by Vivien Reis
Gran's bed was empty; no wrinkles on the comforter, no indication Abi had been there at all. He had seen her in this room, but how long ago had that been? He had just closed his eyes for a minute.
She's playing a joke on me. She must have been hiding somewhere in the house. He felt something hot boil under his skin and took out his cell.
Ben's phone clicked with each press of his finger.
He waited, ears pricked to listen for her phone to ding.
Cora or Abi said something that was too fuzzy for Ben to catch. The conversation continued until he heard a chime.
"Hold on, Ben's wondering where I am." More clicking and then a moment later, his own phone chimed.
At Cora's.
His head spun. What was happening to him?
"Just one night, that's all I'm asking. We'll take it easy. Just get out of this town for a bit."
Abi nodded in agreement. But wait, how could he hear that? You couldn't hear someone nod. But he knew she had as if he had been there himself.
His stomach churned, and he ran to the small trashcan in his room, dry heaving. The words faded out until they disappeared completely.
Had this been exactly how his mother had felt? Had she tried to cling on to sanity like he was doing at this very moment?
The phone rang in Ben's ear and he pulled it away to look at it. He had dialed Abi's number without thinking.
"Hey," Abi's voice was quiet.
"Where are you?" And why are you playing tricks on me?
"I'm at Cora's. What's wrong? Is everything all right?" She must have thought there had been news about their mom or dad.
"Yes. I mean—I heard you. You were just here in the house."
"No...I'm at Cora's." She went silent, probably thinking of how crazy and stupid and helpless he must be. "Is Gran there?"
Ben hadn't heard Gran in the house but what was the alternative? He was crazy? "Yes. It must have been her. Bye." He ended the call before Abi could respond.
It hadn't been Gran. He knew that. Maybe he was still asleep when he heard the voices and woke up mid-sleepwalk. Did that happen to people?
The doctor. He had said hallucinations were a symptom of some migraines but how detailed were these hallucinations? This didn’t feel like a migraine yet, but that’s what this had to be—hallucinations. They couldn't be anything else. Abi would never sneak out, so he had imagined the whole thing.
Ben's chest felt heavy. He was much younger than his mother had been when she had gotten sick, but did that matter? Had finding his father finally set him off?
In his haze, Gran had come in and was now kneeling in front of him.
"Are you okay?" Concern filled her eyes, and he wasn't sure how to answer that question. Was he?
"I need to see Dr. Brandon again."
Whatever pills the doctor had given him apparently didn't work for crazy.
# ELEVEN
"Jesse said it should be the same group as last time. So you'll have the chance to see Austin again." Cora had a twinkle in her eye when she said his name, but it didn't incite butterflies in Abi's stomach
Cora had suggested going out last night and Abi shrugged it off. She didn't want to do anything. If she even thought about going out, she imagined how badly she wanted to stay in, to curl under a blanket and sleep until this storm passed.
But that wasn't Cora's way. They sat on Cora's bed, leaning against the headboard. The TV hummed in the background. Abi wondered how Ben was doing. Gran had taken him to see the doctor again after Ben's weird phone call the day prior. She hadn't heard yet how the appointment went, and she was afraid to find out. What if he was getting sick like mom had? What if he had a brain tumor or cancer?
She shut her phone off, her own research on the internet doing nothing to calm her nerves.
"Tonight may not make you feel better, but I want you to feel something." Cora's voice faded to a soft whisper. "You've been a zombie, A."
That one tiny letter formed a lump in Abi's throat. The nickname was so simple, but it sang through her. Cora was there for her. She loved her and no matter how Abi acted, Cora would always be there for her. She swallowed, pushing the lump down.
"Okay. I'll go."
There was no burst of excitement from Cora, just a squeeze on her hand. Abi couldn't imagine the night would be anything like what Cora usually wanted. But would it really be worse than staying in one spot? Maybe she should steal away from all of it and escape.
