by Melissa Haag
* * * *
When her breathing changed, I froze. The smart thing to do would have been to ease out from under her. But I couldn’t. If I moved even a little, it would be to roll over on top of her. A fine tremor raced through me as I imagined how right it would feel to press every inch of me to every inch of her. I’d endured hours of teasing grazes and now wanted so much more than I should.
During the night, she’d shifted several times in her sleep. Each time had brought a different degree of contact. And, each one had brought me closer to losing control. Yet, I hadn’t. The Tinker Bell wrapped thigh settled on my hips helped remind me who I dealt with and what giving in would mean. I wouldn’t take advantage of her. She was already far too important to me, and my need to protect her extended even to myself.
She snuggled into my side, her lips brushing the skin of my collar bone. I stopped breathing. She froze too. Hope and fear filled me painfully. She could so easily Claim me in this position, fulfilling my lifelong dream and ending my current agony. And, ending my agony was something I wouldn’t be able to resist once her teeth were on me. No, I needed to stay strong. For me, there could be no Claiming without immediate Mating. I wanted her too badly. Better to wait.
I knew the moment she realized her position. Her pulse jumped just before she darted forward. I easily blocked her attempt to Claim me.
“Arg!” she groaned in frustration against the palm of my hand.
In that moment, I realized how much I’d missed her the last several hours. How was that possible when she’d been right beside me, using me as her personal pillow? Because holding her wasn’t enough. I wanted to watch her eyes and talk to her too.
“Fine,” she said, turning away from me and getting out of bed.
I chuckled as she closed herself into the bathroom. My girl had fire in her. While the water ran, I carefully stood. Taking a slow breath, I focused on the lingering feel of her.
“Someday, luv, you’ll get what you want.”
With a sigh, I rolled my shoulders then reached for my shirt.
By the time she stepped out, I had the bed made and was sitting in the chair, waiting for her. Her freshly washed face had a healthy glow to it, even if her cheeks still seemed a little hollow.
“Get dressed,” I said. “We’ll grab something to eat and walk around a bit if you’re up for it.”
After she’d changed and I took a turn at the restroom, we left to search for food. The motel manager was kind enough to point out a small gas station not far away that offered premade sandwiches. The town had diners, but they would require a ride on the bike. Not ready to trust Bethi had enough rest, we strolled side by side down the sidewalk.
When we reached the building, I held the door and stepped inside behind her. Rows of chips met my eyes. Her stomach growled and mine answered. I grinned and reached for a bag of chips. She grabbed the sandwiches. Only four. I tried to console myself by noting they were at least thick sandwiches. Moving to another display, I grabbed several packages of dessert cakes and two bottles of water.
The weight of the bag in my hand had my mouth watering all the way back to the hotel. My kind didn’t endure hunger well. Evolution had tamed the urge to hunt and feed, but not by much.
I opened the door for Bethi and patiently stood aside to let her in. She kicked off her shoes, sat on the bed, and folded her legs under herself. By taking a position in the center of the bed, she clearly let me know she didn’t want company. That was okay. At the moment, my mind was on what we had in the bag. Placing the sack beside her, I grabbed a sandwich from it and sat on the chair. In one bite, a quarter of the sandwich was gone. I couldn’t chew and swallow fast enough.
“Thank you for the food,” she said, reaching for her own sandwich. “And for helping me sleep. And the walk. It was good to get outside and not feel like I needed to run.”
I stopped chewing to stare at her. Is this what real sleep did to her? Turned her nice? She continued to watch me expectantly so I nodded.
She took a large bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly. Shrugging off the moment, I focused on my food. Two sandwiches went down without denting my hunger. I started on the third, and Bethi opened the bag of chips and handed it to me. It felt like I hadn’t eaten in weeks. The chips disappeared too quickly. Looking up, I saw the other half of Bethi’s sandwich. She caught me looking and offered it to me. I ate it in two bites and reached for the dessert cakes.
