by Pepper Pace
Shit. Oh shit shit shit…She did not want to do this. Calm down Robin, calm down.
She went back into the house. Fred smiled at her. “Ready?” He said as he stood.
She nodded feeling slightly sick.
Fred directed Robin to the pan that was used for his sponge bath while he went into the bedroom to undress. She ran warm water into the pan and picked up the bar of soap from the bathroom sink along with a clean wash cloth and towel.
When she returned to the bedroom, Fred was lying on the bed, and naked as a jaybird. Robin’s eyes stayed glued to the older man’s face, so while she knew that he wasn’t dressed she didn’t quite see anything from the neck down. When she got to the full size bed she quickly draped the towel across his pelvis and then she could think.
His breathing was so labored that she told him she’d get the oxygen mask.
“No. I’m okay.”
“Do you want your hair washed?”
“No.”
She sighed in relief. She dunked the wash cloth into the water, then lathered it with soap. She wrung it out and gently wiped his face and neck but when she got to his ears she almost lost it. Thick grey and black hair was sprouting from it like a primordial forest! She felt her stomach knot and she almost spewed her dinner. She had to look at something else as she dug into his ears with the soapy cloth.
When she wrung out the soap she saw that the white wash cloth was already dirty. She quickly wiped the soap from his face neck…and was tempted to leave it in his ears but gently swabbed them clean. She moved to his arms and hands and got those clean. Then she was forced to change the water. It was too dirty to continue working with. When she returned to the room with the fresh water she noted that the towel now had a tent in it.
Her face burned. There was no way she was removing the towel! Fred just stared at her, breathing heavy as she washed his narrow torso. Ewww, did all men have lots of hair surrounding their nipples? She helped him sit up so that she could wash his back and his chest touched hers. Fred sputtered and coughed and his body trembled as he tried to catch his breath. Robin quickly washed his back and got him laying down again.
He looked very tired, his eyes were only half opened and she figured it was past his bedtime. She was probably much slower at this then the others. She decided to do his legs next and saw that his towel was no longer tented. Thank god, no more erection to deal with. She quickly washed his birdlike legs and his dirty feet. The water was in dire need of another changing but she just wanted to be done with it. So she slipped off his towel very quickly and without looking at his privates she wiped at whatever the wash cloth came in contact with. By feel alone it felt like a sack filled with two withered plums and a water logged hotdog; half eaten.
She turned him onto his side and cleaned his bottom and by the time she finished he was sound asleep and snoring. She went through his drawers and found pajama bottoms. She slipped these on him, happy that he was sorta clean—he still had a strange smell. When she was done, Robin went to the bathroom and scrubbed her hands.
At home, even though it was after eleven, she went straight for the computer. All she could think about was Jason’s change of attitude and that maybe Sweetheart could discover what was wrong with him.
She signed in to Yahoo and saw that he was signed on as well.
~Hi TOP. Busy?~
~Hello. No. I’m not busy~
~How did your day go??~
~Fine, just finishing up a song to get ready for YouTube~
~A new one or that same one?~
~The same one. Would you like to hear it? It’s called Love’s End~
~I’d love to!~ Robin received a link. She played it, saving it so that she could listen to it every day and every night without having to bother Jason about it anymore!
~Did you like it, Sweetheart?~
~I loved it!~
~Can I trust you?~
~Trust me? Yes.~ She watched the screen in confusion. Why would he ask that?
~Because no one has seen this but you and me. We can’t let it leak, you know. I never show my work before it’s posted~
~No. I wouldn’t do that~
~I know. I wouldn’t have sent it to you if I didn’t trust you~ Robin smiled.
~Sweetheart?~
~Yeah TOP~
~Tell me about yourself~
Robin swallowed. ~What do you want to know?~
~What’s your real name? You know my name is Jason. What’s yours?~
Robin began to get nervous. Name name name…~Sharon~
~Hi Sharon. Nice to meet you~
~Nice to meet you Jason~
~May I see a picture of you?~
What???? ~A picture?~
~Yes.~
~I don’t have any on my computer~
~Oh? You should put some on just so you can share with people. Describe yourself to me~
Robin’s stomach began to twist. She didn’t like this. She didn’t like this at all! She thought for a moment about how she should respond. ~I have medium brown skin.~
~What color are your eyes?~
~Brown~
~You’re black, right?~
~Yeah, why?~
~I met a black girl recently with grey/green eyes.~
~Oh?~ She didn’t know what to say. This seemed wrong.
