"Are you alright?" Tony asked.
"I'm fine, just needed a minute to pull myself together. That’s all."
"Are you rattled because of the fall you just had or because of me?"
She lifted a shoulder, her back still to him. "It was the fall of course. You've kissed me before. I know you never mean anything by it.”
Hands on her shoulders Tony gently steered Sarah around to face him. His eyes looked so dark and intent as he regarded her. "That’s not exactly true. I did mean something by it, not just today but all those other times too. It was wrong of me to lie to you but-”
"So you were worried. I get that and I appreciate it. Really, I do. I know I’ve been a little accident prone since I started working here but I'm fine now. Thanks to you I didn’t actually get hurt this time." She quickly cut him off not sure she wanted to hear the rest. Tony, however, was determined to make her understand.
"That's not what I meant."
"Um -ok so what did you mean by it?"
She questioned the sanity behind her question when Tony ran a hand through his hair. He then let out a breath that sounded suspiciously like a growl as he seemed to gather himself. The sound surprisingly enough made her want to giggle and she instantly felt better. Other people seemed to get nervous when he made that particular sound but she’d never felt intimidated by him. She supposed it might have something to do with the fact that he was an easy man to read. Unfortunately, she had a sneaking suspicion that particular door swung both ways and right now he somehow knew she wanted him to kiss her again.
Just as she began to wonder what he planned to do with this information he reached for her. Cupping her face, his touch was incredibly gentle as if he were holding something fragile and infinitely precious. Angling her head just so, he pressed his lips to hers softly at first then with considerably more passion. Warmth curled in the pit of her stomach as the kiss intensified. It felt as if he were putting everything he had into that kiss, searing her insides and removing all doubt about his personal interest in her. Somewhere in the foggy recesses of her brain, she realized that it wasn’t exactly a good idea to be standing there kissing her boss no matter how good it might actually feel. It would be far wiser to end this now and make him understand why whatever was going on between them couldn’t happen.
Rather than do the right thing though, she lifted a hand to rest against his shirt front and returned his kisses. Beneath her palm he she felt the heavy thud of his heart. Rock hard muscles bunched and shifted as he adjusted his hold on her. Behind her closed eyelids she envisioned just how good this part of his body probably looked without the shirt and felt her own heart give a hard thump. No one was more shocked than she when she parted her lips, silently encouraging him to deepen the kiss. He wasted no time plunging his tongue inside to taste her. When her tongue swirled with his he groaned, the deep rumbling sound dragged her back to her senses.
What the hell was she doing?
Slowly, reluctantly she broke free and rested against his chest. With her head bent he wasn’t able to see her face, a gift for which she was grateful, since she could only imagine just how needy she probably looked just then. Her brain was still struggling to reboot when he lifted a hand to stroke back her hair. The tender action was all she needed to get the tremors started again throughout her entire body. The gesture made her feel cared for in a way she’d never before experienced with a man. She had no clue he was capable of such tenderness. He was kind and even understanding, sure, but looking into his eyes just moments before he'd kissed her she'd glimpsed a man far different from the normal Tony she'd come to know. For the first time since she'd started working for him, she found herself fearing him and the power he seemed to hold over her. The feeling intensified when he wrapped both his arms around her hugging her close, resting his cheek on the top of her head.
"I’m glad to know this thing between us is mutual.” He murmured. “Up until now, I was certain my feelings were all one sided. I tried my best to keep my distance not wanting to make you uncomfortable but it's nice to know I won’t have to anymore."
His voice sounded so confident as if he just assumed that a romantic relationship between the two of them was now a foregone conclusion. The assumption was enough to spark her anger and forced her head to clear.
"What makes you think I feel anything for you other than friendship? You’re my boss, my employer."
Tony blinked then snorted. "Do you honestly think you could kiss me like you just did then convince me you still only want to be my friend? Sorry Sarah but I’m not that stupid. I know you’re attracted to me and I think it's pretty clear how I feel about you."
“Actually I have no idea how you feel about me. You’re right I did kiss you. So what? Maybe I was just curious. For all I know you kissed me for the same reason. Either that or it could be a strictly physical reaction. You could be looking to satisfy an itch. That's all."
"Or maybe, you’re just scared because you've never been attracted to a man that didn't share the same skin color as you." He tossed back showing some irritation now but Sarah didn't back down.
"You're right. It does scare me. I have never been attracted to white men before but-"
"But?" He encouraged.
Her eyes snapped as she angrily spit out the rest of her confession. "Right from the start, things were different with you. I –I can't explain it."
Tony's harsh expression softened as he watched Sarah struggle.
"Have you ever been this attracted to anyone else?"
"No"
"Neither have I. Are you afraid of me? Is that why you don't want to get to know me?"
"You know very well I have never been afraid of you. Even when you're yelling, I know it's just a lot of hot air so I ignore it."
"Gee, thanks, and all this time I thought I was putting the fear of God into people. So what's this really about then? Is it that you’re worried about what people would say if they saw us together? Or is it that you just don't want to be attracted to me?"
