by Bree Wolf
The moment Lord Ashwood turned, and his gaze met Evelyn’s, she drew in a shuddering breath, her skin tingling with utterly new emotions. Would he ask her to call him by his given name as well? Or would he insist on her calling him my lord?
Realising that it was rather unlikely that he would, Evelyn wondered if she ought to do so instead. After all, he was a man who required the certainty rules brought into his life in order to guide him in his actions. Therefore, she doubted that he would ever willingly venture away from what he undoubtedly deemed his lifeline. It was as though rational thought was his north star, and without it, he was lost, unable to find his way, doomed to wander around aimlessly.
More than once, Evelyn had taken note of the fact that he seemed to have trouble reading other people’s facial expressions, which in turn often led to severe misunderstandings. Only too well did she recall the puzzled look on his face when she had snapped at him for asking Mr. Bragg to see to his mother. For the life of him, he had not been able to understand what had made her so angry.
More often than not, he tried to hide this uncertainty under a cold demeanour, hoping that others would not see that he was at a loss. Clearly, he felt embarrassed and considered it a shortcoming.
Evelyn smiled, knowing an opportunity when she saw one. Determined to make the best of the situation they found themselves in, she vowed to gain his trust. Perhaps if she were to express herself more clearly and not rely on him deciphering the tone of her voice or the look in her eyes, he would come to trust her. After all, was it not the unknown that people generally feared the most? At the very least, it was a way to avoid future misunderstandings.
Still, it would require some adapting on her part as well, for people often held back, fearing to give voice to deeper sentiments that they felt made them vulnerable or caused them shame. Would she be able to do it? Voice her feelings in such a way?
As Evelyn came to stand beside her betrothed, she took note of the few people in attendance. Smiling at her father, she found him sitting with Lady Ashwood–Camilla! –as well as Claudia. Their faces held joy, giving her the strength, she needed to meet Lord Ashwood’s gaze.
Gently, he held her hand in his as the priest rambled on, tying their lives together with a few simple words. His gaze was rather stern, and yet, she thought to see a slight quirk of his upper lip as though deeper emotions fought to the surface and were held back by sheer willpower alone. Could it be that he was glad to see her made his wife? Was it something deeper than the physical attraction that had overwhelmed them here and there? Could he…come to love her?
A myriad of thoughts tumbled through Evelyn’s mind as they were declared husband and wife and then quickly drawn apart by the few well-wishers in attendance. Hugging her new sister, Evelyn saw Lord Weston slap her husband on the shoulder, whispering something she could not hear. In answer, Lord Ashwood rolled his eyes, shaking his head at his friend, who laughed freely, delight lighting up his eyes.
At the wedding breakfast, Evelyn barely exchanged a word with her new husband as their guests claimed their attention. Lord Weston seemed to have a lot to say to her husband–Evelyn could not help but wish she had an inkling what it was! –while Evelyn found herself in the company of her new sister as well as Lady Weston.
“Would you say he looks happy?” Lady Weston asked, her eyes sweeping over Evelyn’s new husband.
Turning her own gaze away from where her father chatted rather animatedly with Camilla as well as Lord Weston’s mother and sister, both cooing over three-month-old Philip, Evelyn looked to Claudia, realising that she would very much like to know the answer, having asked herself the very same thing.
Claudia, however, shrugged, her gaze narrowing as she looked at her brother. “It’s hard to tell. As you might be aware, he hardly smiles. Sometimes I even wonder if he knows what it means.”
Seeing her suspicions confirmed, Evelyn nodded, wondering if she would ever truly know how her husband felt.
“Well, I barely know him,” Lady Weston admitted, “thus I cannot speak with anything close to certainty.” She turned gentle eyes to Evelyn, a smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. “However, my husband said that while he was quite surprised by your match as he had expected his friend to enter into a strictly sensible union, he was equally surprised to see his face so…so expressive today.” A twinkle came to the lady’s eyes. “I thought you might like to know. After all, these two have known each other since childhood, and despite their differences, they are as close as brothers.”
