“Another one.”
“How many safe houses do you have anyway?”
“As many as I need.”
The safe house turned out to be a farmhouse set a good ways back from the road. As soon as Skeeter pulled into the driveway, the front door flew open and Neely Kate ran out, meeting me halfway to the door. Muffy came flying out behind her.
Neely Kate hugged me so tight I could barely breathe, and Muffy jumped around my legs.
“Oh, my stars and garters, Rose.” My best friend squeezed me again. “You scared the snot out of me.”
“I’m fine.”
She released her hold and looked me up and down. “Jed said Merv was shot.”
I nodded as I bent down and picked up my dog, rubbing her head. “More than once. I don’t know how bad he got hit the second time. Skeeter wouldn’t elaborate.”
She looped her arm through mine and pulled me into the house. “From what little Jed said, I think he’s gonna be okay.”
Skeeter followed, but he stayed several steps behind, giving us space.
Jed stood in the doorway, looking very much like a guard with his holster slung over his shoulder. His expression was grim, but he gave me a nod when I walked past him.
This place was nicer than the ramshackle cabin we’d stayed in last week. The other safe house had looked like it either needed to be disinfected or torched. The farmhouse had a shabby-chic décor that was actually homey.
“Thank God you weren’t hurt,” Neely Kate said. “Joe was worried.”
That reminded me of Joe’s phone call. “Merv wasn’t the only person who got shot tonight, Neely Kate.”
She turned to face me, her eyes wide. “Who else?”
I took a breath, my nerves starting to catch up with me. “Deputy Miller.”
She gasped. “What? How?”
“J.R. escaped and Deputy Miller was on duty. Joe said that he and another deputy and an EMT were shot by J.R.’s men. Deputy Miller’s in surgery, and they’re not sure he’s gonna make it.”
“Oh, no.” Tears filled her eyes.
Suddenly, it was all too much. Mason. Running for my life. Deputy Miller. I couldn’t take one more minute of this day. “I’m exhausted.” I looked back at Skeeter. “Where are we sleepin’?”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted it, expecting Skeeter to make a crude comment. But Jed spoke up before his boss could. “You and Neely Kate are sleeping in the bedroom on the right.”
“I brought some of your things, Rose,” Neely Kate said. “Do you want to take a shower?”
“No. I just want to go to bed.”
“You don’t have to worry,” Skeeter said, catching my gaze. “No one knows about this place, and Jed and I will be taking turns standin’ watch.”
I followed Neely Kate down a short hall and into a small bedroom filled with a white wrought-iron bed, a dresser, and a nightstand with a lamp. The pale blue comforter looked as fluffy as a cloud, and I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and wake up after everything was said and done.
I shut the door behind me and set Muffy down on the bed.
Neely Kate grabbed a bag off the dresser and handed it to me. “I put your comfy jammies in there. I’m going to go to the bathroom.”
“Thanks.” I found them at the top and changed while she was gone. By the time Neely Kate came back, I was already in bed.
We lay side by side for several long seconds before Neely Kate asked, “Are you really okay?”
Tears stung my eyes, a lump filled my throat, and I choked out the words. “No. I broke up with Mason.”
She gasped and rolled onto her side to face me. “What happened?”
“I don’t know,” I said, trying to hold back my tears. “J.R. called to threaten me this afternoon. Then I called Mason to warn him, and he got peeved that we couldn’t tell Joe.”
“Why couldn’t you?”
“Because then Joe would have insisted on watching me, and Mason had to admit that Jed would do a better job. But he was upset he’d have to compromise his principles . . . for me. I realized that as long as I’m in this mess, and as long as I’m working with Skeeter to fix it, I’m gonna have to keep dragging Mason into situations he can’t handle. So I made it easy for him. I broke up with him.” I rolled over onto my side to face her, tears streaming down my face. “I did it over the phone, Neely Kate. Who does that?”
“Oh, honey,” she said, rubbing my arm. “Obviously this whole situation is far from ideal.”