~Yes. That song I sent you. I wrote it about her~
Robin’s belly flipped again.
~Who is she? Your girlfriend?~
~Hell no, haha. She’s my Assistant~
~Oh. Why did you say Haha?~ Her face was burning.
~Because. I don’t trust her~ Robin’s mouth dropped. She felt her heart sink.
~Why do you have an Assistant that you don’t trust?~
~I don’t want an Assistant that I don’t trust~ Robin felt sick; she literally felt like she was going to throw up. ~You better get some sleep, it’s getting late. Night~
Then his little Yahoo icon went to sleep and Jason was gone.
***
The next morning, as she showered and dressed, Robin wrecked her brain for anything that she could have said or done to make him mistrustful. She had spent a very restless night of running back and forth to the bathroom. When she got to Jason’s she knew that she had dark circles under her eyes and she probably looked dumpy in sweatpants and a hoodie but she could not seem to expend the effort to put together a halfway decent outfit.
She rang the bell and he answered with a good natured greeting. “Good morning, Robin.”
“Good morning.” He wheeled out of her way so that she could come in. She hesitated and then headed to the kitchen to start the teapot going. He followed her but didn’t begin the process of making his bowl of Cheerios. He just watched her.
“Is there something you want me to do for you?” She asked.
He didn’t answer. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence he grabbed a bowl, spoon and the cereal from the cabinet. Wordlessly, he wheeled past her to the refrigerator and retrieved the milk. Then he made his cereal, picked up his newspaper and began to eat, ignoring her completely.
Robin fidgeted until it was time to make the coffee. She didn’t try to make small talk. The two didn’t speak one word and in the car Jason plugged in his earphones and shut her out further. It was like the very first day. With one exception. This time she would not get sucked up into his anger. This time she would be professional and if he didn’t trust her and couldn’t tell her why, then…the hell with Jason Hamilton! She was sick and tired of his games!
He had a seizure right before lunch which caused them to be the last arrivals at the table. Her expression was uncharacteristically angry when they finally did arrive. Just as she always did, Robin placed her hand on his chest to prevent him from falling and when he came to, he rudely brushed her hand away from him and wheeled to the cafeteria without comment. Well he didn’t have to ever worry about her touching him again!
He paid for their lunch as normal and then at the table proceeded to ignore her. Even Link cou
ld tell that something was up. He gave Jason a questioning look, which was ignored. Then Link opened his mouth to speak to her and Robin held up a finger and opened her cell phone. She stared at Jason as she pretended to listen to a message. And a long time later she pretended to text back and forth. She was watching him eat, so he couldn’t complain. In that way, Robin allowed herself to slip out of the group that she had just become familiar with.
The ride home was quiet. Jason got into his chair, and angrily wheeled to his apartment while Robin angrily drove back to her apartment.
Chapter 23
Robin was in a foul mood when she reached her next job and happy that she didn’t have to bathe Mr. Fred tonight. Despite that, he still creeped her out just as much. He actually touched her hand when she passed him a glass of water. And even though she had kept on the hoodie and loose sweat pants that she had worn earlier to Jason’s, his eyes still stayed glued to her chest and butt. It was like he had x-ray vision! She even saw him licking his lips at the sight of her.
She fried him chop steak, made instant potatoes and opened a can of green beans. He kept asking her to eat with him but she was too grossed out to have an appetite. She knew that she should not be having such negative thoughts and she tried hard not to let them show on her face. After about the sixth time of telling her that the food would go to waste she practically snapped that it wouldn’t go to waste since it was going to be leftovers for his dinner tomorrow!
After dinner she gave him his medicine and then insisted that he brush his teeth; his breath was horrendous. But he just pulled out grimy false teeth and she had to clean them for him since he was too weak to do it himself.
He watched TV for a while and then said he was ready for his bath. Robin gave him a disgusted look.
“Tomorrow.” She said.
He pouted but she stuck to her guns. He said he needed help putting on pajamas and she made him sleep in his underwear. When he was in bed she told him goodnight and practically ran out of the house.
She hadn’t been in the mood to visit Miss Lucille, as she had planned. And she wasn’t in the mood to pretend to be Sweetheart. She would be happy if she never spoke to Jason Hamilton again! And then she cried into her pillow until she fell asleep.
