“I would never have done that to you.”
The sound of his voice startled her and she jumped. “I- I thought you were still sleeping.”
“I was, thanks to you, but now I’m awake.”
“How did I get here? I don’t remember climbing into bed with you.”
He grinned then and she noticed he looked a lot better, more relaxed and rested than he had in a while. “That was my doing. I woke up earlier and found you practically freezing on the end of my sofa, I felt bad about making you suffer while I was out cold so I brought you up to my room. I hope you don’t mind. It’s not in me to take advantage of you.”
“I know. It's the first time I've ever been in bed with a man but I trust you.”
He gently drew her back down against him and held her. “I enjoyed every minute of it, even if I was asleep. Thank you for that, by the way. That was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time.”
“I’m glad I was able to help. It worried me that you were looking so worn out. Do you want to tell me why you allow yourself to go through this?”
“I would rather not.”
“What if I insist?”
“Do I have to?”
“Were you serious about us getting to know each other? If you were that means no holding back. I want to know everything about you the good as well as the bad.”
He sighed shaking his head. “It’s nothing really. A lot of guys have the same problem as me now that they’re back from the war.”
That got her attention. ‘You’re telling me this is a side effect from battle?”
He nodded. “It’s PTSD. I was diagnosed with it shortly after I got home. Thankfully I’ve gotten over the worst of it. I used to wake from nightmares and flashbacks from the explosions and sh- stuff that I’d witness and sometimes took part in.”
Sarah tried her best to keep her voice neutral as she asked her next question. She was pretty sure this was what had caused the haunted look in his eyes and her heart ached for what he must have endured. "Were you injured too?"
"Yeah, I nearly lost my life when my jeep blew up because of an improvised explosive device or IED as they say on the news. My buddy Evan was killed that day. He was the one driving. I was thrown from the vehicle and landed several yards away in a ravine with a huge gash in my side, a severe concussion and a bunch of cuts and scrapes but he wasn't nearly as lucky.
He told her all this in a matter of fact way but Sarah wasn't fooled. Tony was hurting and had more than just physical scars to remind him of his not so distant past. "Is that why you told me I shouldn't waste my sympathy on you because Evan died instead of you?"
"It should have been me."
"How can you say that? It was just one of those things. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"No, it wasn't. He was the golden child. Evan had only joined the service so he could pay for college. He was a great student. All the other guys in the platoon liked him. He got along with everyone even the locals.”
“Me," he said with disgust. "I was a screw up. The only reason I was there was because I'd flunked out of college. I partied my way through two years of school and can't remember if I attended a single class. Finally my dad got so fed up he said he wasn't going to waste another dollar for an education I didn't appreciate. He told me that if I expected him to continue to pay my way I would need to grow up first and prove I could handle responsibility. When I asked what the hell he meant by that he told me to figure it out. Finally after days of being flat on my ass drunk and feeling sorry for myself I decided to enlist in the marines. I'd heard a few of the guys mention in high school that they were joining up after graduation and I figured it might be kind of fun. Maybe if I came home with a couple of medals for my bravery the old man would get off my case about school but war has a way of making a man out of even the sorriest boys out there. I sobered up fast as soon as they shaved my head on the first day of basic training and I realized this was for real. I had four years to think about the shit I put my folks through and I was ashamed of myself. I've tried my best to make it up to them since then by being the best man I could. While I was enlisted I worked my ass off. I stayed in shape despite the awful food and tried my best to stay active. I got promoted to Sergeant by the time I left the corps but I swear, every time I look in the mirror I still see the same screwed up kid I was nine years ago. Nothing I do makes that image go away."
Sarah's heart broke for this man. He was so much more than he gave himself credit. "It wasn't your fault Evan was killed but you weren't. I believe in God Tony and I have to believe that He was in control even then. Maybe Evan had done everything he was supposed to do and that's why he was killed. Maybe it was just his time to go but you were spared because you still have things to do and learn."
"I tried to tell myself that too but I still feel like I owe his parents an apology. Why did a guy like him have to die instead of me? He had so much potential and unlike me, he was actually living up to it."
"Actually, from what you've just told me you finally were too. I can't tell you why you were spared and he wasn't but I can tell you that beating yourself up over it is pointless. It happened. You didn't have anything to do with getting him killed and there's nothing you can do to change the past. I feel sorry for Evan's family but I'm grateful you're still alive. I wouldn't be here with you now if things had gone differently and I would have missed out on getting to know the extraordinary man you've grown into."
"You can't mean that." The look of disgust on Tony’s face spoke volumes. Was it possible he didn’t understand how much he meant to her? Or was he just having a hard time understanding why? Either way, she didn’t like the implication that somehow he didn’t feel worthy of her affection.
"Why can't I? No man has ever treated me with so much caring or consideration. Even this morning, after I tried to help you to sleep you put me in your bed because you felt guilty about my discomfort. I can't speak to the kind of person you were before I met you but I can honestly say that you've turned into a mature, responsible, caring and understanding man. I feel safe and happy with you even in this setting. I know you are not the same person you were back then so let it go. Those shoes don't fit anymore so stop trying to put them back on."
