Stepping closer, he squeezed her shoulders from behind. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Me.” She heard herself whine and she hated being pathetic.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m not a cheerleader,” she said with disdain. “It means I’m not pretty enough or thin enough. It means you’ve been with tons of gorgeous girls…”
“Well, not tons,” he said, shrugging.
“It means I haven’t been with many guys,” she continued undeterred. “Well, just one to be exact. It means I’m not your type.”
Philip walked around her so he could see her eyes. He took her face in his hands. “Now there you go again making assumptions about things you know nothing about,” he said gently. “I’m the only one who gets to say what my type is. If I wanted to be with a cheerleader, I’d be with a cheerleader, but I don’t. I want to be right where I am. With you, Sara. I’ve never known a girl like you before and I wish…I wish you could see yourself through my eyes because…I’m crazy about you.”
Sara’s eyes grew watery, and she felt a lump in her throat. But as sweet and sincere as his little speech sounded, her self-doubt wouldn’t let her believe him. “Why?” she whispered.
He rolled his eyes. “Why do you keep asking me why? Isn’t it obvious?” When she didn’t reply, he attempted to lighten the mood. “Because you’re not a cheerleader.”
Sara looked down, stifling a laugh. Joking aside, what Philip just said amazed her. He just told her he didn’t want a cheerleader. He said he’d rather be with her. When she was little, she used to dream that a man would look into her eyes and tell her how wonderful she was and sweep her off her feet and love her more than anything.
Then reality took hold. She went unnoticed and unloved, and her childhood fantasies died. Cynicism set in, and protective walls got built.
But now Philip, her dream man, was standing right in front her, reviving the fairy tale. He was sweeping her off her feet. Was he just a charmer who knew the right thing to say to get a girl to go to bed with him? Or was he exactly who he appeared to be?
“If you really want to know, I’ll tell you why.” He lifted her chin to look into her eyes. “I’m crazy about you because you’re unique. Because you’re genuine. Because you’re honest. I’m crazy about you because you don’t try to be someone you’re not. Because you’re smart and sassy and caring and because you don’t even know how pretty you are. You’re sexy as hell without even trying. And, Sara, I’m crazy about you because you know me.” He placed his hand on his chest. “The real me.” Then he moved his hand to her chest and said, “Let me know you.”
A wave of heat rushed through her body when he touched her. She felt herself melting under his loving gaze. She was now convinced that those were not the words of a man merely trying to charm the pants off of her. Those were the most beautiful words she’d ever heard.
She was well aware that this was a significant moment in their relationship. There’s only one first time for any couple and she could easily put it off, say she wasn’t ready, tell him it was too soon or she wanted to get to know him better first. She could play hard to get, play coy, play games, but that wasn’t Sara’s style. In fact, she wasn’t sure she even knew how to play those kinds of games. All that aside, looking into his hopeful eyes right now, there was only one possible choice. Even if this all disappeared tomorrow, in this moment, she wanted him. She wanted Philip more than anything, and she wanted to feel wanted by him.
Finally, Sara swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded.
Philip smiled at her with his eyes and exhaled. Then he took her hand and slowly walked backward until he reached the desk chair. He sat down and patted his lap. Sara looked over her shoulder at the bed and then back at Philip. This wasn’t what she was expecting.
“I’m at a bit of a disadvantage these days…because of my knee,” he admitted.
Ah, the light dawned. He couldn’t put pressure on his knee. He tugged her hand, urging her onto his lap. “It’s okay, you won’t hurt me if that’s what you’re worried about.” He spoke so softly, and she could tell he was concerned about what she was thinking.
“Listen, I know this isn’t the most romantic subject at the moment,” he said, “but I want you to know I was tested for everything before my surgery. I’m STD-free. And in case you’re wondering, I haven’t been with anyone since then. There’s only you.”
“Thank you for telling me,” she whispered in a voice that was choked with emotion. “I’ve only been with one other guy and we always used protection, so…” She felt like it should go without saying, but she told him, “That was a while ago, and now…now there’s no one else but you either.” She lightly stroked his scruff and sat down gently on his lap.
He touched her cheek and moved his fingers up into her hair, pulling her toward him until her lips met his. Without breaking the kiss, his fingers slid down to her blouse and he began to undo the buttons with one hand. He stopped when he reached the last button.
She looked down to see why he stopped, and she realized he was looking for her permission to continue. So she undid the last button for him. His fingertips lightly skimmed over her shoulders when he slid her blouse off and let it fall to the floor. Leaning forward, she crossed her wrists behind his neck and kissed him. She shivered when she felt him touch the sides of her bare torso.
He curled his fingers around the material at the top of her bra and let his knuckles graze her soft skin from her shoulder to her cleavage and back again. He kissed her breastbone as he slipped his fingers inside her bra. Instinct took over and she reached around and unclasped her bra without removing it.
He fingered one of her bra straps and slid it off. He placed his lips on her now-bare shoulder and trailed kisses upward to her neck. She reached for the other strap and let her bra fall off between them. He leaned away slightly to drink in her half-naked body with his eyes.
