by Karen Swan
She raised her hand to touch Cassie on the arm, but Cassie flinched, and her arm hovered in the air instead. She dropped it and nodded defeatedly, understanding that words were not enough.
‘I am truly sorry,’ she said, turning away. She walked back towards the doors, a tiny figure in the night-time hospital lights.
Cassie looked down at her coffee still sitting in the machine, and heard her name suddenly echo down the hall. She looked back towards Anouk and saw that she had heard it too. It was unmistakably Kelly’s voice. Anouk paused for a fraction, then carried on walking towards the doors.
‘Oh God . . . be tough, don’t crack’, Cassie warned herself.
The doors hissed open.
‘Nooks, wait!’ she cried, running towards her.
Anouk turned.
‘I just heard Kelly. I think the baby’s here,’ Cassie gasped, reaching her.
The tears in Anouk’s eyes spilled over and she placed a small hand over her mouth, nodding. ‘Will you send her my love?’
‘No.’ Cassie said with impressive firmness.
Anouk gave her an anguished look. ‘Cassie, please!’
Cassie took her hand and started pulling her down the corridor. ‘You can tell her yourself.’
‘But—’ Anouk dragged her heels on the lino.
‘You were right, Nooks,’ Cassie said, turning to face her. ‘We can’t be separated at a time like this. Suzy’s just become a mum, for God’s sake!’ Her own voice cracked with emotion.
‘But everything I did . . .’
Cassie sighed. Suzy would kill her for being this soft. ‘What’s done is done. You acted out of fear. Don’t you think I understand what it’s like to love a man who doesn’t love you enough? We’re both on different sides of the same coin. At the very least we should be looking after each other, don’t you think?’
Anouk nodded, beginning to cry again, but there was gratitude and relief in her eyes this time.
‘So come on, then!’ Cassie laughed, grabbing her hand and pulling her along the corridor just as Kelly called again.
Kelly’s and Henry’s jaws dropped as they saw Cassie skidding round the corner with Anouk in tow.
‘I know, I know what you’re thinking. You never thought you’d see the day when Anouk . . .’ Cassie held her hands up as they arrived . . .‘wore polyester.’
There was a stunned silence for a moment, and then Henry and Kelly howled with laughter, Anouk too, as the tiny mewls of a newborn baby sounded through the swinging doors.
‘A little girl!’ Archie sobbed, falling through them. ‘I’ve got a little baby girl!’
Henry hugged him delightedly, tears in his own eyes. ‘Congratulations, mate!’ he cried, thumping him on the back.
Kelly, Cassie and Anouk all embraced each other, half sobbing, half laughing as they celebrated the recovery of their friendship as much as Cupcake’s arrival. Archie came over to them openly crying, and Kelly and Anouk patted him soothingly, clucking around him like mother hens.
Cassie spun round, tearful and joyous. ‘Henry! You’re an uncle!’ she laughed, her anger forgotten as she rushed towards him, her arms outstretched in congratulations.
But Henry turned away at the sight of her, all his happiness suddenly evaporated.
Cassie stared at his back. It was like a wall. Defensive, defiant, protective. She couldn’t get near him. Her anger shot through her like a bullet again. How could he snub her like that at a moment like this?
‘What the hell are you so angry about?’ she whispered, marching round to face him. ‘What have I done?’ The unspoken reminder that he had kissed her, that he was the one engaged, hung between them.
But there was no time for him to answer. In the distance they could hear Suzy calling Archie back.
‘Arch!’ she hollered. ‘Get back here! I need some help with my boob!’
‘Your sense of timing has something of the epic about it,’ Cassie murmured, not daring to raise her voice in case she should wake the baby sleeping in her arms.
‘You’re either born with it or not . . .’
Cassie smiled. ‘Will they let you out in time for the ceremony tomorrow?’
‘It depends on how she feeds, I guess, and how our night goes, but they’ve said they’ll do their best.’
‘That’s great.’
‘Mmmm. I might have to come down the aisle in a wheelchair, of course.’
‘Why?’
‘Hello? I’ve just delivered a bowling ball of a baby.’
‘Tch. How could you say that about her?’ Cassie tutted, looking down adoringly at the little pink scrunched-up face.