“I broke his heart, Neely Kate. He thought I was sweet Rose Gardner, but I turned out to be the Lady in Black. How come he hadn’t already broken up with me?”
“Because he loves you?” she asked in a soft, teasing tone.
“He didn’t want to break up, but I told him he’d already made his decision by leaving me and not coming back.” I took a breath and hiccupped a sob. “He was the whole reason I agreed to continue this crazy scheme, but now I’ve lost him.” I struggled to catch my breath. “I love him. I love him so much, but it’s not enough. I’m not enough.”
“You hush now,” she said quietly. “You’re plenty enough. But we both know Mason has his principles, and there’s no disputin’ you’ve crossed a heap of lines. He’s just struggling to catch up is all.”
“So you think I did the wrong thing?”
“That’s not my decision to make. It’s yours. But if you’re asking what I would have done in your situation, then I’ll tell you that I would have done the same.”
I started crying harder. “I never should have gone to Skeeter for help last November. I should have just let my business fail.”
She lifted my chin and looked into my eyes, her face covered with shadows in the darkened room. “Do you really believe that? Really? Are you’re telling me that if you had to do it all over again, you would have let your business fail and let Mason get killed? Because going to Skeeter last November stopped both of those things from happening.”
“No.” I shook my head in confusion. “I don’t know. I know what I’ve done is wrong and that I should feel guiltier than I do, but mostly I’m just so sad that I’ve lost him.” My sobs were coming harder, as the true gravity of my loss hit me.
She pulled me close, stroking the back of my head. “Oh, honey. Sometimes you make some crazy leaps—and I’ll admit, I thought you’d plum lost your mind when you went to Skeeter for help—but you followed your instincts, and look how it turned out.”
“I lost Mason.”
“You would have lost him anyway. Only, this way, he’s alive.”
I knew she was right, but it still felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and thrown across the room.
“Rose, you and me are so much alike. People beatin’ us down when we were kids, telling us we were worthless and good for nothin’. We think we’re supposed do what we’re told, even when it doesn’t feel right. We’re supposed to be who they want us to be.” She paused, searching my face. “Well, we can’t go fittin’ other people’s molds. We can’t allow ourselves to be untrue to the people we’re supposed to be.”
“But I want Mason. I lost him because I’m thoughtless and careless. I don’t deserve him.” I covered my face with my hands, still sobbing.
“You stop that talk right now,” she admonished gently, pulling my hands from my face, and then brushing the hair from my eyes. “This has nothing to do with either of those things. Tell me about the Rose Gardner from a year ago today. Did she have many friends?”
“No.”
“What were her dreams?”
I released a tiny laugh. “I wanted to go to Little Rock for a visit. I wanted to go back to school to become a teacher. I figured that would be the only way I could have kids in my life. Well, other than Ashley and Mikey.”
“Why?” she asked in a teasing tone. “Because no man would want Crazy Rose Gardner?”
She was right, and we both knew it. No need to confirm it.
“Do you still wa
nt to become a teacher?”
“No. I love the landscaping company. I love owning my own business, even though I spend half my time worrying that it’s gonna fail.”
“What about going to Little Rock?”
I smiled through my tears. “You know I’ve already been. Multiple times.”
“Look at how your dreams have grown, and in such a short time.”
“People’s dreams change, Neely Kate.”
“True, but think about it. You have changed so much in less than a year. The you who broke up with Joe couldn’t be more different than the you who broke up with Mason. Just like the me who met Ronnie is different than the me I am now. We were held back for so long, Rose, so as soon as the gate was opened, we just busted loose, no looking back. We’re growing and changing so much it’s not fair to ask a man to sit back and accept it. Maybe we need to figure out who we are, all on our own, before we know what we have to offer someone else.”
“But I want Mason,” I sobbed into her shoulder. “I’ll fix it. I’ll fix it all, and then I’ll beg his forgiveness and ask him to take me back.”
