by Eden Connor
“Anyway, Jonny says that after the regular Thursday night NHRA bracket, the guy who runs the tower over at the Greer Dragstrip bankrolls a couple of local boys for cash money races. With you, and Caroline, and Colt, we think we can make enough to pay her insurance.”
No. Not just no, but hell, no.
“Your helmet’s in the trunk.” A shadow crossed his face. “New helmet, actually. I guess you got that knot on your head because I picked out a size too big.” He gave me an apologetic look. “Reckon I thought your head was as big as your heart.”
My heart dove and ducked like a butterfly on crack, but showing fear in front of Caine was out of the question. I’d either find a way to bow out, like tempting Colt to get behind the wheel, or—
Or racing might get the dream out of my head. I didn’t need a psych degree to know the dream was the manifestation of my fears. Besides, it shocked me how much I wanted to see Colt, Jonny, and Caroline.
“Lead the way.”
Chapter Seven
When Caine said, “Follow me, I know a shortcut,” letting him out of my sight wasn’t an option. Thankfully, the curvy back roads he took meant he had to keep the big rig below the speed limit most of the time. My insides jerked and my hands would not stop sweating. And he wanted me to race?
After rolling past several minutes’ worth of scenery I’d never laid eyes on before, I gasped out loud when I recognized De Marco’s Garage—the only place in town Dale would let touch the ‘Cuda. Whenever I came to have my oil changed, Siri dictated a far different path to this spot than the one Caine had taken.
Like that’s a surprise. There’s the Hannah way, and then, there’s what everyone else does.
About three miles later, Caine hung a left beneath a pick-your-own peaches sign, also bearing the De Marco name. We rolled past a darkened farm house and barn. A quarter of a mile beyond that, a tall, colorful pole, decorated with jutting wings, reared at least thirty feet into the sky. I slowed to stare. A totem? Out here in Bumfuck? How cool is that?
A dirt lane turned off to the right, but Caine went straight. Low trees with thick, stubby trunks marched in straight rows as far as I could see on both sides of the road. New leaves and grass painted the fields with an emerald haze. Fat buds had already formed on some trees, even though they shivered in the late-March breeze.
A mile ahead, a left onto a narrow lane took us past more orchards, then, the peach trees ended abruptly. A junkyard came into view. Caine’s brake lights flared. I braked, squinting at the neat rows of rusting, wrecked cars. Most were missing doors, fenders, and hoods. Are they all Corvairs? I jumped when Caine tapped on my window.
I delighted in the touch button controls, uncaring that I lowered the wrong window first.
“I need to back into this drive, okay? Just sit tight for a sec. Why’s your phone off?”
“Mom kept calling. You think she wants to thank me for the new chair?” I batted my lashes in hopes he wouldn’t see how anxious simple driving had made me.
He burst out laughing. “I think she put Dad’s ass on that plane and now she’s comin’ after your ass. I’d screen her calls for a while, too, if I was you.”
Once he pulled the big rig forward, I spied a long, rutted driveway and a white frame house reminiscent of the one Caroline lived in. A two-bay garage dominated the back yard. Colt and Jonny swept through the front door of the house and flopped down in an old-fashioned metal porch rocker. Green-and-white striped metal awnings right out of the Sixties jutted from the front windows, but I did a double-take at how close the pair sat and the way they slung an arm around each other’s shoulders.
And the happy grin Colt wore.
Chill, we’re in the middle of nowhere. Best place for them to show affection.
The brake lights on the rig flared again. Caine jack-knifed the trailer and stuck the rear into the narrow lane on the first try. He gunned the engine, reversing so smoothly up the drive that I could only stare in admiration.
A honk drew my attention to my rear view mirror. I grinned at the pair of sexy, foot-wide white stripes someone had applied to Caroline’s Viper.
Caine did that for her.
When I realized Caine had gotten out of the truck, I pulled into the driveway. Caroline rode my bumper until I parked.
I jumped out of the Audi. She swung her door open, popping to her feet like a Jack-in-the-box.
“Ain’t it gorgeous?” Caroline’s jeans were tucked into the tops of a familiar pair of red cowboy boots. “I just about died when I first saw it with the skin on it.”
