‘Of course I’m angry. What’ll your mother and Barney think of your being here alone with me? What’ll Blodwen and my aunt think if they find out?’ Rob loomed over her, ushering her into the big kitchen where she had sat the day Mick had died and eaten strawberry jam and cream scones.
Rob put a match to the newspaper and wood in the grate and then sat back on his heels, watching the whole lot catch fire before placing lumps of coal in its centre. Lucy looked at him and her heart swelled with emotion. She wanted to reach out and kiss the back of his neck but managed to control herself.
‘Nobody’ll know. I won’t tell them and in the fog nobody’ll have seen me come in. Are you going to tell them? I think you’re pretty good at keeping secrets.’
He glanced at her and she noticed once more that his eyebrows were set in straight, uncomprising dark slashes. ‘You’ve got it all worked out, haven’t you?’
She shook her head, gazing at the fire, and shivered. ‘Sometimes I can look into a fire and not see the smoke and Uncle Mick unconscious on that burning bed. Other times he’s there in my head and I almost can’t bear it. I want to run, fetch water and dash it over the fire in the grate.’
Rob was silent. Then he got up and went out of the room. When he reappeared he was carrying a blanket which he threw at her. ‘Put that round you.’
She did as she was told, almost wishing herself out of there. He left her alone again but the next time he entered the room he was carrying a tray and placed it on her knee. He took one of the steaming cups and a slice of bara-brith and sat on an easy chair to her left. ‘You never did tell me exactly what happened that day,’ he said. ‘Perhaps it’s time you did… laid a few ghosts. Time I knew what I’ve got myself into with you. I never asked before because I was worried I might have had you all wrong.’
Lucy warmed her hands on the cup and took several sips before placing it on the saucer. She made herself consciously think of the day Mick had died. Of course the trouble with her uncle had started long before then. Could she tell Rob about the things she had not even told her mother? Hopefully it would help him understand why she had snapped that day.
‘Well?’ he said softly, his grey eyes intent on her face.
‘I’ll have to go back before then,’ Lucy started in a low voice. ‘It all began when he came back from Ireland. He had been wounded over there in a gun battle and afterwards was no good to the Cause. That didn’t please him. He was angry and frustrated. The war… he once spoke to me about rotting corpses… about flesh… and mine being so soft.’ Her voice was barely about a whisper.
‘He didn’t…?’ Rob’s voice sounded like he was being strangled.
‘No!’ She stared at him, her eyes wide with pain. ‘But might have if… I don’t know!’ She lowered her head and gulped at her tea before continuing in a trembling voice, ‘He said he was so lonely… an-and that’s what I remember when he-he comes back to haunt me.’ Her eyes filled with tears.
Rob put down his cup and came and sat beside her. ‘Don’t say anymore if you find it too upsetting.’
She got a grip on herself. ‘I’ve never even spoken about this to Mam.’ Lucy tried to laugh but her voice broke on a sob. She wiped her wet face with the back of her hand. ‘The violence she experienced for herself. It was so hard accepting he had changed from the way he used to be. He used to act daft and play games with me when I was little.’ She paused, the tears rolling down her cheeks.
Rob took the hand nearest to him and lifted it to his face; he held it against his cheek before pressing a kiss on her palm. He kept hold of it. ‘Do you want to go on?’
Lucy nodded, touched to the heart by the warmth of his gesture. His just being there was a comfort to her and she felt a lovely sense of wellbeing. She cleared her throat. ‘The day Uncle Mick died he’d hit me with his fist in the face because I wouldn’t tell him what I knew about you and Barney. I almost cracked then but instead I ran. But after he knocked you out there was nowhere for me to run but upstairs. In the bedroom, when he touched me, something exploded inside me! He liked that, though! I managed to knock the gun out of his hand. He-he threw me on the bed, was laughing and calling me a wild cat…’ She paused to ease her throat and Rob picked up her tea cup which she had put down and held it to her lips. She took a drink. ‘I think then he would have… you know. But-but I rolled off the bed and picked up the gun. I remember I wanted to say something daft like, “Reach for the sky, Uncle Mick!”’ She gazed at Rob. ‘Isn’t that stupid?’
‘I’m amazed you could think of anything to say.’ And again he kissed her hand.