The two of them got ready, the mood in stark contrast to their buzz before the previous party. Cora talked about Jesse, and his friend Theo, but Abi only half-listened. They were traveling the country for some volunteer work or something.
Abi didn't change her clothes, wearing a simple teal sweater and jeans under her pea coat. After some back and forth, Cora put on an oversized sweater with leggings and thigh-high boots. Tame for her.
When they were ready to leave, Abi stopped Cora, gripping her hand tight. "I just don't know what I'm doing anymore."
A sad smile played on Cora's face. "I know."
And she did. Six years ago, Cora’s dad left early one morning to find an antique bench for Cora’s mom as a surprise. Two weeks later, hikers found him and his scorched vehicle at the bottom of a valley.
One day she had him, the next day he was gone.
Maybe I should be grateful I can at least say goodbye.
"Everyone's treating me…different. I don't know what to do or think or say. I just..." She cast her eyes downward, chewing on her lip.
It had been six days since the attack on her dad. Six days since they had heard anything about their mother. Her dad's car had yet to be found, and no one had reported a sighting of her mom.
It was too much.
"All you have to do is get through this, Abi. People can be assholes, even when they don't realize it. Just ignore them and fight through it. Don't worry about what people think of you or what you should say to them. Hell, don't say anything if you don't want to."
Abi released a quavering sigh. "I feel like I'm unraveling."
Cora said nothing, just pulled her into a tight hug. The tension in Abi’s body frayed until she thought she would split. She might lose her dad and her mom, her brother might be sick, but she was so lucky to still have Gran and Cora. This crazy blue haired girl wouldn't abandon her.
"Come on, let's get you out of this shitty town."
Jesse drove them again, but the volume on his radio was much lower, and he didn't say much to the two of them.
Cora delved into everything she'd missed at school last week, but Abi knew she was just trying to fill the silence. The principal had excused Abi and Ben from school with no objections. Cora had skipped the last two days, but still had plenty to talk about. Her friend knew she didn't care what Samantha did to Brian or how mad Mr. Regan got when Will threw a pen at the back of his head during class.
At last, the house came into view again, but this time its luster was gone. It wasn't a grand party central anymore, but a building filled with a bunch of people Abi didn't know.
Well, a few of them she did know.
They didn't bother with the first three floors and headed straight to the rooftop. There were more people than last time, but Abi didn't pretend to be interested in knowing who they were. Talking felt too exhausting right then, and she pictured how the conversation would go:
"Hey, how's it going?" someone might ask, maybe Theo or Shelly.
"Okay," she'd say. "Well except for the fact that my father was stabbed six times since we last spoke, my crazy mom is missing and probably injured, and strange men broke into my house and chased me away. Oh, and now I'm being forced to move out of the only house I've ever lived in because it's not safe anymore."
It didn't exactly ring of good conversation.
Instead, she sat there and sipped on a drink she didn't bother to taste.Cora briefly tried to get her to join the conversation, but settled for talking loudly with the others in an effort to includ
e Abi.
Soft music played on the roof this time, the clouds moving rapidly over the bright moon. Cora was talking with Myra, who seemed to be giving Abi a knowing look. Had she seen the news? They were only one town over, but certainly people had heard of the attack.
Abi realized how different Myra's clothes were to anyone else's. She was wearing a collared shirt tucked into a flowing skirt and retro heels. Everything about her was so put together—her brown hair in a wavy up-do and pearl earrings dangling from her lobes, like she had just stepped out of a 1950s magazine.
"Hey." Jesse sat down to the left of Abi, so close that his arm brushed up against hers. At his touch,, there was a flicker of the Abi from last week, but it fizzled out before she could even respond.
"Hey." She took another gulp of her drink.
There was a pause, but he seemed comfortable in the silence. He had on the same leather jacket he’d had on last week. "You look like you want to hear a story."
