Evanescent Ink (Copperline #4)

by Sibylla Matilde

I heard Joe take a long, shaky breath, and maybe even a sniff, which weirded me out a little since he was a big, old, tough truck driver.

  Yet, this was Raven. She meant a lot to him.

  “I think,” he said, “you need to go find her. Now. I wouldn’t wait.”

  Her Jeep was parked outside her apartment in the usual spot. I pulled in next to it, bracing myself for whatever I was walking into. My throat felt tight. My head ached from the tension in my shoulders. My heart was racing, and I could barely breathe. I had Justin’s words, which still didn’t seem possible coming from Justin, and Joe’s words spinning around in my mind.

  I knocked on the door but she didn’t answer. I knocked again, still no answer. She was there. I knew it. It was like I felt her presence.

  She was being stubborn.

  Either that or she was pissed about finding Maggie at my place, which didn’t really seem fair. Raven walked away from me. Raven had lied to me. Not the other way around. She had no right to be pissed about anything.

  Part of me suddenly lurched. Maybe she just didn’t want to see me. She didn’t really care.

  I couldn’t accept that.

  Regardless, she still didn’t answer the door, so I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

  Open the door.

  Still no response, so I sent another.

  I know you’re home. Open the door.

  I waited, but nothing. I pictured her inside, standing still and holding her breath, waiting for me to leave.

  Raven, open the fucking door.

  She finally replied.

  I’m not home. I’m at Joe’s.

  Liar.

  Bullshit, I’m standing here looking at your Jeep.

  There was a short pause before she replied.

  Joe came and picked me up.

  That was also bullshit.

  From Omaha?

  No answer, so I tried again.

  Open the door.

  I started to think she wasn’t going to do it. I’d sit out here all fucking night if I had to, though. Fuck the Copperline. The guys would understand. I hadn’t missed a show the entire time we’d been together, but this mattered more than anything in the world to me. I was ready to park my ass in her driveway and wait.

  Finally, though, just when I began to wonder if this constituted stalking, she opened the door.

  She glared up at me with a mutinous expression. “How did you know Joe’s in Omaha?”

  “Actually, I think he’s only about halfway to Omaha.”

  “You know what I mean,” she said with a raised brow.

  “I called him.”

  “How did you get his number?”

  “I looked in your employee file.”

  “Is that legal? For you to use that information for personal shit?”

  “Fuck, if I know. Felicity’s dad is a cop, so call if you want. I had to talk to you, though.”

  She wavered for a minute, but finally stepped back, holding the door open so I could come in. She closed it behind me, not moving into the room. Instead she kept her distance. I studied her carefully before I said anything.

  “Why are you leaving?” I asked after a long, quiet pause.

  “I told you, Lacey needs a roommate.”

  “Oh, that’s right. She has an extra bedroom and her roommate is bailing on her.”

  “Yep,” she nodded.

  I gave her a speculative look. “In her efficiency apartment,” I added, “that doesn’t even have one bedroom, never mind two. Oh, yeah, and she doesn't have a roommate. Try again.”

  “How do you know that?” she frowned. “Wait… Joe?”

  “Joe,” I confirmed with a nod. I took a step towards her, aching a little inside when she took a step back. “Now, one more time, tell me… Why are you leaving?”

  “I came here for my mom. You know that’s true. You met her. Now that she’s gone, there’s no reason to stay.”

  “There’s no reason to go, either.” I took another step. She tried to back up again, but the door halted her retreat.

  “There is, actually. I have to make a living somehow.”

  “You have a job here.” The thought of no more Raven at Ink sent a wave of panic through me. Today had been total shit, and it had only been one day. Half a day, really.

  She swallowed hard. “I won’t when you run off to be famous with Maggie.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, especially not with Maggie.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she sighed, turning her face away as I took another step. “You’ve got your ticket to fame. A year from now, you'll be headlining in stadiums, and Ink will be a thing of the past.”