Lucy took a deep breath. ‘But of course, I couldn’t pull the trigger. He lunged at me and I was so scared that I just hit out… he collapsed on the bed. He’d lit a cigarette and it fell out of his hand and – poof! He’d had paraffin under there.’ She stopped, gasping, feeling she couldn’t breath.
‘It’s OK! That’s enough! Take deep breaths – slowly now!’
She did as Rob said and began to feel better. He went and refilled their cups and handed hers back to her. His fingers brushed Lucy’s and she lifted her eyes and looked at him from beneath her eyelashes, saying shyly, ‘You’ve been so kind.’
He shook his head. ‘I should have got all this out of you earlier. You had no way of telling whether he was dead or not at that point. He didn’t kill me when he hit me with the gun. You wouldn’t have hit him as hard as he hit me. You wouldn’t have had the same strength. You didn’t kill him. He dropped a lighted cigarette. He stored paraffin. The explosives he had too could have killed even more people.’
Lucy sighed. ‘I’ve told myself all that but I feel better for hearing it coming from you. Still, I’ll never be able to forget it all.’
‘You have to try and put it out of your mind.’
‘I do, but sooner or later it comes back.’
‘We all have things we have to live with. I was responsible for a bloke losing his job. I caught him stealing. Later he committed suicide because he couldn’t look after his family. We all have regrets.’ Rob took the cup from her and placed it carefully on an occasional table. He pulled Lucy to her feet. ‘Will you be all right now?’
‘I feel heaps better.’ She slid her arms about his waist and rested her head against his chest, listening to the hurried beat of his heart. ‘Thanks. I love you,’ she said quietly.
‘Don’t say that!’ He held her away from him. ‘What will I do with you, Lucy?’ he said in despairing tones.
She smiled up at him and with a groan he lifted her off her feet and kissed her. It was a long, hungry kiss and when they drew apart for breath, she said on a sigh, ‘Nice.’
‘Too bloody nice,’ said Rob huskily. ‘If only she’d kiss me like that.’
‘She doesn’t love you like I do.’ Lucy pressed her lips against his with a touch of desperation. She could feel the outline of him through their clothing and wondered if he was as aware of her breasts, stomach and thighs as she was of his body. She strained towards him. Animal magnetism, she thought.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this,’ he muttered against her mouth. ‘Not after all you’ve told me about your uncle.’
‘You’re not like him. Besides, I want you to love me.’ She drew his head down and kissed him again.
The next moment they were flat on the sofa, kissing each other greedily, hands exploring the contours of each other’s body. He pulled up her skirt and stroked her thigh. ‘Mam said I should run if a man or boy did that to me,’ Lucy murmured.
‘Then you should run,’ rasped Rob, unfastening the buttons of her bodice now and tearing off the binding that gave her figure the fashionable boyish outline. He buried his face between her breasts.
Lucy sighed as he kissed each rosy point. ‘Will you do it to me?’ She longed for him with a desperate urgency. Rob stilled. She held her breath. He pulled away and she wanted to cry. His face was soft with desire and his eyes looked dazed. He was tearing at his tousled hair. Wincing, he said, ‘What the
hell am I doing? I-I love Blodwen.’ His mouth trembled.
‘No!’ cried Lucy, scrambling to her knees and fastening both her arms round his legs. ‘Would you feel the way you do right now if you really loved her? You love me!’
He shook his head as if to clear it. ‘She wouldn’t let me go so far. I’m using you, Lucy. I should be whipped.’
‘No!’ she said, clinging to his arm as he got off the sofa. She was dragged to her feet. Standing on the sofa she was able to stare straight into his eyes and hated the pain she saw there. ‘Blodwen wants to change you! If you let her she’ll spoil your life. I like you the way you are.’
‘Don’t say that! It’s not true.’ He put a hand to Lucy’s face and she rested her cheek against it.
‘Honestly,’ she said in a low voice. ‘I’ll give you more than she ever will.’
‘You must go.’ He removed his hands and placed them in his pockets. ‘I’m going to marry Blodwen. She needs me and I love her.’ He sounded desperately in need of reassurance.