She really didn't. She just wanted to sit there and drink and be away from all the chaos of her life. Last week, Abi would have blushed at another opportunity to talk to Jesse, but not anymore. She wanted him to go away, so she continued people-watching, hoping he would get the hint.
Something pushed against her right side and she rubbed her arm, looking at Jesse. It hadn't been a hand, but it wasn't the wind either.
Jesse met her gaze but seemed oblivious to what had just happened. Had she imagined it?
"This is a story passed down for generations and generations, dating back thousands of years. It involves a King, and how he fell from power."
Her eyes flicked to his briefly, enough to keep him going.
"A long time ago, there were three men and two women who had their own kingdom. Now, this kingdom wasn't like the kingdoms we know. They were the only people that inhabited this land, and they provided for the land just as much as the land provided for them."
Someone shrieked on the rooftop and Abi jumped. A girl had beer down the back of her shirt and was pulling at the fabric to get it off her skin.
When Abi turned back to Jesse, he continued, his voice painting a picture all around them. "They ate the fruit from the land, slept on soft meadows, ran with the animals and prayed to their parents—the gods."
As he said this, the wind changed and she smelled citrus and flowers, picturing for a moment the green meadows in his story.
"See, their gods had created this world for the five of them. They were to live there until they were of age to become gods themselves. But something went wrong.
"As the children grew older, their friendly affections grew into something else. Two of them fell in love with one another, and shortly thereafter, another two did. But this left out one of the boys. He was in love, but the girl did not love him back and chose another over him.
"Years passed, and his indifference grew into frustration. He resented the gods for not creating someone who would love him. While the four of them laughed at jokes together, the boy stole away to the forests. He would visit the animals that inhabited the kingdom and tell them of his irritation.
"And they answered him."
Abi held in a sigh. Where was this going?
Chuckling, Jesse glanced at Abi and his eyes stuck there. "Just bear with me for a second. These five people were direct descendants from the gods. They had gifts that humans today don't—one of them being communication with animals.
"There was a natural cycle to the world they lived in, and some animals hunted others for nourishment. Each animal was sacred, and each knew the cost of killing the other. But the young man became fascinated by this. He would watch the animals hunt and revel at the bright blood that came from the prey.
"One particular day, this boy saw his love kiss the other boy. They were so happy together and it was something he knew he would never have. He ran away and before he knew what he had done, his energy had released into a nearby animal, which turned and killed another. He was stunned, and the animals cowered before him. He waited for sorrow to wash over him, for the guilt to set in. But it didn't. Because he found that he enjoyed it—"
"Oh my god, don't tell me you're on about this story again." Theo sat down heavily across from them and handed Abi a drink. Her body grew warm, and she hadn't realized her cup was empty.
"Hold on, let me finish." Jesse held up his hand, but Theo wasn't having it.
"Dude, we've heard this a thousand times, no! Let's play Knock Out again. Shelly!" he bellowed over his shoulder, unaware that she was standing right behind him.
"Yes?" she asked, irked.
"Oh, there you are. Come on, we're playing Knock Out."
Someone pulled up a table and Abi had to repeat herself three times before they allowed her not to play. Jesse tried to squeeze out of the game as well, but Theo wouldn't let him.
"Hey Myra, get another deck so we can play with five!" Theo spread the cards out on the table and mixed them all together as Myra descended the stairs to find another pack of cards.
Abi watched them, feeling strangely out of place from the group. It seemed like an exact repeat of the week before, but Abi was the outsider now. She had felt such a connection with these people. Now it was like she had nothing in common with any of them.
Once Myra had returned, the game started quickly. Cora kept glancing up as if to check on Abi, but she knew she didn’t want to play.
"Boom!" Theo let out a huge laugh. He had targeted Shelly for the third time and knocked her two queens off the table. "That's ten seconds, baby!"
"I swear, if you call me baby one more time I'll shove you off this roof." Her words were harsh enough that Abi couldn’t tell if she was teasing him or if she was serious.
