‘That’s a little colder than I would describe it but essentially, yes. Think of it as an extended vacation with excellent sex thrown into the mix.’
‘And then we go our separate ways with a kiss and fond memories?’
‘Exactly right. I’m happy to transfer the thirty million into your account now,’ he added as an afterthought.
She flinched, then stared at him for another long pause. ‘You know, for someone so sensitive and thoughtful to his family’s needs, you can be a real insensitive bastard.’
Her words landed like a punch to his gut. ‘What are you talking about?’
Her face now white, she flung the sheets off, jumped off the bed, and went through the adjoining door to her own room.
‘What’s the matter with you?’ he demanded to know when she still hadn’t answered his question.
She threw her dressing room door open. ‘Where, at any point in your investigator’s report on me, did it say anything about me being free and easy with my body and indulging in pointless affairs?’
‘I’m not suggesting a pointless affair, Elizabeth. I just don’t see why it has to end now when you staying here will be beneficial...’
‘To Loukas,’ she finished for him, pulling a pair of panties on. ‘Where all I get out of it is good sex.’ She grabbed a T-shirt off a shelf and shrugged it on. ‘Where do my feelings come into it? What about what I want?’
‘You’ve told me what you want. You don’t believe in love and relationships.’
‘And why is that?’ She put her hands on her hips, eyes blazing with what he could see was incandescent fury. ‘I’ll tell you why—it’s because you completely screwed me up when you abandoned me five days after marrying me, that’s why!’
Now she pulled a pair of jeans off the rail. ‘You broke my heart. Did you know that? Completely smashed it. I told myself my parents’ marriage and the loathing they had for each other was just a case of bad pairing and that true love did exist, but you showed me how very wrong I was. You want to know how many men I’ve slept with since you left me? None. Not a single affair. You destroyed my faith in everything and you destroyed my hopes of love so completely that I turned my back on the life I’d always wanted.’
Xander stared at her, stunned at her outburst. She hadn’t been with anyone else...?
‘I thought we had a meeting of minds when it came to relationships,’ he said, breathing heavily, working hard to get his thoughts into order.
She fastened the buttons of her jeans then gazed at the ceiling. ‘My feelings have changed.’ Then her face contorted again and the brief moment of calm was shattered. ‘I don’t want to be convenient. I don’t want to have an affair because it’s for the best. I want to be wanted for me. I never had that when I was growing up—I was always just an asset to be fought over. I wasn’t loved for me, I was a weapon to be used. I thought I’d found love ten years ago with you but then you dumped me because I wasn’t good enough.’
‘You were good enough.’ Xander swore under his breath, trying his hardest to keep his temper. ‘We’ve been over this time and time again. What more do you want me to say? I couldn’t bring you back with me. You would have been destroyed.’
‘You didn’t even try,’ she cried. ‘If you’d loved me then you would have fought for me. You could have moved to New York with me. You haven’t cared what your parents thought about you for a long time, your brother would have understood, he might even have made the move with you! But no, you didn’t do any of that and I’ll tell you why, it’s because that bloody business meant more to you than I did. It still means more than anything else...’
‘That’s crap,’ he cut in heatedly.
‘Really? Then why aren’t Yanis and Katerina putting themselves out of their misery and getting a divorce? It’s because of the potential cost to the business, isn’t it? As long as Timos is okay, everything else can go to hell. You can have an affair with me now and pretend to the world we have a normal marriage without consequences because I now “fit” into your world. You don’t have to make any concessions.’
His ears were ringing, the room losing its focus. ‘You’re talking nonsense.’
‘Am I? I was prepared to give up everything for you because I loved you, but you...’ She shook her head with loathing. ‘You weren’t prepared to lose your place in the company for anything as pathetic as love. Well, you’re the pathetic one and I deserve so much more. I want it all, Xander. Spending time with Loukas and you has made me see how much I’ve denied myself and what I’ve been missing out on. I want a family of my own and if you tell me you want it too then we could have it because guess what? I still love you.’
Her words sent him reeling. ‘You do?’
‘Yep! But I am not prepared to waste another ten years of my life pining for a man who doesn’t feel the same way, so I will ask you one more time—what are your feelings for me? And don’t give me any crap about me being witty or any other such garbage. I want to know your real feelings or I walk out this minute.’
Xander was trapped. He didn’t know what he was expected to say, his head spinning from her declaration of love. And she wanted a family with him...?
But it hadn’t sounded like a real declaration. More an angry outburst, something she disliked saying as much as he disliked hearing it.
‘You know how I feel about marriage. I’ve made that perfectly clear. I should never have married you in the first place.’
‘So why did you?’
‘Because I was young and stupid.’
She flinched.
‘I’m sorry, Elizabeth, but you want the truth so I’m giving it to you. My feelings haven’t changed. I don’t want to make a commitment that ties me to one person’s side for the rest of my life. I like you a lot, you know that. I care for you. But we’ve both seen how destructive tying yourself to one person can be. I don’t believe in for ever and you know you don’t believe in it either.’
