The man in question made an indignant sound of protest in his throat, but before he could reply Jason was already retreating into his room, leaving Anderson stranded alone for the second time in two weeks. He could already see a pattern forming.
Sitting on the edge of his bed, Jason sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, unable to get Anderson’s hurt expression out of his head. What was he supposed to do? He definitely wasn’t gay––he couldn’t be. He was normal. Normal guys dated girls, had sex with girls, thought about girls. He thought about them, right? He had Rebecca, after all. He liked being with her.
The fact that the memory of his forbidden make out session with Anderson popped into his mind every time he got distracted from Rebecca didn’t mean anything––he was just confused.
It was all Anderson’s fault.
If he hadn’t wormed his way into Jason’s life, then none of this would’ve ever happened. If Anderson got the message that Jason just wasn’t interested, then maybe he’d leave him alone.
Lifting his head from his hands decisively, he took out his phone and typed out a message. Jason would show him who was really in the wrong, here.
As soon as the doorbell rang, Jason was there, whipping the door open to reveal a surprised Rebecca. Her makeup, as always, was perfect, but the mismatched outfit was enough to hint at her rushed arrival. “Is everything alright? You called me here so suddenly–”
Jason grabbed her by the wrist with a rushed, “Thank God you’re here,” before dragging her inside. Leading her to his bedroom, his grip tightened on her arm in anticipation of what he needed to do. He had to prove to himself––and to Anderson––that he was wrong.
He barely made time to shut the door behind him before he began to paw at her clothes, laying her down with enough desperation to her leave her breathless and struggling to reciprocate with the same amount of enthusiasm. Linking her legs around his back and pulling him in, she slid her hands up under his shirt before smothering him with a kiss. Jason could feel himself trembling, but he wasn’t sure if it was excitement or apprehension, and that only made his body hum with even more uncertainty.
“What’s got into you all of a sudden?” Rebecca smiled against his lips, her vanilla scented lip balm’s scent filling Jason’s nose. It was overwhelming. It was wrong. It wasn’t strawberry. Jason subconsciously recoiled from his own intrusive thoughts, trying to focus on the task at hand.
“Nothing,” he managed a smile in return, “I just missed you.”
Rebecca smirked in her fox-like manner, sensually pulling his t-shirt over his body in one swift, practiced motion. “Well in that case, show me exactly how much you missed me,” she whispered against the crook of his neck, nipping at his skin.
He shivered, but only because the removal of his shirt left him susceptible to the draft that blew in from under the door. He lowered himself down onto the bed, hands and knees on either side of Rebecca. “I want to make you scream for me tonight, Becca,” he tried, the words feeling fake and insincere as soon as they left his lips. Rebecca didn’t seem to notice, simply lifting the corners of her mouth in a slight smirk before pulling him down for another kiss.
He tried to get lost in the sensations of hot skin against his, running his fingers along her exposed curves, mapping out every hill and valley with his hands. Rebecca whined and bucked up against him, her body pink and trembling with desire.
Jason really did try. He tried to feel the same heat that he used to, to feel like she was a shrine and he a worshipper using her to pray for his salvation, but every touch was empty of the fire he had come accustomed to when he was around her. He ignored himself and his lack of arousal in favor of pleasuring her, hoping that maybe it might fix his problem of not getting it up.
Maybe she wouldn’t notice if he used only his hands.
She did notice, though, looking down at him through half lidded eyes, worry tinting her voice, “Jace, what’s wrong? Are you having...problems again?” She gently placed a hand on his chest, moving up to his shoulder and squeezing consolingly. In that moment, he felt a burst of undeserving affection for the women beneath him, the one who had stayed with him through this strange time in his life, even when she would’ve been better off breaking up with him and spreading rumors about his inability to put out on every street corner.
Then he felt guilty thinking about Rebecca like that, because he should’ve known better than to think that she was that sort of person. Considering how Jason had been acting lately, those sort of things might be attributed to him. Pulling away from her touch, Jason groaned in frustration, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me– ugh, yes I do, who I am kidding, it’s just–” he stopped. The sad look that Rebecca was giving him said more than any words could––she knew.
“Jace... you’ve got to stop lying to yourself. I don’t know what happened and when, but I think I have a pretty good idea,” she lectured, sitting up and pulling her sweater over her head. “I’m not lying to myself,” Jason blurted out before he could stop himself.
She gave him a sharp look. “Jason. This is the third time this week you haven’t been able to get it up for me. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
He blushed at her bluntness and searched for a reply. “I… Becca, I swear I’m not gay,” he pleaded.
She raised her eyebrow, “I never said you were, but remember when you told me about Tommy? You may want to explore the possibility --I'm just saying-- that you might be bisexual.”
Pulling on her shorts, she stood, stretching slightly before turning back to him. “Also, before I go, let me tell you what I think, Jason. I think you’re confused, and scared. I think you’re in denial because you’re scared, and I honestly think that it’s a waste of everyone’s time and energy––thanks for wasting my time, by the way––if you keep dragging it out just because you’re a huge wuss that can’t face up to your true feelings.”
Trying to hold on to any last thread of dignity he has left, Jason quickly interjected, “I’m not. I can’t be.”