“How long was I out?” she asked.
“Sixteen hours.”
“Sorry. Maybe we should go back and stockpile some more food in case I crash hard again.”
I looked up from my food. Holding her for another sixteen hours…a shiver raced down my spine. I wanted that as much as I feared it.
“Do you think you’ll sleep that long again?”
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t feel tired yet, but I can feel another dream calling me.”
Putting the food aside, I leaned back to study her. She didn’t seem as upset by the idea of dreaming this time.
“What do you dream about? And I don’t mean you dying. Sometimes, the dreams don’t seem to disturb you so much.”
“If it’s not of death, it’s about a lady. I think of her as the Taupe Lady because of the color of the gown she always wears.”
“Who is she?”
“I don’t know, but from how the people dress in the dreams, I get the feeling she’s always been here. Even in my really old dreams, she shows up. She seems like she cares but never really does anything to help me.” She started to sound annoyed. “I mean, she says things that sound like cryptic advice; but if she can show up whenever she wants, why doesn’t she show up when I really need her? Why doesn’t she step in and stop some of the bad stuff from happening?”
“Maybe she can’t,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
“My kind has rules to follow and laws to obey. Our laws can’t be broken even if we wanted to break them. What if she has rules and laws, too?”
“What do you mean you can’t break them?”
“Sometimes you seem to know so much about what I am. How did you learn about my kind?”
“My dreams,” she said. Her pulse remained steady and her scent unchanged. She really wasn’t lying, but I still had a hard time believing we could live more than once and then remember those past lives.
“That’s not possible.”
“Okay, then how do I know?”
How? I exhaled slowly trying to think of a realistic possibility and couldn’t. Dreams of past lives. I let the idea settle in my mind and looked at Bethi. Every time she’d spoken about her dreams, her past lives or the abuse she suffered, her scent never changed and her pulse remained consistent. She truly believed what she said. How could I call myself her Mate if I didn’t believe her too? I couldn’t. So I chose to suspend my disbelief and tried to accept what she said as fact.
“This is what I’ve figured out,” she said. “There are dog-men out there that can shift between their dog form and man form.”
“I prefer to think of myself as more of a wolf. It’s more dignified.”
She rolled her eyes. “They want me, and the few women like me, for some reason that I haven’t yet figured out. We are reborn every one thousand years. There seems to be a period of time within each cycle that we can be reborn several times. Almost every time I’m found, they end up killing me after making me Claim and mate with one of their own.”
“Almost every time?”
“Twice I’ve dreamt of one of your kind trying to help me. I still died in the end, but someone did try.”
She made it sound like she’d lived many past lives, and of those many only two hadn’t been complete shite even though she had still died horribly. And why were those two better in her mind? Because someone had tried to help her. Her suspicion of me made complete sense. However, her growing trust in me didn’t when she’d just hinted that she thought I would let her die again.
No
longer hungry, I threw away the empty wrappers.
“Let’s get some more food,” she said.
I nodded.
* * * *
While she went into the bathroom to change back into her Tinker Bell pajamas, I set the bag of snacks next to the bed by the floor. If she needed another sixteen hours, I’d have food to survive, but would I have the willpower to resist my other hunger?
Tugging the room’s curtains closed, I saw my hand shake and continued to question my self-control. She was far too willing and tempting. I sat in the chair and rubbed the back of my neck.
When she walked out of the bathroom, she hesitated between the door and the bed. I kept my head down and gaze averted. Seeing her ready for bed wouldn’t be helpful at the moment. My good intention fell aside at the sound of her heart stuttering. The scent of her interest, fragile like the girl, wrapped around me. Real interest. She was finally seeing me as a Mate and not as just a means to end her dreams.
I looked up in surprise, and she blushed.
“Would you mind lying down with me?” she asked. “I think you’re right. I do seem to sleep better with you.”
