She sat to his right, her back straight with a look of concern and put her hand on his knee.
“I’m Rab,” he said slouching into the couch.
“Raa—ab”, she tried to pronounce it. Rab nodded. She’d never heard a name like that and her face briefly showed it.
He felt much better and wondered why she’d come over. He many times wondered why girls liked him. He thought back to yesterday, looking in the mirror: his purple puffy eye-bags, his now almost bleach white skin; he knew he’d lost a bunch of weight too. Because she was so beautiful, but there was surely something else about her. And he still couldn’t guess why she was there. But patiently she was and just sat there. Yes, she had come. Smiling, contently noticing his color change from ghost-white, to just white, she reached to feel his forehead.
Rab knew exactly the feeling he’d just felt; the ones that almost led him to check into the mental ward: flashbacks, accompanied by panic, but mostly the twisted uncontrollable mind-fucks. His thoughts, hijacked, driven deep into the zone, that unnerving malevolent place he never wanted to go to again. Much for this reason, he contented to remain on the top floor, in his lab working life away. But in her presence there was a new comfort—a balance. She returned her hand to his knee while making a face of contentment, as if she’d did so to take his temperature.
“Me llamo Ana,” she said touching the smooth skin of her chest with her thin hands. “Ana Raquel. Te iva a preguntar si querias bailar pero…” Her slender frame and small breasts made her look young. But she was obviously older than she looked from the distance, at least twenty-five he thought. She had a very thin waist and didn’t dress to over-impress like some of the ladies, looking like she quickly through on some simple clothes, and she had barely any makeup on. She had very dark skin. He could tell she was part black because of the texture of her hair, and he liked everything about her: her birthmark, her slightly crooked front teeth, her interesting hairstyle, and he wanted to know more. He raised his right hand from the couch and brought it caressingly to her face. She let him touch her birthmark and turned closer. He slid her hair back to fill his mind with her beauty more completely.
They found out a few things about each other quickly. Rab didn’t speak Spanish—at least not much besides a few greetings and being able to order some drinks—and Ana didn’t speak hardly any English. Neither of them had more than a limited basic word vocabulary. Rab had Spanish class at San Diego High before dropping out in the middle of freshman year. After his dad’s death his straight A’s turned to F’s, and Spanish, or any other class for that matter, was the last thing in the world he cared about.
After fifteen minutes the two friends she had been dancing with came and butted in loudly. Ana’s eyes rolled upward. “Oooh Aaaana,” the cute one with short bobbed hair taunted. She had a skin-colored bandage on her lip; with a hack-job of makeup around it. It was obvious her lips had been doing a lot of talking and beer-drinking because the makeup had drooled all the way down her neck, and the bandages were about to fall off. Both were acting cheerfully silly and took a seat in the round booth, one on each side of Rab and Ana.
“She had her eyes on you for a while,” blurted the one with light skin and long black wavy hair sitting at his left beside Ana. She had no Spanish accent. “Anyway I’m Tanya and this is Maria. Hey, you okay? You look a little pale.”
“Yeah thanks,” Rab said. “Nice to meet you both. Can you tell Ana I just felt dizzy for a moment? Probably too much to drink but I feel fine now.”
They told her. Unlike Ana both spoke English perfectly. Maria had a little bit of an accent but it was obvious they were both from Cali.
Later Julian brought by a bucket of beers, no charge, and spoke to Rab for a moment making sure he was okay, having been concerned by his frozen state earlier. Ana’s friends both snatched a beer as soon as he set it on the table.
While they talked Tonya and Maria blurted some information that would have taken much longer to find out otherwise. One, and more importantly, that Ana was a twenty-four year old nurse at a clinic in Tijuana. She lived there and did not have a passport. And two, they’d just met her a week ago; Ana stitched Maria who’d cut the inside of her lip on a broken beer bottle. They were partying at a different club and tapped the tops of their beers to make them foam up. Maria tapped Tonya’s with the bottom of her beer and she guzzled the entire thing. Tanya tapped Maria’s, but a little too hard. Not noticing the neck had broken she put it to her mouth quickly and it sliced her bottom lip wide open. Drunk in the clinic, 1 a.m. last Saturday morning, they’d invited Ana to the club and she accepted. As kooky as the two were, Rab felt glad for the, albeit painful, event that had forced Ana out of bed. He could picture her wearing a nurse uniform, and not complaining about being awoken for a late-night stitching session.
