by Maya Banks
She’d spent a year beating herself over the head for something that Cam, Sawyer and Hutch had accepted readily. While she’d been busy trying to shove the incident from her mind, they’d pressed in closer.
But now those memories came storming back. Their mouths and hands on her body. Touching her, loving her, completing her.
Suddenly she felt ashamed. Not because of what she’d let happen but because she’d likened it to a smutty porn experience when clearly it had meant more to the guys than just a romp in the sheets.
“What are you thinking?” Cam asked softly. He nudged her chin until she looked into his eyes.
“About that night,” she said in a low voice.
Sawyer’s grip tightened around her hand and he laced his fingers through hers.
“Was it that bad, Reggie? Did we hurt you? Did we scare you? Do something you didn’t want? Talk to us, honey. The not knowing is making us crazy.”
She stared down at their entwined hands. She felt small and self-absorbed. So much of the last year she’d spent focusing on how she felt, and she’d never considered how her distance had made them feel.
“You didn’t hurt me,” she said honestly. “I wanted . . . I wanted it. It scared me. I scared me. Not you. But I shouldn’t have let it happen. Don’t you see? It changed everything. I miss . . . I miss the way things were. I miss you. All of you.”
“Ahh, honey, we’ve missed you too,” Sawyer said. He brought her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss into her upturned palm.
“We can’t go back, Reggie,” Hutch said quietly. “We can’t pretend it never happened. I wanted what happened. I know Cam and Sawyer did too. It was inevitable. We have to deal with it, be straight with each other and go on. Dodging the issue and ignoring what’s between us doesn’t do any of us any good.”
She bowed her head and stared down at her lap. “I know.” And she did. If only she knew what to do. So much was riding on how she handled this, on what she decided and how she acted. What if she chose wrong and screwed up her relationship with the three people she loved most in the world?
It terrified her.
Cam sighed. She knew that sound. It was him running out of patience, a sound of resignation. She glanced guiltily up at him and silently begged him to understand.
He touched her lips with a finger, and his brown eyes softened.
“Sooner or later you’re going to have to face this, Reggie darling. The only reason I’m not leaning on your harder is because you’re hurt and you’re tired, and you’ve had a hell of a day. I’m going to get some ice for that hand, and Hutch is going to get you another painkiller. Then I’m going to carry your ass up to bed. And just so you don’t get any crazy ideas, you’re not going anywhere. You’re stuck here. With us. That’s not open for negotiation.”
She gaped at the steel she heard in his voice. The entire world had gone mad. Hutch was acting like a bulldog, Cam was going all alpha on her, and Sawyer . . . well he was acting like the damn fool he always acted like, but at least he wasn’t acting out of character yet. She expected him to be all forceful and laced with testosterone. Cam and Hutch? Not so much. Especially not Hutch.
Cam patted her on the ass then plucked her off his lap and plopped her onto Sawyer’s. He rose from the couch and walked away, Hutch following behind.
“They’ve lost their freaking minds,” she grumbled.
Sawyer snickered. “Maybe you don’t have them twisted around your little finger as much as you thought, baby doll.”
She glared at him. “You act as though I manipulate them.”
Sawyer regarded her solemnly. “Manipulate? No, that isn’t your style. But you have to admit, you’re not used to them standing up to you and telling you no. You know and I know they’d damn well cut off their right arms for you.”
She leaned into his chest and closed her eyes.
“Why did things have to change, Sawyer?” she whispered. “I don’t like what’s happened to us.”
His arms came around her, hugging her tight against him.
“Nothing ever stays the same, honey. And here’s something to consider. What you view as changing everything, something you regret, is something that me and Cam and Sawyer have looked forward to. Longed for. Wanted for a damn long time.”
She drew away and stared into his eyes. He looked so serious. So somber. “How long?” she asked softly.
He touched her cheek then cupped the back of her neck and pulled her down to meet his lips. There was an urgency to his kiss. His mouth worked hot over hers, molding her to him.
“Forever?” he rasped. “It sure seems like it. If you want a specific date, I’m afraid I can’t give that to you. But in a lot of ways, you’ve been ours since the day you blacked mine and Cam’s eyes when we teased Hutch about him having a friend who was a girl.”
Her chest tingled, and she felt curiously lightheaded. Ours. Just the way he said it sent a ridiculous thrill through her system. Belonging to someone, being loved by someone, was scary enough, but needed and wanted by three men?
It felt edgy, exciting and terrifying all in one fell swoop.
“Okay baby, open up,” Hutch said.
She looked up to see him and Cam standing by the couch in front of Sawyer. Hutch was holding a glass of water in one hand and a pill in the other while Cam held a small Ziploc bag of ice.
