Denver’s quiet persona was deceiving because she was a very intelligent young lady. She had excelled in mathematics in high school and went on to college to major in Political Science. She wanted to be a lawyer for her mom’s sake but was too timid and meek to even take the LSAT test. She felt that if she were a lawyer, no one would listen to her. So she gave up on obtaining a prominent profession, and she was stuck in a job that she happened to do well.
As the key writer of the PRIME Grant, she was given an opportunity to work with Jerickca Parker. In order for the Department of Adolescents and Children Resources to receive the very important “PRIME Grant” (which stood for Participants Reaching Into More Education), they had to collaborate with other agencies, the primary one being the Department of Human Resources. A smart political move was to employ one of their people, who happened to be Denver. On her last job, she was used mostly to help her supervisor complete budgeting and accounting for their proposals. She was so good at accounting practices and grant writing that Jerickca was trying to develop a job for her in that area.
Denver was allowed to hang with the girls in the back- room because she worked closely with their supervisor; to them it was a way to find out what was happening in the company. If the supervisor thought Denver was special, maybe she was. After all, Jerickca was certainly a hard act to follow. So Denver, who was as mild as an open bottle of hot sauce left unattended on a counter for many months after its expiration date, spent her life trying to please others. Yet she pretended to be a party animal because she thought that’s what the girls needed her to be. Whenever her co-workers invited her out, which wasn’t often, she would dance the night away, even though most of the time she was uncomfortable in her own skin.
The name Denver came from her mother, Diane. Diane had visited the city of Denver when she and a friend attended the wedding of another close friend. When Diane first stepped her foot in Denver, Colorado, she was impressed. It was so beautiful and so clean. The people that she met were very friendly, although she had previously heard that Denver was one of the most prejudiced places in the world. On this trip, she didn’t see anything like that.
Diane was a very independent and complex person. She would often say that she needed a man, but when given the opportunity, she always seemed to make the man feel inept. She didn’t want them to pull out her chair, nor to open a door for her. As a matter of fact, given the chance, she would do all those things for the man. She just felt manly most of the time—not gay or homosexual, but self-reliant. She didn’t need a man to do but one thing for her, and that was to make her have an orgasm at least three times a week or anytime she felt like she wanted one.
Other than that, she was too busy to fall in love because it was too dangerous. Diane truly felt that if a man knew that you loved him, he would simply walk all over you. Not her! Never would she allow that to happen, because she would not give her heart to anyone, not even Denver’s dad, whom she left when her daughter was a toddler.
Denver was almost a carbon copy of her mother in the looks department, but their personality traits were totally different. Diane was bold and sassy and Denver was very timid and unsure of herself. Both were of medium height and wore the same dress size. They were very attractive and could easily be considered model material but could only do print work because they lacked the height needed to get the assignments.
Their complexions were in the light caramel family, and both had slanted eyes set well upon their very high cheekbones. When they smiled with their small perky lips, you immediately noticed their perfect white teeth. Both had one deep dimple on their left cheek.
Mother and daughter dated frequently, her mother with many men, and Denver with married men. Diane loved playing the field; Denver hated being single. Whenever they dated, Diane left the man broken-hearted and Denver left with a broken heart. Sometimes Denver gave you the feeling that she was very cold emotionally. That was only to hide the uncomfortable, shy and meek person she had become. Those who knew her well understood that it was simply a cover to prevent her from feeling any pain.
When Denver was in high school, she was at the top in her class. It seemed like it was just yesterday that she read her Valedictorian speech. She clearly recalled how she said that she would be a lawyer. Although she could have easily made the grades in law school, it was clear to her that a lawyer she would not make. Research and case-finding would be easy for her, but going into the courtroom to challenge or fight for a client would simply be too much. Denver decided to major in political science and possibly teach on a college level. Even though teaching was her plan, deep in her heart, she didn’t want to do that either.
Denver didn’t know what she wanted out of life, but she remembered how happy she felt when she was in high school, dreaming of becoming a doctor. She took Political Science because her mother wanted her to become the next Matlock. All she wanted to do was heal people, but knew that would be impossible to achieve since her mother had always glamorized lawyers. She settled for something that would please her mother and not her. This was always how Denver made decisions. If it made Diane happy, then she could have a little happiness of her own, because her mother wouldn’t pressure her as she was already following her instructions.
She was good with most technical things and was a master at troubleshooting computer problems. After graduating from college, Denver set out to find a job. It was a difficult task, because she quickly found that there were no top paying jobs in her field without a master’s degree. After going back to the social service agency that she had trained at as an intern, she accepted a position as a research technician until a better position became available. Working now as an employee of Ms. Parker, she received extensive work as a writer and limited work as a caseworker.
After being notified that they had received a huge grant for which Denver had researched all statistical data and co-written the application, her immediate supervisor decided that she should benefit by being one of the first to apply for a position.