Less than ten minutes later they left, snagging another beer each. An cult classic goth song began; it must of been a favorite. They bounced down to the dance floor like bunnies spilling beer on people as they passed.
They enjoyed the last and only beer together, courtesy of the kookies who had left them one. Rab tried to remember some Spanish and did his best to talk with Ana; equally so did she. And their best was good enough. They enjoyed each other’s company and soon wound up on dance floor themselves. As the night progressed another pair of singles in Tijuana Mexico melded into a brand-spanking-new couple. And as well, for the rest of the night they tried to avoid Tanya and Maria.
Above, behind the glass wall at the table, Jon and Jodi, Jerry and Leti were taking a well needed break. “It’s good to see him having fun. It really is,” Jon said looking down.
“She half black, she looks pretty dark? Cute though,” Jerry remarked. The contrast of hers and his skin was like night and day. She wasn’t that dark, but Rab was that white.
“I wouldn’t care if she was blue Jerry. I’m glad to see my bro having fun again. We used to hit this place hard back in the day. Just he and I mostly. Good times—but he sure did change.”
“What happened?” Jodi asked.
“After that acid trip he told you guys about, he stayed inside, mostly to himself. He wouldn’t go out, or do much of anything, except work. He just freakin’ worked, and worked, that’s it. And he got really good at his job. I mean best-in-the-entire-world kind of good.”
“Well it’s nice to see this side of him. My boss down there spankin’ it,” Jodi snickered. “He is a cool dude. Not a bad dancer actually.”
“He’s the coolest,” Jon said. “You’ll never meet anyone else like him. He really spilled it tonight, a lot of stuff that even I didn’t know about him. I don’t know why—” Jon caught himself choking up, wondering why Rab never came to him for help. They’d ordered a round of slammers earlier. His eyes glassy, Jon held his up, “To my best friend in the world, Rab.”
The night went on. The club was packed and the atmosphere was smoky and loud and a good deal crazy, but good. Jodi got closer to Jon and for a time they talked seriously together, alone; kissing then hugging like something special had been decided. Jerry drank like a horse, and made sure the drinks kept coming all night. At 6 foot 9 inches tall he was literally a giant. Probably the largest dude that ever entered the cave; his forehead already had the bruise to prove it (entrance tunnel). A good man to have around if things ever got crazy Jon had thought a few times. Leti knew her chances with Rab were slim so cozied up closer to the giant as the night went on. Jon had caught it early on, knowing very well the unpretentious high-gravity personality his friend possessed. Not only were women drawn to him; everyone felt it.
Rab continued to dance and for the first time in a year, let it all out. He was one with the beat and felt better physically and mentally. Jon, with an arm around Jodi watched from above. Rab smiled big and spun Ana around. The crowd made way for a moment as the couple flaunted a few moves. They spun wildly and laughed and danced the night away. When a slow song came on at a quarter till 2 a.m. they held each other, eyes glued. A
nd Jon and Jodi joined in right next to them, then Jerry and Leti.
Time left the cave, the world, the universe; nothing else mattered except living in the present. It was a perfect night.
17. Ocean Overlook
The cab driver drove them to a very special place. He pulled over and spoke a few words to Ana, nodding with every other one; very quickly he spoke, not too dissimilar from an auctioneer Rab thought, and interpreted very few words: camino as path, corto for short, and muy bonito for very pretty; possibly even mar and agua. He was beginning to feel tired so mostly didn’t try, trusting Ana.
