Contents
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter One: Lamps Can’t Duck
Chapter Two: Tweet
Chapter Three: Mirror, Mirror in the Forest
Chapter Four: Once Upon a Time
Chapter Five: There Are No Lightsabers in Vegetopia
Chapter Six: We Want Cake!
Chapter Seven: Sugar Rush
Chapter Eight: Buh-Bye!
Chapter Nine: A Pail of Kale
Chapter Ten: Jumpin’ Jonahs
Chapter Eleven: Trapped
Chapter Twelve: Spinny Is the Cat’s Meow
Chapter Thirteen: Daddy-O
Chapter Fourteen: Don’t Duck
Chapter Fifteen: Impostors!
Chapter Sixteen: We Like Being Us
Chapter Seventeen: We’re Us Again!
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Read all the Whatever After books!
Copyright
I’m gonna get you!” Jonah says with a big grin. “I’m gonna get you!”
It’s seven o’clock, we just finished dinner, and my little brother is chasing me around the living room with a ball. He’s about to throw it at me, but I jump out of the way in the nick of time — ha! Go, me!
I rule at duckball.
SMASH!
I slam my eyes shut and hope for the best.
“Oopsies,” Jonah says, his voice quiet.
I reopen my eyes to see that what was formerly our blue-and-white table lamp is now a pile of blue and white pieces on the wood floor.
“Jonah!” I cry. “Look what you did!”
“It wasn’t my fault,” he protests. “It’s too dark in here. I couldn’t see where I was throwing. We should have turned on the light!”
“Well, it’s too late for that now, isn’t it?”
This is bad. Very bad. Jonah and I are definitely not supposed to be playing duckball in the house.
Oh, you’ve never heard of duckball? First, let me assure you that it does not involve actual ducks in any way. It’s called duckball because if you don’t duck in time, you’ll get hit with the ball. It’s sort of like dodgeball. Exactly like dodgeball, actually. But in the story of Aladdin, which Jonah and I recently visited, everyone called the game “duckball” so now we do, too.
In addition to duckball, Jonah and I have learned all sorts of new stuff in the last few months. Like how to climb trees. And climb out of wells. And how to fly a magic carpet.
Yup. A magic carpet. It flew through the sky and everything. Another thing we learned in the story of Aladdin.
See, my brother and I found a magic mirror in our basement and it takes us into different fairy tales.
Sometimes we bring stuff back from the fairy tales, too. Like clothes. And a puppy. And the golden ball from The Frog Prince.
The golden ball that is right now lying next to our parents’ broken lamp.
Jonah gulps. “At least the shade didn’t break.”
I pick up a piece of blue ceramic. “When Mom and Dad see this, they’re going to —”
“When Mom and Dad see what?” my mother asks, coming up from the basement with an empty coffee mug.
Crumbs.
Since Jonah is staring at the broken lamp, my mom very quickly sees the problem.
“How many times have I told you two not to play ball in the house?” she asks. “A hundred? A thousand?”
“Probably a million,” Jonah says unhelpfully.
Mom shakes her head. “Okay, cleanup time, guys. First pick up the pieces very, very carefully and then get the vacuum cleaner.”
Uh-oh. My mother is looking at the golden ball. She’s picking up the golden ball. She’s examining the golden ball with squinted eyes. “Hey, where did you get this?” she asks us.
I raise my eyebrows at Jonah to remind him not to say anything about The Frog Prince. My parents don’t know that Jonah and I go into fairy tales. The fairy we met in Snow White told us we’re not supposed to tell them. And I am very good at following instructions. Most of the time.
“I can’t remember,” Jonah says, plucking the golden ball out of my mother’s hand.
He’s probably not even lying. Jonah is only seven. I bet he’d have to think pretty hard to remember which fairy tale we got it from. Especially since we went into The Frog Prince two stories ago.
I know it sounds crazy, but we really do go into fairy tales. I’m not sure why. All I do know is that it’s somehow related to Maryrose, the fairy who seems to have been cursed to live in the magic mirror in our basement. The mirror was already here when we moved into this house in Smithville. I guess Maryrose was already here, too.
