by Kendall Grey
“And you just added Killer Buzz Float to the lineup,” Anna prompts.
“Uh-huh,” Lizzie deflects, eyes cast downward.
“Well, we’re going to be spending a lot of time following you and the other bands over the next few weeks for this documentary. I’m looking forward to hearing more of your award-winning music.” Anna faces the camera and signs off.
Oh, so now they’re documentary-worthy too? Fuck them. I flip Lizzie off from the hidden safety of the buses, turn the bird finger on myself, and stab it down my throat. Seriously? That bitch can suck my asshole. I trudge miserably up the bus steps, taking deep breaths to settle my churning stomach.
Nobody’s here. Probably a good thing. I need to … Shit, I don’t know what I need to do. Get drunk? Cry some more? Slit my wrists?
Soft words hit my ears from somewhere in the back of the bus. I slink down the aisle quietly.
“Are you a pretty girl? Yes, you are,” Shades says in a singsong voice. He must be on the couch. “You’re gonna grow up to be like your mom. You wanna play guitar one day?” Pause. “Yeah?” The devotion is evident in his tone.
Gurgle gurgle, comes the reply. A weird hiccup sound that could be a laugh follows.
I swallow hard to flush the lump in my throat down, but it’s as stubborn as I am and clearly not going anywhere. Eyes watery, I lower my butt to the far edge of my bunk where he can’t see me. I rest elbows on my knees and listen some more.
Shades laughs gently. “Where’s Gabrielle?” Movement of fabric. Baby warbles. “There she is!” More gurgling. “Who’s my pretty girl? That’s right. You are.”
And then he sings.
Long live The Rock!
The Rock lives on
Ain’t nothin’ gonna bring us down
Coos and giggles answer each line as he cycles through the chorus a couple of times, his voice tender and full of muted sincerity.
My chest tightens with the sharpness of wires slicing into my skin. I drop my head in my hands and grind the heels of my palms into my eye sockets. Where did these fucking tears come from? Goddammit. I swipe my face and sniffle. A breath staggers in, I shudder it out. Fuck. Shoulders heave against my will, and—shit. I gotta get out of here.
Right as I stand to leave, Shades appears at the end of the aisle. He’s stern as a statue dressed in black. His excessive tattoos and facial piercings might endear him to the seedy underbelly of Rockdom, but all the dark eccentricities are completely tamed by the bundle in his arms and the miniature brown hand patting his chest.
I press my lips tightly to contain the growing shame at everything I’ve done to hurt him. And her.
Scrambling for something to say, I start with the first icebreaker that comes to mind. “Is your dick okay?”
“You’re worried about my dick?” He exhales heavily and shakes his head. “Why am I not surprised?”
Shit. Wrong icebreaker. Turning my head to avoid the impact of his glare, I smear the line of tears across my cheek and wipe my nose with an arm. “Sorry. Yes. No. I mean, yes, I’m worried about it, but I’m more concerned about … us.” I blink hard and find the courage to look him in the face. “Can we talk?”
He nods slowly and heads toward the couch in back. I follow.
He sits. I sit.
He stares down at the little girl in his arms with such adoration, it hurts to witness. That look used to be for me. I’m not sure if there’s enough room in his heart for both of us anymore.
“I fucked up,” I say. “I let jealousy come between us and allowed it to fester. Birthday Club was supposed to be fun, but I used it to spite you because my feelings got hurt. It was selfish and childish and—” I gaze at Gabrielle’s sweet little round face for the first time.
Wow. She really is beautiful like her mom. Her skin is a delicate, muted brown dusted with fine down. The scattered mop of dark curls on top of her head exudes the scent of honeyed flowers. Or maybe it’s her in general. I thought babies were supposed to stink, but she smells nice.
She fixes her gaze on me and gawks. I gawk back, not sure what I’m supposed to do. Her eyes are green, but not as brilliant as Shades’s. I heard most kids grow into their eye color after so many months. Maybe her color hasn’t set yet, and it’ll brighten with time.
Her faint brows lift, and the tiny mouth forms a circle. Noise comes out of it—a sort of “oh” with vibrato. Again unsure, I mimic her. I’m certain I look like a right idiot. A brilliant smile stretches across her face from slightly pointed nose to wide, toothless gums and pulled-back ears. “Ahhhh,” she says, waving her nubby arms.