The cabbie shut off the engine and lights. Its motor ticked quietly as the cool ocean air dissipated heat from the old yellow clunker. The driver hunched to get a few winks while waiting in the dark comfort of the uniquely tasseled interior. Ana and Rab hopped the guard rail and walked onto a hill then followed a winding desert path.
It was past 2 a.m. and the full moon clearly lit the path, as well so did the bright glow of the city behind them and to the north. It was a pleasant change compared to the overcrowded strip; as if, after only a few miles down the road they were the last humans on earth. An easy walk, they only went for a few minutes before quickly finding the perfect spot. The night was as calm as could be with only the slightest trace of a moist breeze. The waves crashing on the rocks a hundred feet below the cliff was all that could be heard. The bright moon glimmered endlessly onto the sea illuminating several islands in the distance. Lights from distant ships flickered. Rab had tipped the cab driver a hundred bucks, and glaringly, it was well worth it; for that money he’d also given them a blanket, and a couple warm emergency beers he had stuffed in the crack of his seat. They put the blanket on a flat spot six feet from the edge behind a large boulder and sat enjoying the fascinating view. It wasn’t long until they could no longer control themselves.
They made out under the stars caressing each other’s bony frames and pausing every so often to gaze into each other’s eyes. Their kisses coalesced synchronously as the rest of the universe faded away. It was a beautiful star-speckled night, they had each other and nothing else mattered. Her skin was warm, hot compared to his. He slid his hand down low and it got even hotter; and she stopped him. She gently nudged his hand away and reached up to touch his cheek with the back of her delicate fingers. She stared into his blue eyes, and he did the same into hers; connecting without words. His hand touched her face and he moved it under her chin then around her neck. She had high cheek bones and her naturally thick eyebrows seductively accented her powerful brown eyes that angled upward seductively at the ends. She put her head back and the moonlight reflected onto her birthmark. He was captivated by her every detail.
Time stopped and their heartbeats synchronized. The beating was strong enough to throw a switch. The impenetrable wall Rab had built to keep his feelings trapped came crashing down. He could almost feel the rubble of the collapse echo through his heart; the vibration of love. Like tearing away layers of hate and rotten flesh he could step out clean—reborn—a snake shedding its skin. In that moment his hateful old shell had been shed. There would be no going back now. For years women were merely an object to him. He never let anyone get close. Ana was not like any other girl he’d ever met—and things were going to change, including his future plans.
Later they lay on the blanket gazing up at the stars, her head on his shoulders, his arm around her, his hand sliding back and forth along her hip. Rab pointed to a few stars he recognized but quickly shifted the topic to describe the future he imagined—although Ana didn’t understand. But she intensely enjoyed listening and snuggled closer as his voice fluctuated with sentiment about the egregious vision he envisioned: the fate of mankind.
An hour passed and it was getting chilly. Ana noticed Rab had developed dark bags under his eyes. His skin had gotten paler and felt clammy to the touch. She didn’t question it, only told him she had to go, but not because she had to; she knew something was wrong and he needed help. Rab nodded in agreement.
They arose together. Rab felt almost dead after the rest and Ana helped him to his feet. He knew exactly what was wrong. His sleep schedule, the Uberman, demanded that he rest. The highly addictive Pro-Con was calling his name as well, withdrawals already lurching in. He’d never planned to stay so late. As the night progressed his objectiveness folded into a new direction, the enjoyment and pleasure, with a sweet taste of love—he realized actually how much he had been working. And he wondered, while she helped him along the path like a weightless skeleton, how in the world does my body continue to function? I should probably be—dead.
Hunched over like an old man, deathly and thin, he hobbled to the cab. He could hardly climb back over the guardrail and almost fell but Ana, much stronger than he, caught him. Concerned, she put the colorful Mexican blanket around him and did her best to help.
