by Jamie White
Courtney opened one of the websites she’d been searching on and made a face. “Of course they did. They’re always busy.”
“Courtney, are you sure part of this whole thing isn’t you trying to get revenge on them or something? I mean, you do complain a lot…. not that I blame you,” Lauren added hastily.
“Revenge for what?” She asked in annoyance.
“The plays they rush you out of, the stuff they won’t let you do, how you’ve always told me they treat you like a baby.”
Courtney looked up from her screen, studying her cousin’s face a minute before answering, “That has nothing to do with this.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll go get my computer and check some sites I use. Sound good?”
Courtney nodded. “Sure.”
Lauren left Courtney alone in the living room when she retrieved her own device. Courtney typed the name she’d found into the site’s search box and hit the enter button. Within seconds, a list popped up that almost made Courtney’s eyes cross. The Internet was great, but sometimes she felt overloaded after completing a search for anything.
She opened the first link and scanned the text, a frown marring her face as she saw it was a dead end. She closed it off and managed to get another one opened before Lauren returned.
“Okay,” Lauren said as she fired up her machine. “What’s the names we’re looking for again?”
Courtney repeated the names and went back to scanning the page she’d opened. A few minutes later, Lauren reached over and tapped Courtney’s leg.
“What was that town again?”
“Woodside.” Courtney looked over at her cousin. “Why? Did you find anything?”
“I thought so, but if that was the town name, I guess not. This is for someplace called Riverside.”
Disappointment rolled over Courtney like a fog at the admission. She shrugged, trying to act casual. “Oh, well. Keep looking. There’s gotta be something out there, and we’ll find it.”
The two fell into silence again as they did their searching. Courtney found a site that mentioned someone with her supposed real name listed on it that looked like it might be something. According to the date, it looked like it was an article from around the time she was a toddler. She clicked on the link, excitement coursing through her veins as she watched the little circle spin on her screen.
When the page loaded, Courtney tried to keep her excitement in check as she reminded herself it could easily be a dead-end. After all, while her original name was a little more exotic than this one, it still wasn’t the most out-there selection, so there was every chance it wouldn’t be her.
Satisfied she had herself under control, she scanned the text. As she read the story, her stomach tightened and she felt the urge to vomit. Her vision went hazy as the words began to swim in front of her.
“I’ll be back,” Courtney said quickly as she stood, closing off the page so her cousin wouldn’t see. “Gotta make a rest stop.”
Lauren narrowed her eyes at her, her brow wrinkled in concern. “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I think I shouldn’t have skipped dinner tonight, though.”
“Ya know, I’m kind of hungry too. Why don’t I order us something?” Lauren stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter where a pile of takeout menus lay strewn about the surface. She flipped through them a minute before asking, “Is pizza okay with you?”
“Sure,” Courtney agreed, praying she’d be able to keep it down as she turned and left the room.
Courtney hurried into the bathroom and shut the door, leaning against the wood to steady her shaking body as the words she’d read played through her mind.
Toddler missing, presumed dead after accident.
Chapter Fourteen
The words swam through Courtney’s head like a nightmare she couldn’t rid herself of. Her gut ached in a way she couldn’t describe as she remembered the details of the accident and how they’d been found on the side of the road near a wrecked vehicle with an empty car seat not far away.
She choked back quiet sobs as she allowed the grief to run its course. The idea she’d never really get the answers she’d craved brought a harder flow of tears. Once Courtney pulled herself together enough, she walked over to the sink to splash some water on her face.
Before she could finish drying herself, a knock sounded alongside her cousin’s concerned voice. “Are you okay in there?”
“Yeah, Lauren. I’ll be out in a minute.”
Courtney put the towel away, then took another look at her image in the mirror. She examined herself critically, pleased to see there were no traces left of the fit she’d just had. If there was one thing that made her cringe, it was showing weakness in front of others, especially her family. It was part of the role she’d played most of her life, and she didn’t care to give it up now.
When Courtney opened the door, the narrow hallway was empty. Courtney stepped into the hall and pulled the bathroom door closed behind her, taking a breath before returning to the living room and the search. Although, she had no idea what she was really looking for at this point. If they were gone, what more could she gain from looking? There would be no one at the other end of the search to answer her questions.
“Hey, are you sure you’re okay? You were in there forever.” Lauren sat on the couch, a remote in her hands that she set aside as she looked up at Courtney.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I just wasn’t feeling so good. I think I need that food big time. When’s it going to be here?”
“In about twenty minutes or so. Want to call it a night for now? Start fresh tomorrow?”
“Sure,” Courtney agreed. “Tomorrow will be fine.” She forced a smile as she took a seat again. “So what are you watching?”
“Nothing, really. I was still looking for something, but the selection sucks. So what did you find?”
“What are you talking about?” Courtney fought to keep her voice casual.
