by Riley Hart
“Hell no.” Braden reached over and shoved him, almost making Gavin’s chair topple over. Mason, who sat beside him, reached over to steady Gavin. “Just because I don’t go around announcing my business doesn’t mean I hide. Plus, Coop was so damn busy being shocked at his own sexuality that he latched onto mine rather than dealing with his own shit.”
Cooper, Noah, Wes and Braden all laughed, apparently in on a joke that he and Mason weren’t a part of.
Braden looked his way. “Cooper had never been with a man before Noah. It wasn’t that he was in the closet, he just—”
“Was waiting for me, only he didn’t know it,” Noah said. Cooper shook his head, but then leaned over and kissed Noah. Gavin took a drink of his beer.
He’d known he was gay since he was a kid. There had never been a time he didn’t know it. Even when he pretended otherwise. “No way.”
Mason chuckled, but Cooper was quick to defend himself. “It’s not bullshit. It wasn’t that I spent my life denying who I was. I’d never even looked at a guy before Noah. I never could have fallen in love with a woman though, either. He cast some kind of voodoo shit on me or something. Couldn’t live without me, so he made it so I’m the same way about him.”
Everyone laughed, Gavin and Mason included. He liked Braden’s friends and could see why he enjoyed spending time with them. They were good men.
“Alright.” Braden pushed to his feet. “Hate to break up the party, but I’m drunk and it’s my wedding night. If I’m going to spend time with my husband before I pass out, it has to be now.” He winked at Wes.
“Yeah, what the hell is up with that? You’re spending your wedding night drunk in our spare room.” Noah wrapped an arm around Wes’s shoulder.
“There’s a bed, right? That’s all they need,” Mason added.
“Truer words have never been spoken,” Wes said.
Noah looked at Cooper. “Let’s go.” He nodded toward the house, and Cooper was on his feet as well. “Sorry it’s the couches for you guys, but we put blankets and pillows out for you.”
They’d spent the whole night drinking, and all of them where too hammered to drive.
“You guys coming in, or can you get the fire for us?” Noah asked.
Even though tiredness weighed down his muscles, Gavin didn’t think he could sleep yet. He had too much on his mind with Braden, his family and figuring out what the hell he was going to do in Blackcreek. He glanced Mason’s way. Mason nodded as though he knew what Gavin was asking. “I’ll put the fire out before we go in.”
“Thanks, man,” Noah nodded at him.
Braden put a hand on Gavin’s shoulder and squeezed. They’d been through a lot together, the two of them. He was glad to have his friend back in his life.
The four men walked away, leaving Gavin and Mason alone with the sounds of a summer night—the crackle of the fire, crickets and wind through the trees.
It was nice. He didn’t realize how much he missed living in a place like this after he’d pretended to belong in the suburbs for so long.
“So.” Mason finished off the beer in his hand. “What’s the history with you and Braden?”
Ah hell. That question was loaded down with more history than Gavin wanted to go into.
CHAPTER THREE
“Toss me another.” Mason nodded toward the cooler, wondering why in the hell he asked Gavin about Braden. All he should be doing was drinking and enjoying the night, and not getting into other people’s business.
But then, he’d always been curious. Maybe that’s why he made such a good bartender. He liked talking to people. It had made him good in the restaurant business, as well.
Gavin pulled a can from the cooler and handed it to Mason.
“Good friends,” Gavin finally answered. “He was my first boyfriend when we were in high school. We moved away together afterward.”
“No shit?”
Gavin nodded, looking a little lost in thought. “It was strange seeing him with Wes today. With their little girl and all their relatives. The acceptance. It’s a beautiful thing.”
Now they were getting somewhere. The edge to Gavin’s voice told Mason that he hadn’t experienced the same kind of acceptance. In some ways, Mason hadn’t, either. Not that his family cared he was gay. They never had, but there were many ways to make someone feel bad about the person they were, even when it wasn’t done on purpose. Obligation was a damn heavy weight to carry.