  One more step. I could have reached out to touch her if I dared, but I was still wary that she’d bolt like a frightened rabbit. “The Mofos aren’t going on tour.”

  Her violet eyes flew up to meet my gaze. “Drew, this is the chance of a lifetime. The Sinners… they’re you idols. This is your dream.”

  “I thought it was. I’ve actually thought that my whole life, but I figured something out.” I watched as she took another shallow breath, and I could almost see her rapid pulse beating at the base of her throat. “Fame was a consolation to what I really always wanted.”

  “Which was?”

  “I wanted family. I wanted roots. I want that here, in Ophir… with you.”

  For a minute, she didn’t move. She didn’t breathe. She didn’t blink. She just stared up at me like time had frozen solid. Then she released a shaky breath, holding onto her pique. Using it as a shield to keep me back.

  “You sure changed your mind fast. A few months ago, you wanted to be a rockstar. You thought you were going to spend your life living happily ever after with Maggie.”

  “Happily ever after with Maggie was never going to happen.”

  “You forget that I saw you. I saw how devastated you were when she dumped you. And then you kissed me right in front of her to make her jealous.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “The night Lacey came to the Copperline. We had sex in the bathroom, and, coming out, you saw her and kissed me.”

  “I kissed you because seeing her made me realize I didn’t give a fuck if she was upset.”

  “Bullshit! It was a show for her. You loved her.”

  “I don’t think I really did,” I said, lowering my voice in an attempt to calm her down.

  “Right,” she replied with a bitter slant to her eyes. “You say that like you two didn’t hook up last night.”

  “We didn’t.”

  “Liar.” Her voice was a harsh whisper, cracking just the tiniest bit. “She was in your room this morning.”

  “She showed up super early—this morning—and Justin let her in.”

  “Right,” she frowned and pressed her lips together.

  “No shit, Rave,” I countered, moving the last half a step until we were almost touching. The scent of her perfume rose from her heated skin. “Ask Justin, if you don’t believe me, but I have never lied to you. Ever. Can you say the same to me?”

  Her eyes flashed indignantly. “You think I’ve been lying to you?”

  “Haven’t you?”

  “Okay, so the thing about going to Joe’s today wasn’t entirely true, but that’s it.”

  “That’s so not it.”

  “What else could I possibly have lied to you about?”

  “You lied every time you said this was just sex. You’ve been lying right from the start, haven’t you?”

  That took a little of the oomph out of her fight, and she flattened up against the door, warily studying me.

  “It wouldn’t matter,” she said. “You love Maggie.”

  “I don’t, though. I'll admit that she once had some kind of hold on me. I don’t get it because, looking back, I’m not sure I even liked her. She just had me totally under her thumb.”

  “Just so you know, you saying it like that doesn’t really make it better.”

  “Rave, s
he zeroed in on what she thought I wanted. She used that, and I believed her enough to think she was right. I didn’t realize, though, how wrong all that was for me. I didn’t really want the fame. You took one look at me and figured it all out. I was still reaching out to the ghost of my dad, still looking for his approval in the crowd. Whatever that shit was with Maggie, I never really loved her, and God knows what I felt paled in comparison to what I feel for you.”

  “But Drew—”

  I cut her off and pointed to the tat she’d done on my arm. “What does that say?”

  She looked down at the ink and didn’t answer, but I could almost see it working through her mind. Love heals. I could see the fight in her beginning to crumble. I could see her weaken. First her lip trembled. Then she took a shaky breath.

  “This was not my idea,” I continued, softening my tone. “You changed it. Why?”

  “I didn’t want you branded by bitterness,” she murmured. “You’re better than that.”

  “You were right, you know,” I said.

  Raven looked back up at me and narrowed her eyes in pained confusion. “About what?”