How does the magic mirror work? At midnight, if we knock on it three times, it starts to hiss and swirl, and Maryrose takes us into a story. The only problem is that we don’t get to choose the fairy tales. We only discover where we’re going once we’re there. Surprise! You’re in The Little Mermaid! I hope you like to swim!
In case you’re wondering, I do not like to swim.
“Well,” my mom says, snatching the ball back from Jonah’s hand, “since you’re right that I’ve told you a million times not to play ball in the house, I’m keeping this for a while.”
“But it’s my favorite!” Jonah cries.
Jonah does not look happy. I’d better start vacuuming before my mom takes away TV for the rest of the night or something.
“And the two of you,” Mom says, “no TV, phones, iPad, or computer for the rest of the night. None. Zippo. That way, the next time you pick up a ball in the house, you’ll remember to take it outside.”
Noooooo! “Mom —” I’m about to defend myself, but the expression on my mom’s face tells me if I say one word, I’ll lose screens for two days.
“Aww,” Jonah whines.
I grab a garbage bag from under the kitchen sink and then very carefully pick up a jagged piece of broken lamp. It’s kind of like the shape of Florida.
“What’s all the commotion in here?” my dad asks as he comes up from the basement. He has a folder in his hands. “I can barely hear myself think.” He looks over at the broken lamp. Then at me. Then at Jonah, standing with his arms crossed over his scrawny chest. He shakes his head. “Seriously?”
“Sorry,” we say simultaneously.
“Come on, guys,” my dad says, using his extra-stern voice. “Clean it up.”
“We are!” I say, using my extra-annoyed voice.
He gives me a look. “Less attitude, Abby.” My dad has been pretty stressed this week. So has my mom.
My parents are both lawyers, and when they’re working on a super-important case, they get cranky. Every little thing Jonah and I do wrong is magnified a hundred and one percent.
Unfortunately, they’ve been on our case all day.
It started with the note.
At school, Ms. Masserman snapped at me, “Abby, enough!” when she caught me whispering to my best friend Robin. I had asked to borrow Robin’s eraser since mine was a total nub.
“You’re a total nub,” Robin had teased, and I’d started laughing and she started laughing and I started laughing really hard and then I got in trouble.
Then Ms. Masserman caught me talking again. But this time it was because Penny, Robin’s other best friend, thought the nub thing was funny, and then she started calling me a nub, which I hated because when she said it, it sounded like an insult and not a joke. So I may have told her to shut it, which Ms. Masserman overheard, and then she gave me a note about “being disrespectful in class” that I had to show to my mom and dad.
My parents were not thrilled. They told me that as punishment, I couldn’t go over to my other best friend Frankie’s house that evening like I�
�d planned. And Frankie and I were supposed to work together on a school assignment! Okay, and also play Rummy 500, a game we had both just learned and are completely obsessed with.
Then, tonight, at dinner, my parents wouldn’t let me — or Jonah — have dessert until we finished our veggies.
I had to eat an entire stalk of asparagus. Do you know how gross asparagus is? It tastes like toothpaste. And not the bubblegum kind — the plain soapy kind. But was the asparagus enough for them? No, it wasn’t! They told me I still had to eat all the spinach on my plate. Spinach! Come on. Does anyone actually like spinach? No. No one does. So I refused.
And then they didn’t give us any fruitcake.
I know fruitcake isn’t the world’s best dessert, but it’s one step above nothing. And that’s what we ended up getting. Nothing.
And now — no screens!
No screens + no Frankie’s house + no dessert = worst night ever.
Jonah carefully picks up another shard of lamp and puts it in the garbage bag. Meanwhile, I head to the hall closet to take out the vacuum cleaner. I’m so annoyed at my parents. What am I supposed to do when I’m done? I already finished my homework. I guess I’ll just go straight to bed.
Boring.
Our puppy, Prince — yes, the one we brought back from a fairy tale — runs up to me and paws at my leg.