Lucy wasn’t about to give him it. Her heart felt like a lump of dough inside her. She felt like screaming, ‘She doesn’t love you! She wants to be married that’s all!’ but guessed he might know that already. Thinking such an unpleasant truth yourself was one thing; someone else saying it could hurt unbearably. Didn’t she know it! Where was her pride? She wasn’t going to beg him to take her.
Slowly Lucy let her hands fall and stepped down from the sofa. She reached for her coat and hat and put them on. She walked out of the room, half expecting him to follow her, but he didn’t and that angered her. Where were his manners?
She opened the front door and slammed it behind her. The fog seemed to swallow up the sound. She’d forgotten about the fog and Shaun O’Neill. Perhaps he was lurking just round the corner… For a moment fear gripped her and then she laughed out loud. ‘Stupid! That’s what I am, stupid!’ How would he find her in the fog when she was going to have trouble finding her own way home?
Lucy set off in what she knew was the right direction. It was when she was passing the Mere Lane Picture Palace that she became aware of footsteps behind her. A familiar fear made her stand still for a moment then she tilted her chin and carried on walking. The footsteps followed her but after a while she was convinced there was something familiar about them. Still she did not turn round, just kept on walking, convinced it was Rob making sure she got home safely.
Chapter Fifteen
It was New Year’s Eve and Maureen and Barney, Lucy and Timmy, had been invited to spend the evening at Rob’s aunt’s house before going on to the Watchnight Service at St George’s to welcome in the year 1926. Lucy would have liked to have given the visit a miss but the atmosphere at home over Christmas had been so peculiar she needed to get out of the house. She felt torn two ways about being in Rob’s company, knowing Blodwen would probably be there too, but to attempt to make excuses to stay away would only invite questions from her mother and Barney. Besides Lucy had made herself a daring new frock and it might be worth going to see Rob’s reaction.
Loving someone who said they didn’t love you was a painful emotion. She wondered if Barney felt the same as she did, but perhaps she was misjudging her mother and she loved Barney still. No presents worthy of the name had made their appearance under the decorated tree for Maureen from her husband. Only a new apron, frilled at hem and bib, a frying pan and a jar of bright blue bath crystals.
Lucy thought it was terrible of him after the extravagant presents he had bought her in the past but it showed just how deeply his wife’s words about perfumed hair oil and his being effeminate had hurt him. Only briefly had Maureen’s expression revealed her innermost feelings on opening the presents.
Afterwards, while Lucy and Agnes prepared the Christmas dinner, Maureen had behaved like she didn’t have a care in the world, singing the latest Ivor Novello songs and being charm itself to Barney once they were all seated round the table. He appeared gratified by this and Lucy wondered if he believed that by being so stingy to his wife he had produced this effect. If so, she could only wonder how well he really knew her mother.
It was a crisp, clear night and they caught a tram along St Domingo Road because Barney said his hip was giving him pain, but walking along Mere Lane they fell in with Owen and his mother. It seemed to come as no surprise to Barney that they, too, had been invited to the party at Miss Griffiths’.
‘She’s a very kind woman,’ said Owen’s mother, her head tilted a little to one side like a bird’s as she smiled at Barney.
‘You won’t find us arguing with that,’ he said jovially. Then he sighed. ‘I’m sorry you had to leave us. Nobody makes a leek and ham pie the way you do.’
‘Well, it wasn’t my choice, Mr Jones!’ And Mrs Davies glanced in Maureen’s direction.
Lucy was surprised to see her mother was smiling. Perhaps she hadn’t heard? Was in a little world all her own.
Owen sidled up to Lucy. ‘What are the odds there’ll be dancing?’
She thought he must be making money over and above the Davies’ daily needs because the suit he wore appeared to be brand new. He looked smart but even so still had that devilish air about him. ‘Some hope,’ she murmured, and mimicked his mother’s voice. ‘She’s a very kind woman - but I can’t see us shimmying and doing the Charleston in her parlour.’
‘You never know.’ Owen grinned. ‘Miss Dilys Jones has a way of getting round people.’
‘Tried getting round you, has she?’ teased Lucy. ‘You must tell me what you’ve got that’s so attractive. At the moment I can’t see it.’
He didn’t appear a bit put out by what she’d said. ‘That’s because you go round wearing blinkers, Midget.’ His arm brushed against hers. ‘I rather fancy you, though. I always have.’