He fell through the back door passing out on the seat. Her nursing instincts kicked in and she quickly checked him then moved him into a better position. The cab driver was still out cold, she knew he probably worked endless hours in the old car. She thought about tapping the horn since their clumsy noises and Rab’s fall into the car didn’t manage. It was a button on the dash surrounded by a myriad of faded tassels and embellishments. She was familiar with the customized taxi-cabs and buses around Mexico having ridden in many; the drivers always honking about the busy streets. Instead she nudged his shoulder. After several attempts, and almost changing her mind about the horn, he finally woke; it was obvious he’d been working overtime as it took him a while to compose himself and recall where he was. He was a very courteous round and short man with sun-beaten skin nearly darker than Ana’s. He politely and humbly called her Señorita every time he talked to her. She paid him all the pesos she had to take Rab home, wherever that could be, only knowing for sure it was across the border, somewhere. She’d implored Rab to stay the night with her, going first to the clinic so she could take a look, but he adamantly refused, mumbling in his best Spanish, that he needed to go home.
After arriving at the Mexican side of the border the cabbie pulled to the curb just before the international bridge. Ana jostled Rab who was out cold with his head in her lap. After several attempts he pushed himself up and squinted at the bright lights of the Tijuana strip. The black bags under his eyes made him look like a corpse.
“Ra-aab, Tu direccion?” Ana asked.
“Donde vive Señor? Tu casa?” the cab driver asked turning around. Rab couldn’t scrape enough energy from his depleted reserves to form words so fumbled a hand into his pocket and pulled out a card. Ana picked it up from the floor and after looking at it sadly passed it to the cabbie. She almost cried when she saw the address.
His eyes lit up. “Aqui Señor!?” And his jaw dropped. The address was in LA, three hours away!
Rab forced his body upward and without talking grabbed the card. He turned it around and there was a nearby address, right across the border, where his heli-jet was waiting.
“Ah… Okay—Si Señor,” said the cab driver with a sigh of relief. “Vamonos. We go now pues.”
Ana kissed him slowly and caressed his head one last time, then left the cab. She said goodbye but Rab couldn’t hold his head up long enough to respond or return a goodbye.
After using the final sliver of his reserves to peek over the window, to see her get farther, smaller, holding her eyes with both hands, he passed out.
She felt alone again. And after the time they had just shared, alone felt like cold death. She watched sadly as the cab drove up and over the border taking its place in the line which started at the top of the bridge. She held frozen until she could only see the glow from its tail lights, and still, didn’t move. She stood bereft of all happiness, staring at the grey bridge. A tear fell down each cheek lightening the flood of water pulling on her eyes; because she knew—it was too good to be true. She’d read the address on the card: Los Angeles. He would not be back. She turned unhurried, and walked home followin
g the strip: under the flashing lights, past the hot dog stand where laughing drunks stood enjoying fully-loaded foot-long hot dogs, past countless borrachos without so much as a look in any direction; and, past club Subterranean—as if the street was desolate and she was the only person on earth. Turning right after a few blocks she headed into the darkness toward her home, atop the clinic; only a block from the ruckus which she would continue to hear, as always, from her window until the wee morning hours.
Back at the lab the clock read sixteen minutes till 5 a.m. and the door flung wide open. Rab entered zombie-like, passing his computer in slow trudging steps. He had a little nap in the bridge line, but his body refused to sleep on the way home. His internal clock had gone haywire—it wasn’t enough. And he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He needed the Insta.
Sensing his presence a screen above his desk illuminated. A welcome screen presented itself then a few tasks appeared as status bars with encrypted style labels above each. All were complete except one which was nearly there. Above the status bars a large wandering three-dimensional eye floated, and behind it spewed code bits and symbols outward from the center; the exotic dance of his screensaver. Only a low hum of the machines could be heard in the otherwise quiescent and dimly lit lab. The eye blinked as he stumbled closer. He hunched in front of it, arms limp, and the screen unlocked. He squinted seeing the progress bars, sloppily tapped a few keys and the computer initiated ferociously. The others along the counters began toiling away as if a gun had fired to start a race. The quiet hum transformed into an eerie pulsating drone as if all of the machines in the lab were working collectively.
He stood as straight as he could and headed back to his apartment loping dizzily around the glass divider from side to side, taking a last vague glimpse at the screen before he left.
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