She gave an unladylike snort and tossed her hands in the air. "Are you kidding me? I could give you a laundry list of reasons why this is a really bad idea not the least of which is that you sign my paycheck."
"If I were a black man would you be standing here acting as if you’re not sure you should trust me?"
She stared up at him a long time chewing her lip as she contemplated the question. “Yes”
"Why?"
She turned away then and bent to lift the bird cage she had intended to clean hoping to end the conversation but Tony wouldn't take the hint. He plucked her burden from her hands and deposited it on the nearby counter.
"I want to know why Sarah. You have no problem getting in my face and asking for the very same trust that I'm requesting. Don't you think that's just a tad hypocritical?"
"No, it's not. I was asking as a friend because I wanted to help a friend get past the problems he seemed to be having. You sound as if you are asking as a man hoping to have a personal relationship with me and that's not what I want. I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone right now."
"Why not? Did somebody hurt you?"
"No-It's not something I want to talk about alright?"
"Are you secretly a man?" He persisted.
She glared up at him and this time she couldn't resist the laugh she saw lurking in his eyes. Just that brief glimpse of his dimple and she could feel herself weakening toward him. What was it about this man that made it so hard to stick to her guns? The slight wavering in her resolve must have shown on her face because his tone turned sweet, cajoling.
"Come on Sarah. I really want to know. Tell me what has you so afraid of this thing between us. I know you feel it too so don’t bother denying it."
"You're not going to let this go are you?"
"I can be pretty stubborn when it's important and this is very important to me. I can't help you move past this thing if you don't let me know what I’m up against."
She tried to shove him away not liking the arrogance in his tone but he wouldn’t budge. She struggled for a moment but quickly realized it was a losing battle. The man was going to have his way. She had no defense against his charms. Finally, she sighed.
"I can't tell you, alright. The minute I do your whole attitude towards me will change and I wouldn’t be able to stand that."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because most men act differently, once they learn I’m still a virgin."
It took a full ten seconds before he seemed to thoroughly process this new information. When he responded he seemed to take his time choosing his words carefully. "How did other men react when you told them this?"
She stared up at the ceiling remembering. "I usually get one of two reactions. Either they stare at me in horror and act as if I have some rare disease they came into contact with or they can't wait to do their best to change that particular fact about me. Neither reaction told me they cared anything about me, just themselves. So why should you be any different? You'll either see me as a challenge or a leper. Neither one is particularly flattering."
"Don't do that."
“What?”
"Don't lump me into the same category as every other jerk from your past then dismiss me."
"Why shouldn’t I?"
“Because, I'm nothing like them. I don’t care if you're a virgin or not. Sex isn’t the only reason why people get together.”
“I’m not stupid Tony. It may not be the only reason but it is a part of it, a major part.”
“Believe me, Sweetheart, I know that more than most people.”
“So, tell me again where I would be wrong to treat you like all the others?”
Folding his arms he moved to stand next to her, his back against the sink. “Look, I’m not going to lie to you Sarah. Making love with you is something I would like to experience at some point but only if you wanted it too. I would never push you into an intimate relationship you didn’t want. Right now though, all I’m asking for is a chance to get to know each other better. If you give me that I’ll do my damnedest to convince you that a relationship with me would be a good thing and not at all something to be afraid of. I understand you’ve been hurt in the past but I’m not like those other guys. I promise, I will never treat you as if your needs don’t matter. Do you think you can give me that?”
“You never know.” He added nudging her in the shoulder. “As crazy as it may seem, you just might actually grow to like me.”
Sarah’s couldn't stop the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth. He really was hard to resist but she wasn't willing to admit defeat just yet. “I don’t know if I should. You seem awfully sure of yourself and I don’t like cocky guys.”
“Yeah, you do. You wouldn’t respect me if I lacked self-confidence.”
“What makes you so sure? For all you know I might go for the shy type.”
He continued to hold her gaze. “Really?”
She rolled her eyes. “All right, fine. I wouldn’t.”
“Good so does this mean we’ve reached an understanding? Will you spend some time with me and allow us to get to know each other better?”
Sarah opened her mouth to answer but at that moment the door opened and Martin, one of the high school students that helped out on the weekends, stepped inside. At the sight of his two bosses staring up at him, he froze. “Oh uh sorry guys, I-I was just getting a pair of rubber gloves. I can come back later if you need more time to finish talking.”
Tony nodded. “Thanks Martin, I’ll bring them to you once we’ve finished up.”
The teenager nodded and backed out of the room closing the door behind him. Tony turned his attention back to Sarah. “What were you going to say?”
Again she opened her mouth to respond but he held up a hand. “You know what? Why don’t we table this discussion for a bit? I don’t want to pressure you and you look as if you might need some time to think things through.”
He leaned in to briefly press a kiss to the top of her head turned to retrieve a package of rubber gloves for Martin out of a nearby cabinet. Before he headed for the door he asked.
"Will you have dinner with me tonight?”