“You know what I’m talking about. You looked like you saw a ghost, then you shut down the page you were looking at and ran out of here.” Lauren fixed her with a penetrating gaze that had gotten Courtney to confess to all sorts of things over the years.
Courtney looked down at her lap, fiddling with a loose string on her shirt. “They’re gone.”
“Who?”
“My real parents,” Courtney blurted out. “There was a story about them… they died in an accident, and people think I did too.”
Lauren’s eyes widened. “Oh my God… I’m sorry. Are you sure it’s them? Maybe they just have the same name or something.”
“I’m sure. All the details about them fit and it was in the right area. Plus, they had a kid who would be my age.” A fresh round of tears flowed at having said it out loud. “It’s over. There’s no point in keeping up the search if they’re not here. Don’t tell my parents, but I wanted to find them and talk to them myself.” Courtney had added the last part without thinking and nearly wanted to smack herself for admitting it out loud like that. Still, she figured her secret would be safe with Lauren.
Lauren moved closer and hugged Courtney tight. “I promise, my lips are sealed. Still, maybe it’s not really over. I mean, they came from somewhere, right? They’d have parents and grandparents, maybe siblings or other kids. There’s a chance you can still find them, right?”
“There weren’t any other relatives mentioned in the article I found, but I guess it’s possible. I just don’t know if I want to now. I mean, am I really supposed to show up on someone’s doorstep and say, ‘Hi! I’m the kid you thought was dead’? It’d be way too weird.” She shuddered to think of the reaction that greeting would get her. For all she knew, they might still be nursing deep wounds that she would rip right open.
Lauren let go of Courtney, looking her in the eye. “I guess you’re right; that could be a really bad idea, not to mention completely awkward. Still, I might at least see if you can find names so you at least
can learn something about them — just as long as you don’t start nosing around too much with the other stuff. I meant what I said before about thinking it’s too dangerous. You really have no idea what you could be getting yourself into, but if that article’s any indication, it can’t be good.”
“I’ll think about it,” Courtney said. Her heart wasn’t in the promise, though. She couldn’t explain how she knew, but she was almost positive that whatever she could find on their other relatives wouldn’t give her what she needed. She needed her parents. There were so many things only they’d be able to tell her, so many things about herself and what she could or couldn’t do.
****
“Amelia, Sweetie, don’t touch that.”
Amelia looked up with wide, innocent eyes at her mother’s voice. The words were sweet and her expression gentle, but there was an edge to it that was hard to ignore. She meant what she said. Amelia pulled her hand back from the small object that had drawn her attention. It was shiny and round, like the ball she loved to play with. There was something different about it, though, and Amelia wanted to find out what. She’d watched her parents play with it a lot and they always seemed to see pictures on it.
“Come on, you. Let’s find you something else to play with, shall we?”
Amelia’s mother picked her up and carried her into the other room. Amelia began to cry as her mother set her in the square thing that kept her from exploring.
“Shush,” her mother soothed. She picked up something Amelia couldn’t see. When her mother leaned down and set her favorite doll in front of her, the tears immediately dried up. Amelia giggled and clapped as she reached for the doll, hugging it close to her.
The dream left Courtney with a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t sure how she was dreaming of the parents she, by all rights, shouldn’t remember at all, but she was, and it only made the pain of her discovery last night worse. Courtney lay under the covers her cousin had given her for several minutes before she managed to pull herself out of bed.
Folding the blanket helped to center her and take her mind off the dream. She paid special attention to every detail of the blanket to take her mind off it all; the soft material, the sensation of shaking it out before she folded it, the number of folds she made. One, two, three.
When she finished and had put it away, she focused every ounce of her attention on dressing and packing herself for school. Her cousin had yet to stir, and Courtney couldn’t help the pang of jealousy deep inside. She couldn’t wait to get out of high school so she could set her classes for a little later in the day.
She scribbled a quick note thanking Lauren before slipping out the front door.
The whole way to school, she kept the radio blaring to help her stay focused on the road. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d woken feeling so spent and depressed. She hoped no one else would notice. She’d taken extra care in the bathroom to look as normal as possible.
Before she knew it, she’d pulled into the lot. Students bustled around her, some heading into the building while others made their way to other parts of the campus where they gathered to chat with friends before the bell rang. A few people waved as she got out of her car and made her way inside so Courtney smiled and waved in return.
She collected her books from her locker, then slammed the door shut and made a mad dash to class. She would be early, but at least she’d have some time to sit quietly without being bothered by anyone.
Courtney plopped into the chair, then opened her textbook and started reading the assignment she’d never completed the night before. The words barely registered in her mind, but she figured she retained enough to get through any discussion that morning. Oddly enough, the text talked about the Middle Ages, when people were more superstitious and believed in magic and other such things.
Instead of distracting her from her worries, the text brought her real parents more firmly to mind. The gifts she’d been told about would definitely fit into the sort of things people of that era looked at with caution. It made her wonder if that accident she’d read about was really just an accident. What if they’d been killed?