Lucy looked at him with a mixture of amusement and amazement. ‘My Uncle Mick said you did but I couldn’t understand why and I still don’t. It’s not as if I’ve ever given you any encouragement.’
‘I don’t know why I do myself… all the trouble you’ve given me.’
Lucy’s smile deepened. ‘Don’t come that! You’ve caused me a helluva lot of bother in the past.’
‘Sod the past! Couldn’t you give me a chance to prove it might be worth cultivating my friendship right now?’ His eyes gleamed in the lamplight.
Unexpectedly she felt sorry for him. ‘Give me one good reason why I should?’
‘Because if you don’t, I’ll really take up with Dilys and that’ll be a shame because then you’ll miss out on me getting rich and being somebody.’
‘Will you buy me a cinema?’ Lucy asked, laughter in her voice.
He hesitated before saying cautiously, ‘How much do they cost?’
She laughed. ‘Forget it. I was only joking.’
Lucy walked over to her mother, who had fallen behind Barney and Mrs Davies, and slipped her hand under her arm. ‘How are you feeling?’
Maureen patted her daughter’s hand and looked up at the moon. ‘See that? Isn’t it just perfect?’
Lucy lifted her face. Not only was there a silvery moon but billions of stars too piercing the black velvety sky. ‘Beautiful!’
‘So what are you doing coming over to me?’ whispered Maureen. ‘That lad needs an eye keeping on him. Look how he got round Barney to give him the rent collector’s job. You play along with him. You don’t want him and his mother getting away with what’s ours.’
Lucy was aghast. ‘Barney wouldn’t!’
‘He likes her leek and ham pie,’ said Maureen seriously.
Lucy giggled, thinking food was a bit different from S-E-X. She couldn’t imagine Barney and the prim and proper Mrs Davies being carried away by unbridled passion, and besides surely he still loved her mother?
Maureen shook her head. ‘You might well laugh – but you take my words to heart, my girl. No man’s impervious to a woman’s adoration. You just look at the way she’s gazing up at Barney, and Owen’s far from soft.’
> Lucy remembered what he had said about getting rich and decided to heed her mother’s words. She rejoined Owen and asked him to tell her just how he was going to get rich. It had also occurred to her that it might be no bad thing to have him paying her attention in Rob’s and Blodwen’s company.
It was Dilys who opened the door to them. Light flooded out, temporarily blinding them. Lucy and Owen clutched each other, blinking up at her. ‘Oh, you’ve come together!’ Dilys didn’t sound pleased.
‘The mams and Uncle Barney are just behind us,’ said Lucy, her eyes adjusting to the light. She stepped over the threshold and took off the fur cloche hat Barney had bought her for Christmas, smiling at her friend who was wearing an amethyst-coloured crepe-de-chine frock. ‘You look great!’ said Lucy.
‘Thanks!’ Dilys flashed her a quick smile before saying to Owen, ‘What d’you think?’
‘Smashing!’ he said, but already his attention had strayed to where Lucy was removing her coat. ‘Wow!’ His eyes were popping out of his head.
Dilys turned quickly and her lower jaw dropped.
Lucy shook out the fringes of the shimmy frock and looked anxiously at Dilys. ‘D’you think it’s a bit too much? Only I don’t get to go to parties often and I did so want to wear it.’
‘It’s–It’s…’ Dilys appeared lost for words. Then shea deep breath. ‘Has Barney seen it?’
‘Nobody’s seen it,’ said Lucy, sweeping her hair up off her neck and adjusting a strap. ‘I copied it from a photograph of American fashions in one of the dailies.’
‘But it’s a shimmy frock! You didn’t really think Aunt Gwen would let us shimmy here?’ cried Dilys, hands on hips.
‘I hoped,’ said Lucy, on the defensive. It had helped somehow making the frock in secret while she yearned for Rob. ‘Besides, isn’t what you’re wearing more suitable for dancing than an at home?’
Before Dilys could answer Lucy heard her name spoken by three different people and suddenly the lobby appeared crowded. She looked at Rob and felt almost gleeful. Then her eyes slid to the girl at his side and Lucy despaired.
Someone to Trust Page 23