He heard him walk away toward the cave. Heard the snaps on the bags as he was looking through them, and finally the footsteps outside. He was carrying a gun, one of theirs, stunners. He could tell that it was on and likely on high, judging by the sound it made. He smiled at his friend then, for the first time since he saw him after all these years, and reached his hand out for the comm, and the screen. The messages only took a few minutes. Riley waited, unmoving, the gun at his side. Brody signed off and handed the devices back to him.
He had to make it easier for Riley to do this, so he turned around, and lowered his head. “I know I have no right to ask anything more of you, but this isn’t really for me. Trina… She can’t know about this. It would destroy her. If you ever talk to her, please don’t tell her this. You can tell her all the other things about me that you want, just not this… I am ready,” he said and closed his eyes, hoping this works, hoping that Trina will be free after this. He waited for far too long, and he still couldn’t even feel the gun at his head. “Do it, Riley. You bloody promised. Pull the damn trigger!” He didn’t feel Riley move, and when he turned around, the gun was off, tucked neatly at Riley’s belt, not buzzing.
Riley looked at him, sadly, apologetically. “I’m sorry, Brody, but I can’t. I didn’t promise. You just assumed because I came out with a gun. I never said I would do this. I won’t. We’ll find another way.” Riley pulled a slave band from behind his back and took a step towards him.
He felt all the air go out of him, as if he’d been punched. He deserved this, of course, but it didn’t hurt any less for it. He thought again of Trina, picturing her with the same band around her wrists, because of him, and he let Riley put the band on without a word, without flinching.
Riley locked the band and only then took the cuffs off, as if not trusting him not to run. He wasn’t ever going to go anywhere but Crylo, and there wasn’t a way for him to do that. He’d just have to find a way to end it himself, even with the band on. Or maybe get that gray-eyed girl to do it for him. She certainly looked at him like she wanted to the night before.
Riley clipped the cuffs to his belt, and gently pushed Brody towards the cave. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, Brody. We’ll think of something, I promise.”
He stopped and faced him. “They’re going to kill her. They’re going to kill her because of me, Riley. There isn’t anything for us left to talk about! Please, Riley. Please, just let me do this one thing for her. I’m begging you to please let me do this. I’ll do it myself, if you can’t. Just get these off me.” He lifted his hands to Riley, eyes on his.
“I’m sorry, Brody, but I can’t,” Riley said very quietly and took a step to the cave.
He stood there silent, unmoving for a long time, not knowing what to do or say now. “I am never going to forgive you for this,” he finally spat at his friend in a broken whisper.
“I know.”
And there wasn’t anything left to say after that.
All the stun guns and anything else he could use as a weapon would be hidden safely away from him, he knew that. And even if they weren’t, he could shoot someone else with the slave band on, but not himself, couldn’t bend his wrists enough to do it; that’s why he put it on him, instead of the cuffs…
Riley made him lie down on the blanket he spread for him earlier, and tied a rope to his slave band and around his own wrist, so that he’d feel it when he moved. A dog on a leash.
“Get some sleep, Brody,” Riley said walked away to where his own blanket was, and didn’t say another word after that. And for the first time, he wished he had shot him earlier.
For the first time, he felt that he really could have done it. And then he remembered the promise Riley made him before all of this. That he would let him if he got Ella and the other girl back. Riley had to remember it too, and now he knew that the girls would be back by morning. He had to have known he’d make him furious by tricking him into getting them back like this. It didn’t make sense, what he just did. Not unless he didn’t mean it earlier, but Riley always meant it. Riley always kept his word.
So he would rather die than kill his friend. That’s the choice he just made. The choice Riley would always make. And it made him wish he never knew this boy who always managed to make him feel ashamed of himself. Made him wish not for the first time today that Drake shot at him first.
4
The Stream
Riley, May 7, 2236 Woods Outside of Reston
He woke up to an awful lot of noise outside the cave. Drake was making breakfast, smiling widely at Ella and Laurel being back. Ams was full of giggles, too. He had to tell them about Brody, and he wished it could wait, so they could all enjoy this for a bit. But it couldn’t wait. When he was done with it, all of it, Ams was looking at the entrance to the cave, her hand wrapped around her stun gun.