Rebecca simply shook her head and picked up her bag, leaving quietly the way she came. Jason knew that his attempt to convince her that he wasn’t thinking about someone else had only done the opposite; his words sounded like lies even to his own ears.
He tried not to think about Tommy. The last time he had seen him it was during the Wayfair County Interactive, a community wide event that gave kids a camp-like atmosphere out of the city. He'd gone with his best friend, Tommy Phillips, and it was the longest bus ride he'd ever taken away from his parents. They sat there and chatted the entire ride there, and hugged each other at the opportunity to be away from the parents for an entire week.
On the last day of the event, the organizer had them create a terrarium to take back home, so that they'd have a piece of the experience there with them all the time. Both of them had looked forward to it and had stayed up the night before talking about it, before falling asleep in the same bunk together. They'd been 12 years old, inseparable, and thought they'd be together forever. Through years of sleepovers and fort-building, he couldn't imagine life without Tommy.
All the kids stayed close to the organizer, and grabbed whatever they saw to stick into the terrarium. Tommy and Jason however, picked over things in search of the perfect items. After gathering moss and pebbles, Tommy had spotted a bird's nest fallen on the ground on the opposite side of the road to the creekside.
"I'm going to go see if it has an egg to put in mine. Make mine different from everyone else's," he poked at Jason, pointing to the mass of nest. Jason rolled his eyes. It was just like Jason, always creative, always full of energy and life.
"Tommy, why do you always want to be different from everyone?" Jason had asked.
"Because sometimes different is good," Tommy grabbed Jason's hand and said to him, looking straight into his eyes, "sometimes different is magical."
It was then, away from the group, that Tommy had leaned over still holding Jason's hand, and kisse
d him. It was a quick kiss, but Jason remembered closing his eyes and feeling a sense of 'home' he'd never known before.
He didn't even have time to respond when he opened his eyes and saw Tommy's huge grin light up his face before turning, without looking, and running toward the fallen nest.
The Jeep that had been racing down the road never saw him, the Wayfair County Chronicle stated, and Jason never got over the mixed feeling of intense happiness coupled with crippling sadness. Losing Tommy made him stuff those feelings down deep, and only Anderson it seemed was bringing them to the surface.
Later that night, when Jason bumped into Anderson in the hall on the way back from bathroom, he knew the other had heard his failed attempts at denial, too.
The breakup text from Rebecca that was waiting for him when he woke up in the morning wasn’t entirely unexpected, either.
Chapter Ten
“Didn’t think I’d be seeing you here again,” said an amused voice from behind the counter. Jason looked up to see the same bartender that had called him out those many months ago, the night he had stumbled in after exams. He chuckled wearily, “Yeah, Cameron. I didn’t think I’d be back here, either.”
The man laughed and leaned against the counter on his elbows. “What does your mood call for tonight?”
Jason’s eye flickered across the display of alcohol in front of him. He looked down and tapped his hands nervously against the wooden counter. “Just a beer for me, thanks.”
Cameron hummed and eyed him for a second before setting a bottle in front of Jason. “Enjoy,” he murmured before turning to serve another person who had slid in on the opposite end of the counter, leaving Jason with his thoughts.
Sighing and running a hand down his face, Jason stared at the bottle before shaking his head and taking a swig of the bitter liquid. It trickled down his throat and settled heavily in his stomach, a comfortable distraction from the mess in his head. He didn’t really know why his feet had carried him back to this particular bar in the middle of the night, but after what had happened several hours before, he felt justified in his actions.
This is where it all started, after all.
Cameron left Jason alone for the better part of an hour, conversing with the other man behind the counter in a low voice while glancing occasionally is in his direction. He did so until Jason’s bottle was almost empty, then proceeded to cut off the conversation he was in with a smooth smile before gliding over to where Jason was sitting and placing another drink in front of him.
In a perfect mirror of their first meeting, he said casually, “On the house. You look like you need it.”
Jason gave him a quizzical look. “Are you sure you aren't going to bankrupt the place if you keep giving out drinks like this? Or at least get in trouble?”
The bartender winked slyly and pressed a finger to his lips. “Let's keep it a secret, then.”
Jason scoffed, but took the drink anyway. Cameron leaned against the counter, his eyes trained on Jason. He observed quietly for a moment before continuing, “I don't give free drinks out to everyone that comes here, you know.” He picked at his hands thoughtfully before admitting, “You just seem like you have an interesting story to tell. I thought you might spill if I loosened your tongue a bit.”
Jason choked on his drink, coughing a bit at the man’s bluntness. When he recovered, he cleared his throat and said, “I hardly think I'm anything interesting, dude. I'm pretty much the definition of normal, if that's anything for you to go by.”
“Hm… How disappointing,” Cameron smiled, his voice unconvinced. Jason sighed and set his drink down on the counter with a loud clunk.
“My girlfriend broke up with me,” he started. It all spilled out from there, as if a dam inside him had suddenly burst, letting all of his turbulent thoughts free. “And my roommate kissed me, and I can't stop thinking about it, but it doesn't make any sense, because I'm NOT gay, he's gay. I'm normal.”
