffened and she spun around. "Ground rules," she repeated, the color still high in her cheeks. "That's right."
Deke arched a brow. "What sort of ground rules? Take off my hat at meals? In before midnight? Wash the dishes I get dirty?" He paused. "Or do you mean you want ground rules because of what happened last night?"
He hoped she'd instantly deny it. But her expression immediately became shuttered. And for the first time Deke felt a twinge of regret.
As wonderful as their night together had been, if Erin was wishing it hadn't happened, then he did, too. The whole of their relationship meant more to him than it did. He didn't want to have blown their friendship over it.
"What about last night?" she said at last, and she didn't look destroyed, only dismissive. She shrugged.
"It was a one-off, wasn't it?" Her gaze challenged him. "I mean you needed… And I wanted—"
She didn't finish the sentence, though Deke desperately wished she had. What had she wanted? A man's touch? His touch? As much as he would have liked to hear it, he didn't imagine he ever would.
He thought he knew exactly what she'd wanted last night—a man she liked in her bed because she couldn't have the one she loved. As much as he didn't want to think it, he knew he had been a replacement for her husband. She'd been lonely. And she was right—he'd needed her touch, as well.
"Listen," he said now, trying to pick his way through the emotional minefield and say the right thing to put her at ease. "It was great. But I didn't ask to stay because I expected—" No, he couldn't say it that baldly. He tried again, this time agreeing with her since that was what she seemed to want. He nodded his head. "Of course it was a one-off," he said in an attempt to reassure her. "Not that it wasn't…"
No, that wasn't any better. Hell!
This was what happened when you slept with a woman who was your best friend!
But then Erin surprised him. "Yes, it was great," she agreed just as firmly. "Very, um, nice indeed." She colored slightly. "But you were leaving, Deke. I never thought… I mean, even though you're staying, we can't … my kids … I won't…!"
"Of course not! I understand that."
"And I never meant…"
"I know," Deke cut in fervently. He didn't need her to spell it out.
They stared at each other. The color was high in Erin's cheeks now, and Deke could feel his own burn.
"Look," he said, trying to get it right this time. "We've been friends for a long time. I don't want to wreck that for anything. Not even last night. And I don't want to make things difficult for you. So if my staying here is going to make you uncomfortable, I won't do it. I'll stay at my folks'. Or when my dad comes home, I'll rent a room in Livingston or go back to Milly's."
"No."
He raised his brows at her uncompromising reply.
Erin shook her head firmly. "We are friends. You're right. I was being foolish." She smiled wryly and raked a hand through her hair. "Of course you're staying here."
He smiled, relieved. "And the ground rules?"
"Only one," she said, giving him a level look. "You stay in your bed and I'll stay in mine."
There. They had that settled.
Now, Erin assured herself after Deke left to go back to the hospital that evening, everything would be fine. But even as she told herself that, the future that she focused on this afternoon—the one she had been ignoring for so long—seemed remote and unreachable and on the far side of Deke.
And Deke, for his part, seemed like the embodiment of an alligator-infested swamp that she was going to have to cross to get there.
"Let it be a challenge to you," her dad always said when Taggart had come up against a bull he despaired of riding or when Erin had had to do a project for school that seemed impossible.
She had said it to herself innumerable times—when she'd been homesick upon first arriving in Paris, when Jean-Yves had departed after their marriage for his first assignment overseas, when he had died and she'd been faced with an uncertain future and three children to bring up alone.
She'd managed that. So far.
She could do this.
"We'll do fine, won't we?" she said to Zack, whom she'd been carrying around for the last half hour.
"Da?" Zack said worriedly. He should, by rights, have been asleep hours ago. He'd been fine while Gabriel and Sophie and Nicolas were up. He loved following them around, and they all, even Gabriel, enjoyed playing with him. But even though it was Saturday night and they had stayed up a little later than normal, their day helping out at the bull- and bronc-riding school for Uncle Taggart had worn her children out.
Nicolas fell asleep on the floor while the others were playing with the Western town. Gabriel and Sophie yawned repeatedly, and finally Erin chivvied them all off to bed. All but Zack who, now that the kids weren't there to entertain him, suddenly began to miss his father.
Erin had hoped he might go to sleep, too. But so far—and it was now nearly eleven—he was as wide awake as ever.
"Da?" he said again. "Dadddd?" His blue eyes grew wide and worried. His tone, at first hopeful, was getting sad and wistful.
"Shh, now, lovey. It's okay." Erin hugged him against her chest and walked the room with him. He seemed to be running on the same adrenaline his father had been running on. And Erin suspected that any minute it was going to overcome him and he was going to dissolve into tears of frustration, anxiety and exhaustion. So she held him and cuddled him and tried her best to soothe him. She walked him and sang to him and told him about his father.