“I will gladly shoot him for you, Riley. I have no problem doing it, not after what he did to you yesterday.” Brody stood just outside the cave, looking like he hadn’t slept at all, his face flushed at what Ams just said.
He walked right up to her, quickly, not looking at anyone else, and knelt in front of her, banded hands making fists. “I would be eternally grateful if you would,” he said quietly, put his head down, and didn’t move after that.
It hurt to see him like this. He walked over to Ams, gently took the buzzing weapon from her hand, not quite trusting her not to do it, and switched it off. They had to find a way to help him. Brody was furious at him, of course, and he wondered if he was angry enough after last night to want to hold him to the promise he made earlier. He didn’t think he was, but he needed to let Brody know that he kept his word still. And mostly, he had to be sure that Brody wouldn’t be a danger to them, less him maybe, and he couldn’t do any of that here.
“Brody, we need to talk. Have some breakfast or something to drink at least. I’ll be right back,” he said, and ran into the cave.
He took a small, dark bag that one couldn’t see through and dropped in a stun gun, one of Brody’s old guns, checking to make sure it was loaded, but only leaving one bullet in the chamber, one of Ella’s knives, and a few blank screens. He’d need those to let the others know.
Brody was still kneeling by Ams when he came out, just as he left him. He helped him up, looked at the rest of them, none of them smiling anymore, letting them know with that look that they didn’t want to be followed, and walked on to a trail that led to the stream, Brody trailing behind him.
He wanted to be far enough away from the fire that if Brody decided to use the old gun, they wouldn’t hear it. He didn’t think Brody ever really wanted to hurt him, much less kill him, not after what he told him last night, and even then he could tell he was lying about some of it, trying to make it easier for him. But he still had to do this, if only to show Brody that even with the slave band on, he was his equal.
They walked in silence for a long time finally reaching the water, and then for a while alongside the stream after that. The stream sparkled grayly, metallically in the early sun. A few ripples, round ones, probably from the fish popped up and disappeared on the surface, sending tiny sparks in all directions. He wanted to put his hands in the water to see if it was warm enough to swim in, but there was no way for him to do that and not imagine laughing, giggling Ams swimming in it with him, flailing like a little kid, the way she did at the waterfall, and not want to change his mind.
He looked away from the water and kept his eyes on the trail. He spotted a collection of rocks just ahead, and decided that it would have to do. It was as good a place as they were likely to find here, except for by the water, and he couldn’t do that. He ran up ahead to the rocks, and dumped the contents of his bag on one of the larger flat ones. He typed the few words he worked out in his head while they walked. Ella words, and Drake words, and mostly, Ams words, his just in case words, doing his best to explain this, and putting the burden of his last wish on them, for them to help Brody. Brody would give the screens to them, he kn
ew, and they would all do what he asked, even if they hated him for it.
Brody stood just on the other side of the rock with all the stuff on it, only a few steps away, watching him.
“That’s all the weapons I have, Brody. I can’t take your band off. I don’t trust you not to hurt yourself, I’m sorry for that. These screens are for the others. They’ll understand. I told them they had to help you try to get Trina back. They will do what they can for you, and I’m trusting you to not put any of them in danger in return.” He stood and put his hands behind his back, squeezing his fingers together, hard. “I won’t fight you, and I won’t run. If you still want this, I am okay with it… Do what you need to, but quickly, please. I’m not so good with the waiting…” He said it softly, without any anger, at least he hoped there was no anger in his voice. He didn’t feel all that angry at his friend now. If Brody really did want him dead, it would be because he thought he betrayed him last night, because he thought he had lost Trina for good because of him, and he couldn’t really blame him for wanting to kill him after that. But the waiting was hard, much harder than he thought it would be. He wanted to scream at him to hurry it up, to just bloody do it or not already.
Brody hadn’t moved, just stood there breathing hard, looking at him, eyes full of suns. He walked up to him finally, slowly, and lifted his banded hands to him, “Please, take this off. I won’t do anything stupid, I swear,” he asked in a shaky voice.