I nodded, unable to repress a grin. “Looks like you got some pretty paint, too.” The Hannah-Built logo on her door matched the one on mine. Not to mention, a tiny duplicate signature rode the left-side edge of her hood.
I headed to meet her, catching sight of something I’d overlooked on the back deck of my car. I halted, tracing the raised letter ‘H’. The icy metal chilled my fingertips. I stared at the rest of the inch-high letters. It was one thing to paint a logo. To have it cast in metal? They aren’t fucking around.
“Girl, let’s go kick some ass.” Caroline grabbed me into an embrace. “Jonny says these boys drive with their dicks. They ain’t never gonna believe they can get beat by a couple of women. Let’s pick ‘em clean, babe.”
“Caine told me what’s going on.” I gave her a fierce hug. “Have you spoken to an attorney? I swear, it sounds like discrimination.”
“Yeah, Mama made me talk to one. He said I had no case, since nobody promised me nothin’. I did it on my own, but used company time and resources. So, it’s their software now. Lesson learned.”
“Bastards.” I stroked her hair, inhaling the fruity scent.
Her eyes flashed with anger. “My retirement money won’t vest till January first. I’ve always put in the max. If I can hang on till then, the company will match my contribution, penny for penny. I need that money. In fact, getting’ it is the only damn way I can take anything back, you know? But, they’re makin’ it hard for me to hang on that long. My checks have dropped to about three hundred a week, before taxes. Half of that goes for health insurance. I’d drop the coverage if it was just me, but I can’t let Shelby go without.”
Jesus, first they screw her out of her due on something that would save the company millions—and now they wanna fuck her out of a few thousand bucks, too? When does she get a damn break?
Colt loped to our side. Patting Caroline’s shoulder, he urged, “Just keep your bennies, sis, and enjoy the extra time with your kid. We’ll keep figuring it out. Come November, Hannah-Built will be a reality. Then, we’re gonna need someone with experience at movin’ large chunks of money around while keepin’ tabs on every red cent.”
My eyes were drawn again to the logo on my car, then to the matching version affixed to Caroline’s ride.
“What’s happening in November?” They had to be talking about more money than Caine made modifying engines in the family garage. Hell, I could do the books for that. For that matter, Mom could handle the job. But, Caroline dealt with millions doing payroll for Phillip Morris. That was why Robyn bragged on her so.
“Dad’s leavin’ Ridenhour. We’re startin’ our own team.”
A Hannah NASCAR team? That’s what they kicked me out of?
Colt moved suddenly, hoisting me into the air. “Where’s my motherfuckin’ kiss?” He lowered me, until my nose touched his. To my shock, he spun and laid me across the sloping glass deck of the Audi. Startled by the heat coming through the glass, I didn’t realize what he was doing until he grabbed my left hand.
Despite the onrush of dusk, his eyes flashed. “Well now, little sister. Can’t wait to hear why you still have Mr. Automatic relegated to the slow lane of your love life. Right after you say hello, Hannah-style.” Spearing his fingers through my hair, he lifted my head and thrust his hips between my thighs. He ground his groin against me while his eyes danced with mirth.
My brain cried No! but my body had other ideas.
While he plundered my mouth, stealing my senses, his cock began to harden. Before I could focus on something besides my throbbing clit, Colt backed away and Caine stepped into the sudden void between my legs.
“Oh, yeah. Can’t wait to hear what bullshit was in your head when you ran this damn time.” Caine drove a hand between my shoulder blades, jerking me forward until my chest pressed his. Instinct made me clasp my legs to his sides, but the goddamn devil made me grind when I felt his cock through his Wranglers.
His lips twisted in triumph, but I was gone. Common sense be fucking damned. I ached for this man, tossed and turned every damn night, wanting him. The memories of everything we’d done out on Old Cottonmouth Road twisted like a flame inside my body.
The dull mists inside my brain parted and the moment that had danced just out of reach for weeks roared to life inside my head, complete with the stabbing pain in my shoulder that shut off my breath. A blue cotton curtain materialized between me and Caine, so real, I felt the soft weave brush my fingertips.