‘She was ten pounds, eleven ounces. It’s a fact,’ Suzy said, inspecting a hangnail.
They carried on staring at the sleeping baby.
‘I just can’t believe she’s here at last,’ Cassie murmured.
Henry and Archie had gone off to the pub to wet the baby’s head with Brett and Bas and the rest of the wedding party. Kelly and Anouk were in the canteen, drinking bottles of sparkling water and catching up.
‘Miss Clemency Velvet McLintlock. Gorgeous name.’
‘Yeah, but what’s the betting we’ll still call her Cupcake?’
‘She’s so beautiful.’
‘Hmmmm, I think she looks a bit like a baboon’s arse, if we’re being truthful. Look at her nose – it’s all skew-whiff.’
‘Suzy! You are so your mother’s daughter.’
‘I know,’ Suzy chuckled before her face softened into besotted adoration. ‘But she will be beautiful. The most beautiful girl ever.’
‘Yes, she will. And the most stylish.’ Cassie looked up. ‘You have reinstated Anouk as godmother, I trust?’
Suzy raised her eyebrows. ‘Not officially. Not yet. I want to speak to you first before I commit us all to a lifelong bond. It was quite a shock you lot coming in with her, I can tell you.’
‘Well, maybe it was a bit heat-of-the-moment. But I heard Kelly yell and I knew that meant you were through. I just couldn’t bear for us to be warring at a moment like that. If you can’t pull together in the good times, what hope is there for the bad?’
‘Tch, I told you – you’re too soft.’
‘She’s been through enough, Suze. I think she’s been suffering in that relationship for years. Honestly, she was so sad the whole time I was living with her.’
‘I still can’t believe she wore a fleece.’
‘Me neither.’ Cupcake had fallen fast asleep in her arms.
‘Hey, you’re a natural,’ Suzy said, sinking back into the pillows. ‘Tell you what, enough already of the wedding. You can be my maternity nurse.’
Cassie smiled but didn’t say anything.
Suzy watched her, recognizing the longing in her friend’s eyes. ‘Why did you and Gil never have kids, anyway?’ she asked after a while. ‘You were married long enough.’
The question took Cassie by surprise. ‘Oh . . . uh . . .’ And then her shoulders sagged as Wiz’s taunts rang in her ears again. What was she protecting him for? ‘Because he kept telling me that he didn’t want to share me. That what we had was so precious. He said a baby would ruin it.’
Suzy looked at her, shocked by his manipulation.
Cassie raised her eyebrows. ‘I know. Bollocks, right? But he said we could start trying after our tenth-anniversary party.’ She shrugged.
‘Oh, that was good of him,’ Suzy drawled.
‘Yeah,’ she sighed. ‘The last three years were just awful, to be honest. I was practically ticking off the days. It was the thing I wanted more than anything in the world. I was on my own all the time, but he just wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t even hear of it. I had to get to ten.’ She nodded lightly.
‘Cass, why didn’t you say anything? I just assumed you and Gil weren’t bothered about cracking on with a family. You never mentioned kids at all.’
‘He made me promise not to discuss it with any of you. Said it was our private business when and why we decide
d to start a family.’
‘The sneaky little shit. He knew we’d make you see sense if you repeated any of that baloney to us.’
‘Oh, he wasn’t that bad, Suze! I guess Rory had been born by then, and . . . well, I think at the end of the day he just found himself in a situation he couldn’t walk away from, even if he’d wanted to. He’s fundamentally a moral man.’
‘Would you listen to yourself? What’s so moral about shagging his wife’s best friend?’
‘I meant him sticking by Rory.’
‘I know what you meant. It just seems to me that he got to have his cake and eat it. And now you’re being all understanding and forgiving.’ A look of horror crossed her face. ‘Oh no, you haven’t found God have you?’
Cassie chuckled. ‘No.’
‘Good. Because I don’t want Cupcake’s godmothers being all godly.’
Cassie arched her eyebrows at her and Suzy smiled wickedly, resettling herself in the pillows.
‘So. Are we all set for tomorrow?’ Cassie asked, changing the subject.
‘Yup. I collected the cake today. And I took delivery this morning of the stemware and china for the caterers to lay out in the marquee.’