Tony laughed at her absurd statement. "What does that mean?"
"It means that you've outgrown that part of your life now so stop trying to fit back into it. You're not that guy anymore and I doubt if anyone thinks you still are."
“There is so much I regret from back then, so many people I hurt.”
Sarah cupped his face with a gentle hand. “Then do your best to repair those relationships. Apologize to the ones you can and find a way to make amends. But one thing you should not do is apologize for being alive. You didn’t kill Even so stop trying to punish yourself. It’s not your burden to bear. All you can do is offer condolences to the family he left behind and move on.”
He closed his eyes and took a long shuddering breath. “How did I ever get lucky enough to find you?”
“It wasn’t luck at all. I don’t believe in it. I think maybe we were meant to cross paths. You obviously needed to hear what I had to say. I remember looking into your eyes all those weeks ago when we first met and I knew in my heart I wanted to help you if I could. I hope I've done at least a little something to lighten your load.”
He kissed her then long and slow putting his whole heart into it. "I can't tell you how much, thank you."
She settled back down in the crook of his arm. Tony stared up at the ceiling and she hoped that what she'd said was starting to sink in. She couldn't stand the idea of Tony feeling guilty about surviving an incident he had nothing to do with creating. She tried her best not to think about what her life would have been like if she had never met Tony, if he had in fact died in that explosion and never made it back home to take over his dad's business. What would her life be like now? Would she have eventually found a man she felt this comfortable with? Or would she
have been doomed to spend her life running away from lecherous men looking to bed her for no other reason than to put another image in their spank bank?
“I called in sick for the both of us so we now have the entire day to ourselves. What do you want to do?” Tony asked pulling her out of her less than pleasant musings.
Sarah was thoughtful for a moment as she considered the question. Then her lips spread in a slow smile as an idea took shape. “How do you feel about the beach?”
His grin quickly matched hers. “I haven’t done that in a long time and I know just the one too. Could I talk you into making a special lunch to take with us though?”
“I think I could whip up a little somethin- somethin. Now come on. Let’s get going so we can find a decent spot.”
Later they were setting up camp beneath a rocky outcropping overlooking the clear inviting water. The sand was crowded with children laughing and racing from the water’s edge to waiting parents and dry towels. Teenagers and young adults sunbathed under the hot sun while music from several locations filled the air. Sarah and Tony spread out their blanket and arranged their own cooler and towels. Tony sat staring as he watched Sarah tug off her t-shirt to reveal her bathing suit top. It wasn’t a bikini but it was a close second. She saw the way Tony was looking at her and realized that he really liked what he was seeing. She may have been a virgin but she knew when a man was admiring her and she took pleasure in the way his gaze was making her feel. She kept her gaze lowered just enough to see through her lashes as she hooked her thumbs into the waist band of her shorts and pushed them down her legs.
The suite she had on was a one piece with cut outs on the sides to show off her flat tummy, curvy hips and full breasts. She nearly giggled as Tony’s mouth practically fell open at the sight and he seemed to be fighting hard not to reach out and grab her. When he looked around as if trying to determine how many other men were watching her little strip tease she felt good all over. This big hulking man was staring at her as if she was something special and it made her feel sexy for the first time in her life. She threw him a teasing grin over her shoulder.
“Are you coming or are you just going to stand there staring into space?”
Snapping out of his stupor he raced to kick off his sneakers and whipped off his own shirt. Sarah blinked several times as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing then she cast a glance around and noticed a bunch of other women doing the very same thing. Whatever she was feeling must have shown on her face because he laughed. Sarah scowled. She hated the idea that she might have actually felt jealous but she was. There were so many women, on this beach alone, better suited to be with a man like him. Did he ever wonder if they belonged together? The uncomfortable thoughts quickly melted away as he engulfed her in a bear hug. “Is something wrong Baby?”
“No, I just- it’s just that, I never realized how big you are. I-you’re huge.” She pressed her face into his chest to hide her embarrassed flush which made him laugh again.
“It’s alright Sarah. I’m not exactly insulted. I’ve work hard to stay in shape. I’m just glad you like it.”
“I’m not the only one either.” She commented. “There are quite a few women around here enjoying the view right along with me and given half a chance would probably push me out of the way to get a better look at your tattoos.”
Tony didn’t bother to lift his head to find out if what she said was true. Instead, he kept his gaze trained on hers. “The only woman I want to inspect anything on me is you. As long as you’re enjoying the view I’m a happy man.”
“You really mean that?”
“Do you doubt me?”
