by Kate Temple
I’ve got to agree with you there! This sure is a really BAD day. There’s NO denying that! But remember the old saying, ‘Behind every cloud is a flying wizard squid’. Whenever I’m feeling really down I always think of that, because I really like squids (they are super intelligent!) and wizards are awesome too, which means the combination is double awesome! The point is, you can’t let this get you down. There’s always a way out of even the very WORST situations – except if that situation is a radioactive tornado, then you’re in REAL trouble. BUT this isn’t that bad. I should know. I’m sure we’ll think of a way to become library monitors again. Actually, we have to! Because now that I’ve lost my special library monitor privileges, I can’t borrow any more books!!! As you know, this is a real problem for my space missions because I still need to read HEAPS more books on space stuff. So we’re definitely going to need to get our badges back … but HOW??
Yours ponderously,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I’m afraid we’ll never be OFFICIAL library monitors again. It’s probably time we stopped writing in this OFFICIAL library monitor notebook and faced facts. Also, if you think I’m EVER doing anything with you again...you have space rocks for brains!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
First things first … space rocks are REALLY smart and can even beat a French robot at chess. Secondly, I’ve had an IDEA! Maybe we can’t be official library monitors … but no one can stop us from being UN official library monitors. We can easily turn this notebook into an UN official notebook and make an amazing UN official plan to make our UN official comeback and become library monitors again!
This will be the best UN official plan ever! And no one can stop us because it’s UN official!
Are you thinking what I’m thinking???
Yours unofficially,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I am pretty sure I am not thinking whatever you’re thinking...which is probably some random thing like a hot air balloon made out of marshmallow bears with deadly chipmunks throwing carrots at people. BUT all this talk of UNOFFICIAL stuff has actually given me an AMAZING IDEA!!!
We should have our own UNofficial library! And then we can be the library monitors!
We can call it ‘The Alice Toolie Memorial Library’! And it will have lots of amazing books kids can borrow. We can make little library cards! Ms Murtle will be sooooo impressed and before you know it, we’ll be library monitors again and then we won’t miss out on being in charge of the Book Week parade!
I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before!
Time to shine!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Gold star Alice Toolie! My thoughts exactly! I’m a huge fan of pop-up stuff like gophers and those snakes you hit with a hammer at fairs! And our own pop-up library would be a great way to get Ms Murtle’s attention and show her how responsible we are. The only thing I’m not that sure about is the name. The Alice Toolie Memorial Library??? I’m not totally against it, but usually if something’s called memorial it means they’re dead. So unless you are dead (are you???) I think we should call it something else. If you’re not sure if you’re dead or not, here are three things you can do to check:
1. Say BOO really loudly. If people get scared, you’re probably a ghost.
2. TRY WALKING THROUGH A DOOR. If you can, you’re a ghost. (Unless the door was open, in which case we can all do that, don’t get too excited.)
3. TRY TALKING TO A CAT. If they speak back to you in a German accent, you’re definitely a ghost.
So once you’ve worked out whether you’re dead or not, let me know. If you are, I’m happy to call our library that. If you’re not dead, how about The Jimmy and Alice Awesome Library?
Yours deadly,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I am definitely, absolutely NOT dead so I guess we can just call it The Alice and Jimmy Awesome Library. We have no time to lose! Let’s bring in the books tomorrow and start making everyone library cards! We could set up OUR library right out the front of the real library so everyone sees it and goes to ours first!!! This is sooo awesome and a perfect idea for BOOK WEEK! I’m pretty certain the local newspaper will want to write a cover story about this for sure! :)
We’ll have to act VERY fast. How about tonight I whip up mini library shelves out of cute boxes and glitter and then we both bring heaps of books in tomorrow???
I love craft!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Deal! I do have HEAPS of cool books so that definitely won’t be a problem. This is going to be great. Our very own Book Week library! This will really put us back on the map and then Ms Murtle will definitely want us to be library monitors again! Also, a library is just the kind of thing a world-famous space explorer like me would have named after him.
This whole thing couldn’t come at a better time, actually. Apparently, no one wants to go into the REAL library right now anyway, because Lucas Terrazzo was rolling around on the ground in there at recess (which Jenny Philpot gave him a library fine for doing) and he found something under one of the shelves. He thought it was an old coconut date roll until he pulled it out but it was a POO! Well, maybe it was actually an old POO! He’s not actually totally sure, so he told Ms Murtle and now it’s probably being sent to the lab for testing.
Yours consistently,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
This whole Code Brown thing is so weird! Cassius Naroopta just asked me if I thought it was like a special Book Week thing. I literally don’t know what Cassius Naroopta thinks Book Week is meant to be BUT a mystery poo under a library shelf isn’t anyone’s idea of a Book Week event.