"Your da will be back soon," she promised him. "He's just gone to see Grandma and Grandpa. Do you remember Grandma and Grandpa?"
"Guh-ma?" Zack said tearfully.
"That's right. And Grandpa. Grandpa's in the hospital. Have you ever been in a hospital? Other than when you were born, I mean? I hope not. You don't
want to learn about hospitals too early. Your dad knows about hospitals, though. I took him to one, once. Do you want me to tell you about it?"
Zack stopped fussing and started listening. So Erin proceeded to tell him all about one of the summers when Deke had worked at the ranch. He'd been riding a young horse to give it some exercise, she told Zack. It had been skittish all morning, but what finally spooked it was the sight of a plastic bag blowing in the wind.
One minute Deke had been in the saddle, and the next he'd been lying in the dirt. His arm had snapped, and he'd appeared to have an extra elbow. His face had been absolutely white.
"Stay there! Don't move!" she'd said, leaping out of the saddle to help him.
And he'd glared at her, furious and embarrassed. "Of course I'm going to move," he'd snarled. "I can't lay here all day." He'd got right up, taken one look at the bone poking through the flesh and fainted dead away.
"He was very brave, though," she told Zack. "When he finally did come around, even though it hurt terribly, he didn't cry at all. Just like you," she told him. "You've been stuck here with us all evening and you don't even know us, and you're being brave, too." She gave his nose a quick kiss.
Zack stuck his thumb in his mouth and leaned his head against her shoulder, and they continued to walk. She'd done this with Gabriel, with Sophie and with Nicolas. It felt oddly right to do it now, as if Zack, too, were her child.
Don't even think it, she warned herself. And she did her best to try not to. But all those long-ago dreams she'd tucked away in some dusty corner of her mind seemed to wriggle out now, to flicker to life again, to taunt and tempt her.
Zack's small body relaxed against her, going limp as exhaustion overcame him. He sucked sporadically on his thumb, but more often his jaw was slack, and every now and then a short sigh escaped him. Erin patted his back and cuddled him close, then slowly mounted the stairs to put him down in bed.
Bed was actually a mattress on the floor. She hadn't seen any need at all to bring the baby bed from Paris, so she hadn't had one to offer. Taggart had two, she'd told Deke over dinner. They could get one tomorrow.
But Deke had said it wasn't necessary. "No point. He'll climb right out. It's his latest trick, isn't it, buddy?" He'd tickled Zack's ribs, and the little boy had giggled gleefully.
So instead Erin had put a mattress on the floor across the room from the bed she'd made up for Deke.
Then she'd put a sheet on the mattress and had placed a rug next to it so Zack wouldn't hit the hardwood floor with a thump if he rolled off.
"Not a matter of if—but when," Deke had said approvingly when she'd shown him. Erin, remembering her own kids' nocturnal migrations at that age, supposed he was right.
Now she knelt and settled Zack on the mattress. He whimpered, shifted around and flung out an arm, but he didn't wake up. Still Erin stayed beside him, ready to soothe him if necessary until she was sure he was fast asleep.
She stroked a hand over his silky hair and touched the satiny skin of his cheek. Such a beautiful child. "Good night, sweetheart," she whispered and kissed him.
Who'd have thought, twenty-four hours ago, that she'd be kissing Deke Malone's child good-night?
Deke got back at quarter past midnight. The porch light was on and there was a light in the entry hall. He presumed that meant "come in the front door." So he did.
The house was silent. No Zack crying, thank God. He eased the door shut quietly, then tugged off his boots and stuck them under the bench with the rest. Then he shed his hat and jacket, shut off the light and padded softly up the steps.
Outside Erin's door, he stopped, tempted mightily, remembering last night. Remembering Erin. Wanting her.
Last night she had wanted him.
No, he reminded himself. She hadn't. Not really.
She liked him. He was a friend. And maybe just that once—last night—a lover.
But not the man she loved. Not the man she missed.
He could make her forget, Deke's tempted self argued. He could make her happy, however briefly.
But common sense and sanity told him that afterward both of them would be worse off than before. Erin had made her "ground rule" for a reason—because she didn't want them to take things in a direction they shouldn't go. Their night together had been a one-off—a night he was sure he would remember for the rest of his life—but a one-off just the same. Because it wasn't right for her.
So he stood there for one more moment, remembering—wishing—and entertaining the faintest hope that she might have heard him come up the stairs, that she might have changed her mind, that she might open the door or call his name.
But the door stayed closed and the night stayed silent.
And finally Deke dragged himself down the hall and into the room he was sharing with Zack. His son lay fast asleep half on, half off his mattress. Slowly and carefully, so as not to wake him, Deke maneuvered him back onto it. He brushed a hand across the boy's hair, then stood up again and stripped down to his shorts and T-shirt, then slid between the clean, cold sheets.