She stared at him for an inordinate amount of time, her eyes flashing with fury and pain, but mostly fury. ‘You can stick your offer where the sun doesn’t shine. I’m going home.’
‘Why? Because I’m not prepared to make a false promise?’ Had she not listened to anything he’d said?
‘No. Because your feelings for me aren’t strong enough for you to take that leap of faith. Can you arrange for your crew to fly me to Athens, or do I have to steal a boat?’
She couldn’t be serious. Things were great as they were between them. Why was she trying to spoil things now? Where had all this come from?
‘Sleep on it. You’ll feel differently in the morning. It’s been a long, emotional day...’
‘Do not tell me how I’m feeling or how I should be feeling. I want to go home, so are you going to help me or not?’
He thought quickly, which was hard with all the blood roaring in his head. ‘I’ll get them to fly you to Athens after breakfast and I’ll have the jet ready to take you to New York.’
Whatever she said, she would feel differently in the morning. They could discuss it properly then, when she wasn’t feeling so irrational about the situation, when she could see that taking it one day at a time wasn’t a rejection but simply taking it one day at a time.
She steamed past him and opened the adjoining door. ‘You can leave me alone now.’
He looked at her one last time.
‘You’ll feel differently in the morning,’ he repeated.
The lock clicked behind him.
* * *
Xander opened his eyes, surprised to see his bedside clock reading nine a.m. He’d still been awake at five, certain he would never be able to fall asleep.
He felt sick, and not just in his stomach. Everything inside him felt twisted.
He staggered out of bed and knocked on the adjoining door. Sighing when there was no reply and the door remained steadfastly locked, he showered then headed to the infinity room for his breakfast, bracing himself for a cold shoulder.
Ya
nis and Loukas were at the table, already eating.
They both looked at him accusingly as he entered the room.
‘What?’
‘Elizabeth’s gone.’
‘To the beach?’ She took a long walk most days. He’d put some shoes on and go find her.
‘Home,’ said Loukas. ‘She woke me up to say goodbye.’ Then he smiled. ‘She’s given me her email address and phone number. Daddy says I can call her whenever I want.’
The last words were faint as Xander was already heading back down the stairs.
Her main bedroom door was unlocked. He pushed it open and immediately thought they were playing with him. Her bed was neatly made and all her cosmetics and perfumes sat on the dressing table as they had done for over a month. Her dressing room was still filled with her clothes.
All her stuff was there. She couldn’t have gone. They must be messing with...
And then he realised what was missing and his heart stopped. Elizabeth’s laptop was gone. In a frenzy he opened drawers and doors, looking for the copious amounts of stationery she had filled them with in her time on Diadonus. They were all gone too.
* * *
Elizabeth put her case in the overhead locker and settled herself into the economy seat she’d purchased three minutes before the desk closed and thanked whoever was looking down and helping her that she’d managed to get a seat on the day’s only flight to New York.
Gazing out of the window, she couldn’t help strain her eyes for something out of the ordinary, some sign...
She’d done exactly the same thing ten years ago on her flight back to New York from St Francis. She’d hoped desperately for a miracle, for Xander to suddenly appear and tell her it had all been a mistake, that he was sorry and he did love her and they would spend the rest of their lives together.
There hadn’t been anything then and nor was there anything now.
She’d caught the early morning ferry from Diadonus Town harbour and watched the island she’d come to think of as home disappear until it became a dot and then, nothing. Four hours later they’d docked in Piraeus and she’d been helpless to stop her eyes from scanning everywhere for a sign of him; if he’d wanted to, he could have easily beaten her there.
That miracle will never happen. It didn’t happen ten years ago and it won’t happen now. Forget him. Carry on with your life. Forget this ever happened.
Yet for all the stern words she aimed at herself, she was helpless to stop the tears pouring down her face as the plane taxied down the runway. As they became airborne and she stared like a masochist through blurred eyes for her last look at a city she had come to love, she had to stuff her fist into her mouth to prevent the pain from screaming itself out.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
XANDER FINGERED THE NOTEBOOK one of his staff had just given to him.
It had fallen down the back of Elizabeth’s dresser, lying there unnoticed while she’d gathered together the few possessions she’d arrived with.
She’d been gone for four days now. He’d felt every minute of it.
Curiosity overcame him and he turned the cover. As he took it all in it struck him that he’d never seen her handwriting before. He’d only seen her signature on their wedding licence ten years ago. The only way to describe it was neat and curvy. Not that he could see much writing on the first few pages—mostly it was filled with doodles; flowers, single eyes with thick long lashes, stiletto shoes and...teapots?
He flicked through a few more pages of doodles over which more of her curvy handwriting appeared, random sentences that didn’t make sense until, after half an hour immersed in it, he realised it all connected and that she’d been working on the kernels of a storyline for a script. These were all her initial thoughts but he could see the broad strokes of what it would be. A tale of a fork in a road, one fork leading to love and redemption, the other leading to loneliness and hell.