Denver had written in the proposal that their agency would collaborate with another social service agency by allowing them to case manage those clients who would enroll in the program. The goal of the project was to assist clients in becoming economically self-sufficient. Denver’s supervisor had contacted Jerickca Denise Parker at the Department of Adolescent and Children Resources and asked her to be the agency in collaboration. Jerickca was definitely excited and didn’t mind that she would have to hire Denver Anderson, who had no training in social work, but was very skilled in other areas. Although Jerickca would have to pay Denver a very good salary, it didn’t matter because she would get her money back by putting Denver on her grant-writing team. Denver would be the youngest worker at the Department of Adolescent and Children Resources. Her biggest challenge would be trying desperately to fit in with the other workers.
Chapter 6
“Good morning, Anthony,” Jerickca said while reaching to kiss him on his lips.
“Morning,” Anthony replied.
“Come here, sweetheart, and give me a little something for breakfast,” Jerickca said while gently rubbing Anthony’s right nipple.
Taking Jerickca’s hand and moving it off his chest Anthony responded, “I don’t have time for that right now. I have to get going,” he said while rising out of the bed.
“Dang! I just wanted a little bit, it wouldn’t take long.”
“Jerickca, I have a very important meeting and I told you that I don’t like morning sex unless I don’t have anything to do. Sex in the morning drains me and I have too much work today to start my day exhausted.”
“Keep your shit to yourself then. I remember some time ago you didn’t seem to have a problem. But go on to your little meeting.” Jerickca jumped up and went into her personal bathroom to shower. Pushing the door closed, she looked at herself in the long mirror.
Jerickca was about 5 feet 4 inches tall. Although she was almost two hundred pounds, she was built. “I do ne
ed to lose some weight,” she said. “Maybe that’s why Anthony didn’t want to make love this morning. Just maybe I’m losing my ability to turn him on because I’ve gained so much weight. I’m going to go on a diet,” she said while slowing turning around and looking at herself in the mirror.
Although, her measurements were in equal increments, and she looked as if she could easily fit into a fourteen, the sixteen she wore was now too tight. Most people felt that she could be a plus size model because she was a great dresser and knew how to impress with her clothes and hair, which she wore in a variety of the latest styled braids; sometimes she even wore them in a way that made it difficult to distinguish whether or not she actually had them in her hair. Jerickca couldn’t imagine life without her braids. She was sure to wear only professional styles and would stay at her braider’s house long hours to make sure they were always neat and professional.
Her braids had to be fresh with no new growth sticking out. Jerickca was also known for paying top dollars for her hairstyles, returning every four to six weeks to get a touch-up. She loved the variety you could get from wearing braids, often changing them into pixies singles, pinch, bobs, and others.
Jerickca had a beautiful personality. She was fair to all and would give her last dollar to help someone in need. She was fun-loving and sensitive. She would cry at movies, whether they were happy or sad. At work, she was considered a hard worker who played no games and expected paperwork to be complete and accurate. She was a good supervisor who wanted everything to be perfect at work and even at home with her family. Married to a pleasant and handsome man, she had one daughter who was twelve years old.
Jerickca was very lucky, because she had achieved so many of her childhood dreams: the house, beautiful cars, and plenty of hard cash. Her husband was president of his own computer firm, and he had invested his money well. Anthony and Jerickca were very private about their money and refrained from letting people know their true financial worth.
It took all she had to disguise her material things by pretending to be broke, even though she had an excessive taste for nice things. To look the part of an executive, she drove a nice car and wore beautiful suits2. Other than that, she never wore jewelry or flashed any money. She never carried money around, and this gave the impression that she lacked money. This was a rule of safety for her. Jerickca and Anthony looked as if all their money was spent on cars and clothes, because they both dressed well and never entertained in their home.
They were considered a mystery couple, basically trying to keep to themselves. The Parkers had learned early in their marriage that if people thought for one minute that you had money, they wouldn’t lift a finger to support you. She had lost many friends and potential promotions because people had made unkind and unsupported statements about them not needing anything. Yet with all the money and power she had, Jerickca was very unhappy.
She wanted to experience a perfect love. To her, that meant that Anthony would need to romance her the way he used to with wet kisses, hand holding, and sex talk. She loved when he talked to her during sex, and now he had become this perfectionist who never seemed to stray out of that role, not even to please his wife.
Jerickca was from a large family. She had two brothers and six sisters whom she loved dearly. They were also the source of her anxiety, because each of her siblings depended on her for support, both emotionally and financially. This really bothered her, because she needed her siblings to be more self-sufficient, rather than depending on her for all their needs. Jerickca had such a hard time trying to remove herself from their daily problems. One brother and one sister were on drugs, another brother was having marital problems, and another sister ignored her problems and just lived in a world that was not closely or remotely anything like this world. She made her own rules, laughed at her own jokes, and seemed to be very successful and happy.