“Expressive?” Claudia echoed, incredulity in her voice, before Evelyn could thank Lady Weston for her kind words. “Was that truly the word he used?”
As Lady Weston confirmed her answer, Evelyn’s gaze once more drifted toward her husband, and she had to admit that the thought of her affecting him thus brought joy to her heart. For years now, she had treasured the little moments she had spent in his company, knowing that he would never see her beyond being the doctor’s daughter. Often had she told herself to forget about her girlish thoughts and turn toward more worthwhile endeavours. Still, her wayward heart had clung to him as though it knew it only needed to bide its time.
And now, all of a sudden, nothing was impossible any longer. After all, they were married now. Married! It still seemed surreal. Could he come to care for her? Beyond the kind of affection, one would harbour for someone who shows kindness toward them? Would he ever think about her the way she thought about him? Would she ever breach his shell and gaze upon the man he was at heart?
It was possible.
Utterly possible.
Chapter Nineteen – An Ulterior Motive
Out of the corner of his eye, Richard watched his wife as she spoke to Lady Weston, her eyes bright like the sun and her smile utterly disarming. When she had walked toward him in the chapel, he had nearly forgotten to breathe, not because she had looked breathtakingly beautiful–she had! – but because of the way her eyes had sought his as though she truly longed to be with him.
“You seem lost in thought, my friend,” Sebastian observed, jarring Richard from his daydream. “I must say I quite like that new look on your face.”
Clearing his throat, Richard shifted on his feet, briefly dropping his gaze before looking at his friend. “What look?” he asked, knowing the moment the words left his lips that he should not have. After all, Sebastian had always loved teasing him, and there was no doubt he would see this as anything else but an encouragement to do so.
As expected, a wide grin drew up the corners of his friend’s mouth. “A look of utter fascination,” he replied. “A look of disbelief that such a woman would accept you.”
Inwardly, Richard cringed. Did his friend not think him worthy of Miss Procten? Of…Evelyn?
“I quite remember it,” Sebastian continued, a sigh in his words. “I felt exactly the same way when I first saw Charlotte.” He laughed, “And when she accepted my proposal, I believed my hearing to be impaired.”
Richard relaxed. Once again, he had misunderstood his friend. Sebastian had not meant to criticise him but had rather tried to share an experience.
“Still, I admit it took some convincing,” Sebastian mused, his gaze distant as he remembered the time he had first met his wife. “When I asked for her hand, she gawked at me. She told me I was a fool for asking her, that I was acting like a spoilt child, wanting what I couldn’t have.”
Richard felt the corners of his mouth lift up involuntarily. “Miss Procten looked at me in a similar fashion.” Remembering the day, he had given her his father’s letter, Richard shook his head. Never would he have thought for it to turn out like this.
“Miss Procten?” Sebastian questioned. “She is Miss Procten no longer, is she?”
Richard inhaled a deep breath. “No.”
“She’s your lady now and quite a fine one, I must say.” He clapped Richard on the shoulder. “I’m glad to see you married to a good woman.”
Richard frowned. “What does that mean?
”
Grinning, Sebastian shook his head, a hint of incomprehension in his eyes. “I thought that was fairly obvious.” He glanced at…Evelyn. “She is a kind and good-hearted girl, loyal and devoted. She’s a wonderful match for you.”
“How can you tell?” Richard asked, wondering how his friend knew after having made her acquaintance only two days ago.
Sebastian shrugged. “I can’t say. I simply believe so.”
Quite dissatisfied with his friend’s answer, Richard shook his head.
“Well, as glad as I am, I’m also surprised,” Sebastian went on undeterred, “that you married a woman who does not fulfil society’s unwritten requirements of birth, dowry and connections.” His gaze sobered, and he nodded to Richard. “I’m glad I was wrong. I’m glad you chose a wife free from these restraints.”
“Why?”
