by Mia Ford
“All better?” I ask happily. “Ready to actually get some sleep now? You must be shattered.”
“I am. Thank you so much. I have to say I feel a whole lot calmer here. Your apartment is lovely and the neighborhood is nice.” She glances around, drinking all of it in. “It’s a shame I can’t live in this building. That way I could always feel safe because I know you’re nearby.”
My heart skips about ten beats as I think about that idea. The thought of her coming in and out of the same building as me every single day is so wonderful. I could keep an eye on her, still keep that connection with her. I wouldn’t have to have any sort of clean break at all.
But maybe that would be a problem. Maybe if we cling to each other for support we’ll never be able to move past this. We’ll be stuck in this rut forever, getting deeper every single day.
“Yeah that would be…” I let out a mirthless chuckle. “That would be something.”
We pause and our eyes connect once more. It reminds me of all the times in the center when we had our taboo, naughty little looks that were so damn wrong it killed me. This is like that, but different too. There is no center, no people in our way, no rules that are there to shit all over us, Pru is no longer a child, she’s an adult. But still, it isn’t right. Still we cannot do this.
“So, erm, here is the spare room.” I walk towards the bedroom and open the door to her. There is the double bed that’s never been slept in. “I hope it’s okay for you…”
“Oh yeah that’s awesome.” As she races into the room, she brushes against me a little bit and it sets me alight. My whole body burst into flames and I find it extremely difficult to reel myself in. This is much too casual, much too informal, I can feel myself just about ready to explode. “I' love it, thank you so much, Logan. This is much too kind, you’ve been far too good to me.”
“No, that’s okay. This spare room is meant to be slept in. It feels good to have visitors anyway.”
“I don’t think I’m tired yet now, after all that,” she says with a giggle. “Could I have a drink?”
“You can have one that isn’t alcoholic,” I warn her. “I’m not going to let you do that…”
“I don’t want an alcoholic one you fool! I want something cool and refreshing.”
I take her into the kitchen and pour us both some orange juice. Pru sits on one of the bar stools and smiles at me over her glass. Even though this is incredibly weird, but at the same time it feels really natural to have her here. She lights up the place and looks like she belongs. The fact that she looks so good here allows my mind to concoct the most wonderful fantasy where she stays here all the time, where she lives here and she is with me. We’re together as a couple.
Stop it you fool, I warn myself. What the hell are you playing at?
“So, erm, when do you start working? I never thought to ask you that?”
“Day after tomorrow,” she sighs audibly. “I hope it goes better than moving into my apartment did. I’m so sorry about that, by the way. I still feel really awful about it. I can’t believe…”
“Pru.” I reach across and touch her hand, trying to ignore the sparks of excitement that she has bolting thought me. “Please stop apologizing. I honestly don’t mind. I don’t want you to feel guilty anymore. I’m happy to help you. I want to be here for you. It’s my…” I almost finish that sentence with the word job but I stop myself at the last moment. I don’t need that reminder.
“I suppose I better get to bed now,” Pru announces while hopping down. “I might not be tired but I don’t want to lie in all day tomorrow. I have a lot that I want to do.”
She pauses in front of me and gazes up at me through her eyelashes looking so pretty it hurts. I freeze, unable to do anything other than look at her. Even as she rests her hands on my chest and she pushes herself up onto her tiptoes, I do nothing.
Her mouth edges closer to mine, allowing her breath to tickle my lips. I know this is my time to pause, to push her away from me and to keep the boundaries very clear, but I don’t. My brain is screaming at me to do so, but I simply cannot do it. I feel messy, muddy, raw and not necessarily in a bad way. I tilt my head downwards and I give myself over to her in a way that I probably shouldn’t.
Then, our lips connect for just a brief, glorious second. It’s barely anything, just a little brush, but my God it makes me feel alive. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life. I don’t usually do much kissing anyway, I just get right to it, but even if I do it’s never sweet and tender like this. It’s passionate, frantic, rapid. This is insanely wonderful, I’m loving every single second of it.
It proves to me that I am in too deep, I’m in so much trouble.
“Goodnight,” she whispers. “See you in the morning.”
“Yeah… see you then.”
Chapter Sixteen – Prudence
My whole body trembles as I make my way into the spare bedroom in Logan’s home. I’m all lit up, electrified, I feel like I am absolutely on fire. I cannot believe how this night has gone. One moment I was at my new apartment, feeling like shit as terror coursed through my veins, and now I’m in Logan’s home after just kissing him… oh my God, I cannot believe that I just did that!
I kissed Logan, I think with a bright smile on my face as I collapse back onto the warm, cozy bed sheets. I leaned up and I kissed him… and it felt absolutely incredible.
I bring my fingers up to touch my lips as they buzz with the memory of Logan there. It wasn’t a passionate, sexy kiss or anything like that, but it was my very first. I’m so happy that it was with him, I don’t think there’s anyone else in the world I would much rather be with. Maybe now he would really see that I’m an adult, someone that he should actually consider to be his. I’m sure he looked at me differently then, I really think I spotted something new there. I think he might want me.
