by Rachel Kane
That night was the first time in a long time that Jace had a dreamless sleep, their arms and legs entwined, the taste of each other’s fluids on their lips.
11
Trent knew something was wrong the next morning when he leaned in to kiss Jace, but the bodyguard pulled away, his eyes still closed.
Maybe Jace was still asleep, but Trent didn’t think so. He didn’t question Jace about it. He wanted to be sensitive. Last night had come on suddenly. Maybe Jace needed some time to think. There were implications to what they had done together.
Weren’t there?
Wait, was that stupid? They were stuck together for the whole rest of the day today. Surely Jace wouldn’t have kissed him—wouldn’t have slept with him—if he didn’t mean anything by it? If he didn’t want it to happen again? If he’d wanted a one-time hookup, he’d picked the most awkward damn time for it.
Trent pushed himself off the cot without speaking. He was freezing. The stove had gone cold. Picking his pants up off the floor, he found them feeling icy. He pulled them on anyway, cringing at the feel. He got his shirt on too, then for extra warmth pulled his hoodie on and went outside.
Outside was beautiful. The rich autumn colors were muted this morning, dusted with frost. It almost looked like it had snowed, the way the frost glinted in the first light of dawn.
During his trip to the outhouse, Trent had more time to think. Maybe Jace had pulled away because he wasn’t the one who had started things last night. Not really. Trent, jacking off behind him, had started it. It was Trent who had touched Jace first.
Oh, he hated stuff like this. He looked back at the cabin. He was going to have to go in there and feel uncomfortable the rest of the day.
Why did he have to be so stupid about guys? Why couldn't he just act like a normal person?
But that was ridiculous. Normal people don't have to fear for their lives. Couldn’t he give himself permission to be emotionally on-edge?
Before going back into the cabin, he put his hands on the doorway and closed his eyes.
Promise me you’re not going to make this weird, he said to himself. All he had to do was get through the day. It was hardly even a day. A matter of hours. Just don't talk to him. Don't bring up last night.
Jace seemed to have the same idea. He was fully dressed, kneeling before the stove, adding wood to a small fire. His head barely turned as Trent walked in.
“Cold out there,” Trent said.
Jace just grunted in reply.
Trent started to sit on the cot, but as soon as Jace stood up, he moved over to the cot and began straightening the pillows and blankets. Trent sat on the stool instead. His stomach fluttered with nerves.
“So, any big plans today?” he asked.
Jace shook his head.
“Need anything in town, or do we need to collect something from the woods, or maybe—”
“No, we're fine,” said Jace.
Of course nothing felt fine. Trent watched him straighten more things in the cabin which didn't take long because there weren't that many things in the cabin to begin with. There was a nervous energy to Jace's movements, a speed and precision that seemed unwarranted for a chilly Sunday morning with no tasks ahead of them.
Couldn't Jace have had a radio, TV, anything? There weren't even any books in the cabin. Trent would have settled for a magazine.
“Maybe I'll take a walk,” said Trent. “Get some air.”
“No, stay in.”
“Jace.”
The bodyguard seemed determined not to look at him.
“Jace.”
Finally he looked up. “What?”
“Do we need to talk about last night?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? Because you’re acting kind of—”
“Let me make this really easy,” said Jace. He sat on the edge of the cot, facing Trent. “What happened last night was a mistake. A huge one. I’m not trying to defend it. But I don’t want to talk about it, either. Do I feel awkward? Hell yes. But don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t feel awkward because I don’t know how to talk about my feelings, or some shit like that. I feel awkward because I know I made an error in judgment, and now I’ve got to keep you in here for the rest of the day, and I can tell you’re one of those guys who needs to talk about every single orgasm. So I tell you what. You stay here in the cabin, and you talk to me about whatever you want. But I don’t have anything to say. Is that okay?”
Trent stood up. “That is seriously unfair.”
Jace shrugged, a slight smile playing across his lips.
Trent said, “Don’t act like I’m mooning over you or something. The only reason I asked if you wanted to talk is because you’re acting skittish, like a scared cat, rushing around the room. Damn, why are you so smug? What gives you the right?”
“Dude. You were whacking off watching me yesterday. It’s okay. I don’t mind. Clearly. But don’t pretend I’m the one with the problem.”
Oh, so they were back to that. Jace, slipping into his confident role, the protector, the guy who didn’t feel things, which meant Trent must be the sensitive flower full of emotions. Trent felt a red rage welling up inside him at that. It was so unfair.
Everything in his life had been unfair, ever since he had overheard that stupid conversation with Grumman.
He wished he could rewind, step back through all the events of the past few weeks, and stop up his ears and not hear anything. Then at least he wouldn’t have to put up with Jace’s self-satisfied grin.
“I’m going outside,” he said.
“No, you’re staying in here, so I can keep an eye on you.”
“We’re not having that conversation again,” said Trent. “Nobody’s out there. I’m not going to die. But I have the feeling if I stay in here, we’re going to get into a fight, and I don’t want that.”