“Hon,” my mom says to my dad. “Let’s put Prince downstairs so he doesn’t step on any lamp shards.”
My dad opens the basement door. “C’mon, Prince,” he says.
Prince scurries down the steps, behind my father. Our dog has been a pretty good listener lately. Last week, my dad even taught him to fetch the house keys from the kitchen table.
I turn on the vacuum cleaner. It’s actually a good thing Prince is in the basement because the noise of the vacuum freaks him out. I wonder what he’s doing down there.
I bite my lower lip. Hmm. What if he tries to knock on the mirror? What if that makes my dad suspicious?
I so wish my parents’ home office wasn’t down there. It freaks me out. They could discover our secret! Clearly, they should set their desks up in the living room and let us kids have the basement.
Plus, there are no lamps to break in the basement. There’s just an overhead light.
Um, and a magic mirror.
Maybe it’s best we play with the golden ball up here. Definitely don’t want to risk breaking that one.
Although I wish I was in the basement going through the magic mirror right now.
Hmm.
I may not be able to play cards with Frankie, watch screens, or have dessert, but I know one fun thing I can do.
My mom didn’t say anything about not going into fairy tales. So I wouldn’t even be breaking any rules.
Right?
Right.
* * *
At 11:45 P.M., my alarm jolts me awake, and I quickly get dressed — long-sleeved T-shirt, jeans, gray-and-white hoodie, and sneakers. Then I look for my watch. I need to wear it because it keeps track of what time it is back home. Fairy tale time almost always runs much slower than Smithville time. Like one day in a fairy tale could be an hour at home.
I spot the watch sitting on top of my jewelry box and grab it. My jewelry box is amazing. It’s decorated with images of fairy tale characters — but every time Jonah and I return from a story, the characters on the box change. Like Snow White, who’s now wearing my old pajamas.
Unfortunately, they were my favorite pair. But what are you gonna do? You win some, you lose some, right?
I creep into Jonah’s room. He leaps out of bed.
“I knew you’d want to go tonight,” he says with a laugh. He’s already in jeans, a sweatshirt, and his Cubs hat.
Prince, who’d been sleeping at the foot of Jonah’s bed, wakes up with a tiny bark and begins wagging his tail.
“Come on, then.” My brother and Prince follow me down the stairs. Prince always comes with us. He’d bark like crazy if we left him behind — and wake up our parents. No can do.
We sneak into the basement and face the magic mirror. It’s bolted to the far wall. It’s twice my size and has a stone frame around it that’s decorated with little fairies and wings and wands. It’s pretty awesome-looking. I can’t believe the people who used to live here left it. Who would leave something this beautiful behind? People who have bad judgment, that’s who.
I have excellent judgment. My judgment is so good that when I grow up, I’m going to be a judge. Well, first I’m going to be a lawyer, like my parents, and then I’m going to be a judge because that’s the rule. But one day, I’m totally going to rock a judge robe and gavel.
“Let’s do this,” I say to Jonah. “It’s time.”
“Let me,” he says, and knocks once. A hissing sound fills the room.
“Maryrose?” I call out. “It’s Abby and Jonah. Are you there?”
Jonah knocks again, and the glass turns purple. He’s about to knock a third time when he stops with his fist in the air. “Uh, Abby? Maybe we shouldn’t go.”
“Huh? What? Why?”
He twists his lower lip. “We’re kind of in enough trouble. What if we get caught and Mom and Dad take my golden ball away for a week?”
“How would we get caught?” I ask. “We’ll make sure to be home by seven in the morning when they wake us up. Or even by six forty-five when their alarm goes off. We always get home in time. Well, usually.”
Jonah scrunches up his face and takes a giant step backward. Prince does, too. “I don’t know,” he says.
“Well, I do. Mom and Dad were mean tonight. No friends. No fun. No fruitcake. And I didn’t even want fruitcake! It’s the worst dessert ever! But they still wouldn’t let us have it. How is that fair? They were in a bad mood and took it out on us! Come on,” I say. “We’re going.” I reach over and knock on the mirror — knock number three.