“Ahhhh.” I smile too and give her an awkward high five.
Shades readjusts, sitting her up, and suddenly the kid’s … reaching for me. I look past her fuzzy curls to Shades. He’s holding her out to me.
I shake my head. “I don’t do babies.” What if I break it?
Her.
“She doesn’t bite, Letty.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d say Shades was pleading. Just a little.
Shit. I stuff my palms under her pits, and he lets her go. I feel like I’ve been caught red-handed with a contraband human/bowling ball hybrid. Gabrielle dangles from my hands between us, still grinning at me with her goofy, bare-gummed expression. “Uh …”
Shades carefully guides her tiny body into the crook of my arm, bending my elbow to correct my stiff angle. Gabrielle squirms. Shit, you gotta hold onto these things pretty tight, or they’ll slip right out of your grip.
I’m not sure if Shades is ignoring my attempt at an apology or doesn’t know what to say, but he bends close to Gabrielle and strokes her plump cheek. “This is your Au—” He stops himself. Pretty sure he was going to say “Aunt Letty.” Instead, “This is Letty.”
The baby coos and caws and wiggles, but the only thing I see is Shades. Maybe his heart melts for her, but mine melts for him. The unconditional devotion he feels for this tiny life form is as pure and vibrant and real to him as the music we make together is to me.
I finally get it.
She’s his Rock.
He’s been trying to tell me for weeks since he met her, but I was too concerned about getting some cock up my ass to notice. All this time, we’ve been on two separate wavelengths, sending signals on the wrong frequencies. It’s no wonder everything went to shit between us.
“She’s beautiful, Shades.”
He smiles. “She is.” The spell between them breaks, and he shifts his attention to me. “I told you before. I love you more than anything. But this kid … She’s my responsibility. I owe it to her to be a good dad.”
“I understand, and you’re right. The only thing I ask is that for my peace of mind, and your own, you get a DNA test to be sure she’s yours. I won’t dispute the results, and I’ll …” I take a deep breath. “I’ll support you both no matter what.”
He straightens. “You serious?” Disbelief tinges his voice.
I chew my bottom lip and wonder how different my life might’ve turned out if I’d had a father. Like, a real one who was actually around, who cared about me, and who didn’t view me as an inconvenience he had to endure every other weekend when he’d rather be playing poker with his buddies. “Yeah, I’m serious. Every kid needs a dad.”
Shades sighs with relief. He slowly wraps his arms around me and the kid and squeezes his thank-you into my chest. We hold the pose until Gabrielle fusses about being enshrouded in the pool of darkness between us. I awkwardly pass her back, and she settles against him, pat, pat, patting his arm.
“Are we all right, pussycat?”
I’m afraid to answer. But the fact that he called me pussycat gives me hope. “You tell me.”
“I got an idea.”
“Yeah? What?”
He hefts the baby to his shoulder and gently palms her curls as if to shelter her from what he’s about to say. He leans close enough for me to smell the mint on his breath. “I say we smash the last few weeks to pieces and start over. Like, from scratch.”
“Hmm … Do I have to forget about the sexy fun times I had this morning with our bandmates while you watched?” I wait for his reaction, praying I haven’t crossed the line. Again.
His neck loses its rigidity, and his head dips. “God DAMN, that shit was hot,” he says quietly.
“Really?” I’m shocked. “I thought you were furious. I mean, the way you manhandled me afterward—”
“I was pissed—frustrated—I didn’t get to be a part of it. I wanted to be right there with you.” He pauses and looks at me straight on. “Babe, you’re a sexual being. Way more than I am in some ways. You live, breathe, and dream sex. You’re the embodiment of it. I may not be as into some of the shit that excites you, but I understand it’s who you are. You should know by now, I’m not out to change you, pussycat. Never have been. I wanna give you what you need to stay happy. If it means fucking Toombs and Rax—”
“Let’s not forget Jinx,” I interrupt. Fuck yeah, Jinx! I lick my lips.
“—and Jinx, well, as long as you’re safe and sane when all’s said and done, do it. I’m not gonna stop you from getting off with them a few times a year. Just make sure I’m there and involved too. I don’t want anyone stealing your heart when I’m not looking.”