Last night at this time he had been in bed with Erin. What a difference a day made. He felt weary, exhausted and emotionally spent on account of his father. He ached, feeling deprived and bereft of the company of Erin. He also felt virtuous, honorable and noble.
He just wished virtue, honor and nobility were warmer companions.
"So Deke Malone is staying with you?" Felicity raised her brows when Erin carried Zack into her sister-in-law's kitchen the following morning.
It was Sunday and the grocery store wasn't open, but Deke had gone down to Livingston to the hospital. He'd been less than thrilled at the prospect, but when Erin agreed that it would be good to check on things, he'd gone and she'd kept Zack.
She'd brought him and the other kids over to the ranch after breakfast so hers could watch the last-day competition at the bull- and bronc-riding school and so she could pick up a high chair for Zack.
"Yes," she said, "just for a few days."
"Nice that you had room for them," Felicity said. "It's a little cramped at Milly and Cash's, and I don't suppose Deke wanted to stay at his folks'. Taggart was amazed to hear Deke was running the store at all. Said he'd always hated it."
"Yes, well, you know how it is … when the chips are down…"
Felicity nodded. "Will called him 'a good man to ride the river with.'"
"Dad always did like Deke."
"He seems really nice. Not to mention one of the best-looking men I've ever seen. I had no idea."
Erin, who certainly agreed, wasn't quite sure what to say to that, so she just settled Zack among Willy's trucks and tractors and toy cowboys and horses.
"Coffee?" Felicity offered, and at Erin's nod she went on. "How long is he staying?"
"Not sure. We don't know how long his dad will be laid up. Of course he'll be back to work as soon as he can. They'd have to nail him in a coffin to keep John Malone out of that store for long. And I know Deke won't work there when he gets back. Evelyn Richards works half days apparently, but Deke said he's going to have to find someone to work full-time." She took the mug Felicity handed her and sat down at the table and took a sip. "That's what he's talking to his dad about today. So I suppose when he gets the right person and trains them, and his dad is out of the woods, he'll go. A week … maybe two."
She was dealing with this, day by day, so she didn't have a good answer.
"Maybe he'll stay for good," Felicity murmured. "If you and he…" She let her voice trail off, but her smile was speculative.
"If he and I…?" But then the import of Felicity's smile hit her, and the coffee in Erin's mug sloshed all over her hand. "What!" she exclaimed. Then, "Ow!"
Felicity tossed her a dish towel to mop up with and pressed on. "It only makes sense. I mean, you're unattached. He's unattached. You're beautiful. He's drop-dead gorgeous. You have careers in common. Kids in common. Need I go on?"
"No!"
They were good in bed
together, too. But she certainly wasn't telling Felicity that! "It doesn't mean anything," she said firmly. "Two people don't get 'serious' because they have things in common, for heaven's sake!" But Erin could feel her cheeks burn even as she spoke.
"Really?" Felicity gave her a bemused look.
"Really!"
"You don't think you're perhaps protesting a bit too much?"
Well, yes, but… "I'm protesting because it's true!" Erin said fiercely. "Besides, I need to nip such unwarranted speculation in the bud. I don't want anyone getting ideas!"
"Right." Not, she heard in Felicity's voice.
"Deke and I are friends. We've always been friends. Taggart must had told you that," Erin said a little desperately.
"Yes." Felicity nodded as she regarded Erin gravely over the top of her own coffee mug. "He also said you were well suited."
"Taggart said that?" Since when had Taggart even thought about her eligibility and who would make a good husband for her. "This is my brother we're talking about. Can you spell clueless? T.A.G.G.A.R.T. Trust me, affairs of the heart have never been Taggart's forte."
Felicity laughed at that, but then she sighed and got a little dreamy-eyed as she said, "He has his moments."
"I'm glad to hear it," Erin countered dryly. But she didn't want to think about her brother's love life any more than her own.
Felicity laughed again. "Don't worry. I won't bore you with it. But it's true. So—" she changed tack "—you and Deke are happy just being friends?"
"Of course." But as she said the words, she looked away. Checking on Zack, she told herself, needing to see what he was up to. Mostly, though, needing not to look Felicity straight in the eye right then.
"You don't want more?" Felicity pressed. "You don't want another relationship ever?"
"I told you—and Mom—that I'm not looking for another man. I had the best man imaginable."
"So did I," Felicity said quietly. Her own first husband, Dirk, she meant. Now she stared out the kitchen window across the yard to where she could see her current husband moving bulls into the indoor arena. "And now," she said with a gentle smile, "I have another one."
The Cowboy's Christmas Miracle Page 11