by Mia Ford
No wonder he’s been having sex with Ally, I think wryly to myself. He probably needs to blow off some damn steam!
The realization that Evan is actually this incredible guy makes me want to revert back to where we were before when his hands were on my cheeks and we were moments away from kissing. I want to kiss him now, I want all the complications surrounding us to vanish so we can just be to ourselves but of course that isn’t ever going to happen.
Damn it, now I like him even more. This is such a mess.
“We, erm, we should probably get going, right?” I ask with a bright, fake smile on my face. “We have a lot of work to do, right?”
Evan looks disappointed, but he nods. “Sure, yes, we do. Lots of work to do.” He grabs onto my arm to stop me, before we can make it to the office. My breath hitches in my throat as I think he might be about to give me what I so desperately want… but then he talks instead. “Please don’t tell anyone what I told you, about my son I mean. I don’t want that to become common knowledge.”
“No, of course I won’t,” I reassure him rapidly. “Your secret is safe with me.”
It feels nice to have a secret for just me and Evan, it builds our bond even tighter. What we don’t have is a sexual thing, but we do have something else. Something that I hope might even be better… maybe.
Chapter Eleven – Evan
“Evan, are you even listening to me?” Ally sounds frustrated as she demands this. “I’m trying to discuss work with you but it’s like you’re on another planet entirely.”
“Hmm, what?” I try and drag myself out of my thoughts and back into the present moment. I’m sure whatever Ally is saying to me is important, but I just can’t stop myself from drifting off. It’s driving me crazy. Ever since that lunch with Katy where things very nearly got out of control between us, and then I opened myself up to her more than I have done to anyone else… I just haven’t seen her. I don’t know what to think. I’m so damn confused. “Sorry, I am listening, I’m just… struggling.”
Ally flings her hands onto her hips and she narrows her eyes at me. “You’ve been acting all weird ever since she came into your life. Is this about her?”
I can feel my cheeks flaming red as I’ve been caught out, so I do the only thing I can and I act like I haven’t understood what she’s so clearly saying to me. “Sorry, who? What are you on about?”
“Oh come on.” Ally rolls her eyes dramatically. “Miss boring lawyer, who you seem to like despite the fact that she’s clearly all wrong for you. Are you thinking about her?”
Yes, I think. “No,” I lie. “I’m not thinking about anything. I’m just… thinking.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I can see it written all over your face.” Ally cocks her head at me and looks at me with confusion. “You are thinking about her. But why? I mean, she isn’t exactly the prettiest girl you’ve ever had in your office and she does seem really dull to me. I don’t see what you like in her at all. Plus, she hasn’t been here for almost a week, so what’s going on with that?”
Urgh, it’s been the longest damn week ever. I don’t care what Ally says about Katy, she doesn’t know her at all. She isn’t dull looking, and she isn’t boring either. She’s gorgeous and interesting, smart and fun, I miss her loads. All I want is for her to be back in my office, working with me so we can laugh and enjoy ourselves but unfortunately, she’s been tied up in sorting out what she needs to do with paper work and endless phone calls, plus from what I understand she needs to wrap things up with another client as well. There isn’t any reason for us to hang out right now, I just need to accept that. Even if it really hurts me in my chest, even if I feel all hollow in my chest.
“She’s busy, Ally, that’s all,” I reply firmly. “And I honestly don’t know what you’re going on about. Me and Katy just have a business relationship. That’s all.”
“Sure, that’s why you go all moony eyed when she comes in.”
I can tell Ally has said that to try and get a reaction out of me so I do everything that I can to keep those emotions inside. I don’t want her to see that I’m affected at all. I continue staring at the papers on my desk, acting like I’m working in the hope that Ally will get the hint and walk away.
But she doesn’t. “Okay, well that’s great news. I’m glad that you aren’t all up in the boring lawyer’s grill because that would really fuck things up for me and you.”
My eyes snap up at that remark. I thought that me and Ally had an understanding. Why is she suddenly acting all crazy around me? “What do you mean, me and you?”
“Oh I don’t mean anything by it… I just like having fun with you, that’s all.” She shimmies closer to me and slides a finger up and down my chest. “We have a good time, don’t we?”
I let my eyes fall closed as she rubs my shoulders, instantly picturing Katy again. Ally transforms and becomes the beautiful, natural looking lawyer who gets my heart beating at a million miles an hour. I could easily get with Ally again and pretend that it’s Katy, it would be an awesome way to get some of this out of my system, it would be the relief that I so desperately need… but the last time that happened I felt like a piece of shit afterwards. I don’t want to use Ally, she doesn’t deserve that. She’s a great girl who’s been there for me when I’ve needed her.
“Not now, Ally,” I say firmly while pushing myself back to create some distance between us. I need the space, her body anywhere near mine is a bad idea. “I have too much to do.”
“What?” she squeals in shock. “Are you serious? You don’t have anything to do. You’ve been sitting here for the last twenty minutes just day dreaming about fucking Katy.”
