Her eyes popped open, all the color draining from her face. She lifted her hands and stared at them, studied them like they did not even belong to her, eyes wide, mouth agape. The tips of her fingers blurred in shades of differing colors while the palms of her hands glowed silver and blue.
She shook her head. “No, I don’t understand.”
Lochlan took a step in her direction, then another. When he was within reach, her eyes lifted to his. His expression was soft, his voice was low. “You cannot hide from this.”
“Hide from what?” she asked, her voice shaking. “Do you know? Do you know what this means?” she said, holding up her hands. “Tell me, because I do not.”
“Yes, I know what it means.”
Her eyebrows rose in shock, as well as her voice. “Then tell me!”
Lochlan sighed, believing she had to come to the knowledge on her own. “You wouldn’t believe me. You need to remember.”
“Remember what?”
“The day in the library,” he said, “when I told you about my curse, I read your thoughts.” He turned from her, not proud of himself. He wasn’t even sure why he had done it, only that there was something about her that made him want to know what she was thinking. He had told her he was cursed and she had said nothing. She’d just stood there, and without thinking, he climbed inside her mind like he knew what he was searching for, only he didn’t. Not really.
“I know,” she said, no bitterness in her tone. “I felt you.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t know why I…” He turned to give her his eyes, to let her see he was sincere. “I haven’t done it since. That was the only time.”
Her lips tightened and she turned away from him. “What did you see?”
It was what he didn’t see that had troubled him. The inner workings of her mind had been fascinating, for it was as vast as the ocean, and he had been greedy in wanting to discover every nuance of her. He’d quickly realized her mind had been tampered with and it had disturbed him. Sighing again, he ran his fingers through his hair. “Your memories only go back to the age of eight. I couldn’t see anything before then. Nothing. Like you didn’t exist before that age.” He bit the inside of his cheek. He had contemplated on this for a while, trying to make sense of it. Nothing had made sense.
She scoffed. “That’s impossible. Of course I have memories before I was eight.”
“Then tell me something that happened to you at age six or seven. Tell me the oldest memory you have.” He kept his eyes pinned on hers. “Tell me anything you remember.”
“This is ridiculous.” She huffed in exasperation. “Okay, fine.”
She stared off like she was trying to recall a memory, her gray eyes darting, dipping into the recesses of her mind. He waited patiently for her to recall something. Anything. He could see frustration cloud her vision. She pinched the skin between her eyes. She paced to and fro in front of the window. Lochlan waited, watching her frustration morph into confusion. She couldn’t think of a single memory.
She continued to pace. “I – it’s because of everything that’s happened. I can’t think. That’s all.”
“Elin,” he said quietly.
“No. What are you saying?” Her eyes began to mist and her voice wobbled. “What are you trying to tell me? I didn’t exist before moving here? I remember moving here. I remember leaving my home.”
“Why did you leave?”
“Because I wasn’t safe. I told you that. My parents and I came here because…” Her words faltered, a flash of something darkening her eyes.
“Because you were in danger,” he finished for her.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“In danger from what?”
Elin rubbed at her temples and shut her eyes. “I don’t…I mean…my memories are all jumbled up. We had to leave because…they thought I practiced magic.” Her head shot up, and she appeared more confused, more conflicted than ever. “But it doesn’t feel right.” She looked away, staring at the wall behind Lochlan’s head. “Something…I can’t remember who or what…was after me.” Her hands began to glow again as anger flashed in her eyes. The floor shook once more. “Why can’t I remember?!” she shouted.
His heart squeezed. He hated doing this to her. Loathed it even. Still, it had to be done. “You are causing the ground to move.” He waved his hand around the room. “You control the environment by your emotions. Whenever you are angry the ground quakes.”
“No,” she said, afraid.
“Yes. Remember the day you stood by your parents’ graves?” A tear rolled down her cheek. “You made it rain. For hours. You did that. Because your environment mimics what you are feeling. That day in the library when I told you who I was…about my curse? The temperature in the room became frigid. You did that too.”
“No,” she said again, shaking her head.
“Yes,” said Lochlan. “You did.”
Her eyes, oh her eyes said so many things. She was frightened. “I-I don’t…”
He wanted to hold her like he’d never wanted anything before. He bit back his own emotions and continued to tell her what she needed to hear. “You can read people’s thoughts, Elin.” He paused. “Like me.”
He watched her closely, categorizing every emotion that moved across her face. She was hurt and confused. His eyes fell to her soft, pink lips and he wondered what it would feel like to kiss her…to take away the hurt and confusion. Just once. He wondered what it would feel like if he let his fingertips drift along the column of her throat. She swallowed and he couldn’t help watching how her throat bobbed nervously up and down. The shell of her ear, what would it feel like to put his lips there and whisper things only she could hear, telling her she was perfect just the way she was…that he wouldn’t change a thing about her? Her chest rose and fell as if she knew what he was thinking. He wasn’t speaking to her mind though, he was simply contemplating her, wondering what it would feel like to leave her breathless the same way she left him. If he could make one wish, he would wish to have one moment in time where he could just touch her.