He closed the cabin door harder than he meant to. Slammed it, basically, and then felt bad, because surely Jace would see that as a sign he was too emotional. He was grateful that Jace didn’t come after him, didn’t force him to stay.
The air was still chilly, but the golden rays of morning sun had begun to warm the air in the clearing; frost was turning to mist, and the mountains were shrouded.
It really was gorgeous up here. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets and went to the spring. He watched the water trickle into the pond. At some point it must freeze over. What might that look like, layer after layer of ice from the spring? The urge to come back in a couple of months occurred to him.
Hah. If he lived that long. And what evidence was there that he would? Did he really think Jace was going to protect him? Sure, sure, if Grumman’s men were right there in the room, maybe Jace would put up some kind of fight. But was he really invested in protecting Trent right now? He let Trent walk out without much of an argument.
“Some bodyguard,” said Trent.
The problem was, he had nowhere to go. Sure, it was pretty out here, but did he really want to risk getting lost in the woods? He had his phone, but the map program didn’t work without a cell connection. He couldn’t sit by the spring all day. With little else to do, he decided to walk the border of the clearing, where the trees began.
Jace had a couple of acres of cleared land here. Trent wondered, looking it over, if that had been a tactical decision on Jace’s part. He had a clear view long before anyone reached the cabin. Trent wouldn’t be surprised if Jace were watching him even now. (Maybe even playing with himself, said the vengeful part of Trent’s mind.)
The bodyguard was a complete mystery to Trent. Attractive and self-confident and stuck on himself? Sure. That made sense. It fit into how Trent would picture a guy like that. But what was with the nervousness? Jace could say whatever he wanted, but he was clearly affected by their time together last night, in a way Trent really didn’t expect.
Did Jace have a crush on him? Surely not. That was ridiculous. If there was anything Trent could be sure of, it was that Jace
wasn’t really attracted to him. Last night had just been about two lonely, stressed-out guys in the same room. It could’ve happened to anyone.
Trent continued along the tree-line, listening to the birds. He saw a deer dart through the woods, stopping briefly to look back at him, then bounding away.
But if Jace didn’t have a crush on him, why was he acting so weird? Just professional guilt?
He’d called last night a mistake.
What other mistakes might the bodyguard make? A shiver went through Trent that had nothing to do with the cold. Stop that, he told himself. He had to stop questioning Jace’s abilities as a bodyguard, otherwise he was going to be paralyzed by fear. There was nothing to worry about. They were in the middle of nowhere. Jace had good visibility here, had his shotgun, had experience in these matters.
Trent glanced back at the cabin. He’d come about a quarter of the way around the clearing, and was now facing the corner of the cabin. If he kept going, would Jace worry that he couldn’t see Trent? Would he care?
The next step he took made the wrong sound. He’d grown used to the crunching and sliding of the pine straw underfoot. But this was a sharper sound. More crinkly.
He glanced down. He’d stepped on a fast food wrapper.
The wind must have blown it from the trees, because over there, deeper into the woods, was a bag from the same restaurant. Trent stepped over.
A little stack of cigarette butts lay near the bag. And a depression, the size of a man, in the straw. As though someone had been sitting here for a long, long time.
The cabin was in clear view from here. He could see two sides of it, as well as the truck and the path to the spring.
Someone had been here. There was no scent of smoke in the air, so whoever it was had been gone a while. He realized what that meant: Someone had been watching the cabin all last night. Perhaps had even seen him touching himself while watching Jace bathe. With the lanterns lit, the watcher might even have seen inside the windows. Might have seen some of what happened between them last night.
Trent had not felt this threatened since he’d heard someone hiding in his closet night before last. He ran quickly towards the cabin, praying no one shot him before he reached the door.
12
Jace scanned the area. He’d brought the shotgun, leaving it aimed down towards the ground, away from the two of them. With his toe, he nudged the fast food sack. His gut twisted with some mixture of fear and rage. It felt like his senses had instinctively sharpened; the world was in crystal-clear focus. Every sound in the forest seemed to scream in his ears.
“Any chance it’s just some random camper?” Trent said.
“There’s not a fast food restaurant for twenty miles,” said Jace. He kept his voice steady. It was important to betray no sense of tension. Trent was already wound tight as a guitar string; one wrong move and he would snap.
But this was bad. Someone had found out exactly where they were. It had taken them no time at all. Worse, they had kept watch over the cabin while Jace was at his most vulnerable.
He wasn’t afraid. He was pissed. This is why you set emotions aside when you were on the job. They were a distraction. If he’d learned anything guarding David two years ago—
—but no. That was something Jace didn’t think about anymore. Those doors were going to stay closed. Memories were as distracting as emotions, if you let them in.
He glanced at Trent. At least whatever fight had been brewing between them was postponed for now. That was a relief.
He swung around and began marching back.
“Wait, where are you going?” asked Trent.
“The truck.”
“Don't you need to investigate? Secure the scene, or—”
Jace turned around. “I'm not the police. This isn't a mystery. There's no crime to solve here. We need to get to town so I can call Harlan.”
It was a tense drive. Jace was careful on the rutted road, keeping an eye out for any signs of other drivers. The spy must surely have driven up this road last night. How had he not heard it? Focus.