“Oh, honey,” she cooed into my ear as she stroked my head.
I fell asleep crying, my heart broken from the knowledge that she was probably right.
Chapter 13
When I awoke, my eyelids were heavy and my mouth dry. Daylight filtered in from the window, and when I rolled over, Neely Kate was gone.
I got out of bed and got dressed, then followed the smell of food to the kitchen. Neely Kate stood in front of the stove. Jed was leaned back in a kitchen chair, legs stretched out in front of him, eyes closed. Muffy was curled up under his chair, watching for Neely Kate to “accidentally” drop scraps.
“Good morning,” I said, opening cabinets to look for a glass.
Muffy’s head popped up, and she ran over to me, jumping up on my legs. I scooped her up and held her close, letting her lick my chin. She’d been missing Mason terribly, so she needed a little extra love from me. Not that it was a problem; it worked both ways.
Neely Kate turned to look at me, a spatula in her hand. “There’s fresh coffee in the pot. And Muffy’s already been outside.” She pointed to the coffee pot on the counter. “I brought her leash from your house, and Skeeter walked her while she did her business.” She turned back to the stove. “I know you worry she’ll run off.”
“Skeeter walked her?”
She shrugged.
“I need water before coffee,” I croaked, opening another cabinet door and finding eight shiny glasses, all turned upside down and arranged in neat rows.
“There’s cold water in the fridge.”
I opened the refrigerator door and discovered a pitcher of water as well as plenty of food. I poured a glass, then looked around the cozy kitchen with its pale yellow walls and bright white cabinets and trim. Roosters were everywhere—rooster canisters, rooster wallpaper, even a set of rooster salt and pepper shakers on the wooden kitchen table. It looked like the lair of a rooster serial killer. This was the polar opposite of the cabin where Skeeter had taken me before. “What is this place?”
Jed’s eyes were still closed, and I realized he was asleep.
Neely Kate started to answer, but I held a finger up to my lips and pointed to Jed.
She nodded, then lowered her voice as she flipped a pancake. “This house belongs to the grandma of a friend of Jed’s.”
“Where is she?”
“She’s in Arizona for the winter. The friend stays here while she’s gone to keep an eye on the place.”
“Where’s the friend?”
“Somewhere else,” Skeeter said from behind me. “And he’ll keep quiet, so we should be safe for now, but I’d rather wrap up this situation before anyone figures out where we’re holed up.”
“You mean J.R.?”
“Among other people.” He scowled as his gaze landed on me. “I’ve had a few calls from your boyfriend, each one progressively more threatening.”
I tried to steady my nerves.
“You need to call him and tell him I haven’t abducted you before he sends the state police lookin’ for you.”
I nodded, setting Muffy down on the floor. “I’ll take care of it.”
I went back to the bedroom, but Muffy stayed close to my heels, so I picked her up and set her on the bed. I found my phone in the pocket of the jeans I’d left on the floor by the foot of the bed. I’d missed five calls from Mason and two from Joe, as well as multiple texts.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing Muffy behind the ears. Rather than listen to the messages, I called Mason straightaway.
“Rose?” he asked, sounding hopeful and worried. “Are you okay?”
Muffy’s head popped up, and she looked up at the phone.
I stroked her head. “I’m fine.”
“Are you with Skeeter?”
“Yeah.” I wanted to apologize for that, but then I realized that’s why I had broken up with him. So I wouldn’t have to apologize. Then why did I still feel so guilty?
“Do you feel safe?”
“Yeah,” I said, sounding as weary as I felt. “I’m safe.”
Muffy rested her chin on my leg, looking so forlorn it brought tears to my eyes.
“Any word on Randy?” I asked.
“He’s in ICU. It’s touch and go.”
We were both silent for a moment before Mason said, “Joe said he told you about J.R.”
“Yeah. He did.”
“Has J.R. called you again?”
I wanted to tell him about my horrific night, but then I’d be dragging him back into my mess. “I think the less you know the better.”
