by Teresa Roman
Almost as soon as I stepped out of the attic, thoughts of Nicolai filled my head. I’d been so consumed with reading all my aunt’s books that, for a few precious hours, I’d managed to stop thinking about him. But now I couldn’t stop myself from wondering about him. Had he returned to Sarabia? Would I ever see or speak to him again? Did he hate me? He had every right to. Like a coward, I’d run away. But if I’d stayed and been upfront with him, he would’ve worn down my resolve. One look into those intense brown eyes of his and he would have talked me out of doing the right thing.
After washing up in the bathroom, I went downstairs. Delilah was in the kitchen, washing dishes. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a messy bun. My dad used to tell me all the time that I looked just like my mother, but Delilah looked even more like her.
“Where’s Lisa?”
“She’s out jogging.” Delilah turned the faucet off and wiped her hands on a red-and-white-checkered kitchen towel that lay on the countertop next to the sink. “Would you like some coffee?”
“Sure.” I sat down at the table. Delilah brought over coffee first, then breakfast.
She sat down across from me at the table. “So, how are you doing?”
“I’m fine.”
“I want you to know that you can talk to me.” Delilah paused. I lifted my eyes to meet her gaze. “You were just a little girl when I left Beaver Falls, and I’ve done a terrible job of keeping in touch, but I care about you, Willow. Always have, always will. So if there’s anything I can do to help, don’t be afraid to let me know.”
I was about to tell her thank you and that I was fine, but then I remembered the broken heart spell I’d come across in one of her spell books. “There is something,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Go on.”
“I found this spell. I think it can help me, but you have to be the one to cast it.”
Delilah frowned. “Help you how?”
I struggled to form the right words. It was hard enough for me to talk about my feelings in the first place, but aunt or not, Delilah was practically a stranger. That made talking even harder. I needed her help, though. “I’m hurting. More than I ever have. I always thought I was a strong person, but I don’t think so anymore. Between losing Dad, my break-up with Nicolai, and everything that happened with Peter, I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking down completely. It’s like my brain won’t shut off.” I shook my head and swallowed back the tears I felt forming. “I’m not sure how much longer I can stand to live like this.”
Delilah reached for my hand, resting one of hers on top of mine. “You know what they say, don’t you? Time heals all wounds. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but things will get better.”
She didn’t understand. No one did. “I don’t think so.” I lifted my head. “Not unless you help me.”
“By casting a spell?”
I nodded.
“The spell for broken hearts?”
“How did you know?”
“I just had a hunch.”
“Well, will you do it?”
“No.” Delilah shook her head. “I can’t. I won’t.”
“Which one is it? You can’t or you won’t?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She leaned in closer. “Listen to me, Willow, that spell can have serious unintended consequences. We might be witches, but we’re still human. And humans are meant to have emotions. We’re meant to feel things.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand better than you think I do.”
“What if something happened to Lisa?” I pressed. “What would you do then?”
Delilah shook her head. “I don’t know. I love Lisa more than I can put into words. If I lost her, I’d probably be doing what you’re doing right now, begging you to cast that spell on me. But I’d expect you to tell me no, just like I’m telling you right now.”
“Why is that spell still up in your attic if you have no intention of ever using it? Why didn’t you tear it out of the book it’s in and rip it up?”
“I never imagined that one day my niece would show up on my doorstep so broken that she’d ask me to cast the one spell I vowed to never to use again for as long as I lived,” she said. “But let me tell you, if I had anticipated this scenario, I would have gotten rid of that page ages ago.”
“You’ve used that spell on someone before? Haven’t you?”
“I won’t talk about it.”
“You have to, Delilah. You just don’t understand. Time won’t take care of this way I’m feeling. I know you think it will, but you’re wrong.”
She shook her head again. “You won’t get me to change my mind.”
“Delilah, please—”
She cut me off. “I knew I shouldn’t have agreed last night when you asked to sleep in the attic.”
I gritted my teeth. “Fine. If you won’t help me, then I’ll just find someone who will.”
Before Delilah could reply, I got up from the table and darted out of the kitchen and back upstairs to the attic. I slammed the door behind me, hating how out of control I felt and hating that I’d been so rude to my aunt. I’ll apologize later. After I figured out how to find some other witch who would be willing to help me. I sank down on the bed and rested my head in my hands. Who was I kidding? I didn’t know any other witches. And it wasn’t like I could put an ad in the classifieds. I swore under my breath, angry that the one person who could help me wouldn’t.
There had to be something else I could do. Last night, consumed with learning more magic, I’d managed to stop thinking about Nicolai. Magic was the answer. With that in mind, I stood, crossed the room, and scanned the books on the shelves in front of me. If I couldn’t get Delilah to cast the broken heart spell on me, then maybe magic could numb my pain in some other way.