***
“You bastard! Look what you’ve done to my baby.”
Mom’s cry sent a strike of pain into my skull, despite the painkillers dripping into my veins that pinned me like a heavy quilt. I thought her voice came from nearby, but when I forced my eyelids open, all I could see was the blue curtain that shut me off from the rest of the emergency room.
Was I your baby when you brought him home with no warning and told me y’all were married? Or when you went on a cruise for Christmas three years in a row? No, I was an adult then, because it suited you to see me that way, so shut the fuck up.
“Macy, I—”
Dale, don’t listen to her bullshit.
Mom’s shrill tone bore into my splitting head again, ramping up the nauseating ache.
“Shut up, Dale. Just shut up. Why’d you force her into this? She could’ve died! Then what? What if you’d killed my baby? Would you ask Rick to paint her name on that creepy goddamn wall at the office?”
I wanted to defend Dale, since he didn’t seem to want to take his own part, but my eyelids refused to stay open. I wanted to tell him this wasn’t about me. Two days ago, her biggest concern was tricking me into taking her Volkswagen so she could have a new car. Not a word about the danger then, was there?
“My God, Dale. Shelby’s going to graduate in a few months with a degree from a fine institution. She’s not some grease monkey. She—”
No thanks to you.
“She wanted to do this, Macy. That girl’s the best natural racer I’ve ever seen. Her reflexes, her instincts—”
“Don’t you dare!” Mom lowered her voice to a growl. “Don’t you dare try to pretend this was about Shelby. This was about proving your dick’s bigger than Kolby Barnes’ dick, so don’t you tell me that my child wanted to do this. Can’t you see? She’d do anything to feel like she had a father? And you exploited that. For you!”
Walk away, Dale. Go now, before she cuts your heart out. Trust me, she’s just getting warmed up.
“Macy, she wanted to do it. Me and Richard both thought this would be a good way to get Kolby’s damn atten—”
“Oh, will you just shut up? The Ridenhours are never going to fire that boy, Dale. If you keep forcing them to choose between him and you, you’ll be the one they let go. Not Kolby. You don’t have an engineering degree. That’s what owners want in a crew chief now. How will we pay for the new house if you’re out of a job?”
Way to go, Mom. From ‘oh my poor baby’ to ‘what about me’ in record time. See, Dale? See how she twists everything until it’s about her?
***
The vivid memory relented, leaving me staring into Caine’s deep blue eyes. “She’ll leave Dale if I end up with either of you. She’ll make his life hell, or worse, she’ll divorce him.”
“Shh. Shh,” Caine murmured, stroking my arms. “Damn, baby, don’t cry.”
“Please,” I sobbed, hating the helpless tears coursing down my cheeks. “When the board flashed at the fairgrounds and said I was Shelby Roberts-Hannah, I finally felt like I had a daddy, Caine. I wasn’t some accident who had to toe the line to justify her own existence. I was wanted and loved and a part of a real family for the first time in my life!” The stripped-down hulls in the adjacent lot sent my shriek bouncing back in a chorus.
I jerked my gaze to Colt’s stunned face. “I love you both, but I love Dale, too. He’s.... I can’t choose! I know her. Dale would just roll with it, but she’d beat him over the head every damn day with how his sons defiled the baby she sacrificed everything for. Then what? Do we get to be happy if Dale’s miserable? How long before he blames us for fucking up his good thing?”
Or just me? In my darkest dreams, I never envisioned Dale turning on his sons.
“Fuckin’ bitch.” Colt brought his fist down on the car. Over Caine’s shoulder, I saw the same hard look in Jonny’s eyes. Caine’s jaw worked, and his face—oh, God, the pain I saw there doubled the ache in my heart. “After what she done to you? Belivin’ Colt over her own kid?”
Colt told him. Now, both my brothers knew that my mother put living the good life above her concern for my well-being, even as she gave lip service to the opposite. I’d never felt more naked—or more ashamed. Without that little lie between me and my mother—that I was worth her sacrifice—what was left? If ever she and I punched through that thin veneer, what darkness lay beyond?