He lowered his head to brush a light kiss across Sarah’s lips then took her hand and led the way to the shoreline. Sarah dipped a toe in then slowly carefully inched her way into the cool water. Tony had no such worries about the temperature. He had been sporting an erection ever since she’d tugged off her top and needed help to calm his hormones back down before he embarrassed himself. He continued his pace until he was waist deep and dove in letting the cool water wash over him and clear his head. After surfacing and pushing the wet hair out of his eyes he looked back and saw Sarah slowly making her way towards him. Something brushed his side. He turned and came face to face with a cool blonde wearing a tiny sky blue bikini that matched her eyes gazing up at him. She smiled invitingly. She was pretty with long legs and big fake tits that looked perfectly round. There was a predatory look on her face that told him she was used to getting what she wanted and right now she wanted him. Years ago this wouldn’t have bothered him. He would have taken her for a quick fuck in the bathroom then gone on about his business but, as Sarah had pointed out, he wasn’t that man anymore. Even if he hadn’t already found someone he cared deeply about, this woman reminded him way too much of the old life and the image he was trying desperately to shed.
It was at that moment it dawned on him just why Sarah held so much appeal. Aside from the fact that she was exotically beautiful, no man had ever touched her. The way she carried herself conveyed that she was someone worth treating with respect not because she felt she was better than everyone else but because she would give the same in return. She wasn’t a user or hanger-on and she didn’t need someone else to tell her who she was. She cared about him and wanted him in her life but she didn’t need him. Woah! He hadn’t realized until then just how appealing self-sufficiency could be until he’d met Sarah. It was freeing in a way he’d never expected. His tiny Sarah was strong, intelligent and in control and by some miracle she wanted to be with him. How the hell had that happened?
“Hey.” The blonde purred next to him. The unwanted attention bugged him as it pulled him away from his thoughts.
“Hi,” he said then turned his gaze back towards shore eager to get Sarah back in his arms.
“Are you here alone?”
“My girlfriend is right over there.”
He nudged his chin in towards the shoreline. There were a couple of women in that general area several yards away.
“You mean the dark haired woman in the hot pink suite?”
“No, the one in the multi colored one.”
“The only woman I see wearing anything like that is that short black girl.”
"That would be her."
"Have you two been together long?"
"Why do you want to know?" He asked irritably. Her persistence was getting on his nerves.
She moved in a little closer but even though he backed up it didn’t stop her from flirting. "Just curious. Maybe if you're not doing anything later you and I could, you know, hangout or something."
The steamy look she threw his way left no question of what the something she had in mind would be. Tony started to panic. Was he giving off some kind of vibe? He knew women like this. Judging by the look on her face and the way she was eyeing his body, she wasn’t going to go away without some serious motivation. Sarah was now just a few feet away so he lunged for her kissing her hard. She grinned and swiped the water from her face. “Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”
“Huh? Oh -uh, sure.”
He turned back to the blonde knowing he’d made his point. “What did you say your name was?”
Instead of answering she gave her wet hair a flip over one shoulder then splashed away. Sarah laughed. “Was I interrupting something?”
He shook his head uncaring about the disgusted expression on the woman's face as she left. “Not as far as I’m concerned.”
They splashed and played for a long time only coming out when they grew hungry. “I think I’m going to raid the cooler and see what you packed for lunch.”
Sarah was right behind him. By the time she reached their blanket Tony was already pulling out plastic containers and drinks. He found a large sandwich big enough for at least four people stacked heavily with deli meats, cheese, lettuce, plum tomatoes and a homemade pesto spread. He cut himself a generous piece and set it on a plate along with fruit salad and a
bottle of water. He groaned after he took his first bite. “You are the best. You know that right?”
She lowered her head while she fixed her own plate his praise making her blush. “I’m glad you approve.”
They munched and talked about inconsequential things then cleaned up and stretched out on the blanket to relax. With a full stomach, a pleasantly tired body and the intense heat of the day, Tony found himself feeling drowsy all over again. Sarah had managed to give him the best gift he had ever received, a peaceful relaxing afternoon without any drama or worries. It was no wonder he'd fallen so hard for her.
∞∞∞
Sarah rolled over and smiled. He was asleep again. Tony was lying on his stomach in the shade and minutes after closing his eyes he was out. She was glad. He clearly needed the rest after so many weeks of insomnia. With his back fully exposed she was able to see clearly the full extent of his slave band tattoo that consisted of several curved lines intersecting. The decoration looked to be about and two inches wide and wrapped around one massive bicep making the muscle look even larger. She was also able to get a good look at the markings on his back. A pair of wings spanned the majority of his wide shoulders and joined at his spine where a cross had been inked in the center if the design. It was a truly beautiful work of art and she longed to straddle his hips to trace it with first her fingers then with her tongue. But that would have to wait for another time. Maybe one day when they were alone and she’d worked up the courage. She waited a bit longer before she picked up her cell phone and called the store. Jimmy answered the line.
“Pete’s Pet shop,” he said.
“Hey Jimmy, it's Sarah.”
“Angel Babe, how’s it going, you two doing alright?” He chuckled as if he already knew what was going on with his two bosses in their absence.
His Redemption Page 8