* * *
Elizabeth had no idea how many miles she’d walked but when she found herself near the entrance of the Central Park Zoo, she figured at least four. Despite living in the city all her life, she’d only been to the zoo once, on a field trip in junior high.
She’d loved it there and had always hoped one of her parents would take her. After a while she’d stopped asking. Neither of them had any interest in her unless it involved getting one up on the other. Unfortunately for her small self, that hadn’t included days out at the zoo. And then she’d grown up and spent a decade way too busy to even think of going there.
She paid the entrance fee and opened her guide map. If she started with the penguins and the seabirds, she could do a whole loop of the place. How could anyone fail to be happy at the sight of penguins?
She could.
Nothing lifted her mood, not the penguins or the thickly furred snow monkeys, not even the lemurs in the tropic zone who were showing off in spectacular fashion for their delighted audience.
Maybe that was why her mood wouldn’t lift. She was surrounded by families; mothers, fathers and children, all reminding her of what could have been.
She would come back on a weekday when families would be at a minimum.
Once out of the tropic zone the chill in the air really hit her. The clouds were thick above her and within minutes a snowflake landed on her nose.
Normally she loved the snow but it was hard to appreciate it when she was pining for a sunny Greek island thousands of miles away. Only the island though, she assured herself. And Loukas. She missed him very much. Xander...
She would not think of him.
Wanting coffee and to go home, she headed for the exit. The gift shop winked at her.
After a moment’s indecision, she crunched through the falling snow to it.
As she’d known there would be, the shop had notebooks galore.
Her cell rang from her purse. About to reach for it, she remembered there was nothing important she needed to answer it for. Her time was her own. She had thirty million dollars in her bank account and a big wide world to explore and write about.
For the first time in a week she felt a glimmer of light amid the darkness in her heart.
The world was hers to do as she wanted. She was rich. She could form her own production company and option her own scripts.
While none of this meant anything to her right now, at some point in the future, when the pain began to ease, she knew it would mean a great deal.
Wherever life took her, she would just have to make a point of avoiding Greece and its islands.
She paid for five notebooks and left the gift shop feeling more positive than she had in days.
She’d thrown her toys out of the pram the last time Xander had broken her heart and she was not going to do the same thing again.
Love did exist. It did. And maybe one day, when she least expected it, it would come to her and she would hug it close and cherish it with everything she had.
Xander’s face flashed in her mind again.
She missed him. She ached for him. She would never see him again.
But she wouldn’t throw her life away because of it. Not again.
The snow fell thick and fast around her but she wasn’t tempted to jump on a bus or train or grab a cab. The snow was invigorating.
As she walked the four miles back, she was aware of her cell continuing to ring but by now all she wanted was to get home. She would deal with anything then.
Feeling like an Eskimo, she turned onto Seventh Avenue. A figure at the bottom of the stairway to the front door of her apartment block made her pause. She squinted through the snow to see more clearly.
Time itself stood still. Elizabeth couldn’t move, was only vaguely aware of people bustling around her.
During all the walks she’d taken since she’d been home she’d thought she’d seen him a dozen times or more but not once had she really believed it was him. It was only her pining heart taking its time in accepting reality.
This time it really was him.
> She forced her legs to keep going.
By the time she reached him she’d squashed the burst of joy, stamped it into a box and locked it away.
Yet up close, seeing him standing there, his long navy blue overcoat sodden with snow, the tip of his nose red with cold, snowflakes on his brows and lashes...
Oh, she had to try so damned hard not to throw herself into his arms.
She had to try even harder to get her throat to move but then she couldn’t think of anything to say and, suddenly terrified she was going to cry, stalked past him up the steps that had been mercifully gritted, and unlocked the front door.
Stamping the snow off her boots, she grabbed her mail and then walked to the end of the passageway and unlocked her apartment door.
Xander stayed beside her the whole time. Neither of them made an attempt to speak.
Once she’d closed the door she put her back to it and faced him. ‘Why are you here?’
Xander took in the tiny one-room apartment that was full of light without actually looking anywhere but at Elizabeth. He’d been apart from her for only a week but it had been the longest week of his life.
He cleared his throat and unbuttoned his coat.
‘You’re not staying,’ she said sharply.
He’d been expecting this sort of welcome but still he winced. At least she’d let him into the apartment. He hadn’t been sure she would even do that.
‘I have something for you.’ He pulled out a notebook from his inside pocket, where he’d kept it to keep dry. ‘You left this behind.’
She stared at it with wide eyes. ‘You came all this way to give me that?’
‘No. I would have come anyway. It just might have taken me a bit longer.’
Her jaw clenched. She wasn’t going to make this easy for him. He didn’t blame her a bit.
‘Look, Elizabeth, I’ve been standing outside your apartment for over an hour. I’m freezing. Do you have coffee?’
There was a definite flicker but she remained stony. ‘I’m a New Yorker. Of course I have coffee.’ And then she closed her eyes and sighed. ‘Okay. I’ll make you one. And then you can go.’
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