When he gently cupped her breasts, he looked up into her eyes. She realized he could feel her trembling a little, because he kept his hands steady over her breasts in an effort to calm her. What he didn’t know was that she wasn’t shaking from fear, but rather from exhilaration.
“I’m okay,” she reassured him. “I’m ready to do whatever you want.”
Smiling, he instantly leaned forward and captured her lips as he loosened his hold on her breasts and began rolling her nipples under his palms. “You’re so beautiful, Sara,” he said between kisses, so quietly she wasn’t sure she didn’t imagine it. She was about to disagree when she felt his tongue lap at her nipples, and she completely forgot what she was going to say.
Tilting her head backward and arching her back, she felt her mind hazing over as she succumbed to the pleasures Philip was giving her. All she felt was his hands and tongue on her skin and his erection growing underneath her through his shorts.
His hands streaked upward toward her neck and he held her face in his hands. “I need you to do something,” he said breathlessly.
Sara was slightly disoriented and confused, but she nodded anyway.
“I need you to get up for a sec, so I can take these off.” He patted his waist to indicate he was talking about his shorts. “And these,” he added, curling a finger inside the waistband of hers.
Sara got off Philip’s lap, feeling a little shy about being half naked. She wrapped her arms around her chest until Philip got up from the chair. He placed his hands on her upper arms and kissed her. “Feeling a little weird?” he asked. It seemed like he was able to read her mind so often.
“A little,” she replied with a small smile.
“It won’t always be this way,” he promised. He slid open the top desk drawer and took out a wrapped condom. He set it down on the desk next to the chair before shedding his shorts and stepping out of them. “Someday we’ll look back at this and laugh.”
He turned his attention to the zipper on her shorts, slowly lowering it. The word someday echoed in her head. Philip was
implying there was a future for them. He was saying exactly what she wanted to hear.
She dropped her arms to her sides, no longer feeling awkward or shy, just incredibly turned on as he rolled her shorts and panties down in one motion, kissing her midsection on the way down as well as on the way back up.
Once they were both completely naked, he took her in his arms again and kissed her lips, before sitting down on the chair.
Sara was trying to figure out Philip’s plan, and decided it was probably best to simply follow his lead because he obviously knew what he was doing, unlike her. She wondered if her lack of experience was showing yet. Even if it was, Philip didn’t seem to care. He tore open the condom wrapper and sheathed himself before turning his attention back to Sara. He was single-minded as he placed his hands on her hips. Guiding her lower to straddle his lap, he positioned her over his erection. She held his shoulders and eased herself onto him until their bodies linked together. Philip let out an audible sigh and Sara exhaled, watching his reaction. He kissed her lips again while he guided her up and down and up again until they got into a rhythm, alternating from faster to slower to faster again.
She closed her eyes and basked in the pleasure she was feeling. She moaned when he flicked the tip of her nipple with his tongue. “Oh yes,” she whispered. “Keep doing that.” She reached for the back of his head and held him close to her chest, encouraging him to continue. His lips closed around her breast and he sucked. The contact between their erogenous zones was tight, constant, and intense. Philip added to the sensation by pressing his thumb against her clitoris. “Oh my God,” Sara uttered. She never had an orgasm during intercourse before, but she was about to climax now. She opened her eyes and saw Philip watching her, looking at her face and then down to her groin and up at her chest, as the speed of the thrusts increased. He was about to orgasm too. She allowed herself to let go a moment before she felt him come.
As the sexual haze lifted, she became aware of Philip’s hair softly brushing against her chest. She leaned away a little, wanting to look into his eyes, wanting some kind of reassurance that what she was feeling was reciprocated. When Philip lifted his head, his eyes met Sara’s, and she saw even more than she was looking for. His eyes were watery, and they crinkled at the corners with a hint of a smile. He leaned in until his lips met hers in a soft, sweet, reassuring kiss. When he leaned away, he stroked her hair and asked, “You okay?”
She nodded. “Are you?”
“Very okay. Come here.” He held her hips and tacitly guided her off his lap. Once she was standing, she took a step back to give Philip space to get up from the chair. As soon as he did, he removed the condom and disposed of it in the waste basket under the desk. Then he took her hand and led her toward his bed.
Still standing, he pulled her into his arms and held her close for a long moment. She felt so much emotion and reassurance in that embrace, and as she hugged him back, she hoped he could feel how much she cared about him too. She was about to say it with words when he gently lowered her onto the bed without breaking contact.
He rolled her onto her side so he could hold her from behind. That’s when she decided that words couldn’t even express what she was feeling; mere words could never do this moment justice. His loving gazes and tender touches had made Sara believe Philip already knew what was in her heart, so she allowed herself to just enjoy the afterglow for as long as it lasted.
Chapter Seventeen
They had fallen asleep spooning, and when Sara opened her eyes about an hour later, it took her a minute to realize where she was. She spotted the desk chair, and then looked downward and saw she was naked and locked inside Philip’s arms. She smiled, remembering exactly where she was and why. Thank God it wasn’t just a dream. It really happened. She and Philip had sex. No–it wasn’t just sex. Despite the awkward position, they made love.