Just once.
“Lochlan.”
Her voice was soft, pronouncing his name in the utmost compression of susurration. His heart nearly beat right out of his chest because it was the first time she had referred to him simply as Lochlan, and it nearly undid him. “Yes?” he said thickly.
“Tell me what I am. Please.”
“You are…” He paused, knowing when he finished his sentence she would be forever changed.
She took a step in his direction, always conscious of proximity. “Tell me.”
He licked his lips that suddenly felt too dry, and with no more hesitation, he said, “You’re not human.” He swallowed hard, holding her gaze.
She shook her head. “If I’m not human, then what…?”
She froze and said no more. Lochlan could only stand there, his breath leaving him as her face dissolved into heartbreak.
“You aren’t human.”
The light from the moon filtering in through the window had set the stage, and his words had set the scene.
“Drink the serum, Elin, quickly, for we are running out of time.”
I brought the cup to my lips, hesitating. “By drinking this I won’t remember who I am.”
She smoothed out my hair and touched my cheek. “You will. When the time is right, you will.”
Memories were like sentient beings that snuck up behind you, tapping you on the shoulder or skulking quietly in the shadows, taunting you from a distance. They could be welcomed with fondness or they could haunt you like ghosts. They could infiltrate your soul like a sickness that spread and spread until you were incapacitated by your own thoughts. Memories could lead you out of the darkness, or they could cause you to run headlong into it. Sometimes they were whispers of kindness, and sometimes they shouted so loudly that all you could do was place both hands over your ears and wait for the shouting to stop.
Then there were the
memories that neither whispered nor shouted. They were the ones that taunted you by staying far enough away that you could see them but they were only a blur. Something you can’t quite make out.
That was the place I found myself. All these years, I had been in the place in between knowing and unknowing. I was neither wiser for its visit, nor ignorant to its presence. Once I had wished to be idle, so I could breathe without hurting. I take it back. I do not wish to be idle, for I had been idle for far too long.
Instead of waiting for the memories to come to me, I went after them, chasing them, and found them locked in the landscape of my mind. There they were…waiting to be discovered. One by one, I pulled them out and forced myself to remember who I had been all along.
“Why does it have to be this way, Mother? Why?”
She reached for my hand and cradled it inside hers. “Everyone is born with a gift. Yours is special…only granted to one child every tenth generation. You were chosen to be the Light. Because they despise the light, they despise you. We must protect you. It is our highest priority. As long as you live…” she caressed my cheek again, “we all live. But we have to leave here in order to do that. We can’t let them find you.”
“How will not remembering who or what I am keep me safe?”
“You will live as a human child, in the human realm, and do what human children do. It would be better for you not remembering where you came from or that your life was in constant danger. This is a gift from your father and me, for you to live freely without fear. This is more for your peace of mind than your safety, though. The serum will bind your powers and THAT is what will keep you safe. They can track you by your light. We must dim it.”
“Elin.”
I blinked away the memory. Lochlan’s face coming into view. The shocking paleness of his eyes would always surprise me. Once again he asked, “Are you all right?”
I could only blink, my windpipe closing up tight. He waited patiently for me to collect myself as I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and he sat in a chair across from me. We sat in silence, him watching me and me watching the memories I had buried so long ago.
Tears ran down my face. “I don’t want to leave. I belong here.”
She brushed my hair behind my ear, looking at me with understanding, pain that was her own, and then she carefully put on a stoic face. For me. “I know, my love. Someday, when this is all over, we can come back and make it our home again.”
My heart leaped with hope that I had not expected. “You’re coming with me?”
“We both are. Your father and I will never leave you alone. Not in this life or the next.”
But they had left me. They died protecting me.
“You can’t have her!” Father shouted. “I won’t let you!”
My mother’s voice rose above the roar of the fire and the chaos. “They found us, Elin! You have to run! You have to get away!”
“You’re crying,” Lochlan said. “It pains me to see it. I am sorry. I should not have–”
“No, don’t.” I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my dress. “I just need a minute.”
Even through watery eyes I could see Lochlan’s struggle with remaining in his seat. I forced myself to remember his curse and how there was someone who had it far harder than I. I had lost my parents, my home. Twice apparently, but I had been blessed too. I knew what a hug felt like because my parents sought to give me one every day. I knew what love felt like because I had been loved. Every day. I forced myself to focus on that.
“What do you remember?” he asked after I stopped the tears from flowing. His voice was like a soothing balm and the painful ache inside my chest eased a fraction.
“I drank a serum.”
“What?”
“All this time…” I shook my head, feeling daft. “I’ve been in hiding. I couldn’t remember.”
“Why did you drink a serum?”
I looked up and found him watching me still. “To bind my powers, shield my memories, conceal my identity.” I looked down at my hands and rubbed them together. “Many reasons.”