‘And the flowers – did Dean get the right colour?’
‘He didn’t have them today. They weren’t on the delivery.’
‘You’ve got to be joking!’ Cassie cried.
‘It’s all in hand, don’t worry!’ Suzy soothed. ‘He said they are definitely arriving in the morning, and he’s sending them up on the ten twenty-six from Paddington. He won’t let me down. To be honest, I think he did it deliberately so that the flowers are extra fresh and perky. I think he’s trying to impress Mummy.’
‘It’s the bride I’m more concerned with impressing,’ Cassie said huffily before catching the look of concern on Suzy’s face. They both knew her uncharacteristic stressiness wasn’t due to flowers.
She tried changing the subject. ‘I just can’t believe the wedding’s come round so quickly. I mean, this time last year they didn’t even know each other. And now—’
‘Now they can’t live without each other.’
‘I guess there really is such a thing as love at first sight,’ Cassie sighed, remembering the night they’d first met Brett in the club. It had been just moments before Henry and Lacey had arrived. She stared down at her hands. ‘I suppose, when you know you’ve found The One, why wait?’
‘Oh, I can think of plenty of reasons why you should wait,’ Suzy retorted quickly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Sometimes the stars have to line up first.’
Cassie looked at her in panic. ‘Are you saying you think they’re rushing things? Because if you think it’s too soon, we should be honest with Kelly.’
‘No. I think they’re fine. I wasn’t thinking about them.’
‘Who were you thinking about then?’ Cassie asked, puzzled.
Suzy stared at her for a moment, deliberating. ‘Well, it’s funny, but I always kind of had it in the back of my head that you and Henry would, you know . . . get it together.’
‘Me and Henry! What on earth made you think that?’ Cassie felt her customary blush light up the room. Had he said something? Had she seen them kissing after all?
Suzy shrugged. ‘I dunno. There’s just something about the two of you when you’re together.’
‘You’re hallucinating,’ Cassie said, shutting the conversation down. ‘You’ve obviously been getting high on E numbers. He’s engaged, in case you’d forgotten, and I am categorically not looking for love.’
‘Sometimes love comes looking for you,’ Suzy countered.
‘Would you listen to yourself?’
‘Think about it! It’s such a massive coincidence, you mugging him in the park that day.’
‘I did not mug him!’ Cassie protested.
‘But then Mummy said to me – and I think she’s right in this –’ She put on a dramatic voice, eyes wide – ‘Was it a coincidence?’
‘Huh?’
‘Was it coincidence? Or was it, like I said, the stars lining up?’
Cassie rolled her eyes. ‘You should move into telephone horoscopes.’
Suzy grinned, undeterred. ‘Well I’ve always thought that of the two men you kissed the night you met Gil – total slut, by the way! – you married the wrong one.’ She pushed herself further back into her pillows, bracing herself for Cassie’s response, which was, as expected, open-mouthed, flaming cheeked and stammering.
‘Wha—? . . . Y-y-you do not think that.’
‘That you’re a slut? No.’
Cassie gave her a sarcastic look.
‘Oh, you mean . . . well, yes I do, actually. Have done for years. Couldn’t say it once you were married, of course . . .’
Cassie sighed and looked away. Why was Suzy saying all this? Henry was engaged to someone else. A very beautiful, enigmatic, willowy, stylish someone else. What did Suzy expect her to do? Hijack the engagement, all because they’d shared a few moments of desire that he’d walked away from every time? Besides, Suzy hadn’t seen how he was reacting towards her now, after that measly, staggeringly incredible little kiss. It was as if he thought she was some devil-woman who’d stolen his soul.
‘It was just a kiss, Suze. One kiss, a very long time ago,’ Cassie said quietly. ‘It was nothing.’
‘Mmm. You see, you say that. But then I see the two of you together and I can’t help asking myself: what if it wasn’t nothing?’
Suzy took Cupcake out of her arms and lay her down in the cot. She looked up at her friend, concern in her eyes.
‘What if it was everything?’
Chapter Forty-Eight
Henry was tossing mushrooms in a frying pan, and Kelly was just finishing her toast – toe dividers on her feet, cotton gloves on her hands and a moisturizing mask on her face – when Cassie walked into the kitchen the next morning. After three days’ travelling up and down the country in the same clothes, she had finally showered and changed into a pair of white shorts and a khaki vest, no bra.
