‘It was a pretty heavy session.’
For some of us. Although that’s no different from usual.
‘Art, there’s something that you don’t know.’ I think of a dozen ways to say this out loud, forming the words in my head, but then I just blurt out, ‘She’s pregnant.’
That stuns Art into silence. He stares at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed.
‘We thought last night that she was going to lose the baby,’ I hurry on. ‘Noah and I rushed her to the hospital. They think that the baby’s OK, but they’re going to do a scan today.’
Still Art is gaping at me.
‘Say something,’ I prompt.
He rallies himself with a long, low exhalation. ‘Is it my kid?’
That makes me smile. ‘Of course it is.’
‘Wow.’ Art runs his hands through his hair. ‘A baby, eh? Ella’s having a baby?’
‘Yes.’
My eyes feel all teary. I’m waiting for the moment when this finally hits Art and he’s overjoyed and begins leaping happily round the bedroom.
Now he rubs his face. Instead of the whoop of delight that I hoped for, instead he asks, ‘Is this some kind of bad dream? Am I really awake or in the middle of a nightmare?’
‘Art?’
‘I can’t believe that Ella’s having a kid.’
‘She nearly lost it, Art. That stupid outing on the tandem didn’t help.’
‘Don’t try to lay this one on me, Grace,’ he snaps and I’m taken aback. ‘Would I have done that if I’d known?’ He sucks in an angry breath. ‘For fuck’s sake, she knows that I’m not interested in having kids.’
I can see now why Ella has put off doing this. ‘She needs you, Art. This could be a great thing for both of you.’
‘I don’t see how.’
‘Having a child doesn’t have to change your life for the worse,’ I point out. ‘The majority of people find it a very enriching experience.’
Now I sound as if I’m quoting from a childcare manual.
‘I had parents who were on the road, Grace. They were both moderately successful actors. I spent my time being cared for by dubious housemasters in a hideously expensive boarding school. I just got in the way of my folk’s life. If you want children you settle down in a three-bedroomed semi in the suburbs and work at the local building society. Our lifestyle doesn’t fit with children.’
‘Perhaps Ella feels that it’s time she settled down, but it doesn’t mean that your life has to be over.’
‘What’s the point in having a kid or kids if you’re never there? I don’t want to be an absent dad. I don’t want to be a dad at all. I hate responsibility. My job is to look after temperamental musicians. That’s enough stress and aggro for anyone. I don’t want it in my home life too. Christ, I don’t even want a puppy or a goldfish, let alone a kid.’
‘You’ll feel differently when you see her.’
Art doesn’t look convinced. ‘Why the hell are you the one telling me this, Grace? Was Ella ever going to let me know?’
‘I think she was trying to find the right moment.’ I daren’t even mention that she’s actually three months gone and that he’s going to be a daddy much sooner than he thinks. ‘You guys seem to have been getting on so well on this holiday.’
‘She wants to move down here,’ he says, waving his hands round the room. ‘She loves it. Everything about it. The isolation, the peace. And this cottage, she loves its quaint little bones.’
‘But you don’t?’
‘Do I look like a cottage by the sea man?’ His voice is bleak. ‘I like the bright lights, Grace. Ella knows that. This whole scene bores me to tears.’
‘I thought you were enjoying yourself.’ I feel defensive on Ella’s behalf.
‘It’s great for a week, I suppose. But live here? It would be my idea of hell.’
‘You guys need to have a long talk about where you’re going,’ I offer. ‘For the time being, we need to get Ella home and rested. She doesn’t need any stress now. She really wants this baby, Art. I hope you can support her in this.’ This is your son, your daughter we’re talking about, I want to scream. ‘She’s having a scan sometime this morning. You can call her.’
I don’t point out to Art that this will mean a trip to the nearest phone box as that will give him even more reason to complain about rural life.
‘I wouldn’t know what to say.’
‘You’ll come over there with me, though?’
He nods, still dazed.
‘I know this is a shock, a big shock, but you’ll get used to it,’ I say. ‘When she’s home and you’ve talked it through, you’ll wonder why you didn’t want it all along.’
‘If it’s such a great thing,’ he says, ‘then why haven’t you and Harry got any kids?’
And that leaves me the one stunned into silence.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
I leave Art getting himself out of bed – albeit somewhat reluctantly. I hope that he’ll soon be ready to go to visit Ella as I, for one, can’t wait to see her. While I wait, I brace myself to take a cup of coffee in to Harry, but when I go back to the kitchen, he’s already on the terrace, sitting with Flick. There’s no sign of Noah. I want to ask where he is, but don’t want to risk making Flick cross again.
I go outside to join them and notice that when I arrive their conversation comes to an abrupt halt, not for the first time. There seems to be a lot of plotting going on. They’re probably planning to escape for their next drinking bout together.