Sawyer eased her from his lap to sit beside him. Cam sat down on the other side of her and picked up her wrist. He carefully strapped the brace back on and then placed the bag of ice over it.
Hutch dropped the pill into her free hand and waited as she put it into her mouth. Then he handed her the glass, and she gulped down the pill in one swallow.
“You’re starting to scare me with all this compliance,” Hutch said with a grin.
She shot him a nasty look and his grin got bigger.
“Don’t smile at me,” she muttered.
He laughed. “So I can’t kiss you or touch you and now I can’t smile at you either?”
“No.”
“We’ll see about that,” he said with a smirk.
Regina sighed. Incorrigible. She leaned against Sawyer’s side as weariness assailed her. His hand tangled in her hair as he massaged her scalp.
“Mmmm, that feels really good.”
When she opened her eyes again, Cam was checking his watch. Sawyer continued to stroke her hair in gentle up-and-down motions as Cam held the ice pack on her wrist.
“You’ve got two minutes, Reggie darling. And then I’m taking you up to bed.”
“Bossy,” she muttered. “It doesn’t look good on you.”
Cam smiled. “You look good on me, though.”
Her eyes widened. “Cam!”
Hutch chuckled then leaned over the couch to kiss her forehead. “I’ll take my good-night kiss now,” he murmured.
He touched her cheek as he drew away.
“Be a good girl and stay out of trouble, and I’ll cook you breakfast in the morning.”
“Ham and pancakes?” she asked hopefully.
He smiled. “Whatever you want, baby.”
Sawyer buried his face in her hair and kissed the back of her head. “Sleep tight, honey.”
“I’m beginning to get a complex,” she complained. “You guys keep trying to get rid of me.”
Cam reached down and scooped her up. He frowned and glanced over at Hutch. “Better double up on the pancakes. I swear she’s gotten lighter, and she could already be blown over by a stiff wind.”
“You’d rather I weigh a ton?” she asked. “At least then you couldn’t haul me around like a sack of potatoes.”
“Hush,” he said. “I just worry about you. You’ve lost weight.”
“I can still kick your ass,” she muttered.
He laughed as he started up the stairs. “I don’t doubt it, but I’d prefer you wait until you’re a hundred percent before you try it.”
“You know this is ridiculous, don’t you,” she said as he entered
her room. “I’m perfectly capable of getting myself to bed.”
“Aren’t there laws about navigating stairs under the influence?”
She rolled her eyes as he placed her on the bed. He proceeded to pull the covers back then moved her up onto the pillows so he could tuck her in. He arranged the ice pack back over her wrist, angled it a few times, and then, apparently satisfied that it would stay in place, he left it alone.
“Good night,” he said. He dropped a kiss on her forehead, and she was vaguely disappointed that he hadn’t kissed her lips.
She was hungry for him.
“Good night,” she whispered.
“I’ll be across the hall if you need me,” he said softly as he moved away from the bed.
He paused at the door and flipped the light off. She burrowed deeper into the cool sheets and embraced the warm glow of the painkiller.
An hour later she was staring at the ceiling wondering why she hadn’t entered the fuzzy, narcotic coma. She was, instead, wide awake. And feeling oddly alone. The ice had melted, and she removed the soggy bag from her wrist.
She turned on her side and stared at her closed door. Were they asleep? Were they even in bed yet? Or were they downstairs hanging out in the living room?
The distance between them sucked. Before, she wouldn’t have given any thought to joining them, hanging out and enjoying their company. Now she worried that she’d give them the wrong idea, not that she was even sure what that was exactly.
How could she give them the wrong idea when they were already rooted in their expectations?
Despite the presence of the medication, her wrist throbbed. She flexed it experimentally and cradled it in her other hand. She flopped onto her back again and resumed staring at the ceiling.
After counting the dots in the textured paint a dozen times, she gave up on the idea of sleep and glanced over at the bedside clock. Midnight.
With a disgusted sigh, she threw off the covers and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She held her wrist to her chest and put her other hand on the edge to push herself up. Despite her state of wakefulness, when she stood, the room spun.
Careful to keep her footing, she shuffled over to the door and opened it. When she stepped into the hall, it was dark. No light filtered up the stairs from the living room.
She glanced left toward Hutch’s bedroom and then across the hall to Cam’s. Both doors were closed with no light on. Her gaze wandered right to Sawyer’s room, and she saw a faint beam shining underneath the door.
She took a hesitant step forward, putting her hand on the wall to brace herself. Her fingers slid over the surface as she slowly made her way to Sawyer’s door.
