by Kate Temple
ALSO BY KATE & JOL TEMPLE
YOURS TROOLIE, ALICE TOOLIE
(illustrated by Grace West)
Letters from My Enemy
The Birthday Wars
CAPTAIN JIMMY COOK DISCOVERS
(illustrated by Jon Foye)
Captain Jimmy Cook Discovers Third Grade
Captain Jimmy Cook Discovers
X Marks the Spot
Funny Bones (edited by Kate & Jol Temple and Oliver Phommavanh)
Parrot Carrot (illustrated by Jon Foye)
Are You My Bottom?
(illustrated by Ronojoy Ghosh)
First published by Allen & Unwin in 2020
Copyright © Text, Kate Temple and Jol Temple 2020
Copyright © Illustrations, Georgia Norton Lodge 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or ten per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.
Allen & Unwin
83 Alexander Street
Crows Nest NSW 2065
Australia
Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100
Email: [email protected]
Web: www.allenandunwin.com
ISBN 978 1 76087 557 2
eISBN 978 1 76087 485 8
For teaching resources, explore
www.allenandunwin.com/resources/for-teachers
Cover and internal design by Georgia Draws A House
www.katejoltemple.com
www.georgiadrawsahouse.com
For Clancy and Arlo, who were such beautiful boys to be in lockdown with. – KT & JT
For Sammy & Maja. 123. – GNL
Contents
Dear Jimmy Cook,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy Cook,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy.
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
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Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Alice and Jimmy,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
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Dear Alice,
Alice and Jimmy,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
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Dear Alice,
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Dear Alice,
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Dear Alice,
Alice and Jimmy,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Kitty and Noel Templestein,
Alice and Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Alice,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
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Dear Alice,
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Dear Alice,
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Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Hi Jimmy and Alice! Hi!
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear person who says they’re NOT Jimmy,
Alice and Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
Dear Jimmy,
Dear Alice,
About the Authors
About the Illustrator
Dear Jimmy Cook,
I am attaching an OFFICIAL NOTICE that your library book Princess Snow Cone and the Snuggle Panda Sleepover is now very, VERY overdue :( As class library monitor, I must inform you that this book is SOOOOOOOO late that you are not allowed to borrow any more books until you return it!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
(LIBRARY MONITOR)
Dear Alice,
How dare you, Alice Toolie! How dare you! I absolutely never borrowed Princess Snow Cone and the Snuggle Panda Sleepover. I am not even interested in frozen princesses! Although, I admit I am sort of curious about this species of Snuggle Pandas, they sound totally venomous and endangered. I’m kind of an expert on endangered venomous animals. I once discovered a whole new species of poisonous killer guinea pigs, which makes me pretty famous.
Also, I want you to know, I am not happy that you got up in assembly this morning and announced to everyone in the ENTIRE school that I have this terrible Snow Cone book that I don’t EVEN have!!! You know, it’s actually a crime to ruin my reputation, it’s called ‘salamander’ and I could actually take you to court and then you’d have to give me all your stuff. Not that I want it, because it probably smells like mouldy peaches and fairy farts.
Yours outrageously,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy Cook,
A ‘salamander’ is not a crime, it’s an axolotl. I think you mean slander, which means saying stuff that’s untrue and totally insulting. Look it up! And it is not a crime or even an insult to say you borrowed Princess Snow Cone and the Snuggle Panda Sleepover BECAUSE IT’S TRUE! And now it’s overdue and YOU NEED TO RETURN IT because Clarissa Spatts in 1st Grade wants to borrow it.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
I didn’t borrow that book.
I don’t even know that book.
Wait …
Is that the book with a glossy pink cover? A big cute purple panda wearing spotty pyjamas? Gold squiggly writing? AND a ridiculou
s-looking princess with blue hair, a snowflake dress and icicle wings spinning around in a Category 5 cyclone?
Yours precisely,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Exactly! That’s exactly it! That’s the one!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Never heard of it.
Yours certainly,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy.
I KNOW YOU HAVE IT! It’s totally illegal to keep a library book for like two and a half years, which is what you’ve done. It’s basically stealing. I’ll have you know that since I’m the official library monitor I’ll be taking this all very seriously. I’m really super amazing at solving crimes and catching baddies (YOU) so watch out Jimmy Cook, I will get the book back.
Also, I have a question...why are you eating dust? It’s gross and I think you should see a doctor.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
This isn’t dust. This is a dehydrated hot dog that’s been turned into dust. You might think it’s weird to eat hot-dog dust, but actually it’s pretty standard food for astronauts. You see, I’m basically obsessed with space exploration at the moment. I’m sort of an expert on all things zero gravity. You probably don’t realise that I’m in training to go to space, which will make me the FIRST KID EVER to explore space. That’s why I need to be able to borrow ALL the books about space from the library. There’s a lot to learn. For example, here are three TRUE FACTS I bet you didn’t know about space:
1. Not only has ICE been found on Mars but also evidence of ICY POLES.
2. The International Space Station has a vacuum toilet that actually SUCKS UP poo.
3. Sausage dogs are part alien.
And that’s just three facts. There’s heaps more I need to read about space before I go there … and no one’s going to stop me. NOT EVEN YOU.
Yours galactically,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Consider your space mission grounded! Because there’s no way you’re borrowing another book until you bring back Princess Snow Cone and poor little Clarissa Spatts has it safely in her sparkly unicorn library bag. I’m a VERY professional and responsible library monitor and nothing, I mean NOTHING gets past me...especially and most definitely and absolutely...not you!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Hmmm … how did you even get to be library monitor? One minute you were doing your normal weird stuff like raising money to save flying kittens or what have you, and the next you’re suddenly the boss of the whole library. I don’t get it. Does the librarian actually know you’re a library monitor? Did you just make it up? Like the time that kid Horace Satchel pretended to be a teacher just so he could get free cakes from the staff room but then ended up actually having to teach 2nd Grade for three years?