“So, you came in for the wedding and then you’re heading home? Where is home, anyway?”
Gavin sighed and dropped his head back, looking at the sky. Mason loved the night—the darkness, and the little specks of light up there. The stall in Gavin told him he’d just hit a sour subject. Or maybe he just thought Mason was a nosy son of a bitch—which he was.
“Hell, I don’t know where home is. I don’t really know what I’m doing, either.”
The words echoed through Mason, swam around and made a home there. No, they’d been there already, because he felt the same. He always had. It’s why he moved to Blackcreek and bought the bar in the first place.
“I used to teach music at a high school. I lost my job. I guess I didn’t really lose it since I just walked away, but…” Gavin took a drink, and Mason had a feeling the alcohol gave him a looser tongue than he’d normally have. “It’s all I’ve ever done. And I loved it, in a way. I’ve always loved music, but I think I always knew I didn’t belong where I was anyway. It was never real. Hell, I’m drunk. I don’t know what I’m saying. The point is I’m renting Braden’s house. Not sure how long I’ll be here or what I’m going to do.”
There was a story there. Mason heard it in the tone of his voice, but really it wasn’t any of his business.
Gavin stood, stretched. When he did his shirt rose, showing Mason muscular abs and a trail of dark hair. The man was sexy, but that’s not what had his mind running right now. Gavin had said he didn’t know what he was saying, but Mason understood it. He felt it, because despite having a family who loved and accepted him, he never felt like he belonged, either.
Turns out he didn’t—only everyone except for Mason himself had been in on it until recently.
“You ever bartend?” he asked on a whim.
Gavin looked down at him and cocked a brow. “No.”
“It’s not teaching, but if you’re looking for something to do, I have a position open. Could use a little help. The pay’s not great, the hours suck, and it would only be part-time, but we have a hell of a good time down there.” He winked.
“Even though I’ve never tended bar before?” Gavin smirked. Mason couldn’t tell if he wanted to look as sexy as he did or if he was just drunk and couldn’t smile straight. Either way, he liked the view.
“Eh, I know your friends so I’ll give you a chance. I’ll give you a book I have on mixed drinks to go over.”
“Homework and studying? Maybe it’s not too different from teaching. Sounds like it’s right up my alley.”
Not even close to teaching but that was okay. “Come down to the bar in the next few days and I’ll give you some paperwork to fill out.”
Gavin paused, looked down at him. He had an expression in his eyes that Mason couldn’t read. Or maybe it was the alcohol again. Who knew?
Gavin held out his hand and they shook before he pulled Mason to his feet. Their bodies were close. There was nothing like the feel of a hard, masculine body against his own.
“Thanks for the chance. I really appreciate it,” Gavin told him but didn’t back away. All Mason could smell was fire and he suddenly wanted the scent of man. It was strange, because for Mason, it made his body come alert. Gavin didn’t seem to notice, though. It was like he didn’t clue into things like that. It had been the same at the bar.
“I’m horny when I’m drunk. You’re not doing me any favors standing so close.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Mason realized how they sounded. He meant them as a joke, but considering he just offered the guy a job, it
probably wasn’t the best time to make a sex joke. “Hey, I didn’t mean—”
“Guess you should have thought about that before you decided to become my boss.” Gavin gave him a mischievous smirk, and Mason let out a relieved breath. He’d taken it the way Mason meant.
“Hell, I take it back. Or you’re fired. Whatever works better.” They both laughed, and it felt good. Real. “Come on, let’s get this fire put out.”
Mason still chuckled as they took care of the fire and then headed inside for some much needed sleep.
***
Gavin’s nerves were on edge as the phone rang. It shouldn’t be like that. He shouldn’t dread and worry about talking to his family, but yet he did. His fault? Their fault? Probably a combination of all of them because he didn’t push, never had, and they hadn’t been willing to let their beliefs evolve out of love for him, either.
“Hello?” The soft voice of his mother drifted through the line.