I do have to admit this whole fiasco is VERY good luck for us! Everyone is totally steering clear of the library until they know for sure whether it’s a coconut date roll or a poo. SO this is the perfect time for the launch of our new Alice and Jimmy pop-up library!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
P.S. Are those coconut crumbs all over your jumper or have you been in a snowstorm?
Dear Alice,
Maybe I have been in a snowstorm, maybe I haven’t. Who’s asking?
Yours evasively,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
I am asking. OBVIOUSLY!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
How do I know it’s really you? You might be a brain-eating alien wearing an Alice Toolie suit trying to trick me into admitting I did the coconut poo.
Yours cautiously,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Well who else eats coconut and date rolls in the space section of the library?
Yours troolie,
Alice Tooli
Dear Alice,
Tropical intergalactic sea cucumbers???
Yours astrologically,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Fine. Fine! Pretend it wasn’t you, I don’t even care. It’s working out quite well for us anyway because no one will go anywhere near the actual library, which makes this the perfect time for our AMAZING pop-up library!
See you tomorrow with the shelves and books! Don’t forget to bring your books, and DON’T just bring really boring stuff about space zombies. For this to be a success we need awesome books for EVERYONE!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Okay! Okay! I promise to bring in loads of great books.
Also, about this Code Brown. No one can prove it was me, not even you. But I do have to say, whoever the clever chap responsible for this Code Brown was sure deserves a pat on the back. It’s really sent the new library monitors into quite a tailspin! I heard Casper N and Jenny Philpot are checking under all
the library shelves and they’re only up to nonfiction’s ‘Peas – Piranhas’ shelf!
There’s a long way to go before they get to ‘Yoghurt – Zeppelins’, let me tell you! I saw Casper N at lunchtime and he didn’t look too happy about this whole business. But in situations like this, you can’t be too careful … a Code Brown calls for a professional, so I’m pretty sure Ms Murtle is really missing having a couple of experienced library monitors like us around.
See you tomorrow with LOTS of books!
Yours collectively,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Good morning! Good morning! Good morning! Time to shine! Did you see my AMAZING library shelves all made from shoeboxes, glitter and Japanese decorative paper tape??? SOOO pretty :) :) :) I’ve been up ALL night making them! I didn’t get ANY sleep! Well at least I think I didn’t...Although I did wake up with my head on my dog, Emperor Fluffy Pants, so maybe I did get some!?!? I don’t know! I feel a bit weird! I guess I’m just happy! Or maybe sleep-deprived! I did once feel like this after a sleepover at Emily Hoskins’s house, when we stayed up all night eating jelly snakes and talking to a ghost that had taken over her favourite teddy bear...
Anyhoo! I’ve set up the shelves outside the REAL library! It looks awesome!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) But there’s one slight problem.
It’s not a big problem, but I think it’s worth mentioning. I forgot to bring any books! I was soooooo busy making these fantastic library shelves ALL night that I only had like two minutes to get ready for school. So I just grabbed the shelves and the books slipped my mind!
I’m sure you remembered to bring books. Right?
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Never fear, Alice Toolie, of course I remembered! The only thing is – and don’t get upset – I just brought in one book. But don’t worry! There is a very, VERY good reason for this. It turns out (and you’re not going to believe this … because it’s the weirdest thing) that books are really heavy! I mean, REALLY heavy. One is fine, but once you start carrying four or five you can only walk like one step before you fall over. They weigh a tonne! It’s like water. You think it’s going to be really light because rain doesn’t hurt, but then you try to pick up an above-ground swimming pool at your cousin’s birthday party one time and you nearly break your arms! It’s impossibly heavy!
Yours fluidly,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
ONE BOOK?!?!?!? What do you mean ONE book???? We can’t have a library with just ONE book! What kind of a library is that??? You need HEAPS of books for a library. ONE book isn’t a library, it’s just ONE book. No one ever heard of a library with only ONE book! Plus, I’ve made all these awesome shelves and now I’ve told all the class that we’re having a huge party at lunchtime to open the new library.
I even got a big purple ribbon to cut like they do in the movies. AND I made us official UNofficial library monitor badges! We can’t be official UNofficial library monitors for ONE book! It’s unheard of. That’s like calling yourself a zookeeper because you have one old three-legged dog.
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
P.S. Just curious... what is the book? It better be REALLY good!
Dear Alice,
First of all, I’ve actually been to that zoo with the old three-legged dog. It was very informative, thank you very much. I think I even bought a season pass, so I may go back again sometime.