Yours suspiciously,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Mr Satchel IS A REAL TEACHER. He is the 2nd Grade teacher!
Also, it’s actually not that hard to become library monitor. I mean of course first you have to be amazing (like me!) and love reading books (like me!) and then all you have to do is tell the librarian, Ms Murtle you want to do it and THEN get five people to sign your petition (I got about 600 signatures) and TA-DA! You’re a library monitor! It’s soooo amazing because I get this shiny little badge that says LIBRARY MONITOR and special privileges like borrowing as many books as I like for however long I like :) :) :)
Also, I get to help with special library events, like BOOK WEEK where you even get to organise the annual BOOK PARADE! Also you get to generally boss everyone around and best of all I get cookies on Friday at our lunchtime meetings! Also right now is the very best time to be a library monitor because BOOK WEEK is only two weeks away! Time to shine!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Please sign my petition to become a library monitor. I have already collected four names, I only need one more.
Yours delightfully,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
What do you think you’re doing??? You can’t be a library monitor! It’s MY idea to be the library monitor for BOOK WEEK and I don’t want you mucking it up! Also, you signed your own petition! And you signed it TWICE! You can’t do that :O Besides, you have an overdue book and being a library monitor is a very serious business. I’m afraid I can’t support your illegal petition :(
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Of course you can! Don’t you think it will be HEAPS easier to catch me if I’m on the case too? Besides, I REALLY need to borrow a few books about space RIGHT NOW and if I was a library monitor I could borrow as many space books as I want for as long as I like.
It’s actually really important that I get my hands on those books because I’m going to space NEXT WEEK. Jupiter to be exact. Most people think that getting to Jupiter takes about two years travelling at normal rocket speed but there’s actually a MUCH faster way. I found a shortcut through the school canteen.
Yours expertly,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
You do raise a good point...I suppose it would be easier to catch you if you were on the case too. You have access to your house so you could get us in to do a search, find the book and then arrest you! But on the other hand it’s always a disaster when we do ANYTHING together and besides, I’m doing an amazing job of being library monitor all by myself and I’m getting all the credit myself and I don’t exactly feel like sharing it, particularly with BOOK WEEK less than two weeks away!
So let me think about it...ummm...still thinking...ummmmm...still thinking... ummmmm...still thinking...ummmmm... still thinking...ummmmm...still thinking... ummmmm …
NO!
Now give up that OVERDUE BOOK!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
P.S. Also, sorry to inform you, there is no way you can get to Jupiter through the canteen. That’s ridiculous. Try the sports storeroom...I’m pretty sure there’s a portal to deep space in there. I should know, I was voted best moonwalker at the school dance :)
Dear Alice,
Firstly, thank you for your tip regarding the deep space portal in the sports storeroom, that explains why the footballs are always going missing. Secondly, I’m sorry to say, your plans to keep me from becoming library monitor are not working! I’ve already got two more signatures. Ruby Foo agreed to sign after I gave her my bubble unicorn slap band and then Lucas Terrazzo signed because I told him it was a petition to get a class ocelot with three eyes that can read minds and spit hot Kookie-Kola at your enemies. He thought that was a great idea and now that I think about it, so do I! Only one more signature to go!
Yours exceptionally,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
OMG! That is totally illegal! As a library monitor, I can tell you right now that you have told Lucas Terrazzo a big PORKY PIE LIE! There is no such thing as a three-eyed ocelot! Actually, maybe there is, but we’re certainly not getting one. So that means his signature is also invalid. Also giving Ruby Foo your bubble unicorn slap band is bribery! You’re in soooooo much trouble Jimmy Cook. Not only have you got an overdue library book but now the police will probably arrest you.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Fine. I have taken Lucas Terrazzo and Ruby Foo’s names off my petition. It’s actually your fault that I even had to bribe them in the first place. I know you’ve been telling everyone NOT to sign and lying about me, saying I have space lice! I’ll have you know, they weren’t space lice, they were REAL earth lice from that stinking captain’s hat I was always wearing. Anyway, I don’t have lice anymore and you will notice I am now wearing a brand-new SPACE EXPLORER HELMET complete with official space logo
(that I invented).
Anyway, I have a deal for you: I will stop trying to become a library monitor … if you let me borrow books again. I really need to borrow this book on space mould. Apparently, mould is a REAL problem in space and the International Space Station is pretty much covered in it. I’ve actually heard that in space mould can grow wild and take over entire planets! Here’s three things I bet you didn’t know about mould:
1. It’s really dangerous, but can also save lives (you need it to make medicine).
2. Mould can eat basically anything but NOT McDongles hamburgers.
3. Some mould can actually walk (and some can even run!).
So, you can see why I really need to know everything about it before I go to space. The last thing I want is to get up there and get totally trampled by walking mould.
Yours definitely,
Jimmy Cook
P.S. Also would you KINDLY take down all those wanted posters about me and that Princess Snow Cone book I didn’t even borrow!
Dear Jimmy,
OMG! I totally noticed that you’re wearing a BIKE HELMET (not a space helmet!) wrapped in aluminium foil to school today. It seems a bit strange but I guess it could be useful if like a space bird swooped you or an asteroid landed on your brain.
Also, regarding your deal...NO DEAL! Like I said, I take being a library monitor very, very seriously and there’s no way I’m letting a book thief like you become an official library monitor and definitely not at Book Week which is obviously the best time to be library monitor because you get to organise the Book Parade, which you would definitely ruin. Jimmy, you’re just going to have to face facts: you will NEVER EVER be a library monitor and you will never borrow another book from the library. Not while I’m in charge (which will be a very long time)!