by Lila Felix
She grabbed my jaw and shoved me to the other side of the room. I opened my mouth to question her, but she had answered my question before I even started. She reached behind my dresser…A dresser that my real Dad had built for me before I was born and pushed it to the floor spilling out everything, everywhere. She opened my closet and threw everything I owned out on the floor.
“Jenna, really at your age? Get this mess cleaned up now.”
I scrubbed my face for a good five minutes before I got up to clean the mess up. When I did my wrists barely held me up. That Medusa must be lifting weights because they hurt and there were finger shaped bruises like bracelets marring my skin.
I picked up the dresser and returned it to its rightful place and if I thought my wrists hurt before, they really hurt now. As I did all of the dresser drawers fell out and I had made a bigger mess than before.
I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up the mess and before I went to bed I had to take a couple of Tylenol for my wrists.
I spent Sunday laying low. Prom was in two weeks and I didn’t want a shiner to be one of my accessories.
Everyone else was still relishing in their new purchases so I walked outside late in the afternoon and sat on my back steps just to get some fresh air. My next door neighbor Rebecca was sitting on her front porch. She was rocking in an ancient rocking chair and looking through some kind of fashion magazine. I had talked to her once on Halloween when I took May Trick or Treating. She was dressed up as a ballerina that year. Rebecca had complimented her on her costume and told us that she worked in movies making costumes. I didn’t want to disturb her so I just sat there for a while watching the cars go by.
She got up and went inside after a while and reappeared shortly after with two glasses of lemonade. She leaned over the railing and she smiled. Lord that woman had some big teeth. And when she talked her teeth impeded her speech. But she was nice enough, though I wasn’t sure if she was the ‘tattle tale’ neighbor or not.
“Hey, Jenna, I fixed you a glass of lemonade, too. Why don’t you come and sit with me for a while?”
Maybe I could pick her brain, see if she was the culprit.
“Yeah, sure, thank you.”
I walked down our driveway and around her porch to get to the stairs which led to the chairs. They were white wicker with the loudest Hawaiian print ever on them.
“So, how’s school, Jenna?”
Ugh, I hate when people ask me how school’s going. I don’t know why, it just seems like a question that pops out of their brains without thinking. Like they see a younger person and their mouths form the words without their knowledge.
“Um…It’s fine. Thanks. I’ll be graduating in about four and a half weeks.”
“Oh…that’s wonderful. So you must be gearing up for prom, right?”
“Yeah, I mean, I have a date and he has the tickets, but I don’t have a dress yet or anything.”
“Oh, I bet your date is that young man who I’ve seen picking you up and dropping you off from school, right? I told your Mom that he was such a gentleman and walked you to the door and everything and so cute. Wooooh!”
She started fanning herself and then it hit me.
You…you horse toothed costuming wench! You’re the one who almost got my teeth knocked down my throat!
“Jenna, are you ok?”
“Yeah, um, you telling my Mom didn’t go over so well.”
She nearly jumped from her chair. “What?”
She sat down further into her chair again, “I told your Mom exactly what I just told you that he walked you to the door and he opened your car door for you. You didn’t get in trouble for it right? Oh, no! I mean I’ve heard noises from your house but I just thought your parents fought a lot.”
She dropped her face into her hands and I thought she was going to sob right there. I reached out and touched her arm to get her attention.
“Hey, no, it’s ok. No matter what you said sometimes I just…well…trouble finds me, you know?”
“Jenna, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“It’s ok Ms. Rebecca, really, I know you didn’t mean anything.”
“Please, Jenna, it’s just Rebecca.”
We sat there for a few minutes more and sipped our lemonade. I felt bad for telling her that I got in trouble, she looked like she was upset about it still.
Suddenly she got a huge grin on her face and it scared the ever loving crap out of me because it was unexpected and because…well…the teeth.
“I know how I can make it up to you, Jenna! I have the best idea.”
“Uhhhh…ok? Shoot.”
“How about I make your prom dress for you?” I opened my mouth to tell her she didn’t have to make up for anything but she continued, shushing me with her hand up.
“Now I won’t take no for an answer. What we’ll do is next weekend we will go fabric shopping Downtown. I have a wholesale license so I can buy fabric really cheap. We can pick out your fabric and I will have some pictures of different styles of dresses you can choose from. Trust me, if you find a dress you like I can sew it. And when we get back I can take your measurements and sew it up lickety split. You’ll have a one of a kind dress for sure and certain.”
The whole time, every time she made a point, she was clapping and stomping her feet. I couldn’t tell her ‘no’, she was too darn excited to turn her down.
“Really? You would do that for me?”
I teared up. I was coming to realize that the best people, the ones who treat you the best and want you happy, at least in my case, are not the ones in your family.
“Yes!” She jumped up and hugged the life out of me.
I was squealing with her until over her shoulder Medusa came out in full swing. She straightened her posture and plastered that horrible fake smile to her mouth and waved at us.