Flick pastes on a smile as I sit down. Clearly she’s still mad at me for stealing Noah away in the night. ‘I’m just telling Harry what he’s been missing.’
‘Sounds like you’ve been busy while I’ve been sleeping,’ he says and I can’t detect any edge to his voice. He sounds genuinely worried.
‘I’m just going to ring Ella now,’ I tell them. ‘See how she is.’
‘You’ve broken the news to Art?’ Flick asks. I nod. ‘How did he take it?’
‘I’m sure he’ll be fine when he comes to terms with it.’ I’m not sure at all. ‘I’ll go over with him to collect Ella if he wants me to.’
‘I’ll come too,’ Flick says.
I don’t think that’s a good idea, but I keep quiet.
The sun is high in the sky and it’s warm on my arms. My bones are aching due to the lack of sleep and it’s lovely to feel the heat on them. The waves roll in and out, soothing me with their ceaseless rhythm. The beach looks so inviting and I envy Ella waking up to this remote beauty every morning. How I’d like to stretch out right now down on the sand and catch up on my sleep. Still, I need to phone the hospital and that means a trip to the village to use the phone box. I only hope that it’s still fully functioning and hasn’t been subjected to the usual vandalism. For a moment I get a glimpse of how frustrated Harry feels out here without his mobile lifeline.
‘I’m just going to pop into the village to use the phone box to ring the hospital. Anyone want to come with me?’
Flick shrugs. ‘Maybe I should stay here in case Art gets up and needs someone to talk to.’
As I can’t be in two places at once, that seems like a sensible plan. I hope Flick can do a better job than I did of convincing Art that becoming a father is a great thing.
‘Harry?’ He fishes in his pocket and tosses the keys to the Bentley to me. I guess he’s not coming either.
‘Don’t drive it into a post,’ he snipes.
I resist the urge to bite back. Worse things happen than having your car crumpled. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
Neither of them looks too worried about how long I’ll be gone, so I leave them to it.
As I’m crossing the kitchen, Noah comes down the stairs. His hair is freshly washed, he’s shaved and he’s changed his clothes. I’m wishing that I’d thought to do the same.
‘Hey,’ he says.
‘I’m just heading down to the phone box to ring the hospital,’ I tell him.
‘Br
oken the news to Art?’
‘Yes. He didn’t take it well.’
‘That’s a shame.’ He glances at the Bentley keys. ‘You shouldn’t drive, Grace. You’ve hardly had a wink of sleep. I can run you to the phone box, though it won’t be in such magnificent style.’
‘I hate the car,’ I tell him. ‘I feel so stupid in it.’
‘Then jump into my trusty, if slightly smelly, vehicle.’
I’m very tempted, but sense makes me hesitate. ‘I think Flick will be annoyed if I purloin you again.’
‘It’s a risk I’m prepared to take.’
Oh, damn it. At this moment I’m past caring what anyone thinks. ‘Come on then. Let’s go.’
So we get into Noah’s car and drive down to the pretty village of St Brides. He waits in the car while I go and use a phone box for the first time in many, many years. Thank goodness, I’ve got a lot of change in my purse. It was about ten pence a call when I last used one, I’m sure. And it’s definitely not now.
Finally, I get through to the ward and they let me know what has been happening just before my money runs out. I don’t have enough cash to be able to wait to talk to Ella.
Back in the car, I update Noah.
‘Ella’s had her scan and can be collected later this afternoon. Beyond that, they won’t give me any more information, but I’m assuming, as they’re letting her go, it can’t be bad news.’
‘Want me to take you over there?’
‘I’m hoping that Art will want to go and that he’ll take me with him.’
Noah nods. He doesn’t mention our illicit breakfast or what he said to me, and I think I’m glad about that. Instead, he just turns the car around and we head back to Cwtch Cottage.
Chapter Sixty
We pull up in front of the cottage just as Art is coming out of the front door. He’s carrying a holdall overflowing with clothes that looks as if it’s been hastily packed. Art stops in his tracks when he sees us, his face stricken.
‘He’s leaving,’ I say to Noah and we’re out of the car in a flash.
As I run across the gravel, Art clicks the boot of his car open and slings in his bag.
‘Art?’
He turns to look at me. ‘I’m off, Grace,’ he says, flatly.
‘So I can see. Where are you going?’
‘Back to London. Tell Ella that I’ll contact her.’
‘You can’t do this, Art. At least wait until she comes back from the hospital. I’ve just phoned them. She can come out later this afternoon. We could go over there together to collect her, just you and me. Then, this afternoon, you can sit and talk things through. I’m sure you can work it out.’
‘What’s the point? She didn’t feel she could talk it through with me before, so why should she now? You seem to be the go-between, so you tell her that I’ve gone.’
‘Please, Art.’ I tug at his arm. ‘Don’t leave her like this. It’s ridiculous. She shouldn’t have any more stress.’