He did, and as soon as the band was off, Brody lunged at him and hugged him, hard, hard enough to make his ribs hurt. He let him do it anyway, for a long time, long enough to make up for all the years of looking for him, for wishing he didn’t put a bullet through his head in some hotel room, and then for wishing briefly yesterday that he had. And when it was over and Brody put his hands out in front of him again, he couldn’t put the band on him, couldn’t see him like that.
He shook his head.
“You have to, Riley. It’s not for you. For me. I don’t… I don’t trust myself, if we can’t find another way.”
And he did then, hoping there was something, anything at all they could do to get Trina out.
Brody turned away from him when he was putting the screens and the weapons into the bag. “You haven’t changed, Riley. I don’t know how, after everything, but you haven’t. That day you ran up to me on the street and I turned you away, I couldn’t help it. You made me ashamed of myself. For my parents, and for asking you if you would walk away from me then. I had no right to do that to you. I knew you wouldn’t. I just needed to make you angry at me… I couldn’t have you feeling sorry for me after Trina, after everything, couldn’t bear your kindness or your pity.” He said it quickly, as if he didn’t trust himself to say all of it.
He walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing hard, letting him know that he forgave him for that a long time ago, forgave him for everything.
They started back, walking much slower now, in silence, Brody trailing slightly behind him, keeping his head down. He hated seeing him like this, sad and ashamed, so un-Brody like. Not at all like Brody he grew up with, who could take anything and still smile. He had to fix this, before they got back to where Ams was, who he was sure meant what she said earlier, and Drake who he knew was still furious at Brody. He couldn’t have him go back there like that.
He stopped and faced him.
Brody stopped too, still looking down, his wrists straining against the slave band.
He unlocked it, letting it drop to the ground. Brody looked at him then, hands still out in front of him, his face hard, as if he were afraid of him, of what he would say.
“I need to tell you something about last night, about why I did what I did to you, Brody, and you need to let me finish all of it. It won’t be easy for you to hear it, but you need to.”
Brody nodded, his eyes betraying the fear he felt.
“I don’t believe they would have let her go, even if you were dead. They don’t tend to let anyone go, no matter what they promise. Drake turned himself in to them, let them tag him as a slave, the only male one, so they’d let Ella go. They even gave him the official promise on the Council’s screen, only they never let her go. They lie, Brody. That’s why I couldn’t do what you asked. I know it felt like a betrayal to you, and I’m sorry for that. But I couldn’t do it, not when I knew it wouldn’t have made any difference. I would have done it, if I thought that you were right about them letting her go. I would have done it for you, and I would have found a way to live with it somehow, if you needed me to do it, if there was no other way to save her.”
Brody’s light eyes filled up with water, but he didn’t turn his face away from him. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this last night? Before dragging me to those rocks like that? I could have killed you, Riley, thinking that of you, thinking you lied to me like that…” He seemed afraid, his jaw clenched, his hands still out in front of him in fists.
Riley leaned down, pain stabbing him in the ribs, picked up the band, and dropped it into the bag with the rest of the stuff he didn’t want to see for a long time, if he could help it. “If I told you this last night you would have never believed me. But I never really thought you would do it. I had to trust that you wouldn’t, even if you thought the worst of me. I know what you tried to do last night, all the things you said trying to get me to be really angry at you, trying to get me to hate you, to make it easier for me. I knew it then… But I’m sorry I scared you like that.”
He could see Brody’s hands shaking. He was still staring at him, eyes dark gray and wet, angry or afraid, he couldn't tell. And then he knew, could feel it, that he didn’t trust himself enough to be who Riley always thought he was. That he didn’t believe he deserved his trust, or anybody’s, and he didn’t know what to do with him then, didn’t know how to help him.
“I can’t help you get her back if you are going to be like this, Brody. I need to trust you, we all do. I need to know that Ams and Laurel are safe from you, and I need to know that you are safe from you. I need your word, Brody. But no more slave bands or cuffs or watching over my shoulder. You are stuck with us now, and I have to know that I am not putting anyone I love in danger, and that includes you.” He waited for him to take it all in, waited for a long time.