I spent the rest of the day poring over spell books and potion books. When my aunt knocked on the door asking if I wanted lunch, then dinner, I told her I wasn’t hungry. She left food on a tray for me outside the door, but even that, I just nibbled on. Like I had the night before, I fell asleep with my head on the desk. When morning came, I took a quick shower, changed my clothes, and resumed my frantic search for the escape magic seemed to provide.
Sometime later, my aunt tapped me on my shoulder. I turned my head.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“You didn’t hear me knocking either.”
I frowned. She was right. I hadn’t.
Delilah wrapped her hand around my wrist. “Come.”
I didn’t want to.
“Willow, you haven’t left this room in almost twenty-four hours.”
“It’s like I told you yesterday,” I said, searching for an excuse for her to leave me be. “I’m just … I’m not feeling very well.”
Delilah stared at me, her hands on her hips. After a moment, she spoke. “The one and only time I used that spell, things went horribly wrong.”
“What happened?”
“I’ll tell you … if you come downstairs and eat first.”
I was scared to leave the attic. Something about being in it quieted my thoughts and lifted the weight that pressed on me, but at the same time, I wanted to know what had happened. Maybe then I could convince my aunt that this time it would be different.
I managed a smile. “Okay.”
I followed my aunt into the kitchen and sat down while she fried some eggs and toasted a slice of bread for me.
“It was after your mother died.” Delilah said after setting the plate of food she’d just prepared in front of me. “Your father was beside himself. He was drowning in grief and anger.”
Grief, I understood. “Angry? Why?”
“Because your mother knew things. Things she chose not to tell him.”
“What things?”
“Abby knew she was going to die after you were born. At least, that’s what your father came to believe, and knowing my sister, I’d say he was probably right. A
bby’s death was painful enough for your father, but his suspicion that she knew it was coming and hadn’t told him tore him apart. He missed Abby so much, but at the same time, he felt betrayed. After you came home from the hospital, he tried his best to take care of you and your brothers, but he couldn’t pull himself together enough to be there for you in the way a baby needs a parent to be. Finn was ten at the time, and he helped out a bit. So did I, but whenever I stopped by the house to check on you guys, I’d find your father sitting on the couch with a helpless look on his face. You’d be in your crib crying, just wanting to be held or fed or to have your diaper changed, but your father couldn’t seem to bring himself to do those things. He begged me to help him, so I cast the broken heart spell.”
“That sounds like a good thing to me.”
Delilah nodded. “It seemed to be. At least, at first. But then I realized the spell didn’t make James a better father. It changed his entire personality. It was like he had no emotions; he was almost like a robot. He went through all the right motions, but there was no feeling behind anything he did. I bet if I had told him the house was on fire, he probably would’ve just shrugged. It was eerie, seeing him like that, and not good for you or your brothers.”
“My situation is different. I don’t have any children. There’s no one who relies on me.”
“You don’t have children, but you have a family that cares for you,” Delilah said. “And even though you may not believe it now, one day you will recover from your broken heart. You’ll meet someone else, someone who is perfect for you. You’ll fall in love again, and maybe even have a few children. If I cast that spell on you, none of those things will happen.”
I shook my head, frustrated. “You don’t get it.”
“That’s what your father told me after I lifted the spell. He begged me to cast it again. When I told him no, he became furious. He was like an addict who needed his fix. But in time, he realized I did the right thing.”
How could I get my aunt to understand that my situation with Nicolai was different? “Delilah, please,” I begged.
She shook her head. “You’re not going to get me to change my mind. I should’ve never cast that spell on your father to begin with. Once I saw the effect it had on him, I swore I would never use it again. In fact, I made a vow not to, and a vow like that can’t be broken. I literally cannot cast that spell.”
I rubbed my forehead with my palm. When I’d agreed to come down for breakfast, I’d been so sure that I would be able to talk my aunt into doing what I wanted her to. I could see now that wasn’t going to happen. “I’m sorry for getting upset yesterday.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
I stood. “If it’s all right with you, I’d like to go back upstairs.”
“But you barely touched your food.”
“I’m not very hungry.”
Delilah pursed her lips. “Somehow I’m not surprised you’d say that.”
I ignored her comment and walked away without another word before the tears that had formed in the corners of my eyes made their way down my face.
Chapter 11
Nicolai
Almost three hours later, I passed the sign on the highway that read “Welcome to Syracuse.” As Maria and I crossed into the city limits, a sinking feeling came over me. Willow wasn’t here. I wasn’t sure how I knew; I just did. But we were already in Syracuse. Even if Willow wasn’t here, her brother was. Maybe he’d know where I could find her.
“What exactly is our plan?” Maria asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“We knock on Finn’s door and ask him if he knows where his sister is.”
“What if Willow isn’t with her brother? Or what if she is, and she refuses to talk to you? What do we do then?”
“Perhaps letting Finn know that his sister could possibly be in danger will be enough to get him talking.”
“I don’t know, Nicolai. That doesn’t seem like a good approach. If Willow’s family never told her the truth about being a witch, then I doubt her brothers were told anything about magic either. I think we should leave it that way. Willow would not want you or me to drag her brothers into any magical messes.”