Wow. What a relief. Maybe Shades understands me more than I realized. I lay a hand on his upper arm. “Ain’t nobody stealing this heart. You already nabbed it.
“As hot as today was—and as you saw, it was really hot—Toombs and Rax were nothing more than boner donors. Tools to get me off. They may as well have been fucking vibrators with arms and legs.
“But you? You’re my soul. You’re the intersection of physical love and spiritual love. You’re the one I want to grow old with. When our naughty bits are all shrivelly and my cooter dries up, I’ll spit out my dentures so you can experience the wonders of toothless blow jobs, and we’ll take a six-hour nap afterward to recover from our creaky exertions. That’s true love.”
He laughs. “And it’s all I need from you. The sex is a bonus.”
I paw his cheek and plant a hearty kiss on his lips. He deepens it, stealing my breath, despite the baby thrown over his shoulder. This is where I belong. God, I missed him.
When the kiss ends, I run a thumb over his bottom lip. “Just so you know … While I was, uh, engaged with our friends, I had this hot fantasy of you getting involved. Maybe you can make it happen on my birthday. I mean, if the Birthday Club is still intact by then.”
“Hmm. Your twenty-sixth is coming soon, if I’m not mistaken,” he muses.
“Hey, it’s also our anniversary. One year of fucking, drinking, playing, rocking, and loving,” I add.
“And many more, I hope.”
I kiss him again, long and sweet. I finish it off with a lazy, sensual lick from his stubbly chin up to his top lip. “You’re not curious about my fantasy? Might want to prepare yourself for it,” I say suggestively.
He licks my spit off and shakes his head slowly. “Nope. I’d rather be surprised.”
Wrinkling my nose with glee, I say, “That makes it even hotter. I love you and your adventurous spirit, Shades.”
“I love you too, pussycat.”
“So, starting over?” I offer my hand.
He accepts and shakes. “Starting over it is.”
Thank The Rock.
He lowers the squirming baby to the cradle of his arms and touches her chin. “I’ll find out what I have to do to get the paternity test.”
Nodding, I gaze at Gabrielle’s chubby round cheeks and the nose that’s neither Eliza’s nor Shades’s, the eyes shaped like her mom’s but colored like someone else’s.
A stab of regret squeezes some of the air from my lungs. After all the soul cleansing and healing and reestablished affirmations of love, I’d take no pleasure in shattering Shades’s dream of being a dad. But, I’ll bet my left tit and a bottle of tequila the kid’s not his.
It’s Getting Hot in Here
After all the nasty, hot fucking at the hotel, the Killer Buzz Float set tonight sizzled. I swear, it was the residual sexual energy we conjured earlier coming back to haunt us in the best possible way. We fucking killed it! I only wish Shades had been a part of the lust-fest. He doesn’t seem to mind, though. I think he was honest when he said he was okay with me banging the rest of the band. And secretly, I’m glad he watched.
As the five of us bounce off the stage and wind our way amid hand slaps and high fives from fans through the corridor toward the green room, Shades cozies up to me. “My cock is in need of attention, pussycat. Now that I know I can use it, I feel like I have a lot of lost time to make up for.” He lifts a pierced brow and grins suggestively at me.
“Fuck me,” I growl. “Yeah, I could be down with some of that.” Then a filthy thought springs to mind. I slide a finger down Shades’s sweaty cheek. “But let’s sweeten our reunion, shall we?”
“I like the sound of this. Where?” He knows from plenty of experience when the light bulb goes off above my head, dirty public sex is imminent. It’s our thing. We can’t help it.
“Banging Betties’ bus. I wanna leave them a little present.”
His eyes widen. “You’re not still mad at Eliza, are you? Come on, Letty. Give her a break—”
“No, it’s not about her. It’s Lizzie. She’s a straight-up cunt, Shades. I saw her doing an interview for this documentary earlier, and she wouldn’t even acknowledge Killer Buzz Float when the reporter asked about us. She acted like saying anything nice about us would cause her to break out in hives.”
“What documentary?”
“I don’t know. Some chick was interviewing them outside the bus when I got back. Jillian probably has the skinny. Not that she’d tell us or anything.” I flip a bird to no one in particular in her honor.