  “Love heals,” I said in a low challenging voice. At the first mention of love, she tried to pull away, but I didn’t let her. I slowly slid my hands around her waist. “You love me. You healed me. I was broken, and you kept me from going under. You were exactly what I needed to get over her.” I framed her face in my hands and bent down to just a hair’s breadth away. “The thing is, how the fuck am I supposed to get over you? I can’t let you go, Raven. You can’t leave me.”

  While I talked, her eyes became achingly haunted. “It’s for the best,” she whispered. “I just can’t…” Her voice trailed off.

  “You can’t what?” I asked.

  She shook her head, refusing to answer.

  “Rave, baby… tell me.”

  She spoke so quietly that I could barely hear her. “I don’t want you to hate me. Not you.”

  “Jesus,” I breathed out. “I don’t hate you. I couldn’t hate you.”

  “Yet.”

  “Ever,” I defiantly replied with a shake of my head.

  “Everyone does eventually, Drew,” she said in a low voice, dropping her gaze as a fat tear rolled down her cheek. “You will someday, and I can’t stand that from you. I can handle it from anyone else, but not you.”

  “Because you love me.”

  She looked back up and just stared at me for a minute, trembling. More tears gathered and pooled in her wide violet eyes, spilling down her cheeks.

  And then she nodded. Slowly. Purposefully.

  Framing her face with my hands, I kissed her long and hard. Deep enough to taste her soul, until she was clutching me rather than attempting to push me away.

  “You’re not unlovable, Rave,” I murmured against her lips. She leaned against me, her hands clutching my shirt. “Far from it. I can see how people have made you think you are, but they were the ones who were fucked up, not you.” My words were broken by little, firm kisses. “Let me show you. Let me love you.”

  “That’s not what this was supposed to be,” she whispered, but her body betrayed her. She didn’t pull away. Instead, her arms wound around my shoulders as she leaned up to kiss me back.

  I lifted my head, brushing her hair back from her eyes. “But it’s what it’s become. It’s taken me a while to figure it out, but that’s exactly what this is.”

  Because it was. This had become so much more than either of us had intended. Everything about her spoke to me on some deep, inner level that made no sense, but was so fucking real and strong.

  “You’re perfect for me,” I promised, “with your mask and without. You showed me what love is. Let me show you. Just let me love you.”

  And I kissed her with every intent of doing just that. Of being tender, wiping away the tears in her eyes and pouring everything I felt into her.

  Suddenly, my phone started ringing in the pocket of my jacket. I grabbed it and silenced it, tossing it to the counter, and kissed her again. I wanted to lose myself in her. I wanted to seal this fragile truce. I wanted to make love to her until neither one of us could move.

  My phone rang again.

  This time I glanced at it and saw Justin’s name on the display.

  Fucker.

  I silenced it and turned back to Raven, but before I could touch my lips to hers, it was ringing again.

  “What, you cocksucker?” I answered with a growl.

  He only laughed. “I take it I interrupted something.”

  “Bye, Justin.”

  “Wait, dude, are you coming to the Copperline?”

  Fuck.

  “Damn,” I sighed, “it’s Friday.”

  At my regretful tone, Raven glanced at the clock. “You’re going to be late,” she whispered.

  “I don’t care,” I replied.

  Justin’s voice came through the phone again. “I'll stall ‘em so you can get a quick make-up fuck in, but you’re going to have to hurry it along.”

  I looked down at Raven. God, I wanted to savor her. I wanted to take my time and love her with everything in me.

  Unfortunately, a quick make-up fuck was all we had time for.

  “Buy me an hour,” I told Justin.

  Then I disconnected, hauled Raven back to her room, and had the best quick make-up fuck ever. I tossed her on the bed and fell over her, kissing her hard and wild as we pulled at each other’s clothes. Her fingernails dug into my shoulder as I sunk into the warmth of her body. It was fast and frantic and, holy fucking hell, it was hot.

  Even more than that, it was also binding. As the fire built inside us and coursed through our bodies, the emotion flowed freely. The intensity of every caress united us.