"And force the rest of the world to live without this beautiful face?"
"Trust me, she'd be doing us all a favor." Myra grabbed at a six, wearing a huge smile. Abi hadn't heard it before but the girl had a very defined southern accent. Abi looked around the table. An Irish girl, a boy from Nigeria, and a southern girl.
"Oh really? You wouldn't miss me just a little, teeny tiny bit?" As Theo asked this, he leaned toward Myra, barely six inches from her face.
"I might miss that smile of yours. Maybe." She turned away from him to discard, but her cheeks flushed slightly from his proximity. When Theo smiled again, Abi could see what she meant. His smile was full, infectious.
"Drink up, Shell!" The boy to Shelly's right playfully tipped her cup back as she started drinking. Abi thought she had heard his name was Nick. He seemed older than the rest and had a small frame, which seemed even smaller so close to Theo.
Shelly was breathless by the time she finished. "All right, it's on."
They continued like this for an hour or two. Myra got up from the table to let another boy play and joined Abi by the fire. Up close, there was something kind about Myra's eyes, as if she were always on the verge of a smile.
"So, I heard you're a writer. Cora said you've got a piece being published."
That's right. Abi strode for years to accomplish that goal but hadn't thought of it once in the last week.
"I was the editor on our journalism staff in high school. I always had my nose buried in a book growing up and wanted to be a writer so bad." She gave a dainty laugh and smoothed out her skirt. "Is that what you want to do? Fiction writing?"
Abi nodded and an elongated silence stretched between them.
"Well, good for you." Myra touched Abi's arm for a moment, light as a feather. "Publication of that piece is a big deal! You keep that up and you'll have publishers chasing after you by graduation."
Involuntarily, the corner of Abi's mouth twitched up. Was it a light at the end of her dark tunnel? That her dreams were still attainable? Or was she being selfish for continuing her dream of leaving?
"What do you want to do now? I mean, when you grow up." A blush rose to Abi's cheeks. That sounded like a strange question at her age when they were already so close to being "grown up."
; "I'm doing the doctor thing now. Research into the mind-body connection as it pertains to health."
Abi was too tired to think about what that meant and Myra sensed it.
"Basically, how much our health is affected by our minds. Like the effect of stress on the body. One person under stress might develop hives, while another may lose their hair. It's systemic, but what is it that makes the response so different from person to person?"
"Wow."
Myra giggled. "I'm sorry. You can tell I get carried away with it. It's my first year of study under an amazing doctor. I'm excited to get started with it."
It sounded like an internship or residency but how was that possible? Myra seemed so young.
"I'm seventeen. Skipped a few years in school." Myra smiled again, her straight teeth revealed underneath a matte red lipstick. She smoothed down at her skirt, her eyes flicking up toward the table. Abi followed Myra's gaze. She was looking at Theo.
"How do you two know each other? Through the exchange program?"
"Who, Theo? No. Well, yes I suppose. He's a friend of Shelly's and she's here on the exchange program. She's living with me right now and he's visiting."
"Oh." Abi watched Shelly and Theo. They had a playful banter, but seemed so different from one another. "Are they dating?"
"No, thank god." Myra's easy expression instantly fell, like she hadn't meant for that to slip out.
Abi smiled. She recognized that goofy, innocent expression because she was guilty of it herself. Myra liked Theo and she looked at him with her lips pursed to the side. Hopeless.
"Does he know you like him?"
Myra looked horrified, which Abi sympathized with. She had been on the receiving end of this from Cora for years.
"No. He's just a friend." The last word was so high-pitched that Myra's voice broke.
A small laugh escaped Abi, surprising her. Not only had Abi smiled, but she had actually laughed. Guilt washed over her. Here she was laughing when her dad was lying in a hospital bed, barely alive.
From the corner of her eye, she caught movement near the stairs. Jesse waved at them from across the roof. Where had he been this whole time?