“Hi. It’s Gavin.”
“Gavin!” The tone excitedly went up a few octaves. “It’s so good to hear from you. How are you?” Gavin settled against the back of the couch. Still gay…
“I’m good. I wanted to let you know that I’m settled into Blackcreek. I’ve already found a job.”
She sighed, and he could tell she wasn’t happy. Wait until she found out what kind of job he’d gotten.
“Did you ask the school to take you back like we spoke about? Apologize for what you did? I’m sure with your record they could excuse you.”
Gavin ignored her question, because what the hell had he done? Nothing wrong. He’d tried to help a kid, that’s all. “It’s at a bar. I’m going to be a bartender.” Guilt slammed into him because he knew this would upset her, yet he said it anyway. It’s probably the reason he did.
“Do you think that’s a good idea? You need to surround yourself with people who follow the Lord, Gavin.”
And people who go into a bar obviously can’t be that kind of person. Why the hell did it have to be that way?
Gavin’s defenses took over, controlled his mouth. Growing up he would have apologized, hidden who he was or completely walked away. Guilt would have eaten through him for his older parents, who tried so hard to have him. Who were stuck in their beliefs and who he did know loved him. Hell, even a few months ago he wouldn’t have shared his plans. He would have kept who he was private. But where had that gotten him? With parents who still worried about his soul, a life alone, and having his career taken away from him.
Now, all he could think about was what he’d lost. The things he didn’t have. The fact that he was thirty years old and didn’t know what he wanted because he always tried to be who they needed him to be.
And right or wrong, it made him angry. “I’m staying at Braden’s house and—”
“I don’t think you’re making wise decisions. You’ve lost your job because of your choices, and that boy, he…”
Was the first person to tell Gavin it was okay to be who he is. Was the first person in his life to accept him without praying for his soul and telling him he would go to hell. “He doesn’t live here anymore. He lives with his husband and their daughter. Even if he didn’t, he’s no different than me. And I didn’t lose my job because of choices I made. It was taken away from me because of ignorance.”
“The bible says—”
“Don’t! I can’t do this.” Gavin shoved to his feet just as the quiet cries started. That was his mom—she got hurt, worried, sad, cried. His dad got angry and preached.
“We just worry about you so much. You’re our only son and we love you.”
And he knew they did.
Gavin’s guilt started gnawing on his bones again—not over who he was, but by him baiting her. He’d said those things knowing they would upset her. He paced Braden’s living room. Well—his living room, he guessed. “I know. I’m sorry. I love you, too. How is he…? Dad?”
He heard movement through the line and he imagined his mom wiping her tears, trying to be strong. “As good as can be expected. He has his good days and his bad. Dementia is a horrible disease. I know he’d like to see you, though. He misses you, even if he can’t always express it.”
The thing was, as much as it hurt to see them, Gavin missed his family, as well.
CHAPTER FOUR
“You’re never going to be able to forgive me, are you?” Isaac sat on Mason’s couch as Mason leaned against the wall by the door. He shouldn’t have been shocked to open his door and see his ex standing there. It wasn’t the first time he’d driven down from Denver since Mason moved to Blackcreek. In the beginning, it was when he wanted to fuck. Ever since Mason completely called things off, it was to give him hell.
Isaac scratched his knee while Mason decided how to respond to the question. He’d spent three years of his life with this man. They’d been great together in a lot of ways. Neither required a lot as far as relationships went. They were fairly open, put work first, and were happy that way. Then Mason discovered Isaac lied to him the same way his family had, and suddenly Isaac couldn’t leave him alone.
Obviously getting antsy, Isaac pushed the sleeves up on his shirt. Here it was early summer and he wore a long-sleeved button down.
“It’s not a matter of forgiveness. Was I pissed? Of course. In some ways I still am.” Mason crossed his arms.
“It wasn’t my place to tell you. It—”
“I was your lover, and your closest friend. It was your place. I never would have kept secrets from you. Not something that big. Not when you know how I feel about lying.” Not when he knew Mason already questioned who he was. The anger started to rise in him again, heat scorching his body. How could his family, and lover, keep something so big from him?