There was a strong emotional connection between them that absolutely amazed her. He was so attuned to her feelings, she sometimes thought he could read her mind. All this time, Sara lamented being different. She often felt like an outcast, like an outsider who didn’t fit in with her family, who didn’t fit in with classmates. That was probably the reason she chose Special Ed as a profession—to help people cope with those things that made them different.
And all this time, she thought guys weren’t interested in her because she wasn’t like everyone else, she wasn’t hot enough or cool enough or sexy enough or exciting enough. But just a short while ago, Philip told Sara that one of the things he liked so much about her was the fact that she wasn’t like other girls he knew.
Right now, maybe for the first time in her life, she was quite content to be exactly who she was, the girl who was lying in Philip Mason’s arms. She shrugged involuntarily when her body remembered the ecstasy of her first time with Philip.
A pair of lips kissed the back of her shoulder. “You okay?” he asked.
Sara nodded. She felt happier than she’d ever felt in her life. “I am. Are you?”
“Better than okay,” he answered, sucking on a spot behind her ear.
She giggled and turned her head halfway toward him. “I wasn’t sure you could do that.”
He stopped what he was doing. “Do what? Oh.” He tightened his hold on her. “All I can say is, where there’s a will there’s a way, and there was a hell of a strong will. Hey, sorry our first time was so…unusual.”
Sara glanced over her shoulder again. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Philip. It was so special.” She felt herself start to choke up. “I may never be able to have sex in a bed again.”
He laughed and rolled her onto her back so he could kiss her lips.
When he leaned away to look at her, she traced his perfect lips with her finger. “Do you think we could make this moment last forever?”
Smiling, he nodded and quietly said, “I don’t see why not.”
Tears filled her eyes as she gazed into his. “I have something I want to tell you.” Before she had a chance to overthink whether she should or shouldn’t say it, she continued. “Remember when you asked if I’ve ever been in love, and how I kept avoiding the question?” He nodded. “I couldn’t tell you before, but everything’s different now.” She wanted to look away, but she forced herself to look into his eyes when she told him, “The answer is no, I was never in love. Not until now.”
He opened his mouth to say something, but she pressed her finger to his lips. “I know what you’re thinking. It’s too soon or the guy is supposed to say it first, but I don’t care because I never said ‘I love you’ to anyone before, and I want you to know how I feel.” She felt so relieved to finally be able to tell him how she felt. “And I promise you, Philip, I’m not confusing sex with love. I’m not. The truth is, I’ve felt this way about you for weeks.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Weeks?”
“Yes. Ever since I read your second essay, I think. That’s when I went to the library and watched your games on video. I wanted to know everything about you.”
He clasped her hand between both of his and kissed her knuckles. “You know, all you had to do was ask.”
“I guess I figured you’d make fun of me or something.”
“Sara, I’d never do that. Sara—”
“No, don’t say it!” She covered his mouth with her hand again, remembering when he told her he thought he was in love many times, but it wasn’t love, it was just the high you get from sex. “If you’re going to say what I hope you’re going to say, please don’t do it now. Say it when we’re not naked and when we haven’t just made love. That way I’ll know it’s for real.”
Philip smiled at her. “I was kind of hoping we’d always be naked and making love.”
Sara laughed. “I could go for that.” That was all Philip needed to hear. He captured Sara’s lips and wrapped his arms around her, rolling onto his back and taking her with him.
She sat up and straddled his body, resting her knees on the bed, with Philip’s hips trapp
ed between her thighs. Thanks to Philip, she was loving her newfound sensuality. She raked his chest with her fingernails and her hands headed southward, gently gripping Philip’s length. He moaned at each touch. Looking up, he reached for her breasts and fondled them, bringing her to a new state of arousal. She was about to mount him when he reached for her and pulled her toward him, wrapping her in a kiss and rolling her over.
He paused to get out of bed and retrieve a new condom from the desk drawer. After climbing back into bed, he surprised Sara by guiding her to turn around and lie on her side, so her back was in contact with his front. He rolled the condom on, then gently glided his length between her thighs and entered her from behind. She thought of what he said earlier. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. She was definitely enjoying taking this journey with him to explore ways of making love that didn’t include putting pressure on his knee.
Lying behind her, his hands took a tour of the front of her body, concentrating mostly on her genitals. Wriggling with pleasure, Sara was starting to see the advantages of being with an experienced man. He knew his way around the female anatomy and she got to be the beneficiary of his expertise.
∙•∙
Philip could hardly remember wanting anyone as much as he wanted Sara at that moment. She felt amazing in his arms—soft, silky, willing, and desirous. And so was he. When she told him she’d been with only one other guy, he was surprised by his own reaction. He didn’t think it would matter, but it did. In fact, it made a big difference. It told him she didn’t sleep around, so he really meant something to her. She wasn’t just using him like so many others did. And hearing her say she loved him absolutely blew him away. It made him want to give her everything he had to give.
Over these past few days, it had become clear to him that Sara was special. She was the first girl in ages he really cared about. As his hands became acquainted with the curves of her body, he struggled to control his impatience. Part of him wanted to devour her, but the other part wanted to savor her. Sex wasn’t just an act, and he wanted to give her as much pleasure as she gave him just by letting him get close to her.
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