She shook her head. “I can't. I have to enter all those inventory numbers into the new system if we're going to have it up and running by Monday.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll meet you upstairs after the cleaning is done. We can decide what we want to eat then I'll get it and bring it back here.”
"Alright"
"Good, I'll see you then."
As promised Tony showed up in her office shortly after six that evening. Sarah was waist deep in the inventory numbers when he arrived holding a big bag. The heavenly scent of garlic and tomatoes wafted from it and her stomach growled embarrassingly in reaction. She dropped her head hoping he hadn’t noticed. His chuckle removed any such delusion but he was quick to put her at ease.
“I know exactly how you feel. That sandwich I had for lunch this afternoon is just a distant memory now.”
He pulled up a spare chair and began unpacking his bag.
Pushing aside any anxiety she had been feeling about this moment, Sarah decided to just be herself. If that scared the man off, so be it. Eagerly, she set aside the papers she had been shuffling and made room for the bag on the end of her desk. Together they set out paper plates and plastic cutlery along with large plastic containers of spaghetti and meatballs, a tossed salad and garlic bread. Sarah surveyed the large portions of food with some skepticism. “There is no way we can possibly eat all that.”
The knowing grin he gave her had her jaw dropping. “You can’t be serious.”
He began scooping food onto her plate laughing while he worked. “You didn’t really think I got this big living off of salads did you?”
The comment was a loaded one. If she responded she would be all but admitting that she had noticed just how incredibly he filled out his clothes. On the other hand there was no denying that he was a large man, easily a good eighty pounds heavier than her and all of it was hard mouth- watering muscle. “I -uh, well, to be honest I hadn’t given it much thought.”
He gave her a strange look. “Why do I get the feeling you aren’t being completely honest with me?”
Shrugging, she shoved a piece of garlic bread in her mouth to keep from having to answer. Laughing, he slipped a hand to her waist and kissed her cheek. “Coward.”
She elbowed him in the ribs but kept chewing. Later after she’d watched him eat an impressive amount of the meal he’d brought she finally got up the nerve to ask. “Do you eat like this all the time?”
He leaned back in his chair looking pleased that she was relaxed enough now to ask him personal questions. He nodded. “I was a skinny kid growing up but when I hit my teens, around fifteen or sixteen I shot up, joined the football team and the more I worked out the more food I ate. Later when I joined the marines I didn’t eat as much since military food isn’t exactly mom’s home cooking and lost a ton of weight. I’ve been making up for it ever since. Why? Does it bother you?”
“Why would it bother me? You obviously know how to take care of yourself.”
She wanted to die the minute the words were out and his expression turned smug. “I’m glad you noticed. I wasn’t at all sure you would admit to that.”
Rolling her eyes she confessed. “Yes, I noticed but as I pointed out to you earlier. I don’t like cocky guys. You know what you look like. You don’t need me to boost your ego.”
He leaned in closer then, his gaze held hers captive. “Maybe but I don’t know what you think of how I look. For all I know you don’t even like me.”
“Do you honestly believe I would have kissed you if I didn’t like you?”
“Finally, some honesty around here.”
“Don’t push your luck Mason." She blustered. "I only agreed to have dinner with you. I never agreed to start dating you.”
He inched even closer to her then, so
close their noses were practically touching. “You would seriously consider letting this go? Knowing how we feel about each other, you're not the least bit curious about where this could lead?”
She swallowed in an effort to lubricate her suddenly dry throat. Why did it feel as if she had known this man her entire life? She'd tried her best to keep some professional distance between them but it never quite seemed to pan out. She felt so comfortable with him. She was so drawn to him. Was he suggesting he felt the same way?
“I don’t know how to answer that question since I don’t know how you feel.”
In answer he plucked her from her seat and settled her onto his lap as easily as if she were a small child. It made her feel just as helpless but she instinctively knew she was safe with him. She met his intense gaze as he studied her. “You are a lousy liar. You know exactly how I feel. It’s as if we’ve always known each other. When you’re not running away from our mutual attraction, you're comfortable with me. I look in your eyes and I know we understand each other. I’ve felt this connection to you since we first met and if you’re honest with yourself you’ve felt it too. Haven't you?”
Sarah couldn’t speak at first. All she could do was study her hands as they rested on Tony’s broad shoulders while she considered his words. What he said was true. It was one of the things that scared her about him. It was as if he were in her head and she somehow knew that no matter how fast she ran or how hard she tried to keep him at arm’s length. He would always be right there waiting patiently for her. It felt inevitable in a lot of ways, their being together. Finally she answered deciding to hold nothing back.
“You’re right. I’ve never felt this connected to anyone before and it scares me. I also think it’s odd that you are so accepting of something this weird.”
She gave him an apologetic little shrug. “Sorry but you did ask for the truth. There is a lot about this association that has me concerned but that has to be the biggest factor.”
“I understand. Let me ask you another question.”
She nodded.
“Do you trust me?”
“What do you mean by that?”
His Redemption Page 4