I squeeze my thighs together as my pussy pulses with need, there’s an intense aching between my legs that’s more powerful than anything I’ve ever experienced before. At first it feels like something I need to hide, something I’m going to have to disguise just like every single time I get a burst of desire… but then I remember that I’m not in the center anymore, I’m not sharing a room with loads of other people… I’m completely by myself. I’m alone in Logan’s room.
I twist back over and lie flat on my back with my legs fallen far apart. I don’t really know what I’m doing, I just know that it’s something I want to experience. My fingers touch my lips, and I picture him there again. Only this time he’s kissing me deeply, with his hand hooked around the back of my head to hold me in place. He’s claiming me, needing me there, and I absolutely love it. I want him to control me because he knows what he’s doing way more than me.
Then my fingers slowly trace down my neck and I loll my head to one side, imagining Logan’s incredible lips brushing all over me. My hips buck off the bed as the intensity gets the better of me. I can barely stand it any longer. I cannot believe that I’ve gone all this time without ever doing this before. My hand moves lower down and I grab onto my breast. I feel a little bit like a freak doing that, but it feels so good. My hard nipple bursts hard against my hand, and every time I scrape past it I can’t help but shudder. It’s crazy, I’m like a sex fiend, an animalistic freak and I love it. I slide my eyes closed and I cave into the feelings completely. I’m a slave to how Logan has me feeling.
“Oh God,” I mutter quietly to myself, my breaths gasping desperately. “Oh, Logan.”
There isn’t any other man I would like to do this with. I don’t feel desire for anyone else, it’s only him that makes me feel this way and that’s special. I dive my hand lower, towards my panties where I’m now feeling aggravated. I’m frustrated I’m so needy, I can’t hold back any longer.
“Oh yeah, touch me there,” I murmur, pretending to talk to Logan. “Right there.”
I brush my fingers along the edge of my panties, lightly touching the wisp of hair in there. It isn’t an area o
f my body that I usually pay any attention to so it feels even more incredible. I crawl down slowly, moving in a tantalizingly slow manner. I can’t wait, but at the same time I’m taking my time, dragging out the sensation for as long as humanly possible. I don’t want it to be over.
“Oh fuck.” Finally, I feel something wet and hot down there, and it makes my hips flip off the bed again. I run my finger up and down my slit loving the feel of it. “Oh, fucking hell, Logan.”
I picture his hand pushing into me as he props himself above me. He stares deeply into my eyes, looking like he wants to roughly fuck me but he’s trying to be gentle. I don’t know what I want myself, I know that I need to be treated kindly but at the same time I want him to lose control.
I push two fingers into me, imagining that it’s him doing that to me, and almost instantly my heart races violently against my rig cage. Butterflies flap in my stomach, I’m shivering and shaking, it feels so amazingly good. I massage my insides for a while, loving the sensations. God, I wish that it really was him. I really wish that Logan would burst through that door in a frenzy himself and he’d jump on the bed with me. I wish he would kiss me everywhere, all over my thighs, between my legs, the most special place where I would love to experience his lips and tongue right now.
“Oh my God, Logan.” In my imagination, my mouth consumes me. “That feels so… so…”
All of a sudden, an instinct takes control of my hands and I pull my fingers out of me. I rub slightly higher, finding a place that feels even better. I didn’t know it was possible but it’s wonderful. I feel like I’m a flower, opening up to this man who I want more than anything else in the world. My body is on fire, it’s exploding, it’s wonderful, it makes me feel like I’m actually in love.
“Logan, I… I love you…” I murmur as a pressure builds up in my chest. A heat burns in my toes and it creeps up through my legs and up to my stomach. “I love you, please love me back.”
In my mind, he leans down and he kisses my lips tenderly. He tells me that he has always loved me and that he intends to take care of me no matter what. That makes me feel amazing, all I’ve ever wanted is to be loved and now I finally have that. It’s absolutely everything to me. I’m so glad that I’m here with him rather than all by myself in that home where I don’t feel ready to grow up. Here, I’m exactly the adult that I need to be. He makes me the person I have always wanted to be.
All of a sudden, I feel like I’ve been pushed over an edge and the pressure explodes and rolls over me in waves. It comes harder and faster, it doesn’t stop and I don’t want it to end. My fingers keep moving all over me, I can hear rasping moans coming out of my mouth. I have no idea how loud I’m being and to be honest I don’t care. There’s a big part of me that wants to be caught out. I want Logan to see me right now while I’m at my most vulnerable. After what happened in the kitchen before, after that amazing kiss, I want him to see what he’s done to me. I wish that he would stand in the corner of the room and watch me as I orgasm hard and fast because of him.
Finally, the feelings subside and my breaths calm themselves down. My heart still pounds and my brain doesn’t get rid of the sexy images of me and Logan, but I become more myself. The animal inside of me is tamed for the time being, and all I have left is a smile on my face.
I do love Logan, I think to myself with utter clarity. I really do, I want him to be mine.