After a moment of consideration, Shades concedes, “She has seemed … distant lately.”
“Something’s going on with her and Lizzie. All the more reason for us to raid the bitch’s bunk and make some memories for us and her.” I laugh. I’m seeing cum stains galore. Maybe I could squirt my name on her sheets.
Shades casts furtive glances around. “Let’s go do it now while everyone’s busy. Maybe we can lure away whoever’s watching the bus.”
Eve falls in step with us, toweling off her arms. “Hey, guys. I wanted to make sure we’re good. I’m sorry if I caused any trouble for you today.”
Shades and I pause and exchange looks. “Nah, we’re okay,” I say, turning to Eve. “Was it worth it? I mean, did you ever get off? It’s your birthday, after all.”
She smiles knowingly. “Let’s just say I got what I wanted. Thanks for making my day a great one.”
Hmm … maybe she snagged some good lovin’ after I left. Rax joins us and grabs Eve around the waist. He lays into her with a panty-melting kiss. Lots of tongue. Lots of heat. And damn the bulge in his pants is about to give his zipper what for. He runs a thumb to the left of her lips and gazes at her with savage longing so strong, I can feel it.
“It’s still your birthday, babe. Got any last-minute wishes we need to explore?”
Z-z-zap! Another light bulb. I push between them and slide my arms around their shoulders. Guiding them down a deserted hallway where no one can hear us, I say, “Have you two ever tried public sex? I highly recommend it. Remember the time you, Shades, and I did it behind the tour bus, Rax? Maybe you should take Eve for a spin like that.” I look at her. “I’ll bet we could find someone to watch too.”
Her eyes glaze over, and guarded recognition spreads across her face. Guess I pegged her right. Eve’s both a voyeur and an exhibitionist. Which totally makes sense, her being a former stripper and all.
Rax leans toward me. “I’ve been dying to get inside her all day, but the bitch wanted me to fuck everyone else. Do you have any idea what kind of torture she put me through?”
“Hey, let me enjoy my fantasy,” Eve pipes up.
“No complaints,” Rax says. “But I would like to fu
ck my own woman on her birthday if Her Royal Highness deems me fit to.”
“It’s all about the wanting, Rax. Watching you screwing everyone got me so wound up, I could come right now just thinking about it.” She cuts a saucy glance to Shades and me. “But if you three wanted to go at it yourselves,” her brow hops suggestively, “I’d rather you prolong my misery.”
The question bounces between Shades and me. Repeat of the behind-the-bus banging with Rax?
He lifts a shoulder with a whatever you say shrug.
“It’s your birthday, Eve. If that’s what you want, we’ll do it. Or we could get the old Raxy warmed up for you and then leave you to your devices.” I pat Rax’s chest and wink at Shades.
Rax leans into Eve’s mouth. “I’m not sure I can wait till midnight after everything you made me endure today.” He rubs his crotch slowly against her pelvis.
“What was your favorite part?” she breathes against his lips.
“Watching you watching me. Yours?”
“The same.” She wriggles her long fingers through Rax’s sweaty hair and hikes a leg around his thigh.
“Okay, lovebirds,” I interrupt, checking my watch. We’ve only got about an hour before Banging Betties get offstage. These two are giving my womancock a hard-on to rival Rax’s. It’s been two long weeks since Shades clubbed my clam, angry hotel sex earlier notwithstanding. “Let’s take this behind the bus, shall we?” I fire off an urgent series of blinks at Shades, and lead everyone to the main hallway.
As we pass the green room spilled over with fans wearing Banging Betties T-shirts, Jillian squawks something behind us about a meet-and-greet. I toss over my shoulder, “We’ll be back.”
Her silence tells me she’ll be after us in about ten minutes, so we’d better make this quick.
We get to the bus, and I waste no time. “Cocks ahoy!” I drop to my knees before Rax and stare up at him as I reintroduce his mighty snake to a forked tongue of my own. Eve stands close by, drowning the parking lot lights with her shadow, watching intently. I grab Shades by the zipper, yanking his fly open as I suck Rax. My man’s cock falls into my open hand, hard and thick. I stroke him for a few beats, and then blow him while beating Rax off.