Mason shook his head, tired of dealing with it all. He’d spent most of his life feeling different, following dreams that weren’t his, and he was finally moving on. “If it’s the words you need to hear, then I forgive you. But that doesn’t change anything.”
Half of Isaac’s mouth rose. “Yes it does.” He stood and walked over to Mason, didn’t stop until their bodies touched. Mason didn’t move away. “I want you back.”
“You can’t have me.” They eyed each other, neither man backing down.
Isaac cursed. “I didn’t know what to do. I thought it was the right thing.”
Mason didn’t doubt that. “I know, but it doesn’t change anything. That wasn’t me—the life we had in Denver. I don’t want the same shit you do.” Even when they’d been happily together Mason had known that. He’d just been willing to pretend back then. He wasn’t willing any longer.
“Right now, all I want is to fuck you.” Isaac reached for him but Mason grabbed his wrist in a tight hold.
Wanted to play that way, did he? Mason didn’t let go of Isaac’s wrist. He leaned in closer. “You didn’t get to call the shots on that before and you don’t get to now, either. When I’m in the mood to be fucked, it won’t be you I’m telling to do it anymore. Now, I have to get to the bar.” Mason let go and slid from between Isaac and the wall. His ex groaned.
“You’re killing me, Mason.”
“You never did like to lose.” He grabbed his wallet from the table and pushed it into his back pocket.
Isaac laughed. “I’m not giving up.”
Mason knew that was coming. Like he said, Isaac never liked to lose, and the fact that Mason walked away was a loss to the man. “I didn’t figure you would, but you know I don’t back down, either.”
Isaac adjusted himself and then opened the door, signaling for Mason to step out. He did, followed by Isaac. They both walked over to their vehicles—Isaac to his Lexus and Mason to his Expedition. “Hey,” Mason called to him. Regardless of what went down between them, Mason still considered Isaac his friend.
Isaac turned to look at him before Mason spoke again. “I really do forgive you. We’ve been friends too long not to.”
“And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
“I’m still not giving up, though. Oh, and Mom and Dad told me to tell you they want us to come over for dinner next Saturday. They miss the two of us spending time together with them.” Isaac winked, got into his car and drove away.
They’d grown up together. When Isaac’s parents died, he got even closer to Mason’s. He’d called Mason’s parents Mom and Dad ever since Mason could remember.
He shook his head, not surprised Isaac would use everything he had in his arsenal, even Mason’s parents to conquer him.
***
Gavin watched as Mason squinted and then blew out a deep breath while shaking his head. “Are you trying to get me drunk when I have a shift that starts in two hours? Too much vodka.” Damn it. It was the first drink he made and he’d wanted to get it right.
“It tasted good to me.”
Mason set the glass down and then stood beside Gavin. “Less is sometimes more. You don’t want it to be overpowering. Think of it like…hell, I don’t know, you’re playing the guitar or something.”
With that, Gavin laughed. “That doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“Yes it does—or at least pretend it does. There’s a fine art to making a good drink. You’ll learn it, but I’m assuming music is the same way. You walked into the bar that first day and heard something in the notes that I didn’t. A good bartender knows how to use just the right amounts to give the perfect flavor.”
Gavin looked at Mason, Mason at Gavin, before both of them let out loud bursts of laughter. His gut hurt before he could finally calm down enough to speak. “That was the biggest piece of bullshit I’ve ever heard.”
“Fuck you. You’re fired. I’m trying here.”
It was Gavin’s first day. The bar would be open soon, and though he and Mason would be working together, he was nervous. Which made him feel crazy. What was there to be nervous about? But it felt like this was his new beginning, or he wanted it to be. Wanted to really find out who he was and experience new things. The last thing he wanted to do was fail at any of them. It didn’t matter if he was making drinks or teaching children, Gavin wanted to do it well.