I slide my eyes closed again and I imagine his arms wrapping around me, holding me close to him while we lie down to sleep. That actually feels even better than what we just did which proves to me that I want it all. I want him to love me with absolutely everything that he has. I think he wants that too, but it might take him a little bit longer to admit it to himself.
Still, I’m here now with him, far away from the center. We’re together in his house, just one step away from becoming a couple if he allows that to happen. I really hope that he does.
***
The morning light streams through the window, alerting me to the morning. I must have forgotten to shut the curtains last night as I fell into bed in a hurry. I was so desperate to get some much needed relief, that nothing else mattered. It doesn’t bother me now though, I’m happy to be awake. I’m simply dragging myself away from dream Logan to be with the real him.
I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and stand in a much more rapid motion than usual. When I woke up at the center, I would lie still for a while and wait for everyone else to start being loud because it was the only moment of peace that I was ever offered in my life. Now though, I have all the peace I want in the world, and I don’t want any of it. I just want to see Logan.
I move towards the small mirror hanging on the wall and I stare at my reflection. My hair is manic, sticking all over the place, and my face is all imprinted with prints from the pillow case, but my expression is so damn happy that none of that matters. I look shiny and new. I don’t even mind going to see Logan while I look this way. I want him to know that this smile is all for him.
I tiptoe towards the bedroom door and press my ear up against it to see if I can hear noises. At first, it’s really silent, I think that Logan might still be asleep… or maybe he’s gone to work already, leaving me here all by myself. I don’t know if that’s better actually because it gives me some time to get adjusted, to make sure I’m actually acting like a normal person before I speak with him…
But as I swing the door open, I’m stunned by the image of him sitting at his kitchen counter staring at the laptop screen intently as if he’s looking for the answer to life in there. He doesn’t notice me at first which gives me a moment to lean against the door frame while I drink every inch of him in. He’s so damn gorgeous it hurts. It kills me that I can’t simply cross the room and put my arms around him.
“Oh.” All of a sudden, he senses me. “Pru, you’re up. Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, I did,” I smile. “Your bed is really comfortable. Thank you for letting me stay here. I never would have been able to get any rest while sleeping in my bed at the apartment.”
He doesn’t say anything at first, he just stares back at the screen. I can’t help feeling disappointed that whatever he’s looking at seems to be so much more interesting than me. How is that fair? I’m standing here all flushed and excitable, happy for him, but he doesn’t even notice.
“Can I have some coffee, please?” I ask while striding into the kitchen. I’ll make my presence known in one way or another. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah sure,” he replied distractedly. “Then I want you to come and look at this. I think I might have found a new apartment for you.”
Chapter Seventeen – Logan
Pru’s expression turns to one of absolute horror. She reverts from the stronger, more confident woman that she’s slowly becoming to the scared young lady who doesn’t know what she’s doing with herself. I knew that her last apartment scared her, but this is something new, something else. This is an unbridled fear that seems to come from absolutely nowhere.
“I’ll make sure it isn’t in a bad neighborhood,” I reassure her. “And I’ll help you out again, there isn’t anything that you need to worry about. I will look after you, I promise. Honestly, Pru, you must know by now that I’m not going to just toss you out there to deal with this on your own.”
Pru clutches the empty mug between her fingers, staring up at me desperately. “Logan, I can’t.” She shakes her head rapidly. “I can’t do that, I don’t want to move out.”
I narrow my eyes and try to work out what the hell is going on with her. When the fear completely floods her face, I close the laptop and bite down on my bottom lip. “Pru, what’s going on here? What are you trying to say? I’m doing my best to help you out but I can’t if I don’t know what you want to do. You can either go back to your apartment and try again, get a new one, or go back to the center and it seems to me that the last thing you want to do is go back.”
“No, I definitely don’t want to go back�
� to the center or my apartment.”
“Okay, so then we’ll have to look for something new. You have to live somewhere.”
“Can’t I stay here?” she asks in a small tone of voice. “I like it here, I feel safe. I like being here with you, Logan, it’s the only time out in the city that I’m not scared.”
A weird hollow feeling crushes my chest. After the kiss that we shared last night, one that definitely shouldn’t have happened, we cannot stay in the same house together. It’s a recipe for disaster. It was bad enough anyway, but now it’s utterly terrifying. I want to keep her here, of course I do, I would love nothing more than to watch over her all the time, but I have already proven to myself that I can’t do it. If I had the strength to stop myself from kissing her back then maybe I would be able to agree now, but I didn’t so now I can’t. I hate myself for it, but what choice do I have left? I’m going to have to disappoint her now so that we can both be free later on.
“You know that you can’t, Pru,” I say with a shake of my head. “It isn’t appropriate.”
“I’m not asking to stay forever.” She’s almost begging me now, she’s so desperate for me to agree that it’s hard to resist. “Just for a little while so I can get on my feet. Just while I… I start my new job and work out more about the city. I’ve been locked away for so long, I just need… I need some time. I need to get adjusted, this is all so… so new to me. Once I get used to it, I’ll be fine.”