Lochlan leaned forward in his chair, resting his forearms on his knees, his cloak a puddle at his feet. “Why? Explain it to me.”
Taking a breath, I began. “Lord Lochlan–”
“Please,” he said, cutting me off. “No more Lord. Call me by my name, leave off the title. I prefer it.”
“Very well.” I stared at my hands again, remembering the power I used to wield from them at such a young age, though not remembering how. “I’m sure you are familiar with Faery history?” He nodded. “Then you know every tenth generation a Faery is born who gives energy to the light force in Faery.”
“Yes.”
“For some time, there has been an uprising between the Seelie and Unseelie. The Unseelie want dominion and to turn Faery dark. As long as the Faery of Light lives, Faery will never go dark. The light will always burn.”
I glanced up from my hands and into his eyes. He swallowed thickly. “Go on.”
“Lochlan,” I said, pausing, “I am the Faery of Light. The Unseelie want me dead. My parents hid me away in the human realm, replaced my memories with new ones to protect me, but also to help me feel like a normal girl living in a world that doesn’t believe in magic. But even the serum couldn’t keep all my powers bound. After coming here, I could still see and hear people’s memories, only the good ones though. All this time, I’ve lived in fear anyway. I was always afraid, always looking over my shoulder. I just didn’t know why.” I laughed humorlessly. “For all my parents’ efforts, they found me anyway.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. But now the Unseelie know where to find me and if they succeed in killing me, Faery will go dark. If that happens, the human realm will not be far behind because they will seek to destroy it too. Everyone we know will perish.”
Lochlan stared at me for the longest time and then stood and stared out the window. I had said enough and thought it best to be silent to give him a chance to absorb it all. He was part Fae and he’d been banned from Faery and given an awful curse, so I didn’t know how he would feel about a Fae living within these walls. If he wanted me to leave, I would leave. I would not ask for his help. I would just have to figure out how.
“Your powers,” he said. “Because they had been dampened, I never sensed you were Fae. Not until I saw the power in your hands tonight. Do you remember how to use them?”
“No. I’m sure it will come to me eventually. There’s a lot I’m still trying to remember.”
“What about Zeph? What did you take from him?”
“I don’t know. I think he’s lying. I was only a child when I left.”
He glanced at me over his shoulder and then returned to gazing out the window. “Tomorrow, we leave. I’m taking you to the manor.”
“The manor?”
“Yes. You’ll be safe there and no one will be there so we won’t risk hurting anyone.”
“What do you mean…won’t risk hurting anyone?”
He walked to the door and opened it. Peering over his shoulder he said with a grin, “I’m going to teach you how to use your powers, Elin. Until you learn to use them, I have a feeling you will be quite dangerous. Get some rest. We’ll have to start your training early.”
He closed the door with a snick, and I heard him settle on the floor, his shadow blocking out the light underneath.
“Lochlan?” I called, going to the door. I didn’t open it. I placed my palm against it, knowing he was on the other side of it.
“Yes?” he said. From his tone, I could tell his grin was no longer present.
“Does this mean I can touch you? Because I am Fae?”
“No. No one can touch me, Elin. Fae or human.”
There was a ribbon around my heart with his name on it. I don’t know when or how it happened, but it had, and his answer pulled at that ribbon, squeezing my heart until it ached. Another tear slid down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.
“Are you sleeping outside my door again?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
I felt warmth where my hand rested on the back of the wooden door, as though we were palm to palm.
He exhaled, and then softly said, “Because some things are worth protecting.”
I awoke the next morning with a throbbing pain in my back and shoulders and groaned when I lifted my head, feeling the tightness in my neck. I’d fallen asleep on the floor, propped against the door, still fully dressed in yesterday’s clothes.
The lazy morning sun filtered in through the window, blinding me, and I winced. The events that happened only hours before assaulted my mind, however, before I could process it fully, a rapping at my door startled me.
“Yes?” I said, barely above a whisper. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Yes?”
I knew who was on the other side before the question left my lips. Because I felt him. His energy was as palpable as the sun’s, and like the sun, my body warmed in his presence.
“May I come in?” Lochlan asked.
I stood and took stock of my dress. Trying to readjust its placement and smooth out the wrinkles, I called, “Just a minute.” Then my fingers fumbled through my hair to try to smooth it out as well.
It was useless.
I turned the latch and opened the door. With a sweep of my hand, I invited him inside, my eyes on the floor. When he had yet to enter, I glanced up and found him staring.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I told you to rest. You look tired.”
I tried not to let his comment bother me, even though I knew how badly I must appear. Still, I didn’t want to admit I had slept on the floor, listening to him breathe, feeling safer with him near, so my eyes drifted down to my feet. I had not even taken off my boots.
He stepped forward and I retreated, giving him a wide berth. Once inside, he closed the door and his eyes then fell to the bed. Still neatly made.
“Were you up all night?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “No.”
The Moon Shines Red (Heart of Darkness Book 1) Page 7