Ah, so she does know her name. “I haven’t, don’t be like that, Ally.”
“What’s going on here?” she demands, fire flashing behind her eyes. “Are you ending things between us? Is that what’s happening? Are you done with me now?”
I part my lips to say no of course not, because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I stop myself at the very last moment. If I’m in the middle of developing some pretty serious feelings for Katy then I need to end things with Ally. Even if things don’t work out in the way that I want them to, the fact that I’m somehow ready to open up my heart to an actual relationship means I do need to put things to a halt. I don’t want to string things along until they become problematic.
“I think it does,” I admit quietly. “This hasn’t got anything to do with Katy, I just think that maybe… maybe I don’t want to just fool around anymore. Maybe I want something more.”
Ally bites down on her bottom lip and I think I might be about to experience a very first screaming fit from her. I brace my shoulders, wondering if she’ll quit her job in the process of this nightmare, but then she just nods. She doesn’t speak for a few moments, she just nods at me calmly as if she might agree. I don’t move my shoulders down from my ears right away though, just in case.
“Okay, I see. And what does that mean for us? Like, what does it mean for work?”
“I still want you to work here,” I insist. “I like having you around and you’re amazing at your job. I just… I don’t know, I think it might be time to take life a bit more seriously, you know?”
She moves back slowly, almost looking uncomfortable in her own skin as she leaves. I know that it’s going to be a little bit odd for a while, it can’t be anything else, but I think that me and Ally will find a way to be okay in the end. I hope anyway, I need her.
As she reaches the door she holds it open and turns to speak to me once more. “You know, if you do like little miss lawyer you should let her know. She doesn’t look like the sort of person that hears it a lot and I’m sure it’ll help move things forward.”
I open my mouth, but I’m too gob smacked to say anything. That’s some really adult, kick ass advice from Ally which isn’t what I expected at all. She’s a great girl, and she’s also really right. I can’t just sit back and let things with Katy pass me by. If I like her the
n I need to let her know. I have to tell her… or at least make it very obvious. Of course, it’s complex because of our working relationship, but if it’s as real as I think it is, then it’s worth the risk.
“Thank you, Ally, that’s very kind of you.”
The door shuts quietly behind her leaving me completely alone with my cell phone. The phone that’s been far too silent for days. I mean, I’ve had calls and messages, but not from the person I want them from. But I have the power to change that if I want. I can grab my phone and I can call her. I can make the first step. I have to.
With a deep breath, I pick up my phone and I scroll through the names in my contacts list. When I reach Katy, I rub my finger across it lovingly, hoping that it’ll all work out as I want it to. I don’t know how my fragile ego will take it if I make a move with Katy and it all falls apart.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
As it takes her a while for Katy to answer the phone I wonder if she’s ignoring me. I can almost picture her sitting at her desk, staring at her phone in sheer terror because she doesn’t want to speak to me. Maybe the almost kiss was too much, or maybe it was the news that I have a son. She didn’t seem put out by it when she first learned about my child but I suppose she’s had time to think about it now. Maybe she’s realized that she needs to keep her distance.
“Hello, sorry, you okay, Evan?” When Katy finally answers, she sounds completely out of breath. “Sorry I’ve been running around like a headless chicken all morning, I don’t even know what time of day it is. Or what day it is. Oh God, I sound like a mad person, sorry about that.”
“Oh wow, sounds like things have been stressful.” I cradle the phone to my ear so I can hear her words even louder. I love the lilting sound to her voice, it makes me miss her even more. “I’m sorry that you’ve had such a bad day. I hope me calling you doesn’t make it worse.”
“No, no not at all.” She sounds genuine as she says this which warms up my chest intensely. I love to make her happy. “I’m happy to hear from you, how are you?”
I know I could give her a bog standard answer without any details in that, but Ally’s words about pushing things if I want something to happen are still ringing in my ear. “Actually, I’m good, but that’s not why I’ve called you.” I suck in a deep breath of panicked air. “What I want to know is what you’re doing tonight?”
“Tonight?” she sounds distracted, like she has her mind on a million other things which I’m sure she does. “I think I’ll be working late at the office tonight. I really need to get this stuff filed.”
“How about tomorrow? Can I book you in for a business dinner so I can get an update of where we are?” I know the best thing for me to do is to make it about work. She’ll be much less likely to reject me that way. “I’d really lovely to hear what’s been happening?”
“Erm, hold on let me just check my diary.” I wait with baited breath as she flicks through the pages of her diary. “Yes, I can move some stuff around and make that happen. How does eight PM sound?”
My face bursts into a smile, this is a result! I know officially it’s about work, but there’s something even more intimate about dinner than there is lunch. If something is ever going to happen, it’ll start then. At least that way I’ll know one way or another.
“Eight sounds perfect, I’ll pick you up then. I’m looking forward to it already.”
