She sat by herself, as was her habit.
He caught her eye and she got up and walked over to him, quickly, and took him out into the hallway, making sure it was deserted before she spoke, “What happened to your face?”
He blanched and shook his head. “I need to leave now… I’m sorry, but I do. I can’t wait two days. I don’t know if I can wait two hours. You don’t need to come with me or anything, I just needed to tell you,” he whispered quickly.
The girl watched him for a little while, he nodded. “All right. You need to give me twenty minutes. I’ll meet you in that clearing you like. Twenty minutes.” She turned quickly into the dark hallway and was gone.
Telan took the long way to the clearing, going around the back of the dorms, outside of the range of spotlights and curious eyes of the little kids who’d already had their dinner by now and who’d be playing in the little yard out front. He stuck close to the trees, walking softly, making sure not to make any noise. They would have at least a few hours to make it away from the dorms before they were missed. He doubted Devin would even report that he was gone, though he might miss having his personal punching bag eventually. He waited for longer than twenty minutes by now, he knew. He’d give it another ten or so and then he’d have to move on.
He finally heard her soft footsteps on the trail and came out from behind the tree he was using for cover. The girl was smiling at him. She was carrying her bag and it seemed heavy.
He took it from her, whistling at the weight of it. “I’ll trade you.” He handed his own very light bag to her. “Ready?” He asked, adjusting the straps around his waist.
She nodded, and took out a screen from the pocket of her pants, flicking it on. “There is a trail that will take us past the lake to the stream that should run to the river. We’ll find our way to something from there, someplace with people in it. There are a few villages along the way, and we shouldn’t run into any Alliance soldiers here. It’s too far from any of their cities.” She traced the route on the screen with her finger, showing him.
He nodded, not having any better ideas or a plan of any kind.
He let her lead the way until they were solidly on the trail she talked about and then got in front of her, just in case, using his ray sporadically to light the path for them and keeping the branches from hitting them with his free hand. The bag seemed to get heavier with every step now and he wished they were far enough away from the orphanage to rest for a bit, but he didn’t trust that they were yet. The girl hasn’t said one word to him this whole time, keeping her promise to be invisible, though he didn’t recall asking it of her or wanting it, but he let her be.
“Turn right at this little path coming up. We’ll find a safe place for the night there,” her soft voice caught him from behind.
He did as he was told and found himself on a curved path that was a lot harder to walk on than the trail they just left. It was much darker now too, far too dark to see anything without the ray, and that could attract attention if they were followed. He didn’t think anyone would be looking for them yet, but he didn’t want to risk it.
“Selena, the ray might give us away. I think we should find cover and go dark.”
The girl ran ahead of him and called him over after a few minutes. She found a little clearing covered by enough brush to where they could hide safely if they stayed low enough. He dropped his bag and stretched, working out the knots in his shoulders with his hands. In a matter of minutes, the girl had two blankets spread out and was holding a thermos of something to him. He took a few sips, the girl watching him. She brought tea, and it was still hot. He smiled at her.
“I brought enough food for two days if we are careful. I didn’t have time to get more,” she said quietly, apologetically, “but we can fish when we get to the river, and we should be there by then…. We should get some sleep.” She walked over to the blankets and lay down on the one closest to the path as if she planned on keeping him safe. He couldn’t let her do that for him, not after she thought of everything else to keep them alive.
“I got this spot,” he said quietly, crouching by her, nodding for her to move.
She shook her head and looked at him timidly. “I always sleep on the outside of any space. It’s the only way I can do it. I won’t argue with you on anything else, but this… I have to stay here or I can’t sleep.” She averted her eyes, then closed them altogether.
“Why?”
The girl just shook her head, not looking at him, barely breathing.
She wasn’t asleep, just hiding, and he felt bad that she didn’t trust him enough to tell him, that he didn’t know anything about this girl. “My roommate, Devin…. That’s what happened to my face. He’s been doing it for years, trying to get me to fight him, but I can’t. I don’t exactly know why I can’t either. It’s just the way I am wired. So he does this whenever he is in the mood and I let him. I just stand there and take it. Every. Single. Time. It makes him mad that I won’t fight him too, and I know it, but I made a choice not to and I can’t change it now. The first time he lashed out at me I cried, right in front of him and it just made him hit me harder. I covered my face so he punched me in the ribs, hard, breaking two. I ended up in the med bay for a week after that, and when I came back, he had his two friends with him waiting for me in the room, and they took turns hitting me on the face, laughing at me. I decided then that I would just let them, no matter what they did to me. I’ve been doing it ever since….”
He realized he closed his eyes when telling her this, so he looked at her and she was staring at him, eyes shining, wet, and he felt bad for telling her all of this, felt like a weakling. She was right to take this spot, with him the way he was, he thought, a boy who couldn’t even defend himself.