She stopped when her hand brushed over the knob. Her teeth grazed her lower lip as she vacillated about whether to go in or not. Silly. She was being ridiculous. In the past, she wouldn’t have thought twice about approaching Sawyer. As much as she preached not wanting things to change, it was she who was changing everything.
With a sigh, she squared her shoulders and quietly turned the knob. She eased open the door and peered inside. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Sawyer, naked, rubbing a towel over his head. The muscles rippled in his back, and his arms bulged as he worked them over his head.
He tossed the towel aside and turned slightly. That was when he caught sight of her. He jerked around, and then as if realizing his nudity, he swiveled back just as quickly and yanked up the towel.
“I’m sorry,” she stammered out. “I’ll go. I didn’t mean to barge in on you like this.”
“No, Reggie, don’t go.” Sawyer held his hand out while using his other to hold the towel tightly around his hips. “Just give me a second.” He looked rapidly around. “Here, sit down on the bed. I’ll be right back.”
He walked over and touched her tentatively, curled his fingers around her shoulder and guided her toward the bed. He held up a finger as she sank onto the mattress.
“I’ll be just a minute. Stay right there.”
He hurried into the adjoining bathroom then came right back out, a grimace on his face. He yanked up a pair of shorts and a T-shirt then returned to the bathroom again.
She sat there in awkward silence until a few minutes later, when he appeared in the doorway, now dressed. He walked toward her and then settled on the bed beside her. He pulled one leg up and angled himself so that he faced her.
“You okay?” he asked.
The concern in his voice made her smile. “I’m fine. I just couldn’t sleep. I wondered if anyone was still up.”
“The painkiller not working? Do I need to get you another?”
She shook her head. “I’m fine. A little woozy even. I guess I just had a lot on my mind, and I wanted some company.”
“I’m glad you came looking for me then,” he said. “Want to crawl up in bed and watch a movie? Or we can watch the replay of the last UFC fight.”
She frowned. “What kind of movies you got? They aren’t Cam’s or Hutch’s, are they?”
Sawyer laughed then cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “You know better. All I have are the action flicks where they blow shit up all over the place.”
“Rock on. You choose. I’m gonna go steal your pillow.”
He grinned. “I’ve missed you, sweetness.”
She pulled a face. “Don’t ruin it by calling me sweet.”
He brushed a hand across her cheek. “I have an insatiable sweet tooth, but then you know that.”
For once she didn’t back away. She didn’t tuck tail and run. She met his gaze and truly looked into his eyes. Breathing was hard when she saw the intensity simmering in his blue eyes.
Then she looked down. Despite her best effort, she couldn’t prevent the guilt from creeping up her spine.
“What is it?” he asked. “What’s going on in your head, Reggie?”
She fiddled with her brace. “Am I supposed to feel guilty for being in here with you while Hutch and Cam are asleep a few doors down?”
Sawyer put a finger under her chin and pushed upward until she reluctantly met his gaze again.
“No.”
She cocked her head. “No? Just like that?”
He sighed. “Reggie, no one’s keeping score except you. No one expects it. It’s not what we want.”
“What do you want?” she pleaded. “I think I know. I tell myself I know, but then I tell myself that it’s crazy. What sane person would even contemplate it?”
“I never claimed to be sane.”
She punched him in the gut with her good hand. He grunted and caught her fist. He carefully uncurled her fingers and kissed each tip.
His gaze met hers again as he kissed her pinky. “Why don’t you crawl up and get comfortable, and I’ll find us a loud, obnoxious movie. I’m looking forward to spending the time with you, and I’d rather not waste it analyzing my sanity or lack thereof.”
Call her nuts, or crazy, or maybe as insane as he was, but she leaned forward and kissed him. Maybe she needed to prove to herself that she wasn’t running, or maybe she just wanted to make the move for once. Whatever the case, she found her lips pressed to his, inhaling his sexy male scent.
He stilled against her, and then she heard his sharp intake of breath. She slid her hand over his chest and up the column of his neck. His goatee brushed against her chin, prickling, eliciting a shiver from her.
His lips were warm and pliant against hers. Soft, but not too soft. A hint of firmness.
She sank her teeth into his bottom lip, and he groaned.
Slowly, she pulled away. Her breath came erratically. His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at her, desire clouding the blue eyes, darkening them to midnight.
As if he sensed the moment was over, he turned away and got off the bed. He walked to the TV and knelt to dig in the cabinet where the movies were stored.
Regina crawled up and settled among his pillows. She sucked in several steadying breaths. Wild. Hungry. Those were words that came to mind
after kissing Sawyer. She knew he wasn’t the type for frilly lovemaking. She knew it long before that night a year ago.
He wasn’t the soft, sensitive kind who could murmur just the right words and take all night to make love to a woman. He liked it