As I hang up the phone I almost fist bump with excitement. This is perfect, I cannot wait to explore my feelings with Katy. I just really hope that she feels the same way too or who knows what’ll happen…
Chapter Twelve – Katy
I glance down at my suit wondering what the hell I’m doing going to a meal with Evan. I’ve spent the last few days trying to focus on other work that needs doing so I can create some distance between us while I try to tone down my feelings, but it hasn’t really worked. If I’m totally honest with myself, not seeing him has been worse because I’ve done nothing but think about him. The more I’ve learned about Evan, the deeper my heart falls for him, and now knowing the truth about his son and his tragic situation, I feel like I could tumble into the L word with him if I’m not careful.
Which is exactly why this is so dangerous. How did I let myself get talked into it? I know Evan said the word ‘work’ to try and make this an official thing that I would make time for, and I let him trick me… probably because I want to be tricked. And now the moment is upon me and I don’t know how to feel. The suit is on my body to try and keep a more professional feel about the night, but inside I’m still a hot, hormonal mess. I’m like a teenager about to go to prom.
As I bounce from foot to foot I stare at myself in the mirror. Maybe I look too smart, maybe I’ll give off the impression that there’s nothing to me but business. I want Evan to know that I think it’s all about work, but I also want him to see that I have a bit of a personality too… just in case.
Not that anything is going to happen, of course, this isn’t the sort of situation where it might become date like. Even if I do like Evan, we still have to work together. He’s still a client.
I can’t seem to stop myself, I tear the trousers from my body at the speed of light and grab a stark black pencil skirt to wear instead. It’s professional and something that I actually bought for work but I haven’t ever worn it yet. I haven’t ever had the chance to do so… which shows in my pale legs that haven’t ever been sun kissed. Still, as I tug the skirt up I realize that it looks better than the trousers even with my legs. Then I grab my hair out and I run a brush through it. It isn’t much, but I do feel a little more feminine with my hair hanging loose. It does look good actually down, I should wear it that way more often, I don’t know why I don’t aside from the fact that it’s easier to tie it up…
As a last ditch attempt to make myself look the best that I can, I grab my little used make up bag and I pretty up my face. I use mascara to make my eyes pop and I dust some foundation onto my cheeks to make myself look a little less tired. It’s not much, but I do look better.
At that moment, I hear a bleep of a car horn from outside my window, which I just know is going to be Evan. He said that’s what he’d going to do, so I’ve been expecting it for a while. Still it makes my heart leap up into my throat with nerves and excitement.
“Oh, my God,” I mutter shakily to myself. “He’s here.”
I already know that I don’t want to invite him inside because when I’m in the middle of a very busy patch at work – which admittedly is all the time – the housework takes a back seat. Since I live in a tiny, one bedroomed apartment it starts looking messy very quickly, and I don’t want Evan to see it. It’s embarrassing, he probably has maids to keep his house immaculate. I make my way to the door quickly and race down the stairs that run through the building two at a time.
As I push the door open and I step out into the street, my hair whips around my face in the breeze, reminding me again why it’s easier to keep it tied back. I tuck it behind my ears, keeping it off my face as much as I can and I smile over at Evan who’s standing on the outside of his flash car.
He looks amazing, absolutely breath taking. I’ve been thinking about him a lot since I last saw him but I don’t think my memory has done him any justice. I actually feel the wind stripped from my chest as I fixate on his gorgeous dark hair and his warm dark eyes. He’s wearing a suit too, and it’s one that’s tailored to his frame completely. It fits him like a glove, making my mouth water with lust.
Damn this is going to be hard, I think desperately to myself. How am I going to keep my hands off of him? I haven’t ever felt this way before, all filled with an uncontrollable animal lust, but with Evan I can’t seem to stop myself. He’s knocking all the sense out of my brain and turning me into a crazy ball of passion. I need to just keep my cool as much as I can.
“Hey,” I say, already sounding a little too flirty for my liking. “Good to see you.”
“Yeah, good to see you too.”
He smiles brightly and runs his eyes up and down me, as if he’s drinking me in. I shiver under the intensity of his gaze. “You look good.”
I don’t know if he means this in an ironic way because I’m dressed to business like, or if he actually means it. I still don’t know if I have the dress code right, I feel really out of my depth. “Oh, thanks,” I reply lamely. “You look good too. That’s a, erm, nice suit you have on.”
“Why thank you.” Evan steps to the side and opens the passenger side door for me. “Shall we get going? I don’t know about you but I’m absolutely starving.”
“Yeah, me too,” I grin, suddenly realizing just how true that is. “I’m really excited to eat out again. I should get more clients like you that are willing to treat me.”
As I step towards the car, Evan gets a really serious, intense look on his face for a moment. “I really hope that you don’t,” he says gruffly, displaying a raw emotion.
I don’t understand his words, they’re too much for me. To the naked ear, they sound like the words of a man that’s falling for me despite the fact that he knows he probably shouldn’t… but I already know that he’s sleeping with Ally so it’s weird. He can’t really think that way, it must just be me projecting my feelings onto him. It doesn’t really mean anything.