He dropped his head, embarrassed. “Sorry… I don’t know why I just told you all that,” he mumbled and walked away to the other blanket. He lay down on it face first, hiding from this girl. And from the shame he felt at being the way he was. The girl was silent for the longest time and he thought she was asleep when he finally looked at her again, only she wasn’t.
She was lying on her side, eyes watching him.
He looked away, blushing. “I know what you are thinking…. If you feel safer on your own than with me, I am okay with it. I won’t follow you or anything. Go, if you need to.” He flipped over on his back and put his arm over his eyes, hiding from the girl. He heard her move after a while but he was too afraid to look at her now, too afraid to watch her leave, so he stayed as he was, and suddenly felt her small hand brush through his hair, softly, and then her hands trying to pry his arm away from his face.
“You don’t need to hide from me. I don’t think any less of you for what you told me, I swear I don’t. Please, look at me.”
He clenched his jaw, letting her move his arm away from his face, and forced himself to look at her.
He waited for her to say something, but she didn’t, and after too long of just staring at him, she leaned in and put her lips to his forehead, ever so softly, the spot she touched feeling cold as soon as her lips weren’t there anymore, and walked away, letting him be.
He stared through the blur at the dark sky with all the stars in it and a sliver of the moon moving far too quickly through the clouds, making them look dark and heavy, and he hoped he could keep this girl safe somehow. Hoped that if it came to that, he would find the courage he’d need to fight for her, even if he couldn’t fight for himself.
2
Secrets
Selena, June 5, 2244, Woods Outside Fordham Orphanage.
For two weeks now she was up in the middle of the night, no matter how hard she tried to stay asleep. Nothing she could do about it. She got up and threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and went for a run. The only guard would be long asleep by now. Nobody had any reason to come to this sad place anyway, so it made no sense for them to even have a guard, but for some reason they did. He was a round-faced, fat man who ambled around the grounds
as if it hurt him to walk, never mind run. But he was nice enough, nicer than most of the teachers or other staff, and she liked talking to him when she ran into him on one of her solitary walks.
She ran until her lungs burned and her legs felt heavy, and then slowly walked back to her room through the main hall, so as not to wake up any of the little kids on the bottom floors by swinging the heavy metal door — the door that screeched like a wounded bird for as long as she’s been here. Too long now. It’s always been too long. She knew she wouldn’t belong here, wouldn’t fit in from the first. That none of these kids would become her friends. That they weren’t like her.
She’s been meaning to run for years, but the timing never seemed quite right and she secretly wished that something would happen to her that would just force her to run from this place, only nothing ever did. And this strange boy everyone called ‘freak’, Telan, she liked sitting next to him in class, even if they never said a word to each other. He didn’t look at her as if she were broken, the way everyone else did. She caught him studying her, too, watching her when he didn’t think she’d notice, but she always did, and it made her want to smile when he did that, only she hid all her smiles from him, from everybody.
Muffled voices caught her attention. It was far too late for anyone to be up. She followed the sound, not making any noise and staying in the shadows. A very tall man with curly blond hair sprinkled generously with gray was speaking much too loudly to the mistress, gesturing with his hands. She moved closer still and heard Telan’s name.
“—I just need to see him, ma’am, that’s all. I need to just get a glimpse of him, is all I’m asking. I owe it to his father, owe it to him to tell him that he is okay.”
She noted that the man was wearing an Alliance uniform like in the frames they always showed them. It didn’t make any sense, what he just said, but he seemed sincere. She ran to her room, thinking of the strange boy with gray eyes, and what would happen to him if anyone ever found out what he was, and she felt an ache in the pit of her belly for this boy she couldn’t bring herself to say one word to. Now she would have to. Would have to find a way to warn him somehow.
She didn’t think he ever noticed her when she followed him into the woods, waiting for the right time to tell him what she heard. She trailed him quietly every day since, but she just couldn’t bring herself to approach him, the way he was. He’d sit there, leaning against a tree, looking so calm, so content she couldn’t tell him something like that. One time she almost did, when he didn’t look so calm. His face was bruised as if someone beat him up, and he looked sad, but she couldn’t do it even then, and she felt like a coward for it. He’d probably run if she told him, too, if he knew what kind of danger he was in, and selfishly, she didn’t want him to run.
That was four days ago now, and after what he just told her, she felt bad for this strange boy. She knew he wasn’t asleep either, could see that his eyes were open, staring at the sky as if it could tell him something that she couldn’t, something about himself that was worrying him. He seemed ashamed that he wasn’t like that Devin kid. She had to let him be after she scared him like that with the kiss, his eyes looking at her with so much fear - she wanted to run from him. She didn’t mean to hurt him by it, she just wanted to comfort him in some way, to let him know that she didn’t think badly of him, that he wasn’t a coward for choosing not to fight, but her instincts told her it wasn’t for her to tell him that. It was something he had to find out for himself.