Yet, Jerickca was worried about her extended family. It always seemed that something was wrong in her family. They couldn’t seem to handle their problems without her input and intervention methods. Jerickca suffered because it was becoming more and more difficult to balance her own life while trying to help her brothers and sisters. She was tired because worrying kept her from resting. She was physically and emotionally drained. Lacking sleep during the night and stressed-out during the day, she decided to let them work out their own problems. No more money would she give out to her brother Jeremy so that he could just pass it to the drug dealer.
Another problem Jerickca had was that she wished she could have a good time, but she did not know how to do that without losing her Christianity. She was confused because she really didn’t know how to enjoy life the way a Christian was supposed to. She wanted to serve God freely with commitment but found it difficult to do so because she was afraid that she was treading in places that would not be acceptable to her God. She had been taught that God didn’t go into clubs and other places that were unacceptable to him, and this scared her, because she didn’t want to go anywhere without God’s protection of love and grace. She spent many of her weekends reading and imagining a fabulous life, rather than trying to enjoy what life had to offer. Without a real social life, she had no outlet, and this left her frustrated.
She had always been considered a good person, with parents who had raised their children strictly and close to the church. Her friends felt that she had missed out on a lot because she had married straight out of college, having dated only one other guy. Her relationship with her first boyfriend lasted from the age of thirteen to nineteen. Married since she was twenty, she was celebrating sixteen years of marriage, and she was just thirty-six years old.
Good friends were important to Jerickca. Without her best friends, Spencer and Deborah, she would be lost. Jerickca spent most of her free time with her girls, shopping, traveling, and pampering themselves. She rarely went to clubs because her conscious would not allow it. To her, that was like straddling the fence between being a good Christian or a party animal. It made her happy to see the four friends get together after work to have fun while bonding more closely, especially this group. The staff were known for going over and beyond their regular duties to assure success on the job.
Jerickca’s staff were hard workers who loved to party and were sought out by other co-workers who wanted to hang out with them just to be seen as their friends at parties so they could get invitations to popular affairs. The four friends wore their popularity on their shoulders with pride and grace. Just to be invited to go somewhere with the group was a sign that you had made it and were considered a member of the “A” club.
Jerickca was an honorary member to the club and was often invited to parties with the group but declined because of work and religious ethics. She didn’t want to be seen as a supervisor who mixed pleasure with business. She had already experienced that on more than one occasion when Megan and Phoenix couldn’t separate business from something personal with her.
Once Jerickca walked in the backroom and found Megan and Phoenix laughing and talking about some guys they had met. Jerickca sat down and spent some quality time with her staff. They joked, and Jerickca became a member of their elite club. After that day, Phoenix and Megan would come and eat lunch with her sometimes. Twice after work she went shopping with the two of them. She invited Denver, Patches, Precious, Candy, and several other staff members, but they declined. She didn’t want her staff to think that she had a special relationship with anyone.
Unfortunately, they both went back to work and acted as though they were best buds, exaggerating and telling others about their so-called activities with the supervisor after work hours. Phoenix even told Candy, who told Jerickca what she had heard about her spending time with two of her staff on the weekend. Although the staff felt left out, they never said a word, because they truly enjoyed their jobs. Phoenix and Megan were going back on a regular basis, trying to make the rest of the staff feel that they were giving advice to Jerickca and that many of her decisions about them were
made by her two favorites.
Jerickca had heard the rumors and tried to tell her staff in many ways that she did not socialize after hours with people from work. She tried hard to show that through her daily relationships. Yet, they believed Megan and Phoenix. Eventually the staff just decided that they would be careful around Jerickca’s girls; thus, several key staff, particularly Denver and other social workers throughout the agency, were alienated. No one challenged the authenticity of their statements, so there were never confirmations as to whether she was their friend. Jerickca worked hard to make staff feel that she cared about them all. She really did have their best interests in mind. Whenever the company hosted an activity for the workers, she would attend and spend time with the A group and the rest of the staff without feeling guilty. This way, she was not accused of spending time with the “social workers,” because she was with all her staff. When she was around, it was one big happy staff. Everybody, including the A team, had a great time.
Jerickca suffered from panic attacks and the desire to be recognized for her skills, because sometimes she noticed that her subordinates would say anything around her, having become too comfortable. She was mixing a little too much in the backroom. She found herself heading to that area more than twice a day because of the conversation.
She also needed to lose weight badly to feel comfortable with her image. To lose weight Jerickca was filling her body with diet pills and overeating, only to put her fingers down her throat to throw it all back up. As she matured and progressed up the ladder of success, her priorities began to change. She found that money and material possessions meant absolutely nothing without a healthy sense of who you were mentally. Yet she was still doubtful about seeking mental health help because she worried it would somehow end up in her personnel files. She had another fear, and that was that she and Anthony would not be able to regain the passion they once had. When they first started dating, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Their sex life was fantastic. Anthony was adept at making her reach high levels of orgasmic pleasure. She remembered when she met him. She was inexperienced and had only been with one other man.
Backroom Confessions Page 4