“Goddammit, Rose! Don’t do this!”
“Don’t do what?” I asked, my anger rising to match his.
“I love you! You may have decided we’re done, but I’m still scared to death for you. Don’t make me sit here freaking out because I have no idea where you are or if you’re safe.” His voice broke. “Just think about how you’d feel if the situation were reversed. Would you just write me off if I told you I was breaking up with you to spare you some pain?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then how do you expect me to do the same?”
“I don’t know . . .” My voice shook as tears rolled down my cheek.
“Rose, sweetheart. I know it looked like I abandoned you.” He cursed under his breath. “No. You’re right. I did abandon you. You know I have a habit of taking off for a walk after an argument—and that’s all this was, even if it was longer than I’ve ever been gone. It doesn’t make it right, not one iota, but I’ve been absolutely miserable without you, Rose. And now that J.R. is on the loose, and I know he’s coming for you . . . I’m going crazy. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t concentrate on my job. All I can do is worry and think about how much I let you down. How I failed you.”
“Mason, stop.”
“No. I’m not ready to give up on us.”
“What about what I want?” I asked quietly.
He was silent for several seconds. “Yesterday you said you love me. Have you changed your mind since then?”
“No. Of course not. I love you so much I feel like my heart has been ripped into a tiny million pieces.”
“Then what? You love Skeeter?”
I released a sardonic laugh. “No, Mason. I only love you.”
“Sweetheart, listen. If we love each other, we can make this work.”
“Are they appointing you as the D.A. permanently?”
He hesitated. “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably.”
“And what would happen if it ever got out that Skeeter helped me escape Sam Teagen and his cohort last night? Or that Merv got shot trying to protect me?”
“What?” he asked in a panic. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Honest. Think about it.” I paused. “Skeeter and I are piecing things together, and we’re getting close to something. But I’m not doing this with Skeeter because I
want to be with him. He can do things you and Joe can’t. Besides, J.R. is after the two of us, and it makes sense for the two of us to work together to bring him down.”
“Only a week ago, just the two of us was you and me.” I heard the pain in his voice.
“I won’t ask you to compromise your principles or ethics for me, Mason. Not anymore.”
“So now you’re involved in illegal activities?” His words were pinched.
“No. Not if I can help it, but you know that my connection to Skeeter would hurt you. If it ever got out, your career would be over. I can’t do that to you.”
“Splitting up is a huge decision, Rose. It affects both of our lives. You should let me have a say in it.”
I knew he had a point, and now I was more confused than ever.
He was quiet for several seconds. “Rose, please. I understand why you’re with Skeeter, and I know he’ll do his best to keep you safe, so if you think this is the best way to bring J.R. down, I trust you.”
“What?”
“I’m not going to deny that I’d rather you do it by the book. But we both know that doing it by the book won’t work with J.R. Simmons. And if there are any two people out there who can bring him down, it’s you and Skeeter Malcolm.” He paused. “And you have no idea how hard it is to admit that.”
“That I’m not doing it by the book?”
“No. That you’re doing it with him,” he barked, then continued in a softer voice. “I’m saying that as the Lady in Black, you proved that you are more than capable enough to take J.R. down. I have no doubt in your ability. It’s still hard to accept that you are doing this with him. On multiple levels. But I’ve wrestled with this since you called me yesterday, and I’ve accepted it.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“I know he loves you—that’s why he’s so protective of you. But—call me a fool—I also believe he’ll never act on it unless you want him to.”
“Like how things were with you and me last fall.”
“Yeah. I want to trust you, Rose. Just be open and honest with me instead of trying to hide what you’re doing. I never want you to feel trapped by me. So if working with Skeeter to bring J.R. down is our best option, then you have my full blessing and support.” His voice broke. “But all I ask is that you come home to me when it’s all said and done.”
Thirty-Six and a Half Motives: Rose Gardner Mystery #9 (Rose Gardner Mystery Series) Page 12