  And her breathless gasp when she came sounded blissfully like a whisper of love.

  It took us a little longer than an hour to show up.

  The guys were waiting patiently. The crowd was less patient. Felicity, Sophie, and Ilsa were there as well and welcomed Raven with open arms. Both metaphorically and literally.

  “Raven!” Felicity squealed, jumping up to give her a huge hug, the sight of which made Justin groan loudly.

  “Damn, girls…” he began. “You should accidentally kiss or something.”

  Both Denny and I instantly bristled at him.

  “What?!” he shrugged. “Tell me that’s not hot as fuck right there.”

  The truth was, they did look really sexy together. The bright scarlet of Felicity’s hair and the steampunk pink and purple and teal of Raven’s. Their tattoos and short skirts.

  Yeah… ooph.

  We just couldn’t let Justin see us sweat. Felicity and Raven were our girls. Fucker.

  “Jesus,” Justin sighed, although his massive grin belied his false petulance, “you fuckers, all tied down and shit.”

  The crowd had grown slightly restless, but cheered as the Mofos took the stage. We started into our set, playing like we were on fire, but I kept seeking out Raven’s face in the audience. Sometimes she was watching us in wonder, sometimes in pride. Other times, she chatted with the other girls. She fit. She had a place, and she looked so very comfortable in her skin. More so than I’d ever seen her before.

  My family was becoming hers.

  At one point, right towards the end of a song, I glanced out to see her laughing outrageously at something one of the others had said. The sheer joy on her face gave me a sense of peace I’d never experienced. A contentment I never even thought possible.

  I immediately signaled to Denny as the music died down.

  “Five seconds,” I said, swinging the shoulder strap of my guitar over my head.

  “Do you need a break?”

  “Nope,” I replied with a shake of my head, “just five seconds. I’ll be right back.”

  As I set down my guitar and jumped off the stage, half the crowd continued applauding the last song. The other half seemed to be wondering what the fuck I was doing. I made a beeline
to the girls’ table on the edge of the dancefloor.

  Raven caught sight of me and stood as I came closer, appearing mildly concerned.

  “Drew, what are you—”

  Pulling her close, I cut her off with a long, deep kiss. The collective sound of ‘awwwwe’ rose through the murmuring voices around us. Her arms slowly wrapped around me, and she kissed me back. At long last, I lifted my head to examine the dreamy look in her eyes that filtered into her smile.

  “I love you,” I murmured, and her smile grew wider. “I just had to tell you that… again.”

  The faint sparkle of tears lit her eyes. “I love you, too,” she replied.

  There it was. The first time she actually said the words. The first time she told me she loved me. Just like that. Like she’d said it one-hundred-thousand times before. Even if she said it one-hundred-thousand times after, that was the first time.

  It was a moment I’d remember until the day I died.

  Following another hard kiss, I jumped back up on the stage and grabbed my guitar, lining up my fingers on the frets to get ready for the next song. I waited, but nothing happened. Looking up, I saw all three of my band mates staring at me. Cody grinned widely. Justin just shook his head in disbelief, like a comrade had fallen in battle. Denny appeared at first glance to be annoyed with the interruption, but there was a warm laughter in his voice.

  “I know she’s a fine bit of stuff and all, but d’ya think you could wait for a break before ya go off snoggin’ yer girl again?” he asked into his mic.

  A chuckle rolled through the crowd, growing louder when Justin followed up with, “Yeah… but speak English, you fucker.”

  I simply shrugged noncommittally to Denny, and we began to play.

  I had figured Maggie would back off… that she wouldn’t come to the Copperline. She knew this was my turf, a place where she clearly wasn’t wanted.

  However, she did show up, clearly intent on driving Raven away again. I underestimated how pissed she was. Even though she’d dumped my ass the first time, she was pissed that I didn't just blindly follow her at the snap of her fingers. She wanted some kind of retribution.