The shrill bell echoing through the room startled Courtney out of her thoughts, something she couldn’t help but be a little grateful for. She didn’t know if her mind could handle going down the train of thought she’d started, at least not yet.
“Good morning, everyone,” Mr. Neil said. “I’d like you all to turn to page eighty, please.”
For the next hour, Courtney only half-listened to the lecture while sneaking discreet looks at the clock on the wall, willing it to go faster so she could put that chapter of the text behind her. Sam, who shared the class with her, tried a couple of times to get her attention, but she pretended not to notice.
As soon as she bell rang, he approached her. “How’d it go last night?”
“Okay, I guess. Can we talk about this later?” She gave him a pleading look, hoping he understood why she didn’t want to say anything more in front of others.
His answer came without a bit of hesitation. “Sure, same place? I’ll meet you outside?”
“Yeah, that’ll work.” If she worked it just right, she could avoid spending any more time than necessary at home. Just thinking about her parents brought a fresh wave of anger. Had they known her real parents were gone? If so, why couldn’t they have at least told her about them? What danger would there be if she couldn’t see them face-to-face anymore?
“Great,” Sam replied. “Listen, I’ll see you then. I gotta go now and meet Richardson. If I don’t get this paper to him a.s.a.p., I don’t get to play tomorrow.”
“Okay, see you at lunch.” Courtney waved and turned down one hallway while her boyfriend went down the other. As she navigated her way through the school, she made up her mind. They were going to tell her everything they knew about her real parents. The time for secrets was over.
****
Courtney walked into her house after school, although it didn’t feel like hers anymore. There were too many lies hiding within, too much lost that she’d never get back. For all she knew, her other relatives could have met similar fates. The thought was depressing, but she supposed it was possible. Why else would they have gone to such great lengths to hide her?
“Mom, Dad?” She called out to them, kicking the door shut behind her.
“Courtney, hi! We were wondering when you were going to get home. Where have you been?” Her mother stepped into the living room from the hallway, her arms folded, with an annoyed look in her eyes.
She dropped her backpack on the couch as she explained, “Sorry, I had things to do after school. Is Dad home? I wanted to ask you guys some more stuff.”
Her mother frowned. “Courtney, I really don’t think—”
“I need to,” Courtney interrupted. “Please?”
Her mother sighed and gestured to the couch. “Your father’s in the other room. Go have a seat and I’ll get him.”
"Thanks.” Courtney did as she was asked, mentally reviewing everything she wanted to know. She just hoped they’d have some answers.
A few minutes later her father came into the room and sat on the chair across from her. Her mother sat on the arm beside him.
“So, what did you want to know?” her mother asked, a hesitant tone in her voice.
“Do you know where my parents are now?” Courtney asked.
“No,” her father replied without hesitation. “As I said, we weren’t told a thing about their plans. Courtney, you have to understand that that’s probably the way they intended. Us knowing too much could’ve put you in danger.”
“So you really don’t know anything about what they did or where they went after?”
“Not a thing,” her mother confirmed. “We’re telling the truth.”
Courtney swallowed hard as she heard the sincerity in their voices. She looked down at the ground. “I have to make a confession.”
Her parents exchanged a look, bu
t didn’t say anything. Instead, they waited quietly for her to continue.
“I know about the secret spot in the office. I went through everything in it the other day.”
“Courtney, what on earth possessed you to disobey us like that? You know you aren’t allowed in there.” Her father’s tone was harsh, his eyes flashing in annoyance.
“I’m sorry, but you have to understand my side of this. I have this whole other part of myself I don’t know a thing about. How would you feel if you knew you had another set of parents out there, but you knew nothing about them?” The pleading tone in her voice irritated her, but she couldn’t help it. She had to get them to see where she was coming from.
“I understand it’s hard,” her mother began, “but—”
“They’re dead.”
Courtney’s pronouncement hung in the air while her parents sat in shocked silence. Her mother gaped at her while her father’s face turned stoic.
“How do you know?” he asked.
“You had their names in the office, so I looked it up and found a story. They were in an accident.”
Her mother gasped. “Are you sure?”
Courtney nodded. “There was an article online — it even had a picture of them. They said I was missing. Here, see for yourself.” Courtney opened her backpack and retrieved the printout she’d made.
Her father took it and scanned the page a moment before handing it over to her mother. “It’s them. There’s no doubt about it.” He shook his head. “Courtney, I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks,” she replied. “I’m sorry, too. I know you said you never got to meet them, but I’m sure this is upsetting for you anyway.” Courtney paused before asking, “Do you know any of their family? Parents, siblings, anything?”
“I’m really sorry, Sweetheart. We weren’t told a thing about them either. From what I understand, they weren’t very close to them anyway.” Her father shrugged. “I wish we could tell you more about that, but we really can’t. It’s probably for the best, though.”