Sebastian sighed, and Richard could tell that his friend was getting impatient and possibly a touch annoyed to have to explain himself in such detail. “Because societal marriages are not of the kind that make those involved happy.” Once more, his gaze drifted to Evelyn and the corners of his mouth quirked up before he returned his eyes to Richard. “She cares for you.”
His friend’s words almost sent Richard tumbling backwards, and his eyes widened in shock.
Sebastian laughed, “What? You didn’t know?”
“How do you know?” Richard snapped, fighting to keep his composure. “She never once said…”
Sighing rather indulgently, Sebastian shook his head. “You truly didn’t know,” he said, and Richard found himself getting annoyed with his friend’s enjoyment of this situation. “Well, all you need to do is look at her. It’s in her eyes when she sees you. The way she smiles. The way she’s always aware of where you are, of how you are. It’s a million little things.” Humour once more lit up Sebastian’s eyes. “The same things that tell me that you care for her as well.”
Gritting his teeth, Richard chose not to take the bait and ignore that last comment. Still, he could not help but remember how she had asked him to tell her how she felt. Always had he known that reading another’s emotions was far from his strong suit; however, now, he felt utterly inadequate. Were these things so easy for everyone to see? Was he the only blind man? Could a deeply passionate woman like Evelyn ever truly come to care for a cold-hearted man like himself?
“I don’t mean this disrespectfully in any way,” Sebastian said, the look on his face not teasing for once. “I simply mean to advise you to consider yourself lucky that she agreed to marry you. Cherish her. Never take her for granted.”
Richard scoffed, “While our match might not have been agreed upon for the usual societal reasons, it was nevertheless an arranged match. You are mistaken when you think she accepted me out of anything other than obligation.”
Sebastian frowned, and Richard could not deny that a part of him rejoiced to see his friend taken aback. For once, he had been the one to misinterpret. The one who had drawn the wrong conclusions. “What do you mean?”
Leaning closer, Richard held his friend’s gaze. “She only agreed to marry me because our fathers agreed upon it years ago. In addition, I had to promise to allow her to continue her work. Otherwise, she would have refused me.”
Nodding, Sebastian said, “That is a reasonable request. Do you fault her for wanting to be her own person? From what Charlotte said she is quite a dedicated doctor. She has a way of putting her patients at ease as she seems genuinely interested in their well-being. That’s a rare trait these days.”
“Of course, I don’t,” Richard snapped, wondering why his friend’s words upset him so. “I merely meant to point out that you have the wrong idea of what motivated her to accept me. You cannot compare our union to yours and Lady Weston’s.”
Annoyingly, Sebastian laughed, “I thought you knew that when Charlotte first accepted my proposal, she did not do so because she had suddenly fallen in love with me. Quite on the contrary, she only agreed because she had no other choice. She had nowhere to go, and I admit I…took advantage of her situation because I wanted her.” His face darkened somewhat. “It was not my finest moment.”
Surprised by this admission, Richard stared at his friend. “I remember that you had an ulterior motive to marry her as well. However, you did seem quite taken with her if I recall.”
An approving smile lit up Sebastian’s face. “I must say you’re not as unobservant as I thought. Yes, I was taken with her, but her feelings took a little longer to develop. Still, my point is that even if there were other reasons than deep affection for you to agree to this marriage, there is every chance that it will turn into something deeper…if you let it.” For a long moment, Sebastian held his gaze, his eyes imploring as though he feared Richard would do something unwise and ruin his chances for happiness.
Knowing his friend’s words came from a good place, Richard nodded, refraining from voicing his doubts. After all, Sebastian was a kind-hearted and affectionate man, whereas he, Richard, was not. Certainly, a man like Sebastian could win a woman’s heart, but could he, Richard, do so as well?
Laughter echoed to his ears, and he turned to see his mother and sister chatting animatedly, their faces glowing as they enjoyed themselves. As far as Richard could tell, they seemed happy. A few weeks ago, they had seemed quite different. Had this been Evelyn’s doing?