The purple swirl in the mirror widens. It feels like a vacuum sucking us in. And I should know. Tonight I am a total vacuum expert, unfortunately.
I jump through.
And something flies into my mouth.
What is that? It tastes disgusting. Bitter. Like spinach?
I spit it out. I’m flat on my belly on the ground. I push up and look around. I’m in some sort of a field that’s surrounded by a blue wooden fence. Beyond the fence are huge trees. A forest. That’s no surprise. We often land in forests. Fairy tales are full of forests. Fairy tales are obsessed with forests.
I stand and look up. The sky is pale blue with fluffy clouds, and the sun is out, but it’s already lowered in the sky. I think it’s late afternoon. It’s a little bit chilly. Good thing Jonah and I are wearing hoodies.
And speaking of Jonah … um, where is he?
My eyes search the field. Instead of my brother, I see rows and rows of colorful veggies. Spinach! Cabbage! Carrots! My parents would love it here.
But I don’t see Jonah. And I don’t see Prince. I’m not going to worry though because this has happened before. I’m sure they’ll show up any second.
Yup. Any second now.
Three. Two. One.
Okay, I’m starting to worry.
Do not panic. Do not panic, I tell myself.
But did I leave Jonah and Prince behind? I did step through the mirror before them.
I spin around and try to figure out what I came out of.
Oh! One of the spinach patches seems to be swirling. Maybe there’s still time.
I bend down and scream into the green swirl.
“Jonah! Prince! Where are you guys? Hurry up!”
Nothing happens. The swirling is slowing down. Oh, no. What if they don’t come through? Should I jump back into the swirl? I’ve never been in a fairy tale by myself. I don’t want to be in a fairy tale by myself!
Ahhhh!
I should go back in. No. Yes. No. Yes —
Suddenly, Jonah comes flying out of the patch and lands on his tush on top of a bunch of radishes.
Pri
nce leaps out right after him, paws and legs flailing. He barks once, lands on all fours, and immediately chases after a white butterfly.
YESSSSSSS. They’re here! I melt with relief.
Jonah sits up and pulls a leaf of spinach out of his mouth. “Yuck. More spinach? This stuff follows me everywhere!”
“What happened to you?” I yell. “You freaked me out!”
“What happened to me? That was your fault! You should have waited for us to stand closer to the mirror for the third knock! That was scary, Abby! You always hold my hand! Why didn’t you hold my hand?”
Oops. I guess he’s right. I was kind of overeager. “Sorry,” I say sheepishly.
“It’s okay.” He stands and brushes bits of spinach leaves off his jeans. “I’ll forgive you this time. Since we made it. Almost didn’t, but we did.” He scrunches his nose and looks around. “What fairy tale are we in?” He pulls another leaf out of his hair. “Wait. These are vegetables!” His eyes light up. “Do you know what else is a vegetable? Beans! Does that mean what I hope it means? Could we finally be in Jack and the Beanstalk?”
Jonah always thinks we’re in Jack and the Beanstalk. He’s obsessed with Jack and the Beanstalk.
“I don’t think beans are vegetables,” I point out. “I think they’re legumes or something. Or maybe fruits?”
“That’s ridiculous,” Jonah says with a wave of his hand. “Of course they’re vegetables. So don’t you think it’s possible that we’re in Jack and the Beanstalk?”
“It’s possible,” I say.
Jonah hops on the toes of his shoes. “It is, right? It is! We’re in Jack and the Beanstalk! I know we are! We have to be!”
For his sake, that would be nice. I pat him on the head. “Don’t get your hopes up. But let’s go see.”
“We should jump over the fence and look at what’s outside of the field,” Jonah says. He runs over to the fence and starts shouting. “Jack! Where are you? We’re coming!”
I laugh. “Way to not get your hopes up.”
At the fence, I bend down to give them a lift. Prince jumps over it first. Then Jonah, and then me.
“Good work,” I say.
“Oh, wait,” Jonah says. “Where’s my Cubs hat?”
“Um …” I look through the fence and see it hanging lopsided over some spinach. “There.”
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