Jonny’s eyes were flat and wary. Anger danced in Caine’s. Colt’s were pure, blue flames, but Caroline’s eyes were soft and filled with understanding.
“That’s her mama, Colt. No matter what, you gotta love the parent that didn’t leave your sorry ass. How many times have me and you had this same talk, brother?”
The icy wind transported me to the graveyard across from Caroline’s house and the moment I’d stared down on Caine’s mother’s grave. The thought I hadn’t been able to form then unfurled inside me. We protect our biggest pain with a gossamer web spun from the tiny lies we tell ourselves. Those lies are the bandages we slap over the otherwise-fatal wounds to our souls that let us keep stumbling forward.
Without those lies, we’d all end up like Jill Shalvis.
Hence, Caroline stayed with Robyn, helping her mother stand again, and holding her hair while she puked, and maybe even fixing her another drink. Because right across the road, a tiny headstone spelled out the alternative. And I played along, trying to be enough for Macy, for the same damn reason.
“It’s me she hates.” Caine tightened his arms around me, pulling me away from the yawning hole in my heart. “Colt flirts with her. He teases and flatters her, but—God, I’m sorry, Shelby.”
Macy had a history of serial relationships. I only had her version of why they ended—her bandages. It wasn’t like any of her other men had offered to say more than ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ to me.
I tried to choke back my sobs so they could make out every word, because, dammit, they had to hear me.
“After they stopped talking, I lay on that gurney and thought back to the party. Those women, the wives and girlfriends of Dale’s crew? They treated her with respect. Deference, even. In her mind, that’s what the house is all about, making people look up to Dale. Something she picked up from Bliss Roark. She’s found the one thing she’s always craved. Respectability. She’s somebody now. Mrs. Dale Hannah. And there’s no room in that new vision of herself for any of us giving people a reason to gossip.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. What was the point in hurting Caroline by telling them that Caroline and Brandon’s relationship—or the ugly things people said about it—played a role in the other little speech Mom had served up, along with store-bought banana pudding and ice cream? Way back in high school, Macy had let slip that someone had told her the sordid tale. That was life in a small town. Everybody knew everybody’s business.
I knew Dale stopped to pick my mother up on the side of the road because he was into redheads. But he married her for far different
reasons. Ernie had nailed it. The man was building his legacy. He needed the white picket fence and the little girl to complete the picture.
That was the missing piece I hadn’t been willing to see, until the smack on the head made my brain think in new ways. Why else would the man turn in his bachelor card, long after he’d already had raised his sons?
Still, I believed Dale loved Mom. He loved her so much, he’d been determined to find a way to reach me, too. I could tell by the misery in Caine’s eyes, he couldn’t deny I was right. I darted another look at Caroline. She dashed away a tear and turned to stare at the junkyard.
“Kiss me, dammit,” Caine demanded. “Kiss me hard and make me forget about all the ways I planned to hurt that little cocksucker that came to pick you up. Because she thinks he’s good enough for you and I ain’t.” He swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple surged in his throat. His voice fell to a whisper. “Kiss me with all you got, Shelby, because I’m gonna have to stand by in a goddamn monkey suit and watch you marry him, or someone just like him.”
His eyes dared me to deny it. The words died in my throat, leaving a tight, sour ache that burned all the way to my chest.
“Give me tonight, Shelby. Give us tonight.” He tossed a glance at Colt, who murmured an agreement. He turned the other way, getting nods from Jonny and Caroline.
Jonny and Caroline, who were holding hands.
Oh, fuck me. She’s got her man and it’s not Caine.
My last shred of self-protection went up in smoke. My loving Caine ruined nothing for Caroline, but that didn’t matter, because if we did one damn thing about it, our relationship would rip our family apart. Fucking Caine was the easiest thing I’d ever done, but the first lesson my brothers eve taught me was that fucking wasn’t intimacy.
Horrified, I followed the shining droplet that spilled from Caine’s eye. “So much for pourin’ my heart and soul into your new ride, as my way of sayin’ how fuckin’ sorry I am for what I done to you, Shelby.” His jaw worked. “Because I never could figure out how to say it. But, I always said you were the smart one in the bunch.”