***
The next day was Robin’s turn to be angry. When he opened the door for her, she didn’t even wait for him to say good morning or go to hell. She walked past him and dropped her purse into the armchair, and headed for the kitchen.
He followed wordlessly and just like the day before, Jason waited in the entrance of the kitchen, watching her with accusing eyes.
She made the coffee and he still hadn’t made his breakfast. “Do you want me to make your breakfast?” She finally asked.
Jason wheeled into the living room ignoring her. Robin waited a moment and then followed him. Her fist went to her hips.
“Did I do something wrong?” She finally asked.
“No.” He said.
“Then why…?” She didn’t know how to finish the question.
“Why, what, Robin?” His anger seemed to have disappeared, to be replaced by something much worse; hurt. He seemed to be truly disappointed by her.
“Why are you angry at me?” She knew that she was about to cry as her voice cracked. This was such bullshit! Why was she crying when he was the one being mean to her?
“I’m not angry.” He stared at her. After a moment she made to turn away. He sighed in disgust.
“I can’t believe…You’re not going to fess up, are you?”
“Fess up? Fess up to what?” She gave him a completely confused look.
“You would just keep going with this…FAÇADE! YOU’RE SWEETHEART IN HAMILTON COUNTY!!”
Robin’s mouth dropped and her eyes bulged. She swallowed. “Jason…” She was speechless. How did he know? How could he have figured it out???
“Robin…what is wrong with you?! Are you playing some game? Why would you do something like that?! Are you trying to…dig up something about me? You could have just asked me what you wanted to know!”
“I…”
“What?”
“I’m sorry.” Her breath came out in a rush. “I wasn’t trying to pretend to be someone else. I just commented on your YouTube is all.” Her words were coming out in a rush. “Then when you commented back I should have said who I was but I didn’t. And when I didn’t then, it seemed that too much time had passed…I mean, like…it was kinda stupid to say ‘It’s me Robin’ two days later. But I wasn’t trying to play any games!” Her fingers began to twist and the sweat began sprouting on her forehead.
“I’m sorry. I’ll leave.” She spun on her heels. She was so embarrassed. The tears were already springing from her eyes. She wanted to run away and hide. She couldn’t work for Pinnacle anymore. She had to quit that job. She would go home and bury her head under her pillows and stay there until she died.
“Robin.” She couldn’t stop walking. She had to keep walking until she was out the door. She couldn’t bear anymore of his accusing looks. “Robin!”
She stopped and turned to him in shame.
“Why are you leaving?!”
“I…I need to go-”
“No you don’t-”
The sweat was streaming down her back now. And she saw the spots before her eyes. She needed air. She couldn’t breathe in here…
She blinked and he was suddenly there in his chair, right in front of her. How did that happen? “Come here, Robin. Give me your hand. Come on.” He took her hand when she just stood there weaving on her feet. He pulled her hand, urging her down to him until she finally flopped listlessly into his lap. She was blacking out, she couldn’t breathe, she was blacking out!
“Put your head down.” She didn’t understand his words until she felt the gentle pressure on the back of her neck urging her head down so that it was almost between her legs. Then she felt Jason’s fingers tracing small circles between her shoulder blades.
“It’s okay, you’re just hyperventilating. Relax.” He was saying. “You’re okay.” He continued rubbing her back until the black dots dancing before her eyes disappeared. After a few more minutes her breathing evened out and the tears stopped splashing from her eyes. She sat up and wiped her eyes with her hands and tried not to look at Jason or to think at all. He continued to rub her back with gentle fingertips.
She was sitting on Jason’s lap. She was too embarrassed to meet his eyes, too embarrassed to even get up off his lap. She felt like a total idiot. Not only had she gotten busted in a big fat lie, but she had also had a panic attack right in front of him! She closed her eyes and covered her face.
“Robin, it’s okay.” She was shaking her head. “Yes it is. I’m not angry. Come here.” He pulled her firmly against his chest until her head was buried against his neck. She didn’t move, in complete shock that she was so close to him, but also feeling a calmness take root. He put his arms around her and somehow that is exactly what she needed. She slowly stopped trembling and her tears stopped falling. She relaxed, breathing in the scent of his neck and his soap and shampoo.