His arm was over his eyes now and his chest was moving fast. She didn’t want to embarrass him, but it pained her that he was hurting like that. Without thinking about it, she flipped on her side, so she could see him and told him about herself, about why she had to sleep on the outside of wherever she happened to be. Told him about years of living on the streets with other little kids who lost everybody, and how for the last year of that, she was the only girl in one of these places, and there was this older boy who was in charge. The little kids had to beg for food and clothes and they would all hand him everything they got. Trevor, his name was. She told him how he’d beat up the kids who didn’t get enough, or what he thought was enough…. He beat her the first time, hard enough to where her face was bruised, and then she got more than anybody the next day because people felt sorry for her, and he started beating her almost every day after that. They were living in this abandoned warehouse at the time, her blanket at the very far wall, because she was the only girl, she guessed.
She told him how Trevor walked up to her one night, looking unsteady, shaky on his feet, and put his hand over her mouth, and she thought he would beat her again, so she closed her eyes, waiting for him to strike her, but he got down on top of her and unzipped his pants, and she couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out what he was going to do, and how when she finally knew, she couldn’t scream, so she bit his hand, and he backhanded her across the face so hard, her head snapped into the floor and she didn’t remember anything after that.
He wasn’t there when she woke up the next morning, and she couldn’t tell if he did the bad thing to her, didn’t know how to. But she knew she couldn’t stay there after that, so she ran, had to run. Only, she didn’t want to be around people again, didn’t trust them not to hurt her, so she ran through the woods. It was warm enough still and she got really good at making fires and finding things to eat in the river. She used her shirt to catch little baitfish and an occasional crab, and she knew enough about how to tell good mushrooms from the bad ones, or at least how to not die from them. She’d been in the woods for two weeks when some hunters found her, and she must have looked a mess, her clothes all torn up and everything. They were the ones that took her to the orphanage. She learned later that Trevor didn’t end up doing the thing he wanted to do to her, but it took her years to be able to sleep through the night, and sometimes she still couldn’t do it….
He didn’t say a word while she was talking and for a long time after that.
“Do you remember where you were? Can you find it again?” he asked finally, looking at her, his voice strained.
She did remember, but she couldn’t ever go back there, couldn’t bear to be anywhere near that place. “No, Telan, I don’t.”
He reached over and took her hand in his, squeezing it hard. “If you ever do remember, tell me. I’ll find him and I’ll kill him,” he said quietly, slowly, and let her hand go.
She believed him, this strange boy who wouldn’t fight to defend himself. Believed that he would do it for her, for anyone but himself maybe, and she didn’t know what to make of him after that. She willed herself to sleep after far too long of staring at the strange, dark sky, the sky without any flags or lights in it. The way it always looked to her when she was in the woods as a little kid. She inhaled deeply, taking in all the fresh smells, her eyes trailing the few stars she could see until they got blurry, and she slept then, in a way she hadn’t in as long as she could remember.
Telan wasn’t on his blanket when she woke up and for a few minutes, she worried he ran from her, that she scared him somehow. She saw him coming out of the thicket after a while, looking very much awake. He smiled at her, and then dropped his eyes, as if embarrassed.
She got up and stretched, packed the blankets into her bag, and took out two sandwiches for them. They ate quickly, silently, finishing up the now cold tea from the thermos. If they hurried, they would reach the river by tomorrow evening, and then she would feel safe enough to make a fire for them, and maybe they’d get lucky and catch some fish or crabs, anything that wasn’t dry bread and meat paste - all she was able to steal from the kitchen on short notice. She was too old to beg for food, but she knew enough about hunting and fishing to keep them alive while it was still warm out. Hopefully, by the time the weather turned they’d be someplace safe, someplace they could stay through the winter.
They walked most of the day in silence, Telan ahead of her, carrying her heavy bag. It was already getting dark when they finally st
opped for a bite to eat and a break. They sat, not saying anything to each other for a while, Telan massaging his shoulders, not looking at her. He seemed lost in his thoughts and she didn’t want to intrude, didn’t feel she had a right to.
He looked at her after a while and said very softly, “I know you remember, could see it in your eyes that you lied about it. I am not angry at you for it. I think I understand why you did. I am truly sorry for what happened to you. I swear I won’t…. You don’t have to be afraid of me in that way, is what I am saying.” He was blushing, eyes down, and it made her want to laugh, that he’d take it like that, that he’d think that.
She walked over and crouched in front of him, looking up into his serious gray eyes. “I wouldn’t have run with you if I didn’t trust you. I am not afraid of you. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you, but I didn’t do it for that. I don’t want your pity or anything. And you shouldn’t feel that you need to act any differently with me now. I can’t take that.”
They slept behind an outcropping of boulders on sandy soil, blankets over them, keeping the chill away. The air was unseasonably cold, the wind smelling wintry, and she hoped they’d have enough time to find someplace they could put up safely through the cold months, somewhere without soldiers in it.
Alliance: The Complete Series (A Dystopian YA Box Set Books 1-5): Dystopian Sci Fi Thriller Page 56