Deep down, he did not doubt it, for she had a way of taking care of those around her. She even took care of him. The only question was: did she do so out of the simple kindness of her heart or because she cared for him beyond that?
If only he knew.
Chapter Twenty – Revelations in the Bridal Chamber
Pacing her bedchamber, Evelyn played with the band of her robe which she wore over her night rail. Her limbs were far from tired, and she felt a nervous energy course through them that bade her abandon all thoughts of slipping into bed to patiently await her husband’s visit. For although she cared for him, Evelyn wished they could get to know each other better before sharing that aspect of life together.
But how would he react if he found her out of bed and pacing up and down the rug?
Over the course of the past week or two, Evelyn had slowly come to realise that Lord Ashwood’s cold demeanour often hid something else entirely: insecurity. In fact, his inability to understand those around him often led to confusion, to misunderstandings, and judging from the expression on his face, there seemed to be few things in life he hated more. Which, of course, was understandable. After all, who would cherish loss of control if it plunged one into utter chaos?
Life’s rules gave him security, and so he clung to them like a drowning man.
One such rule was that a marriage was consummated on the wedding night. How would he feel if she asked him to wait? Would he object? Not necessarily because he felt a deep desire to share her bed? But simply because breaking another rule would once again find him at a loss?
Inhaling what she hoped would be a fortifying breath, Evelyn resolved to be honest. If they ever were to have a deeper understanding of one another, then they needed to speak their minds truthfully. After all, she could hardly expect him to do so if she herself was unwilling!
As though he had known that her mind had finally settled on a decision, a knock sounded on the door a moment later, followed closely by Lord Ashwood stepping over the threshold. As expected, his gaze swung toward the bed, his eyes narrowing slightly as he found it empty. Stepping forward, he closed the door, and Evelyn could see a deeper tension coming to his shoulders.
Then he turned and saw her standing on the other side of the room, her fingers still toying with the band of her robe. “Is everything all right?” he asked, his feet slowly carrying him closer as he watched her face. Still, his features held a hint of frustration, and Evelyn knew that he was unable to deduce what was happening and why.
Shaking her head, Evelyn watched him, curious what he would do or say. Deep inside, a voice whispered that she was not being
fair to him. Still, she herself felt far from level-headed in that moment as her own heart beat rapidly against her ribs. She felt her breath catch in her throat and her knees tremble as his grey eyes swept over her, seeking to understand.
His gaze studied her face, momentarily dropping to her hands still playing with the band of her robe. Then his jaw tensed, and he seemed to draw in a fortifying breath as well. “Do you wish for me to leave?” he asked, his voice rough, and Evelyn could see only too clearly that he hated groping in the dark. To him, this had to appear like a guessing game without even a single clue to point him in the right direction.
“No.” Her voice sounded weak even to her own ears, and she could see a hint of doubt on his face. Reminding herself that he was the one at a disadvantage, Evelyn took a brave step forward, realising that although she wanted to postpone their wedding night, she would not object to another kiss. In fact, she silently vowed she would not allow him to leave her chamber without one.
A smile drew up the corners of her mouth at the thought, and she bit her lower lip to suppress it lest he think she was laughing about him.
Doubt remained on his face, and yet, his gaze dipped lower, tracing the line of her mouth as he inhaled an unsteady breath.
Encouraged by his reaction, Evelyn closed the distance between them, her hands sliding up the front of his shirt, over his shoulders and around his neck. “It’s my turn again, isn’t it?” she whispered, noting the slight widening of his eyes before she pushed herself deeper into his embrace, her mouth seeking his.
Without a moment’s hesitation, Lord Ashwood’s arms closed around her, drawing her closer as his lips responded to her kiss.
A tantalising heat shot through Evelyn, and for a moment, she wondered if she truly wished to postpone their wedding night as curiosity stole over her, quickening her pulse and weakening her knees. His hands on her back felt utterly wonderful, and when he deepened the kiss, she sank into him. Still, the moment he gently urged her towards the bed, Evelyn broke the kiss.