Meanwhile Trent was in the passenger seat fidgeting with his fingernails. “Can Harlan help?” he asked. “Send some reinforcements, or get the police involved, or—”
“I’m not asking Harlan for help,” Jace said. He didn’t look at Trent. “I’m telling him to take you off my hands.”
“You what?”
“Just what I said. I did not expect to find my cabin under surveillance. I did not expect to be found.”
“But you said they would ask about me in town!”
Jace ran his lower lip against the tips of his teeth. “I thought I was being overcautious. But apparently not. At first I thought you’d told someone where you were yesterday when you were on the phone.”
“But I never got the chance to talk to anyone.”
“Exactly. And no one saw you except Old Al and the bartender. I seriously doubt either of them would answer questions about you. If you’d gone into some of the tourist stores, that’s where I’d worry some cashier would blab about you.”
“Then how did they find us?”
“I don’t know. And since I don’t know, I don’t know how to keep you safe.”
“But dude, you can’t just dump me off.”
“I’m not. Harlan will have to find another option.”
Trent didn’t say anything else, but Jace felt stared at the rest of the drive into town.
As soon as they could see buildings, Trent’s phone began to buzz with messages. He started to flick through them, but Jace grabbed the phone. “Just give me a minute, please.” He pulled off the side of the road, and dialed Harlan’s number.
“Trent, is that you?” said Harlan.
“No, it’s me,” said Jace. “We’ve been spotted.”
A long silence. “Shit.”
“Tell me you’ve got a plan B, bro.”
“Just keep an close eye on him. You’ll drive straight here tomorrow morning, so—”
Jace found that his fists were clenched. He consciously let them loosen up. “Not an option. Where am I going to put him? I need you to come get him. Now.”
Trent interrupted. “I can’t go back to the city right now!”
Jace glared at him. Harlan was saying something in his ear.
“Listen, both of you,” Jace said. “If I’d been asked to take care of Trent with some warning, some preparation time, things might be different. But you put me in the middle of a dangerous situation, without much maneuvering room. For his own safety—”
“Oh please,” said Harlan, his voice tinny and far away. “This has nothing to do with Trent’s safety. I will say I’m surprised you lasted this long. I figured you’d find an excuse to dump Trent off by yesterday.”
“I don’t know what you think you’re doing in this conversation, Harlan.”
“What I’m doing is the thing you never do: I’m being honest about the past. Why don’t you just admit you’re scared you’ll fail on this one?”
“I’m not scared.” The rage was threatening to boil over.
“Of course you are. I expected it. It’s not a surprise. When you and David—”
“Do not bring David into this!” Jace shouted into the phone.
Trent looked alarmed. “Who is David?”
“Just because Dodi is all delicate with you about it, doesn’t mean I am going to be,” said Harlan. “You bombed before. I’m not holding it against you. But what I will hold against you is if you let your fear make you incapable of protecting the star witness in the biggest case of my career.”
“Fuck you!” shouted Jace. He threw the phone across the cab of the truck, then got out. His breath steamed out of his mouth as he paced away, across the road. He shoved his fists into his pockets, but no, he needed them to be free. He pulled them out and began flexing his fingers.
The fucking bastard. He would never speak to his brother again. How could he be that blithe about the way Jace’s career ended?
The passenger side door slammed. His heart sank. He did not want to talk right now. If he tried to have a conversation, he was just going to bite Trent’s head off.
He couldn’t even look at him. “Don’t say anything,” he said.
“But—”
“Look, just give me a second, okay?” He held his hands out towards Trent, not threateningly, just in a back-off gesture. His eyes were still fixed on the ground before him.
Surprisingly, Trent gave him time. When Jace glanced over at the truck, Trent was walking around to the back, then sat on the rear bumper.
That actually startled him. Trent kept turning out differently than he expected. Jace kept having to adjust his assumptions. Trent wasn’t all about feelings and talking.
He was surprisingly non-pushy.
Jace glanced at him.
I don’t have feelings for you, he said silently, in his head. He barely even knew Trent. One night together? That was the definition of a hookup. Nothing more.
It was just attraction. Even now, it seemed to draw Jace’s eyes to Trent. He was so bundled up in that ridiculous shirt and hoodie, and looked so innocent. What was this feeling, so primal, that kept Jace looking at him? It was clearly just sex, just loneliness.
You hid from your feelings one time before.
“Oh, shut up,” he told himself.
He was finally calm. His sense of stillness was like the frozen surface of a lake, thick and smooth and unmoving.
When he crossed the road, Trent looked at him. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” he said. “Now—”
“Who is David?”
That stopped him. “I don’t really want to talk about that.”
“I do.”
Oh, so this was how it started. Maybe Trent really was a talker after all.
“It doesn’t concern you,” said Jace.
“I think it does.”
“Look, I do not need this from you right now. My brother—”
“I don’t care about that. I’m not interested in whatever fight you’ve got going on with Harlan. But when you’re talking about protecting me, and then you mention someone else, with that much of a sense of loss in your voice, then I think I have a right to know.”