For a moment, I couldn’t decide. I wanted to lay by her and hold her and keep the dreams away. But if I held her smelling like she did, I would be too tempted to do much more. Interest or not, her age and circumstance hadn’t changed. She needed time. I glanced at the door. Retreating would be better for us both, wouldn’t it? She might suffer a dream because of it. Another death. But I would still be leaving her with a choice, not pouncing on her in a weak moment. And, I wouldn’t let her dream for long. Just long enough to—
“Is something wrong?” she asked.
“I, uh, think you should try to sleep on your own for a bit.” I stood.
“I just told you that I—” She rubbed her face. “Okay, fine.”
I quickly moved to escape. Walking past her was hell. Her scent and gaze beckoned me to stay. I remained strong and left, but didn’t go far. Pacing outside the door, I listened to her get into bed.
Almost immediately, she started to make small sounds. I hesitated half a heartbeat before moving to the door. I couldn’t have stayed outside if I’d wanted to. She needed me to keep her safe so I would. Closing the door behind me, I kicked off my shoes.
“Shh,” I said, moving to her side. “You’re safe.”
I gently brushed back her hair, calming her slightly before pulling the blankets back into place and tucking her in. The urge to crawl under the cover beside her made me groan. I moved back to the chair where I was less tempted. Her face pulled down into a frown. The single hand above the blanket fisted so tightly the knuckles turned white. Then, she started to pant and sweat beaded her forehead. The way her heart worked started to worry me.
Before I could move, she sat straight up and let out an angry cry, opening her eyes as it died in her throat. Her limbs shook and fury coated her scent.
I should have crawled in bed with her.
“I’m sorry, Bethi,” I said as I stood. I pulled off my shirt and slid under the covers.
“Lay down,” I said, touching her arm.
She turned and glared at me. So much anger pooled in her gaze that I knew it couldn’t just be because I’d let her dream.
“Let go of the dream,” I said. “I’m here. I won’t leave you. Ever.”
I wrapped an arm around her and gently tugged her toward my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I said again as she finally gave in. I kissed her forehead and ran my hand over her hair and down her arms. She exhaled shakily.
Eight
It took several minutes for Bethi to fall asleep, and like the night before, she used me as her personal pillow. I ran my fingers through her hair and tried to think of something that didn’t involve the way she pressed against me…like math. Estimating what we’d need for monthly rent and utilities, I started calculating how many hours I’d need to work to save enough to get us out of the Compound. Those thoughts reminded me to update Joshua. We were supposed to meet his contact in a few hours, and I knew we’d never make it in time.
I pulled out my phone, but instead of calling, I texted him.
Needed to stop so she could rest. Won’t make the meetup today.
Almost immediately, he responded.
I can have him come to you.
Having an Elder on my side was rather nice. But, given Bethi’s dreams and her need to touch me while she slept, I preferred to stay where we were.
That’s unnecessary. I’ll contact you when we are moving again.
I tossed the phone onto the chair and got comfortable. Even though it was midmorning, I relaxed enough to doze.
Just after lunch I woke and eased out from under her to use the toilet. Before I finished washing my hands, I heard Bethi start to thrash around in bed and hurried back. She didn’t settle down until her head was on my chest, her hand on my ribs, and her thigh across my hips.
The contact once again took my mind where it didn’t belong, but my stomach happily rescued me from the direction of my thoughts.
Reaching over the side of the bed, I picked up the bag and set it on the mattress. I immediately saw I wouldn’t be able to eat the way we were. Tugging over the pillow Bethi wasn’t using, I stuffed it behind me and scooted up just a bit. Bethi’s head slowly slid toward my stomach. I stilled, going hot then cold as I stared at her, not wanting her to go any lower. I’d never recover from that.
When she remained where she was, I carefully rearranged the pillows to manage a semi-reclined position with Bethi’s head still mostly on my chest. Satisfied, I reached for a bag of jalapeno chips. The packaging crinkled loudly as I opened it, but she didn’t seem to notice. Crunching on the chips was just as noisy. Her breathing stayed even and her expression relaxed.