“Rebecca, so nice to see you! What’s all the excitement about, hmmm?”
Rebecca turned around and gave my Mom not so enthusiastic response.
“Well, Jenna here was telling me that prom is coming up and I told her that I didn’t have anything going right now. I leave for Japan in a month, but until then I am free. So I offered to make Jenna’s prom dress.”
At this moment I wished Carlos or a friend were with me so I could poke them in the ribs with my elbow and say, “Ooooohhhh, watch this, watch what she’s gonna do!”
My Mom was in a conundrum. She probably wanted to knock me into next week for even thinking about prom, but she was in front of the neighbor and she didn’t want to give anyone a bad impression.
I snorted at the comedy of it all and my Mom’s eyes darted directly to mine.
“Well, Jenna, we hadn’t spoken about prom. Thank you Rebecca; that would be so kind of you to make her dress. When are you two going to get the fabric?”
Oh, here we go. Rebecca doesn’t even see it coming.
“Next Saturday, right Jenna?” I smiled and nodded.
My Mom was seething; her jaws were clenching and unclenching.
I wanted to scream ‘Na na na boo boo, you can’t say anything mean.’ Probably not the most mature thing, but I get my kicks where I can.
“Well” She batted her eyes and a chill ran down my spine. “I would love to go too and see what Jenna has in mind.”
Rebecca was clapping again. She was apparently oblivious to what my Mom was doing.
“Oh, yay! We’ll have a girl’s day and pick fabric and have lunch and…”
She continued clapping and planning while Medusa and I had a stare off. She smirked at me and I knew that she had won this round. She’d probably convince Rebecca to make me a Moomoo out of the same Hawaiian fabric as these hideous chairs on her porch just to spite me.
I cleared my throat to end the conversation so I could go inside. I hugged Rebecca and thanked her again. She beamed and I pitied her because she didn’t know what she was doing by letting Mom come with us.
When I got inside I looked in on
May who was reading some kind of book about a spider family.
It was almost eight o’clock and I decided to go ahead and go to sleep and hoped that tomorrow would be better.
Chapter 16
Monday was Monday but at least I got out of the house. Instead of my regular route to my locker, I took the long way around. I had a plan. I walked slowly towards my locker and Carlos was there, he was so predictable. And I loved him for it. He was leaning his right shoulder against my locker and was looking in the direction that I usually walked in from. His backpack was on the floor by his feet.
I snuck up behind him and snaked my arms around his middle and said, “Waitin for somebody?”
He hugged my arms tighter around his waist and then turned around to face me.
He reached down and put his arms around my waist and picked me up the small distance where we were the same height. My arms made their way around his neck and he held on to me like he never had before.
I pulled back and said, “What’s wrong? Did you miss me that much?”
I giggled, but he didn’t.
He pulled me back to him again and whispered desperately in my ear, “Yes Jenna, I missed you so much I didn’t know if I could stand one more minute without you. Three days is too much.”
I felt awful for picking on him about it.
I returned his whisper, “I’m sorry. I missed you, too, so much.”
I kissed him below his earlobe like he had done in the parking lot last week and I could hear his swift intake of breath and feel him shuddering next to me.
He put me down gently and still whispering said, “You can’t do that to me here, J. Wait until next weekend. Save them up for then.”
“Why?” I felt like I was such a dork for always asking this.
“Because when you kiss me, I want to kiss you back and not in front of strangers.”
I giggled, “Oh, in front of your friends?”
He chuckled and the bell started to ring. He picked up his bag and walked past me and just when I thought he was going to leave me like that he came up behind me. His hands started at the top of my ribs and worked their way down as he spoke. And his mouth…his lips were barely grazing the outside of my ear as he said “I want you alone, J, with your mouth on mine and trust me, the last thing you will be doing is giggling.”
Now it was my turn to gasp and he gave me a peck on the side of my face and walked off, free as a bird, like he hadn’t just stoked a small fire inside me right there in the middle of the hallway.
I had to shake my head to clear it before I could even walk to class. School was not going to be fun today with all of the thoughts he had just put in my head. That was a fact.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waiting to see him in between classes was getting harder and harder since that was the only time I got to see him. It was ridiculous and I couldn’t wait for my ‘grounding’ to be over with. I wondered if he had to work next Sunday since I was free after Saturday again.
I got to sixth period and went to my usual seat. Mr. Escobar had a new bulletin board up and it had pictures of all of us in the play. I tried not to look at it. I just wanted to forget being in front of all of those people and here he was parading it around.
Carlos came in just as the bell was ringing and did some kind of slap, clap, hand shake thing with his friends and then came to sit by me.
Without my permission at the very sight of him, my blush made herself known and it wasn’t just in my cheeks. Everything was engulfed in the blush from my temples to my chest.
He tried to hide the fact that he noticed immediately and sat down while clearing his throat and smiled at me.
“Why so red, Jenna?” I closed my eyes and shook my head. Like he didn’t know why.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I raised my eyebrow and smiled at him.