‘Then I’m better out of here.’
‘What about Ella?’ I’m nearly in tears. ‘This isn’t all about what you want. Don’t you care about her at all?’
He opens the door of the Merc and slides in.
I turn to Noah. ‘Can’t you stop him? Talk to him.’
Noah shakes his head and puts his hand on mine to still me. ‘Let him go, Grace,’ he says quietly. ‘At the moment, she’s better off without him if he feels like that.’
Art turns the key in the ignition and the Merc roars into life. My face feels ashen. I can’t believe that he’s really doing this. Any minute now he’ll realise that he’s being an idiot and will come with us to the hospital. I want happy ever after for Ella, not this.
Art turns back to look at me, leaning heavily on the steering wheel. His face has hardened. ‘Tell Ella…’ He stumbles over her name. Then a thoroughly pissed-off sigh. ‘Tell her what you like.’
With that he floors the accelerator and, showering gravel everywhere, he spins the wheels, racing off heedless of the bumps and potholes of the narrow lane.
I put my head in my hands. ‘Poor Ella. What will I tell her now?’
‘You’ll tell her that you tried.’
‘This is my fault,’ I rage. ‘I should have handled this differently.’
‘You couldn’t have done it any other way,’ he assures me.
‘Oh, shit.’
Misery engulfs me. I look at Noah and all I want him to do is hold me. He looks at me and I know that he feels the same. But he can’t because he’s not mine, he belongs to someone else, and life is bloody, bloody shit.
Chapter Sixty-One
‘Fuck,’ Flick says when we tell her what’s happened. Which I think more than adequately sums it up. ‘What a knob.’
Couldn’t agree more. Sometimes Flick has the ability to come out and say just what everyone else is thinking. Most of the time, actually.
‘I didn’t even get a chance to speak to him,’ she says. ‘First thing I heard was the front door slamming.’
‘Well, he’s gone now.’
‘Bastard,’ Flick puffs.
‘I’m going to go to the hospital to pick her up.’ I glance anxiously at Noah and avoid looking at Harry and Flick. ‘Noah has agreed to drive me.’
Flick stands up. ‘We should all go.’
‘I think that might be overkill,’ I tell her. ‘Ella’s a bit teary. If we all roll up, it might just upset her.’
‘You’re right. You should go, Grace. You’re so much better at this kind of thing than me.’ She sits back down again and drums her fingers on the table. ‘What can I do then?’
‘You and Harry could run into St Davids, if you want to. We’re running low on food and need some more supplies for tonight.’
‘If you’re willing to take the risk, I’ll cook dinner again.’
‘That would be great, Flick.’ That’s a really nice idea and I’m pleased that she’s being so considerate. ‘I’m sure Ella won’t feel up to eating out. She’ll want to rest.’ I’m going to make sure that she does.
‘You should do the same, Grace,’ Noah ventures. ‘You haven’t slept at all. There’s time for you to have a quick nap before we have to go.’
‘Good idea,’ Harry says.
My eyes feel heavy at the very mention of sleep. ‘I think I’ll get a blanket and lie on the beach.’ It seems a shame to waste the opportunity.
‘I’ll get you one from the airing cupboard,’ Harry offers. I’m struggling to cope with the emotional rollercoaster that I’m on. Today you’d think that not a cross word had been exchanged between Harry and me. It leaves my head reeling. ‘Then Flick and I will be off and leave you in peace.’
So he hurries off and seconds later returns with a tartan rug. I take it gratefully. He holds my shoulders and kisses me lightly on the cheek. The kiss of an acquaintance.
‘Don’t run yourself into the ground, Grace,’ he warns. ‘This is supposed to be a holiday.’
At this rate, I’ll need another holiday when I get back to recover from this one. But isn’t that always the way?
Then, unexpectedly, my husband strokes my cheek. ‘Take it easy.’
‘I will.’ His concern touches me. When he’s nice like this, when the Harry that I used to know surfaces momentarily, the old feelings that I had for him come rushing back. ‘Thanks, Harry.’
‘Come on,’ Flick says. ‘Let’s make tracks.’ She kisses my cheek. ‘Give her my love.’
‘Of course I will.’
Flick kisses Noah. ‘Look after my friends,’ she instructs.
I see him flush and he nods at her.
So Flick and Harry head off to St Davids together and I get ready to head to the beach to catch forty winks. ‘Why don’t you come with me?’ I say to Noah, throwing caution to the wind. ‘We can both catch up on our sleep. I’ll set the alarm on my phone.’
‘Sounds like a good idea.’
We take the blanket and clamber over the rocks together. The sun
is high in the sky and, even though it’s a scorching-hot day, the beach is deserted. The lack of parking and the long walk down from the road means that all but the truly dedicated give this stretch of sand a miss. The lure of the ice cream and the teashops, I’m sure, prove too much of a temptation to the families on holiday.
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