I grinned. When we were Mated, I would be able to get away with eating in bed all the time. The few human women I’d known hadn’t understood midnight snacking and usually said no the first time I brought something to bed. With Bethi, she would never know.
I crumpled up the empty bag and accurately tossed it into the bin before reaching for the ham sandwich. She hadn’t wanted me to buy it, explaining that it would go bad without a refrigerator. Just another reminder of how little she knew about my kind. There was no such thing as bad food. Not to our stomachs.
As I lifted the sandwich to my mouth, the bread flopped to the side, allowing a piece of cheese to fall out. The yellow triangle landed on Bethi’s cheek. Time stopped. Wide-eyed, my gaze bounced between the cheese on her face and her closed eyes. What should I do? Heart hammering, I carefully peeled it off and quickly ate it.
For several long moments, I stared at her. When she didn’t move, I exhaled in relief. That could have gone horribly.
My stomach growled loudly, and I brought the sandwich back to my mouth and took a large bite. As I pulled the sandwich away, a bit of ham fell.
“Are you fu—”
She moved.
Panicking, I shoved the whole sandwich in my mouth and started chewing frantically as I picked the ham out of her hair. I jammed that in my mouth too and swallowed everything. The large glob of sandwich went down grudgingly.
She sighed loudly and nuzzled my chest a bit before quieting again. Relieved she hadn’t woken, I reached for the bottle of water still in the bag. I drained the liquid, tossed the bottle in the bin with the rest of the rubbish, then relaxed back into the pillows and waited for Bethi to wake up.
* * * *
The baby in the room next to ours started to fuss, and I listened to the mother speak softly as she fed her child. The image of my mother rose to mind. Auburn hair with matching freckles and a wide smile. I could remember her kissing my cheek each morning when I sat down to breakfast and her stern tone when I tried to escape afterward to avoid homeschooling. Then I remembered the day I came home and found them both dead with a scent of another werewolf lingering in the air.
The human police had called it a mugging, which ha
d probably not been far off. I suspected that another family pack had passed through and saw our presence in that small town as a claim to that territory. The leader had likely challenged my father, and they’d fought to the death. My mother wouldn’t have quietly watched my father die.
I lightly ran my hand down Bethi’s back. Dreams of a Mate and saving money weren’t enough to ensure our future. While so many others thought joining a bigger pack was the answer, I believed changing our rules to show we had evolved beyond the baser instincts of challenges and death fights a better strategy. Until that day came, I wasn’t sure my world was a fit place for our future children.
Bethi’s breathing changed slighting, an indicator that she was starting to wake.
Moving my hand from her back to her hair, I waited. After a few moments, she sighed contentedly and her fingers moved over my ribs.
“Had enough?” I asked.
“I guess so,” she said, lifting her head.
She stared at me in the dim light of the room. The soft look in her eyes and the sweetness of her scent messed with my head, and for a moment, I considered pulling her down to claim her lips. She saved me by getting out of bed and closing herself into the bathroom.
Groaning, I got out of bed, already missing the feel of her head on my chest.
When I grabbed my shirt, I noticed my phone blinking and found a message from Joshua.
I would prefer to have him meet you.
I quickly slid the shirt over my head and responded.
Sorry. Didn’t see your message until now. We’ll meet him in the same location at the same time tomorrow.
Tucking the phone into my pocket, I straightened the room and waited for Bethi.
When she emerged dressed, I took the bag from her.
“Think you can manage to stay awake for a while?”
She nodded so I held the door for her, and we walked to the office to check out. Bethi didn’t comment on the dark skies. However, the woman behind the desk gave us an odd look for checking out in the middle of the night. I rather liked driving in the wee hours when everything was quiet.
Bethi and I walked outside to the bike. She waited for me to sit.