He shifted in his seat and I wondered if I made him uncomfortable or nervous or something altogether different.
He shook his head as if reading my thoughts, “So, what are you up to on Sunday?”
I inhaled through my nose and shrugged, trying to act so nonchalant about the whole thing. He wasn’t the only one who could play this game.
“I don’t know. Depends.”
“Depends on what?” He was playing along too now.
“Depends on what you’re doing on Sunday.”
“How early can I pick you up?” I smiled wide. They were words from heaven.
“Do you have to work on Saturday night?”
“Yeah, but it’s ok. I can sleep in the afternoon or something.”
“Oh no you don’t. Get some sleep and then pick me up about two. Is that ok?”
He let out this sound that was a mix of a groan and a growl.
“Noon”
“One, you need to sleep.”
“Are you sure she won’t let us go out on Saturday?”
I sighed, “No, she won’t, plus now I have plans…”
He stuck his bottom lip out again and it was all I could look at. I couldn’t wait until I could feel them on mine again.
“I’m going to pick out the fabric and the dress design for my prom dress.”
That took him out of his funk and quick.
“You’re having it made? I thought I was gonna get to buy it for you.”
“Awww, thank you. I never expected you to pay for it. I’ve got it. Anyway, you don’t get to see it beforehand. The lady that lives next door is going to make it for me. She’s a costume designer for movies.”
“Really? That’s lucky for you. Any hints?”
“Actually I don’t even know what I want yet. She’s going to let me look at some pictures of dresses and she said if she has a picture of it she can sew it. She must be really good.”
He looked surprised and happy at the same time. “Wow, she must be.”
“So what are we doing on Sunday?” I was eager for something to look forward to.
He shook his head. “Oh, no, you keep secrets, so I’m keeping this secret.”
He thought he had me, that I was going to confess what color and dress I had in mind. But, he was wrong.
“Ok, that’s fine.” Class was about to end and I picked up my bag to get ready to go.
He smiled and picked up my hand that was lying on my desk and played with my fingers. I had worn a long sleeved shirt on purpose to hide the bruises on my wrists. They were turning yellowish but he still would notice and I didn’t want to add any worry to his plate. He looked like he had never seen fingers before.
“So, I’m off today. Can I take you home?”
“You can take me almost home.”
He laughed at the same time the bell rang.
“I’ll take what I can get, J.”
He drove me home the long way around and about two blocks from my house he pulled onto the side of the road to let me out.
“Jenna, I…” He let out an awful sounding sigh “I just miss spending time with you. I see you in school but it’s like it’s not enough anymore. You’ll never be late again, trust me, because I can’t take this.”
I reached up and tugged on his goatee.
“I know. It’s hard. Sunday, ok? Let’s just countdown to Sunday.”
He took my hand from his goatee and pressed my fingers to his lips and kissed them. Even though I was trying not to I winced from him touching my wrist and he caught on instantly. His hardened eyes looked at me and I just looked down. I knew I had been caught.
He held my hand and pulled my sleeve up as softly as he could. He cleared his throat like he was trying to reign himself in and repeated the process with the other arm.
“When?” he demanded.
“Saturday.”
“Why?”
“Because I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut. I shouldn’t have said anything. But she basically said that I spent all of my money on myself. But I didn’t. I barely spend anything on myself.” I was rambling.
“Wrong. It’
s her fault. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. And for God’s sake Jenna, stop hiding these things from me. I can handle it.”
“I know you can, but I can’t handle to see you angry like this.”
He rubbed his raven short trimmed hair and blew out a breath.
“I’m not angry with you. You know that right? They just…”
“I know. I know. I won’t hide it again. Ok?”
He nodded and we spent a few minutes in silence. He turned in his seat and was looking aggravated again.
“Go, Jenna, before I drive away, ‘cause that’s what I want to do. I want to drive away and not bring you back.”
It somehow always shocked me how he wanted me with him and wanted to protect me all the time. I had never known someone who wanted to be with me and around me because they wanted to. The only people I knew wanted me around for what I could give them, or do for them and if I didn’t, they didn’t want me around. Even though it was still shocking, I was done questioning it.
“I love you. And it’s as hard for me to go as it is for you to let go.”
He put those warm, hardened–by-hard work hands on either side of my face and locked eyes with mine.
“You have no idea how much I love you, too. Tomorrow is Friday, so we have three days.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna call you later ok?”
“You better.” He was smiling again and it was easier to leave if he was smiling. Not easy, but easier.
I went home and was relieved that I was alone. I went to my room to change into some sneakers and retrieve my phone from under my mattress from where I hid it while it charged. There was a plug behind my bed so it was a perfect place.
I got it and turned it on. I put it in my bag and went to the kitchen to see if there was something to eat. There of course was nothing quick to make, so I left out early. I walked under the freeway and over two blocks to a Chinese place that sold $1 per entrée food. I walked in and ordered a portion of chicken lo mein and a drink. I saw down to eat it in one of the small booths.