“Then what do you suggest?”
“I can read his thoughts. If he’s heard from Willow, then I’ll know.”
Relying on Maria’s gift with telepathy seemed like the best option. My heart pounded in my chest. Before long I’d learn where Willow was. What would I say to her when we came face-to-face? I couldn’t think of a thing. That was something I’d just have to figure out later. First, I had to find her.
We arrived at Finn’s house. A woman answered the door. Finn’s wife, I assumed. “Can I help you?” she asked.
“We are friends of Willow’s,” I said.
Before I could continue, Finn’s wife turned her head and called for her husband. He came to the door a moment later. He glanced at us before telling his wife, “It’s okay, Claire. I got this.”
She walked away as Finn said, “What brings the two of you here?”
“We’re looking for Willow.”
His brow furrowed. “Why here? The last time I talked to Willow, she was with you in Beaver Falls.” His eyes darted back and forth between me and Maria. “Should I be worried?”
“No. Not at all.” I searched for a reasonable explanation. “It’s kind of silly I suppose, but Willow and I, we had a disagreement. She got angry and took off. I was hoping she might have come here.”
“Beaver Falls is a long way away. She must’ve been really pissed if you thought she came all the way here.”
“Willow has wanted to get out of Beaver Falls for a long time. Your father was the only reason she stayed. Now that he’s … gone, it makes perfect sense that she’d leave.”
“I guess. But she didn’t come here. Like I said, I haven’t heard from her.”
“Please, Finn. All I want is a chance to apologize.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help you,” Finn said with a shrug. “My sister isn’t here, and I have no idea where she is.”
Maria put her hand on Finn’s arm. The only way she could read someone’s thoughts was through physical contact. “If you do hear from her, can you please tell her that Nicolai and I just want to talk?”
Finn nodded. “Sure. I can do that.”
“Sorry to have troubled you,” Maria said. She dropped her hand to her side and glanced at me. “We should get going.”
Perhaps Finn was telling the truth and Willow wasn’t in his house at that very moment. But at one point, she had been. I recognized her scent the moment Finn’s wife opened the door. Hesitantly, I turned around, ignoring the voice in my head that told me if I kept pressing Finn for information, he’d eventually tell me something useful. I was no telepath, but I knew he was lying.
As Maria and I walked back to the car, Finn called my name. I looked over my shoulder. “Don’t take this the wrong way. You seem like a nice guy and all, but if Willow doesn’t want to be found,” he said, “then maybe you should respect her wishes.”
His words stung because deep down I knew he was right. My connection to Willow had felt so real, but what if I was the only one who felt it? Had I convinced myself that she felt the same way only because it was what I so desperately wanted?
I couldn’t let go until I found out for sure. I needed to hear the words from her mouth. I don’t want to be with you. The thought of them burned. Almost as painful as touch had been after the curse. But I would’ve gladly gone back to those days if it meant having Willow at my side.
“Come on.” Maria tugged on my arm.
Once we got back inside the car I said, “Please tell me you found out something useful.”
“I did,” Maria replied with a satisfied smile. “He wasn’t that hard to read. Willow is with her brother Owen.”
“Are you sure?”
“When I touched Finn, I heard his thoughts loud and clear.”
“If I remember correctly, Owen
lives in Buffalo.”
I sped away from the curb and down the street, headed back toward the highway. I needed to get to Willow, and Buffalo was more than a two-hour drive away.
Chapter 12
Willow
Back in the attic, I once more pored over Delilah’s spell and potion books, still hopeful that I could find something in one of them that could heal my heart. If I could just stop thinking about Nicolai, then I could figure out what to do next, where to go. Maybe I’d be able to find a job somewhere and buy a small house. But I just couldn’t see any of those things with Nicolai stamped in my brain the way he was now.
I stumbled on a memory spell, but it was meant for non-witches and used only to make a person forget if by chance they’d seen something magical they weren’t supposed to. The spell came with a caution. Often more memories were lost than intended. Only the most skilled witches could pull off the spell without unwanted consequences. Despite the warning, I was tempted to try it on myself, but in the end, I decided it was a bad idea.
My frenzied search yielded no results, but just like the day before, the more time I spent with my head buried in those books, the less I hurt. Still, I was frustrated that I couldn’t find some way to get Nicolai out of my head permanently. I let out an exasperated groan and reached for the book that lay on the top of the stack nearest to me. Potion making. I opened to the first page. Other than the potion Delilah had me make the other day, I’d never made one myself. It was past time that I learned how.
I decided to try my hand at making a truth potion, first gathering the ingredients I’d need to use, then bringing them over to the cauldron. I had no idea what I’d use a truth potion for, but I did know that you only got better at doing things the more you practiced. Before long I’d concocted not just a truth potion but potions for healing and potions to fight fatigue and hunger. I felt power course through me, and that power fueled me to keep going. Delilah knocked on the door a few hours later and insisted that I join her and Lisa for dinner.