‘Hey, sleepy-head! I’m supposed to be the one with the jet lag and dodgy body clock,’ Kelly joked, winking at her. Her eyes were as bright as buttons. ‘Are you ready to rock ‘n’ roll?’
Glancing over at Henry, who was still using his back as a wall, Cassie managed to arch an eyebrow to convey a sarcastic ‘huh?’ before slumping down at the table and pouring herself a cup of tea from the pot. She gestured vaguely at Kelly about a refill.
‘Mornings still tough, then?’ Kelly asked, looking her up and down. She leaned in towards Cassie and said in a quiet voice: ‘What’s up? You look awful. I can’t have you following me down the aisle looking like that. You’ll ruin the pictures.’ She gave a little waggle of her head to show that she was joking – sort of.
‘I didn’t sleep that well. You know, with all the excitement last night . . .’ Cassie murmured, keeping her eyes down. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be fine as soon as I’ve had this.’ She brought the tea to her lips as Henry clattered about in the cupboards looking for a clean plate.
‘Sure,’ Kelly murmured, peering at Cassie over the top of her own teacup. ‘You should have joined the rest of us for a nightcap.’
Cassie shook her head. ‘I think a pillow doused in chloroform would have been better.’
‘That bad?’
‘Mmmm.’
‘Go back to bed for an hour. Everything’s pretty much set to go.’
‘Can’t. I’m frantic,’ Cassie replied, looking anything but. Henry dropped his breakfast on the table next to them and, covering it with HP sauce, started eating it obnoxiously noisily.
Cassie shot him a wearisome look. She couldn’t believe he was keeping this up. What had happened to her funny, imaginative, exciting, worldly friend? The one who’d masterminded her recovery, putting all the fun and riddles into her explorations as she tentatively discovered the world all by herself? Had he really disappeared because of a momentary s
lip?
She watched him chew, cheeks full, his eyes steadfastly glued to his plate. She had to try to get him alone and talk to him before the wedding. Otherwise people were going to start asking questions.
She looked back at Kelly. ‘Where is everyone? It’s suspiciously quiet.’
‘Hattie and Arch have popped to the hospital to visit Cupcake and see whether they can be discharged,’ Kelly said, pulling off a glove and stroking the deeply moisturized skin on the back of her hand. ‘They’ll be back in about an hour. The caterers are coming at eleven, and Bas is upstairs setting up. He’s desperate to see you. It was all I could do to stop him from interrupting your beauty sleep – and from the look of you, I’m glad I did. You needed every minute.’
Cassie smiled indulgently at Kelly’s fond barb. She couldn’t wait to see Bas either. They had a lot to catch up on. ‘And how come you’re so calm? I was expecting Bridezilla. Suzy’s given me beta blockers to slip into your tea.’
Kelly waggled her shoulders, shut her eyes, pushed her head back and positioned her fingers into a yogic ‘om’. ‘What’s not to be calm about? Brett is on the other side of the market square, the sun is shining, Cupcake has been born, Anouk is forgiven, you’ve come back from your walkabout . . .’ She opened her eyes and looked at Cassie. ‘We need to talk about that, by the way.’
Henry paused, fork in midair, at the mention of Cassie’s disappearance before collecting himself and resuming with even noisier gusto.
‘Later,’ Cassie murmured, putting her hands on top of Kelly’s. ‘Today’s all about you.’
‘Yes, it is,’ Kelly smiled, and showed Cassie how she’d already moved her engagement ring to her right hand in readiness for receiving the wedding band on her left.
‘Is Brett wearing a ring?’ Cassie asked.
Kelly nodded. ‘Oh yes. I want the whole world to know he’s taken.’ She looked over at Henry. ‘Are you going to wear a wedding ring, Henry?’
‘What?’ He clearly couldn’t hear anything above the noise of his masticating.
‘I said, are you going to wear a wedding ring?’
‘No I’m bloody not,’ he said, dropping his cutlery and standing up so suddenly that the chair legs scraped along the kitchen floor and made the girls wince.