He took a flustered breath and a drank large gulp of his beer to shut himself up. This was not how he imagined he would end up confiding in someone about his insecurities. At a bar, and to a complete stranger, no less.
Cameron stared at him curiously for a moment before he said, blank faced, “Well, that is a lot less interesting than what I expected from someone like you.”
“What do you mean? What were you expecting from me, then?” Jason narrowed his eyes, not expecting such an indifferent response outright.
“I expected a scandal—maybe drugs, or family issues? But a college guy denying his sexuality? You really weren't joking when you said you were normal.”
“What?” Jason spluttered indignantly. “I’m not denying anything! I'm really not gay!”
Cameron sighed, rubbing his temple with several of his slender fingers, “Out of everything I said, that's the only thing you caught.”
Jason pushed his drink away and made to stand up, but the bartender gave him a sharp look. “Sit down. You're not running away from this.”
Intimidated by the other man’s unexpected intensity, Jason slid back down into his seat, taking the remains of his drink back in his hand and downing it in one long swallow. Maybe this wouldn't be so embarrassing if he could drink enough to forget it ever happened the next morning?
“Look, you're obviously not going to believe me if I try to convince you that you're in denial,” Cameron said calmly, ignoring Jason’s glare before adding, “but let me just say, you're not the first guy who’s come through here saying stuff like this, and you're certainly not gonna be the last.”
Jason opened his mouth to protest, but the bartender held up a hand and Jason closed his mouth and crossed his arms, huffing loudly.
“But,” he paused, “I think that you should stop avoiding the subject entirely. Nothing is ever gonna change if you spend all of your time and energy on pointlessly tiptoeing around the subject.”
“What do you suggest I do, then?” Jason said through his teeth, his fingernails pressing little crescents into his arms in irritation. The bartender tapped his fingers against his mouth thoughtfully, looking completely unaffected by Jason’s confrontational tone.
“I think that you need to suck it up. By avoiding the problem, you’re just making it more painful for everyone, including yourself. You’re acting like a coward.” Jason bristled and glared sharply at the man, but the other showed no response, pressing on. “You aren’t a coward, are you?”
Under the calculating, intelligent gaze of the other man, Jason lost his ability to speak, instead shaking his head tersely in response. With that, the bartender averted his gaze and said with finality, “Good. Don’t avoid this. Think. It’d be a shame if you lost him after everything, too.”
Jason sighed as he let argumentative spirit deflate, knowing full well that what the other man was saying was right, no matter how much he didn’t want it to be. He scooted back from the counter and stood, thanking the man quietly and moving away without another word.
Just before he pushed the door open, Cameron called after him, “Hey–don’t let it get you down too much. You’ll figure it out eventually.” Jason nodded slowly and opened the door. “Oh, and give Anderson my regards, would you?”
Jason whipped his head around and stared at the smirking man with wide eyes. “You knew?” he said incredulously, but the bartender just winked and disappeared into the storeroom behind the counter, leaving Jason alone to come to his own conclusions. The man’s mischievousness echoed through the empty bar, even as Jason finally collected his wits and headed out into the night.
After that, Jason’s time became unfairly occupied with Anderson. Mostly thoughts of how he could kick him out without coming off as too much of a dick and maybe a couple times he even thought about how he would apologize to him if he had the guts. Rebecca was right; he really was just a huge wuss, especially when it came to things like this.
Lucky for him, Anderson seemed to get the message after the failure of a night with Rebecca and left Jason to hi
s own devices. In fact, the man got so good at avoiding him that after a while Jason started to feel like he was living with a ghost rather another living, breathing human being.
It upset Jason more than he thought it would.
With the environment at home becoming progressively more stifling with every passing day, Jason began to grasp at every possible opportunity to leave their shared apartment; this meant taking advantage of every single invitation he got as an excuse to get out. Jason should've predicted that it wouldn't be that simple to rid himself of Anderson’s haunting presence.
Of course they couldn’t avoid each other forever, no matter how much they might’ve wanted to. After months of living together, Anderson had been accepted amongst Jason’s friends as a permanent addition to the group, and this made it considerably more difficult to participate in group activities without constantly bumping into one another. Whenever that happened, one of them always hightailed it out of there with some half-ass excuse about forgotten business just to avoid the awkward situation.
What could they do when they were always both invited?
This time, however, that didn’t seem to be the main problem. Jason sighed and tucked his phone into his pocket, staring blandly at the brightly lit movie theater display in front of him. He had been invited to a group movie night by some of his friends, who had all somehow conveniently forgotten about their plans at the same time. Again.
So now he was stuck standing all alone in front of the movie theater like some sort of pathetic loser, trying to decide whether he should stay and see the movie without them or admit defeat and head home for a solo movie marathon of his own. Again.
Glancing around stiffly, he suddenly became aware of the half-apologetic looks people were giving him as they walked by, almost as if they could sense he was being stood up. He wasn’t being stood up. Not really. He snorted and scuffed his heel against the sidewalk, berating himself for being ridiculous. It’s not like he was on a date; he hadn’t been on one of those since Rebecca left him.
You May Have Met Him Page 24