“You have my word,” Brody finally said, his voice almost a whisper, but it was enough. It would always be enough between the two of them.
He picked up the pace, wanting to get to the camp. He needed food and they had to start making some kind of plan. Drake was serving bits of hot smoked meat and bread when they got there. He could smell it before he ever saw the fire. Whatever that meat stuff was that Stan found for them in Reston, he never thought he’d get tired of it. His stomach growled, so he walked a bit faster still. He grabbed two plates of the steaming meat stuff and a small thermos of tea and walked back to where Brody sat down on the edge of the clearing, away from the fire, away from everybody.
Brody shook his head at him, at the food.
He hadn’t seen him eat or drink anything yet. He had to make him. “Brody, you don’t have a choice. You have to make yourself drink this, and you have to eat, or you are going to kill yourself by starving to death, or get so weak that we’ll have to carry you, and we can’t do that,” he snapped at him.
Brody nodded and took the plate and the thermos from him, set them down on the grass, leaned his head back against the tree, and closed his eyes.
Impatience getting the better of him, he picked up the thermos and opened it. He took Brody by the face, roughly, squeezed into his jaw joints, and poured the warm liquid into him, making him choke. “If you are going to act like a child, I’ll have to treat you like one, Brody. You have to stop this. You have to stop punishing yourself for everything. For me, for Trina, for your parents. It wasn’t your fault. I know it’s hard, but you have to. I am not angry at you, I am really not… I don’t know what I would have done if it were me. Ams and Drake will get over it too. So please, stop
this. It’s killing you, and it’s killing me to watch you do this to yourself.” He whispered all of it, so only Brody heard him, and walked away from him, back to the fire. He turned around once, and saw him pick up the thermos and take a drink. The food he didn’t touch, but this was a start.
Riley knew he had no right to ask any of these people to help Brody get Trina back. It wasn’t their fight, and it would be every kind of unfair of him to even ask them to risk themselves for him, but he hoped he could get them to help him in some other way. He was talking to them about it now, Ams looking at him like he was insane, and shaking her head, “I’m not helping him, Riley. I just can’t. Not after what he did to you.”
He was relieved. He didn’t want to risk Ams, wanted her safe. “I know, Ams. I’m not asking you to. I am not asking any of you. Brody and I will go, but we could use some planning help, and we still need to deal with Brody’s crew, and I don’t know how to.” He knew Brody heard all of this, and hoped it didn’t make it worse for him.
“I want to come with you, Brody. I want to help,” Laurel, said. Laurel, who hasn’t said a word to Brody or about him since she got back. It didn’t make sense for her to want to help him. But she stood there in front of the boy, looking at him. “I can get into that compound. If I can find the right clothes, any compound. I can probably get into one of their metros too. They won’t hurt me. I just need to look the part. None of you can do that. You have to let me come with you.”
He looked at Brody, who was watching this girl in disbelief.
“No. I’m sorry, but you can’t. I promised Riley that I wouldn’t put any of you in danger. I can’t take any of you with me. Not even you, Riley.” Brody got up and walked into the cave, and nobody seemed to want to go in after him.
They sat in silence, Ams looking angry at him for some reason, and not even trying to hide it. Drake and Ella walked off into the woods, probably trying to give them privacy, and he didn’t see Laurel anywhere. Just as well. Ams was sitting unnaturally still, not looking at him, her angry, deliberate not looking at him. He couldn’t think of anything he’d done to upset her lately, if only because there wasn’t any time, so it didn’t make sense for her to be angry at him now. Only, of course, it did…. She thought he was choosing Brody over her. She must have thought that he wouldn’t want to go with him if she didn’t, and now he was planning on leaving her because of this boy who almost killed him yesterday. The boy she clearly hated because she watched him do it. He would need to talk to her, but he was too tired to think after not sleeping most of the night, and too tired to talk.
Alliance: The Complete Series (A Dystopian YA Box Set Books 1-5): Dystopian Sci Fi Thriller Page 21