Secondly, of course the book I brought is good! I mean, I don’t actually know, because I haven’t read it. It’s called Knitting Barefoot with Cat Fur and it’s actually written by my dad! Can you believe it!?! My dad is really into knitting these days and he says you can knit with anything, even cat fur, so he’s been collecting up all our cat’s fur balls. He says when he gets enough fur he’s going to make me a cat beanie and matching cat leg warmers … which sounds awesome. I can’t wait.
Anyway, my dad says he’s sold at least eight copies, which is pretty amazing and a big success, and we still have like a heap of them left at home. I think the kids at school will really like it. The cover is really nice too, it’s got a picture of my dad with no shoes on, wearing a spotty shirt and a furry cat beanie! He looks super approachable and he’s patting our cat! I’m sure everyone will be super impressed!
Yours selectively,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
You may not know this, but I’m actually an amazing detective. LIKE AMAZING. I’ve solved heaps of crimes and not much gets past me. My amazing detective skills mean I can smell a lie a MILE away, and guess what? Something is starting to STINK! I bet I know the REAL reason you only brought ONE book in. You can try to tell me it was because your dad wrote some weird book about knitting cats and that it’s sooooooo fantastic that we don’t need any other books, BUT I don’t believe you!
I bet you didn’t bring in all your books because YOU didn’t want to share all your precious books about Ancient Egypt, Antarctic explorers, Captain Cook and space travel! I bet that’s why! Instead, you just took one of your dad’s boring books about making undies with cat fur. Isn’t that true?
Admit it!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
Okay, okay! Maybe it IS true! Maybe I didn’t want to bring all my awesome books to school. My books are VERY important to me and I’ve been collecting them for a VERY long time. And by the way, don’t forget that YOU also conveniently forgot to bring in YOUR special books for our library. I bet you didn’t really forget, either! You’re just pretending to forget because you don’t want to lend out your complete collection of Underwater Girl or your many editions of Kraft Ideas for Awesome Kids or your limited edition gold hardcover copy of 101 Radical Girls Throughout the Ages.
You admit it!
Yours defiantly,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
Fine. Fine! It’s true. I was going to bring in all my amazing books from home BUT then I remembered that Emily Hoskins dogears her library books and Conrad once dropped chocolate crackle dust all over the pages of Revenge of the Tomato Kid and then I borrowed it and all the pages were stuck together! And I really didn’t want that to happen to my books! And now everyone’s soooo excited about the opening of our pop-up library and we don’t have any books. This is a DISASTER! We told everyone the library would open at lunch. Where will we ever be able to get a whole heap of free books, like right now???
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
I do know what you mean about how some people treat books really badly. I remember one time Lucas Terrazzo borrowed The Three Little Pigs from the school library and he didn’t like the ending. You know, how the wolf eats them all or whatever? So he drew this army of zombie pigs with laser eyes that just chased the wolf until he vomited up the three little pigs and then the wolf had to promise to go back to university and retrain as an air conditioner repairman. I mean, I actually like Lucas Terrazzo’s version MUCH better than the original, but I didn’t really want that kind of thing to happen to MY books!
You’re right, though, this does leave us with a bit of a problem. Hmmm … where CAN we get HEAPS of free books, Right now???
I’ve got it! I know a place where there’s HEAPS of books – the library! And library books are free and also awesome!!! We can just borrow the books from there! Okay, so I know we’re not technically allowed to borrow from the library at the moment but technically this should be FINE because technically we won’t be borrowing them, we’ll be lending them!
Yours suddenly,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
OMG (Orbiting Mittens Gallivant) that might just be the first REALLY good idea you’ve ever had! The library IS totally full of books! Library books ARE free and mostly they are just sitting there doing nothing! I agree it should be technically fine to put those books in our library since w
e’re just responsibly lending them out anyway. I definitely can’t see anything wrong with that... Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure Ms Murtle would be super impressed and probably also really grateful that we’re helping lend books out during Book Week! We’re sure to get our OFFICAL library monitor badges back after that! Time to shine!
Yours troolie,
Alice Toolie
Dear Alice,
I agree, this is an awesome plan. I will meet you at the library at recess to get the books. The good news is the library is pretty empty at the moment because of the Code Brown so it should be easy to get a few books for our shelves. But we’d better be careful not to run into Jenny Philpot and Casper N. Those FAKE library monitors are still snooping around looking for more coconut date roll/poo. See you soon!
Yours silently,
Jimmy Cook
Dear Jimmy,
OMG (Organic Metallic Gum)! We did it!!! It sure was a good thing the library was pretty empty...although not empty enough because I did see Jenny Philpot poking around under the ‘Armadillo – Ancient Civilisations’ shelf looking for that mystery library poo/coconut date roll. So it’s lucky I’m highly trained in the art of silent sneaking (I have a level three certificate).